Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Did you regret finding out sex of baby?

41 replies

KLG3101 · 20/12/2015 09:45

I'm 28 weeks and having a 4D ultrasound at 30 weeks. Of course there is the chance we could find out but they will do their best to not let us see if we don't want to. DH and I were really keen to find out earlier but have been put off due to peer and family pressures not to! We think it would help us name the baby which we are struggling with! Or is that moment at birth just too magical not to miss??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Nousername2015 · 20/12/2015 13:52

We found out and also told people. I have been very vocal about blue/pink stuff though but I accept some people have their traditional views and I will respect that (and then do my own thing!) Don't regret finding out for a second and can't wait to meet him.

GoooRooo · 20/12/2015 13:54

I didn't find out with my first and did with my second.

I would say finding out at the birth is much more fun, personally, but we wanted to sort out clothes and the nursery etc with the second.

If I have another I won't be finding out.

TheNumberfaker · 20/12/2015 14:02

Find out but don't tell anyone else. That's what we did with DD2.
Glad we did because the 20 week scan picked up a slight problem that usually indicates a boy. DH would have been really disappointed when she was born if we hadn't already found out. The extra 4 months gave him chance to get used to baby being a girl.

starry0ne · 20/12/2015 14:11

I say do what you are happy with...

We found out Ex wanted to know I didn't... I was convinced boy and he was.. I think we would of found out regardless...Every scan after 20 weeks he was busy showing the camera what he was growing between his legs..

The one I wish I hadn't done was the 4D scan.. when he was born and i recognized him it somehow felt wrong... I wish we hadn't had it done. However after DS is born it kind of becomes immaterial.

I agree with the poster who says get used to doing what you want..Someone will always disagree with every decision you make

Lamaitresse · 20/12/2015 14:59

We didn't find out with ds, and it was a wonderful surprise when he was born, but then had he been a girl that would have been just as wonderful.
With dd, dh and I had discussed it, and decided we'd leave it as a surprise, but then I saw what I thought were female reproductive organs (in fact there was no missing them) at a scan at around 28 weeks. Funnily enough, I spent about a week getting my head around the fact that we weren't having a boy - I had been pretty sure dd was going to be a boy as I had only ever been pregnant with boys before (multiple losses). I was so thrilled to think I might be having a girl, but at the same time almost grieved the boy I thought I was expecting, so with hindsight I am glad that I saw what I saw on the scan as I had time to get my head around it.

I still sobbed when dd was born, nothing took away the magic and the sheer relief of her safe arrival. 'Knowing' the sex did make it easier to decide on a name though!!
Good luck and congratulations!

ruthsmumkath · 20/12/2015 15:31

I found out with all 4 - not regretted it at all - it really helped me bond with my babies and easier to get organised, pick names etc too

ruthsmumkath · 20/12/2015 15:33

Forgot to say - just because you know you can still not tell anyone else - you can always say you don't know and then you always have the telling everyone else surprise bit afterwards

Quodlibet · 20/12/2015 21:09

We didn't find out with DD, but frankly there was no magic moment at the birth - they could have told me it was a baby goat and I would have just nodded! There was so much else going on in that moment and I was exhausted and shaking with adrenalin! Part of me thinks it would have been nice to find out the sex at an earlier moment when I was compis mentis and could digest the information properly!

toohardtothinkofaname · 21/12/2015 09:18

You still get the surprise, just earlier. Knowing the sex has helped us bond & get prepared; we've scored with loads of hand downs because we're having a boy which has saved a lot of money.

If the only thing stopping you is external pressure, tell them to do one & just do what you want. Hate 'traditionalists' putting their ten penneth in. Only reason they didn't find out was because there were no scans!

Coldand · 21/12/2015 09:22

I found out with my first and will too with this one. I was so curious and couldn't wait. But I am generally impatient and can't help not knowing. It didn't detract from the birth experience at all.

notfromstepford · 21/12/2015 16:03

We didn't with the first and it was a lovely surprise.
We have with this one (partially because the sonographer gave it away) and not regretting knowing.
Do what makes you and your partner happy - you don't have to let anyone know that you know.

CastaDiva · 21/12/2015 16:12

Honestly, I find the arguments against finding out the baby's sex incredibly juvenile - it will either be a boy or a girl, and neither is (a) that surprising or (b) that indicative of the kind of person they will turn out to be, unless you are the kind of Team Pink!/Team Blue! parent to be that wants to amass a collection of tiny pink tutus, or plan your child's premier league striker career. And birth itself is pretty surprising, as is meeting your baby, by anyone's standards! Needing some kind of Big Reveal at the moment of birth is like those ghastly parties where the parents-to-be slice into a cake surrounded by 300 of their screaming, cheering closest family and friends in order to see whether the filling is pink or blue, as if the sex of their unborn baby was a combination of the Oscars, the National Lottery and the Booker Prize.

Go ahead and find out if you want to, OP. (And if the sonographer is prepared to say - I know some hospitals'/trusts' policy is not to.) There's absolutely no reason not to. It's a piece of information about your unborn baby, like its head circumference and heartbeat.

OldBeanbagz · 21/12/2015 16:19

We found out with DC1 but chose not to tell anyone until after she was born. My bump was always referred to by a boy's nickname so everyone wrongly assumed we were having a boy.

With DC2 the sonographer was unable to tell the sex (due to position) and i was really disappointed. I don't think i felt as connected until he was born.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 21/12/2015 16:24

I think it helps hugely with bonding... I felt like my DD was a complete perso rather than an unknown..,

My SIL was very smug about not finding out, and talked about how fantastic her birth was going to be because she's be focused on finding out the sex. As it was, she was put under general and everyone was told the sex before she even woke up. So it doesn't always work out the way you plan...

Buttercup27 · 21/12/2015 16:42

The lady next to me when I had DS had a huge surprise. She was told atvthe 20 week scan she was having a girl . she has named her and decorated the nursery link and had only brought pink clothes to the hospital. The scan was wrong, she had a boy and the shock devastated her.
Ive always been wary of finding out after this.
I'm guessing with a 4d scan mistakes are much more difficult.

I didn't find out with either of mine and I'm glad I didn't, but its a personal thing and I understand why lots of people like to.

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 21/12/2015 17:18

It never even occurred to me NOT to find out the sex to be honest, and I've never regretted it.

You still get the joy of the surprise (not that it's ever THAT much of a surprise. It's not like "dinosaur" is an option), you just get it earlier.

It's our first, and has been SO helpful in knowing what names to focus on. It's also helped make it feel a bit more "real".

The other slightly sadder thing is that although I adamantly didn't want "BLUE FOR BOY AND PINK FOR GIRL", it's true that the VAAAAAAAST majority of baby clothes are really sex specific orientated.

For example, even clothes which aren't pink will be covered in bows. Even getting clothes in yellow has been difficult!

So in that respect, knowing the sex does help with buying clothes, even if you aren't embracing gender stereotypes.

Flip

1 2