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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Baby showers..

40 replies

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 12:54

What's people opinions?
My sister wants to do me one but I feel really unsure about it, obviously the free stuff would be handy. But I don't like that people will feel like they HAVE to go out and buy stuff for the baby. I feel like it's very rude in a way.
I know it's a new thing over here in the UK, but everyone seems to be doing it.
It's just really a party to get stuff isn't it?!

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DXBMermaid · 27/07/2015 17:25

I'm having a small one before having my second DC, but have specified that gifts are not necessary at all, if people insist then I have given a small gift list to my friend who is organising it. Other then that we're going for a cream tea and it's just an excuse to catch up over a nice cup of tea and some scones with some friends.

SirChenjin · 27/07/2015 17:31

All of you who specify no gifts do realise that everyone will bring something, don't you? Not many people will with to be the one to arrive empty handed.

Why not just have everyone round for coffee, or meet up for a coffee if you really believe that you will be out of action for ages after the baby is born, if it's really just a case of wanting to see everyone? Why does it have to be a thing involving presents for an event that hasn't happened?

Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 17:38

Oh god, Hope, you've just made me realise.. One of my closest friends had a miscarriage this year which was awful. It'll be horrible to rub it in her face with all the cutesy baby stuff. Uh that's made it even worse

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Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 27/07/2015 17:40

Sir, it's not me arranging it. I'll ask my sister to specify that it's a gathering before the baby is born. But she's very show offy, she'll want it big with bunting and cakes. So I won't really get much say in it, even if I ask not to, trust me, she's a typical big sister and thinks she knows best.

OP posts:

Madredear · 27/07/2015 17:44

In all honesty, I'd absolutely love one but I'd only ever have one if someone kindly threw one for me, otherwise I do think it looks a little cheeky

Yes, you are with out saying a little obliged to purchase a gift BUT it doesn't have to be expensive and in experience no one didn't come to one because they couldn't hussle up the cash to buy an extravagant pressie.

My friend had one last month and people got gifts from handy toiletries to a car seat! It needn't be expensive and I think the whole feel of the party isn't all that pressurized to 'bring to the table'.

Congrats by the way

Boosiehs · 27/07/2015 17:53

My friend wants to arrnge one for me and provided this pregancy actually gets that far, I think its fine.

It's just an opportunity to get together with girlfriends and eat cake before i get trapped wuith a newborn!

SirChenjin · 27/07/2015 17:54

Mummy - in which case you need to be a lot firmer, say absolutely not to your sister and go ahead and organise a coffee on X date. Come on, it's not that hard.

Even if it's a small gift people will still spend around a tenner - when a lot of people would actually like to wait until the baby is born, see what sex it is, find out what you really need, and drop in a gift at some point (or not) without feeling duty bound. Close friends and family will probably ask you in advance if there's anything you want (but again, might not, or might want to choose something after the event has actually happened.

tindel · 28/07/2015 08:03

I have an American friend who the minute she found out I was pregnant said she wanted to throw me a baby shower. It's going to be an afternoon tea with some silly games, which she's promised won't be embarrassing. It's a mix of family and my close friends, including their partners and kids. There's been no mention of gifts or lists at any point. I was a tad sceptical about it at first, but am now really looking forward to it. My friend has been quite clear that the focus is on cake and having fun, which suits me just fine

SirChenjin · 28/07/2015 08:26

We had an American friend who did the same thing for one of our neighbours. It was fun, games and cake too - until nearer the time when people started to realise that arriving empty handed might not be in the spirit of things, despite what she said...then it was a case of "just a small gift if you want". Which we didn't want - but equally we didn't want to be the only one arriving empty handed. Once the baby arrived, it was a bit 'meh' going to visit without a present (not everyone wanted to spend money twice)

hotcrossbun83 · 28/07/2015 14:33

I spend the same whether there is a shower or not, if there isn't one I take a gift when the baby is born. And if someone says gifts not necessary, you can't complain that you have to get one, just don't and explain that you want to get it after the birth. My fave phrase is 'i'd love your presence not your presents'

Original poster

MummyPiggy87 · 28/07/2015 18:01

Hotcrossbun that's a brilliant quote I may have to use that x

OP posts:

Blueberrybaby · 28/07/2015 18:09

They are a really nice way to spend times with friends and family. Unfortunately over in the UK they get a bad rap, but they are well intended - however they clash with our british tradition of buying a gift once the baby has arrived.

The main two rules are:

NEVER host your own. The invitation and all organising should be done by your sister/mother/friend etc. the Mum to be shouldn't get involved.
Baby showers are ONLY for first babies. It's considered bad taste to have a shower on your 2nd or 3rd child.the theory being you've already got everything from baby 1, so another shower is just greedy.

You should provide the host with a guest list and contact details and if you have any specific message to pass onto guests e.g. Don't feel obliged to bring a gift etc then that's fine.

Most showers involve games, afternoon tea and cake and a chance to catch up,swap tips etc before the baby arrives.

I hope you enjoy you special afternoon!

mrsatkinson · 28/07/2015 18:41

my cousin threw me a surprise one and it was fantastic. we had cake and a little tea party, silly games and gifts. i was completely overwhelmed by how generous people are, i wasnt expecting that at all.
it was lovely, and the things i received were greatly appreciated and will be used.
people making the effort to come was what touched me the most though. it was a lovely day

themumfairy · 28/07/2015 19:32

I've got a feeling my mum will be throwing me a surprise one as we both did a joint effort for my brothers partner. it was lovely really.
I also through one for my partners sister ( both were due in June so very busy!) which was also lovely.

I'm usually the one organising it and that's what I love. I really don't like being centre of attention. too many people makes me nervous and especially with the thought of everyone staring at me

Scotinoz · 29/07/2015 04:04

I didn't used to like them, but it's the done thing in my group in Oz. No bunting, registry or stuff like that though. Just brunch or afternoon tea, baby chat, the occasional game if the Mother to be is that was inclined, and a token gift (towel, flannels, vests etc).

It's just a bit of fun.

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