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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Baby showers..

40 replies

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 12:54

What's people opinions?
My sister wants to do me one but I feel really unsure about it, obviously the free stuff would be handy. But I don't like that people will feel like they HAVE to go out and buy stuff for the baby. I feel like it's very rude in a way.
I know it's a new thing over here in the UK, but everyone seems to be doing it.
It's just really a party to get stuff isn't it?!

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GoooRooo · 27/07/2015 12:57

I think if someone else wants to throw you one that's fine - and very nice of them - and they should make it clear to guests there's no obligation to buy gifts etc. I wish I had someone who cared enough about me having a baby to throw one so I'm jealous Any excuse for cake!

I think throwing one for oneself is a bit off (not that that's what you're planning to do!) and can seem a bit... 'grabby' to use a MN phrase.

I found our closest friends and family sent gifts after the baby was born anyway, so it's just getting those gifts a bit early I think.

mummyneedinganswers · 27/07/2015 13:01

My mother in law wants to throw me a baby shower but I've said instead of people buying my gifts if they could just donate a few pounds that I can give to Alzheimer's charity as its very close to my heart. So you could maybe do something like that ? x

GoooRooo · 27/07/2015 13:03

I saw a good suggestion earlier this week that guests were asked if they were to bring a gift that they bring a children's book. That way they can bring something that only costs a couple of pounds and you'd have the start of a lovely children's library.

Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 13:05

Ah Goo sorry to hear that you wanted one and I'm moaning about maybe getting one lol.
Yeah that's a lovely idea mummy! I'll see how it pans out.
The idea of sitting in front of everyone opening presents makes me cringe
I don't mean to sound like a ungrateful cow I just know I'll be uncomfortable, opening gifts in private is more comfortable!

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FernGullysWoollyPully · 27/07/2015 13:15

I'm a bit like Goo. I don't have anyone to throw one for me but it would be nice!

I went to a baby shower where everyone was asked to donate a few pounds that went into a pot and the group bought a couple of those giant box of nappies in different sizes, multiboxs of wipes, several tins of formula, things like that, the consumables that you go through a ton of.

I love the library idea though.

ImpatiencePersonified · 27/07/2015 13:48

I have to say... I'm not a fan... and I can't really surmise why either!

I've been to one and it wasn't too "grabby" but the whole idea just seems really alien and maybe a wee bit, I dunno, showy (?) for me.

I might just be a mardy cow right enough, so don't pay me too much attention but if I was you, my teeth would be itching at the thought!

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 27/07/2015 13:55

I think it depends how it is done. Ones with a gift list or telling you what to buy come across as grabby to me. Ones that are more about getting together, maybe a nice afternoon tea, no gifts asked for can be quite nice.
By the way in America there is no maternity leave / pay (or hardly any) which is why people help set up the new mum to be worth gifts beforehand. According to my friend in the US anyway.
I much prefer giving agift after the baby is born personally and visiting after too rather than before. But that's my personal preference

frangipani13 · 27/07/2015 14:02

My sisters are throwing me one and we're approaching it as a chance to get together before the baby's born and have some food and drinks. I don't expect anyone to buy us anything but even a packet of nappies would be fine if someone really wanted to bring something along. We've bought most things so definitely not looking at it as any opportunity for free stuff. I'm paying for the food too (buffet/finger food).

HopeFull28 · 27/07/2015 14:04

Op I feel the same as u, I don't like being centre of attention at the best of times.. My sister asked if I'd like her to do me 1 to which I replied no but have just found out that my sister inlaw is planning a surprise 1 and has sent invites etc already.. I'm only 25wks atm I am grateful although not overly looking forward to it also feel abit bad for my sister cus I told her no...

Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 14:15

Oh no Hopeful! It's very kind of people to go out of their way isn't it, but it makes you centre of attention which is a bit meh.
My sister said she'll do afternoon tea and make cakes, with finger food too. I'll have to just make sure that the invitation says gifts needed or whatever I can put to make people feel like they don't have to.
But I know, if it were me, I'd feel obliged to.

OP posts:

Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 14:20

*no gifts needed
Not gifts needed! God no!

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HopeFull28 · 27/07/2015 14:22

Afternoon tea sounds nice, I have a feeling mine is going to be a big family do... It is kind of my SIL just wish she'd have asked first.. I'm the type of person who likes to sink into the crowd haha I have no idea what the invites say tbh we have brought most things already And my Dp seems to think he doesn't need to go he says it's a girly thing...

Skeppers · 27/07/2015 14:28

I've avoided them like the plague. Not one of my close female friends with DC have had them, but we're all a bit 'older', not sure if that makes a difference? Think my mum wanted to throw me one but the people she works with gave her a 'granny shower' (sounds so wrong) instead so that placated her!

Bunting, cupcakes and all things twee leave me cold, I'm afraid. Another one who hates being the centre of attention too! Had a lovely leaving presentation at work and got plenty of practical baby pressies and a massive bunch of flowers and that was more than enough for me! Lucky enough to get loads of free stuff from siblings, friends and parents, etc. without having to 'ask'.

But, if you want to have a baby shower, then why the hell not!? We're all different!

Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 14:48

I'm so glad I'm not the only one here, each to their own!
There's a girl on my Facebook who's arranged her own baby shower (eik)
I guess it's not so bad when you don't have a say in what's happening, just turn up and be all "oh my gosh!" Lol.
I'm sure it'll be fun really x

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southlondonbaby · 27/07/2015 15:11

My lovely friend offered to have a baby shower for my partner and me. I told her I was really grateful but would she mind not calling it a baby shower and making it really explicit no presents were expected, we'd just prefer our friends share their good energy as a pre-birth boost.

I think she got a bit carried away and went ahead calling it a baby shower and I got an email asking me to share my registry!! I felt very awkward as she was being kind organising it, but it was 'in my partner's and my name' iyswim.

I sent her a joke registry asking for people to pledge to tell us when we got too boring, to baby sit etc...

The actual gathering was fun, and I really appreciated her effort, even if it wasn't what I'd had in mind.

Thurlow · 27/07/2015 15:19

'Baby shower' does still have some pretty negative connotations in the UK.

I had a surprise one thrown for me. It was lovely to see my friends all together before the baby came, and I did appreciate it. But it's not something I'd ever want again!

Maybe say that you really like the idea of getting everyone together before the baby comes but not to call it a baby shower, just ask people over for afternoon tea or something? I mean, they'll all know what it really is, but it takes the pressure off from the whole it's a party, bring a present malarkey?

Skiptonlass · 27/07/2015 15:38

Not a fan. I dislike being the centre of attention and I think it's rude to effectively demand someone's time and a present...

sianihedgehog · 27/07/2015 15:52

My friends threw me one and it was really lovely - a chance for all of my friends with kids to offer advice and help from their experiences, and for all my friends without to offer visits and babysitting and to promise not to forget me just because my lifestyle is changing.

I must admit, to me it makes no sense at all to give gifts after the baby arrives - parents will already have had to buy anything they need. It's just a waste. And I like the idea of all chipping in to help a new parent with all the things they need for a new baby. Shit is expensive, yo! But I did live roughly half my life in North America. I guess I'm more comfortable with that sort of community help for friends.

kelman13 · 27/07/2015 15:54

My mother in law wanted to throw me a surprise one even though I had said I didn't want one! Luckly my sister has stopped her an has arrange a SURPRISE family meal out!! gonna have to practice my surprised look!!

Frillsandspills · 27/07/2015 15:55

My best friend has decided to throw me a baby shower. She own a restaurant/bar in the city centre and there's a room you can hire out upstairs for private affairs so she's hosting it there. I'm going to see it as a chance for everyone to get together before the baby is born as im due in December so it will be some time in November before the Christmas rush and before everyone is too busy to catch up together. It wasn't something I originally wanted but quite a few friends have said they think it's a good idea so it's more their idea than mine which makes me think it's more of a good idea.

I'm not bothered about presents i just love the idea of everyone gathering around to have some food together and play games like guessing the date and weight the baby will be born and what not. I'm not too sure what goes on at baby showers but my best friend does as her restaurant hosts a lot so I suppose it's all up to her.

Not everyone's idea of fun and I'd never been to one but if I was invited I'd be so happy!

Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 16:23

Yeah I defiantly agree with pp's that it's to good friends and family gathered.x

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batfish · 27/07/2015 16:37

My friends are throwing me a baby shower and I hate the idea!! They have forced me to give a wish list for gifts, I tried to resist and say no gifts necessary but they've all said they want to buy things so no point them duplicating things we already have etc so I've just said please pass on that gifts are totally unnecessary and that I've only provided this list under duress! I've just said baby toys (as we have none) or clothes as we haven't bought many. I absolutely hate being the centre of attention and am dreading the bit where I have to sit in front of a room of people opening gifts

Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 16:50

Ah dear Batfish (love your name lol)
I can imagine how you feel, that's what I'm dreading! I know I'll be getting texts asking what I want/need, eugh. Then you look ungrateful saying "nothing, don't worry about it"
And they'll feel obliged to anyway cos other people will be.

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Hopefulnewbie · 27/07/2015 17:17

My MiL wanted to organise one for me- even though I had said no to my mum organising one, but she said 'I had to have one' in the end I got DP to tell her it wasn't happening.
I know it's not a big deal, and some people love them but personally I hate being the centre of attention and the fact it was being forced on me was making it worse.
I also have a close friend who is having trouble conceiving so I couldn't think of a worse way for her to spend an afternoon!
But each to their own!

SirChenjin · 27/07/2015 17:22

Hate hate hate them People who want to give you a present before the baby is born will find some way to give you one, those who prefer to do it the traditional way and wait until the baby is born will feel duty bound to buy something even if you say no presents.

Just arrange to meet up for coffee - no need to name it a baby shower.

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