To shower or not to shower?

[helybel]

Ok, hadn't really given this too much thought but friends have been saying to me I should definitely have a baby shower.

Anybody doing this? If so, what sort of format is it taking?

[CarShare]

Deffo not for me. My friends want to organise one for me but I think its grabby however it's packaged up. Attended a friends once (she's american so fair enough for her to have one IMO) and found it a bit cringe.

[CityMole]

CatcusAnnie- Somebody accused baby showers of being a bit 'me me me' and 'grabby'.

It has been pointed out by another poster (to which I confirmed my understanding) that they are generally not organised at the behest of the mother, but rather by some friends who would like to spoil her.

Ergo, if your friends want to throw it for you and you acquiesce, you can hardly be said to be grabby for going along with something that you did not initiate.

If you are appalled by the idea then, of course, you can politely decline. I don't think anybody is suggesting for a second that people ought to be forced into it.

[slightlyconfused85]

Are all events where gifts received grabby then? On that basis birthdays, christmas and weddings should all go out the window.

[Strokethefurrywall]

Jaysus, all this angst over a baby shower.
It's grabby if you throw it for yourself and most certainly doesn't have to be "cringe" - how is it any different doing it before the baby arrives to doing it straight after??

Baby showers are thrown here, only those of us who don't want to register for gifts happily let people know that and nobody freaks. My friends threw me a shower with no gifts - we all got mani/pedis, ate cake, drank champagne and then went to dinner. If you can't be spoiled at 36 weeks pregnant when can you? My second baby we went to brunch pre-arrival. It's just a chance to enjoy your friends' company before a new baby arrives.

I don't generally enjoy baby showers with games, thrones or sashes (yes, thrones and sashes) but if a friend of mine is having a baby then we want to spoil them. Nothing grabby about it. Unless that person decides to register for the most expensive items in the shop and expects their friends to pay for everything. Then it's grabby. But I don't have friends like that!!

[JasperDamerel]

I've never had a baby shower with lots of presents, but I've had get together a with close before my babies have been born as a chance to see them all before the chaos of new-born sleeplessness, for them to wish me luck for the birth and as a nice chance to eat lots of cake. Some of the guests brought small gifts to the party. Those gifts were not requested or expected. I've done other things with pregnant friends - going out for afternoon tea or a meal together or henna painting or manicures. I like spending time with my friends and celebrating their milestones. Having a baby is a big deal, and it does change people's lives and friendships, and I think it's nice to do something to shore up those friendships before giving birth.

[CityMole]

CactusAnnie, with respect, I think we just have to disagree on this one. I can't for the life of me see how it's attention seeking to go along with something that wasn't even your idea in the first place, but.... OK! . As you say, you are maybe a bit unusual in this! you obviously get joy in other people's pleasure (as you like to buy gifts for other people) but fair enough, if you don't like being made a fuss of- your prerogative!

[blondiejess1982]

I think I am going to suggest a get together with friends instead, they can bring some nibbles each, I will do some too. If anyone wants to bring some baby game type things then that is okay, if not it will just be prosecco (becks blue for me) and a load of chat. Saying that if one of my friends says they want to organise a proper baby shower I won't mind.

[ffauxlivia]

I'm living in the US right now, and the baby shower us nowhere near as cringy as the gender reveal party which is all the rage now! The 'reveal' involves something like cutting into a cake which is either pink or blue inside, followed by lots of cheers and tears. People I know complain about going to them, but still go out of love for friends, as it is just more expected here

Since I told my girlfriends here I was pg, they have been insisting on a baby shower. I told them I was uncomfortable with the idea of attention and didn't want gifts, so they promised it would just be low-key with some cake, and that's it. I'm may still be given one or two small things, but I expect I would have just got them after the baby was born otherwise, so it's not that different to at home. As I say it's more the norm here, and comes from a place of love! Some people go all out with registries etc, but they are in the minority!

[StormyBlue]

Yikes, someone got out of bed on the wrong side this morning.

[GlacindaTheTroll]

"Are all events where gifts received grabby then? On that basis birthdays, christmas and weddings should all go out the window."

No, of course not. It's only a shower ('shower with gifts') that's grabby if you host your own Although it's normal to give something at other occasions, they're not events at which the giving of gifts is the whole damned point.

If you want to be the host, or simply want a do where guests do not feel obliged to bring a gift, then it's not a shower and shouldn't really be called one.

[CuppaSarah]

I had a small one. A few close friends, some silly games and a takeaway. As we live all over it was a lovely excuse to meet up. I did tell them not to.worry about gifts, but they chose to get some.

I would also host one for a friend in a heartbeat. It's nice to celebrate someone's life changing so dramatically. I secretly see it as some sort of sacrificial ritual, where the new mum is adorned with gifts, before the onslaught of sleepless nights and vomit down their backs begin

[slightlyconfused85]

Agree Glacinda, but some posters down thread feel it's grabby and narcissistic whoever arranges it.

[mumchkin]

I have a few of the American pregnancy apps on my phone and take a look occasionally at the forums. So many of the posts are about "where should we register for our baby shower?" "what items should we put on our registry?" - the answer seems to be literally everything from the cot to the muslins. Asking for gifts in this way seems to be a perfectly normal and expected part of the culture.
And that, I do find a bit "grabby".

[Dixiechick17]

I had a girly get together with my best friends instead. Just afternoon tea and a good old catch up, thought it would be a good opportunity before the baby arrived.

I explicitly said that I didn't want a shower cause that sort of thing makes me feel awkward and reiterated that it wasn't a shower and no gifts please as I really just wanted it to be about spending time with thsm. They all got me gifts anyway...

[thundernlightning]

Agreed, Dixie!

A friend of mine arranged her own shower and requested if anyone felt they desperately wanted to give a gift, a favourite storybook would be welcome.

We went somewhere nice, had cake and tea, a few people dropped off their gifts, and it was lovely.

I say do it if you want to. I probably will. When am I going to have all my girlfriends in one room again? Not for years.

[Seriouslyffs]

Great big yawn at eewww American import/ grabby
Have the Halloween/ guising threads started yet?

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

My friend is organizing my shower. I'm really not fussed about presents, just want all my friends to get together before the birth and eat cake with me.