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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To shower or not to shower?

45 replies

helybel · 20/10/2015 12:06

Ok, hadn't really given this too much thought but friends have been saying to me I should definitely have a baby shower.

Anybody doing this? If so, what sort of format is it taking?

OP posts:

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BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/10/2015 12:08

As far as I can tell, they're alright if some friends organise one as a suprise or whatever but organising one yourself is perceived as 'Granby'

But if you want one, just have one

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/10/2015 12:08

'Grabby' not Granby. Fucking auto correct

Original poster

helybel · 20/10/2015 12:13

It's a bit of an American thing isn't it. I must admit, I kind of thought it sounds like I'm just after the goodies!! Nobody I know with children actually had one of these.

p.s. Auto correct drives me mad!

OP posts:

meditrina · 20/10/2015 12:16

There really isn't any set format to a shower, you can have any style of party that you like.

As 'shower' is short for shower with gifts, you need someone else to host it for you, or it will look "gimme". The host should co-ordinate the gifts a bit (so you don't end up with oodles of the same stuff) but a list is going a bit far (as you wouldn't be inviting as many people as to a wedding, and personal conversation is nicer than a shopping list and achievable amongst close friends).

Also remember that 'shower-type gift' means small so unless you're utterly broke and know your friends are poised to rally round, this is not the time to try to stock your nursery IYSWIM.

If you want to escape the implications of obligatory gifts, call your party anything other than a shower.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 20/10/2015 12:16

People buy you presents, shower or no shower. IMO it's another horrible American custom that we can do without.

Junosmum · 20/10/2015 12:30

I'm personally not a fan - I think one of my friends was planning a surprise one for me as OH was asking lots of questions about it. I told him I'm superstitious and don't like the idea of gifts pre babies arrival. I'd happily go to someone else's though, it's personal choice.

CactusAnnie · 20/10/2015 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

helybel · 20/10/2015 12:33

My first instinct was to say no, I don't want one. Then I thought, was I being a grump. Others' opinions to reinforce is most helpful, thank you!

OP posts:

CityMole · 20/10/2015 12:34

I've been to a few and while, yes, they are very American and not really my thing, they have always been fine for the mum to be concerned (although I always always feel slightly sorry for her, sipping her fruit tea while the rest of the party get twatted on pink cosmos and blue lagoons, etc

I'm not averse to getting together with my pals to celebrate the new baby, but not when I'm in my last trimester where I strongly suspect I'm going to be a grumpy and highly strung antisocial hermit. Perhaps when he or she is a few months old it would be nice to have a girlie afternoon tea with my friends, and if anybody suggests a pre-birth shower, then I am gong to suggest this alternative.

Original poster

helybel · 20/10/2015 12:47

CityMole, I think that is a far nicer idea. Will also be a well deserved afternoon off from mummy duties too.

OP posts:

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 20/10/2015 12:52

When I worked my colleagues organised a small baby shower for me. I didn't want it but they were insistent and DS was my first. This time found I'm not working and haven't even announced my pregnancy so there will be no shower thankfully.

swashbucklecheer · 20/10/2015 12:53

I hate the idea of baby showers just another import from America. Also i hate that it happens before the birth - the superstitious side of me would hate to tempt fate just incase things didn't go to plan. I didn't even have a cot on the house before ds1 was born just incase

Sighing · 20/10/2015 13:01

I'm not a fan. But I did go out for a lovely meal with my closest friends before DC1. When we got back mine for (booze free) drinks they'd snuck up to the nursery and left little gifts on the cot

Brummiegirl15 · 20/10/2015 13:03

I'm having one, my sister is throwing it for me. But that's all I know.

I've had a long painful road to get to this point and won't be doing it again and my sister wanted to do it for these reasons

slightlyconfused85 · 20/10/2015 13:25

It's not very mumsnet but I have quite enjoyed my friends. I like to catch up, celebrate their forthcoming baby and give them a small gift in advance. My best friend arranged one for me when I had my first and it was lovely. I didn't expect lots of gifts but they were kindly given and I had a lovely time with friends

StormyBlue · 20/10/2015 13:42

Doesn't it get tiring hating all things American for the sake of it? Baby showers are fun! Wish someone had thrown one for me, but it's not really a thing amongst people I know.

I had a great time years ago at my Prom, and am looking forward to Halloween in a few weeks time, as well. Nehh!

CactusAnnie · 20/10/2015 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CityMole · 20/10/2015 14:35

StormyBlue, it's practically a national British sport to sneer at Yankisms And I think it's rather a cruel sport, since American people on whole ruddy well ADORE us and our country. They're not so big on self0-awareness and humility, I guess!

My issue with a BS (cool abbreviation) is not its provenance, but more my innate knowledge of how my mind works, and I KNOW that there is no way I am having my friends round all dolled up and skinny, getting pissed while I sit like a beached spotty whale trying to stay awake.
the supersition thing resonates a bit too.....
But I must say, I have always enjoyed every BS I've been to! I just wonder if they're more for the enjoyment of the friends/family rather than the mum to be!

slightlyconfused85 · 20/10/2015 14:42

Why are they grabby? I've never been to one where the mum to be has asked for anything or given a list. I've been to loads and people have bought a few little bits for baby that they haven't been asked for and they think will be useful. I bought my friend a little bag with metanium, calpol, lanisoh and some Muslins. She didn't ask- I gave it to her at her shower as I knew it would all be handy. I also enjoyed eating loads of cake - why would that ever be a bad thing?!

PurplePoppy17 · 20/10/2015 14:44

Personally I don't like them, what I'd like to do is have a baby 'BBQ or party' once the baby is born organise a date that week or the next for all friends to come round and meet the baby and give presents if they wish. That way it's all over in one and you can then think about getting back into some sort of a new born routine. Everyone wants to see the baby and everyone asks the same questions and I know I'm going to get frustrated with everyone popping in by every day or couple of hours for visits. It's also the problem of who seen baby first ect. The atleast you know that the first couple of days are just family visits rather than everyone.

slightlyconfused85 · 20/10/2015 14:46

Do people really want parties or get togethers when they are getting to grips with a newborn and all its feeding, sleep issues and crying ?! Is that really preferable to a relaxed affair with friends before you've got a baby to deal with? I prefer the before option

newbian · 20/10/2015 14:48

American here. You never throw yourself a baby shower, ever. If your friends want one for you they need to arrange one themselves.

No need to cast aspersions on a large nation of 300m based on one tradition but I know Brits find a jab at Americans hard to resist...

C4thy81 · 20/10/2015 14:48

I think it's nice but each to their own

CityMole · 20/10/2015 14:59

newbian, nobody was casting aspersions on 300m people, I think you're being a wee bit defensive! the fact is, they ARE an American import, as a matter of fact. whether you like the concept or not, it does not reflect on whether you like or loathe the nation itself! Only one person has called it a horrible American custom- that is, that the custom itself is horrible. nobody has said 'it's a custom made up by horrible Americans'.

I've never understood the 'grabby' accusation either, as my understanding was also that it was thrown by friends

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 20/10/2015 15:10

I also went on a baby moon with pregnancy 1 at some ridiculously late stage a long way from home. I was such an arsehole. This time round I am just staying in from about 36 weeks and closing the curtains/ bolting the door.

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