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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you regret finding out sex of baby?

41 replies

KLG3101 · 20/12/2015 09:45

I'm 28 weeks and having a 4D ultrasound at 30 weeks. Of course there is the chance we could find out but they will do their best to not let us see if we don't want to. DH and I were really keen to find out earlier but have been put off due to peer and family pressures not to! We think it would help us name the baby which we are struggling with! Or is that moment at birth just too magical not to miss??

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Nonidentifyingnc · 20/12/2015 09:52

I found out with all 4 of mine and no, it didn't take anything away from the experience. It meant that I could decide on names and buy specific baby clothes and just generally prepare. It was lovely.

1frenchfoodie · 20/12/2015 09:54

I've not regretted not finding out (currently 29 weeks). Aside from being a nice surprise to have later it has really helped stop the family buying colour coded clothes - we are just not fans of the pale blue/pale pink divide. As for names, well the new baby can only be one thing or another can't it. We have a boys name and girls name picked out. And not telling family them either

hazellnut56 · 20/12/2015 09:55

Nope!! I found out at 16 weeks the earliest possible and our baby (due feb!) has a better wardrobe than me and hubby put together and we've been able to plan ahead and chose names etc lots of people told me not to find out and I've returned the favour in keeping it a secret to most people apart from a few close friends and family! There are so many positives to both I'd say go with your heart and find out if you really want, I'm soon to be a first time parent and I have it on good authority that shortly you won't care what anyone else thinks best of luck Hun! X

Diggum · 20/12/2015 09:55

Not a bit.

Found out and had a lovely moment of delight in DD suddenly becoming a little bit more real. It was sweet and lovely.

Her birth was the most overwhelmingly wonderful moment of our lives. Meeting her for the first time... I don't think any added magic of a "reveal" at that moment was needed. The reveal of seeing her lovely self was all we needed

Nonidentifyingnc · 20/12/2015 09:55

I also think that when you become a parent, it is better to get into the habit of doing what you think is best when it comes to making decisions about your baby. Everyone will have an opinion, but this is your baby. They all had the chance to decide what to do with their own children.

So if you want to know then find out. If not, that is also fine. But peer pressure shouldn't factor into the decision.

Junosmum · 20/12/2015 09:57

We accidentally found out at a scan at 32 weeks for placental issues- sonographer put the scanner on me and there he was in all his glory!

We were a bit dissapointed, not about the sex but about having found out, we wanted a surprise. However we are very happy with our son but haven't told anyone else what we are having.

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 20/12/2015 09:58

There's no right or wrong. Only what's right for you. I didn't really want to know with ds but it was utterly obvious. Made no difference knowing tbh as for me it was no different to knowing any other biological fact. Still knew nothing about who he was.

originalusernamefail · 20/12/2015 10:03

I don't regret finding out. I had very strong intuitions (right once/ wrong once ) and think I would have been weirded out to be given the 'opposite' sex to what I was expecting!

brookeberry · 20/12/2015 10:07

I was definitely not going to find out the sex so we could have the big reveal at the birth, but at the 20 week scan we just wanted to know as much about the baby as possible.

I'm really glad I found out we are having boy. It has made it seem more real, I feel even more connected, and it seriously cuts down on the naming!!

As a PP said, do what feels right for you and don't be influenced by other people.

Seawig · 20/12/2015 10:08

Didn't find out first time and wanted a lovely surprise...then had an awful birth and was more concerned about the baby breathing than boy or girl.

Second time we found out as I wanted to enjoy the knowledge quite separate from concerns about how said child would arrive in this world.

Don't regret it at all. Also helped in telling DD that she was going to get a baby brother and meant the name arguments could halve.

Arfarfanarf · 20/12/2015 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnozzberryMincePie · 20/12/2015 10:12

We found out with both and didn't regret it.

With dd it was nice to be able to think of the baby as 'her' rather than 'it', which I think helped me to bond with her and made her seem a bit more real.

With ds it was helpful to be able to tell dd she was having a baby brother, and meant we could go through our baby clothes and get rid of anything too girly (we're not having any more babies).

If you aren't sure and are planning on having more than one child then maybe don't find out with your first child, and do find out with your second, as it is more helpful on a practical level to know what you're having second time around.

IndomitabIe · 20/12/2015 10:14

The way I see it, it's not that much of a surprise: 50/50 either way. I knew it would be one or the other*. I found it far more 'surprising' to be handed a real life baby that had just come out of my body.

We've found out both times, and it's helped to start the bonding process, to imagine our family in 5 or 10 years time.

Though, *finding out the sex doesn't have any bearing on the personality or gender identity of this person in the future (and given how gender norms of behaviour/presentation are changing, things could be wildly different in 10-15 years). So it's all a bit arbitrary anyway.

IndomitabIe · 20/12/2015 10:14

*asterisk fail

Brummiegirl15 · 20/12/2015 10:23

At first I did - I felt like I'd found my Christmas presents early and I was a bit like "I've ruined the surprise" but actually now I don't regret. I love knowing I'm carrying my baby girl

But actually I haven't done anything "different" in the way I've decorated for example. Although it has made choosing a name slightly easier in that we've only got to worry about girls names!

Original poster

KLG3101 · 20/12/2015 10:24

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I completely agree that I need to do what we want to do. I feel like we've put off finding out for the benefit of others! To be honest we will probably keep it between us.

The sex is all written for us anyway and like you say it's not really that much or a surprise it's one or the other!!

Thank you for helping me!

OP posts:

mellowyellow1 · 20/12/2015 10:42

I'm glad I found out. It has made it seem like more of a person rather than just a baby. Still not going to buy pink things though!

Runningupthathill82 · 20/12/2015 10:45

I found out with DS at the 20 week scan, and was really glad I did. I did worry that I'd miss a big "reveal" at birth but, as it happened, his birth was so traumatic that I wasn't conscious enough to have registered if he was a boy or a girl anyway.

I don't remember him being born so if we had found out then, it wasn't a special moment I could have shared or anything. To put it bluntly, DH was too busy worrying if he was going to have a live wife or son for any "ooh, its a boy" stuff.

After that experience it was a no-brainer second time round, and we found out DC2 was a girl at the 20-week scan. That way I got the exciting "reveal" with DH, without having to worry if I'd be in a fit state to have that at the birth. Luckily, our friends and family know us well enough not to have bought us anything pink!

Oysterbabe · 20/12/2015 10:50

I'm glad we haven't found out. I want that moment of the big reveal at the birth. Others aren't bothered about that and that's fine, it's very much a personal choice.
I am pleased that it's prevented my mum from stock piling pink or blue clothes. She keeps whining that she can't buy clothes. She can of course, we like bright colours - red, green, orange - but she can't see beyond pastels. I wonder if we can keep the gender a secret from her after birth too?

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 20/12/2015 11:08

Thankfully my family are good eggs and have an imagination so none of that blue/pink insistence here. It's so dull and restrictive. However, 4yo ds dressed head to toe in pink now...

Finding out with dd was a brilliant thing in retrospect. Horrific birth which I don't remember. Had ptsd and pnd and was obsessed with how many strangers saw, touched and cuddled her before me. I was so relieved the world didn't know her sex before me too.

LaContessaDiPlump · 20/12/2015 11:10

I was worried that I'd feel disappointed at the birth, so I made sure to find out early - that way I could be ready to meet him or her with a happy heart. That's the truth of it for me.

CuppaSarah · 20/12/2015 11:19

I was desperate to find out both times and so glad I did. First time I found out I was having a DD which I expected. This time I fully expected another girl, but am expecting a DS. I am so glad I've had time.to get my head around having a son. I always assumed I'd only have girls as this is the first boy in 3 generations of my family.

It really depends on you and your dp, not your family.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 20/12/2015 11:21

There really is no right or wrong and it's entirely up to you.

Fwiw, we did it differently each time and had no regrets with any of them.

Dc1: didn't find out. Lovely surprise when baby was born.
Dc2: found out at 20wk scan but didn't tell anyone else. Were still debating the decision in the car on the way! Loved knowing and also having that delicious secret.
Dc3: found out and told family and close friends as we wanted to share the news with our other dcs. That was a difficult pregnancy and it gave me a real boost halfway through. Also made it more real for dc1 in particular.

If you're worried about peer pressure just remember it's actually not up to anyone else and anyway, you don't have to tell

seven201 · 20/12/2015 12:51

I'm surprised that your families are trying to dictate what you do - how selfish! Do what you and your partner want. Everyone else should butt out. We're going to find out because we want to.

docmcstuffins1 · 20/12/2015 13:15

We found out despite family saying not to. I'm not a fan of surprises so always knew I'd want to know. DH wanted to keep it a surprise initially but after 'meeting' the baby at the 12 week scan he said "ok I want to know now". We've not regretted knowing, it's helped me and DH (especially DH) bond with our son-to-be.

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