40+ and pregnant? Come and join the fun!

[cloudjumper]

I am 43 and currently pg with DC2, due early January. I thought it would be nice to have a thread for the pregnant ladies of 'older vintage', similar to the 40+ ttc thread, for advice, support and the occasional moan.

Welcome newbies! Glad you have found us.

brokeberry and mooncalf So sorry to hear about your losses. I have also had multiple miscarriages, and I am desperately hoping that this one will be OK. The first trimester is just walking on eggshells, I feel for you! One day at a time...

music You're definitely not too old! I'm 43, DC2 is due early January, you lave lots of time.
Everyone is different, and therefore it will be different for everyone getting back to shape after pregnancy. My advice would be don't stress too much and don't push too hard. I put on over 3st while pg with DS, and I started exercising about 8 weeks again after I had him (via cs). Looking back, that was way too early. Sadly, that whole myth of losing weight by breastfeeding did not work for me at all, I resorted to WeightWatchers in the end, and it worked. Be healthy and be sensible. And that flabby skin on your stomach - sorry, but there is a good chance that that will stay, if the skin has been stretched a lot... Not much that can be done about that!

empem and goo I will also be going to SW once this one has arrived - I had actually just joined before I found out I was pg, and then had to leave because I just could not do any eating by plan in the first trimester. I'm really hoping I won't put on so much weight this time... now that the sickness has finally gone, I am more able to control what I eat, and being able to exercise also helps (I hope!).

Great scan news mrslebon! Hope that you'll get your results for the Down's risk quickly and that everything is going to be fine! I really wish they would introduce the Harmony test on the NHS, it would really take out so much worry and uncertainty just because of age.

Currently trying to get my head around the logistics of maternity leave... When to start, for how long, how to go back...ugh.

I had a real washed out day today - quite busy in the morning, but then crashed and slept most of the afternoon! DH was the same, although he can't blame the pregnancy... Hope that tomorrow will be better, there's quite a lot of stuff that we would like to do.

Hi cloudjumper - thanks for the well-wishes!
Yes, is very nerve wracking, this is our fourth attempt this time round - I was 42 when we started trying, but somehow 43 seems much more than 1 year older!
First attempt ended at 8+4 having seen the heart beat and was totally devastating. Then there was a v early m/c, and I was only preg for a few days really. Then another m/c at 8+1 where it really just hadn't developed at all... Had the assisted medical m/c for both the 8w ones. I kind of knew the third attempt wouldn't work as has next to no symptoms, and just didn't feel preg.
This time had been weird - day 1 of af being due I got a faint positive, and had sore/swollen boobs, then next day still faint, and when on day 3 (I know, the testing!!!) is was barely visible and zero symptoms so I assumed another v early m/c. But no, symptoms back and stronger positive now even feeling sick (unlike all previous attempts) - although am on progesterone pessaries so maybe its that.
I am only 4+5, so way to early to be obsessing about symptoms, but its so hard not to worry... Well rather it's a conscious choice/effort not to drift into it.
Anyway, not sure if this is the right place to splurge all this out, but there's really no one to talk to in this way (well not other preg ladies I mean) as not telling anyone just yet.
Hope you are all well - happy and healthy, and its all as it should be for you xx

Mooncalf - our experiences our so similar - my three mcs sound just like yours! I too am now on progesterone pessaries - and yes when I feel gloriously nauseous I'm not sure it it's them that are causing it. I'm 7+5 and my scan is booked for 8+5. I'm not doing it earlier, because I've never made it past 7+2, so I want my first scan to be quite a bit past that point. So I had a dream last night that I was no longer pregnant (do we believe in our dreams?!) and my boobs are feeling a lot less tender and now I'm going into the negative zone. I'll just have to wait for the scan - one day at a time and all that - I've had horrible experiences at scans, as I'm sure you have. Wish this was a little easier, but then maybe the really important things are well worth the struggle. xx

My boobs are still coming and going brooke & I'm 21 weeks tomorrow. Try not to worry about that, it's completely normal for symptoms to come & go.
I think dreams reflect our anxiety but that definitely doesn't mean it will come true. I had a dream my old head teacher was my dr the other night!! I've always had horrible scans too, even with dd who is fine. I had a good one this time though so it can happen! (I still cried all the way through!)
Everything is crossed for you.
Splurge away mooncalf. That's exactly what this thread is for!

Thank you Grizzer for the reassurance. It does help - the worry is pointless and a little destructive, so thank you. You may as well feel good until there really is something to worry about!

I really must stop poking at my boobs especially in public!!

I still poke mine on a regular basis!

Ah yes the pessaries are lovely aren't they?? I keep being convinced my period has started, but its just them melting out again (sorry)! I guess I have to keep telling myself that even if it is just the pessaries, my body is still getting what it needs I guess. Plus the nausea is worsening, so maybe its a bit of both?
I totally get what you mean about wanting to wait until after the 'danger zone' has passed. Well I do now - the last three times, I was making the Drs appt and the midwife etc, and having that early scan. Now I think what's the point - it'll be or won't be... The early scan is just extra trauma, and I am much happier to wait. After all they didn't do much good last time!
Good luck with your when it comes around though - sending you lots of love and happy thoughts! X

That's very reassuring to know its normal - it's really scary when it happens, it's so hard not to assume its not 'it'. I never really thought id be grateful to feel sick to my stomach or have a splitting headache!!

Haha I laughed at the public boob poking - sometimes I look up and realise, oooh I'm not at home I'm in the veg aisle at the supermarket, and people def think I'm a weirdo (little do they know)...

Aah, the progesterone pessaries... I was on those as well for the first trimester. Top tip - use the 'back' door! No leaking, no mess, much more convenient. Or alternate back and front... I switched to the back door because I had some spotting/bleeding, and the pessaries are know for causing irritation of the cervix, I just did not want to risk anything.

Hi all, mind if I join you? It's very early days but I found out this morning that I am pregnant with dc2. I am 4+3 so v v early yet. I'm 43.5 and had my ds at 41. Feeling happy but also v nervous about the risks.

Can't quite believe I am pregnant as it was only our first month of trying. It took us 14 months and one failed round of IVF (immediately followed by a natural conception) to get the bfp that was ds!

Yay, abab great news! Welcome! I've heard that it can be quite common that IVF kick-starts successful natural conception... Fingers crossed for an uneventful eight months for you!

Thanks Cloud. I read through the thread last night and this morning. So great to see so many 40+ ladies having healthy pregnancies!!

I'll be booking an early pregnancy scan for around 7 weeks assuming I get that far. I had one with my first pregnancy and it's so reassuring to see a heartbeat (though I know that's no guarantee) but also keen to see that it's in utero and how many - one of my fears is multiples...

Hi everyone hope your all well , just over 38 weeks induction booked in for next Saturday but baby is now well and truly engaged so hoping she may make an appearance earlier .
Congratulations on your pregnancies and scans

Does anyone know where you get the Harmony test done? Can you get it done locally or do you have to go to London?
TIA

I'm not sure where you live but you can get harmony tests in other area ... Google harmony tests and your county see what comes up

Congratulations Ababsurdum. Especially as you were so sure AF was coming! Must have been your cervix having a bit of a clear out!!

Thanks Lola I should have done that first. I can get that and private scans at a clinic based in my local hospital which is very close to us. Good news on your induction date. I had an elcs last time and plan on the same again assuming all goes well.

Yes Grizzer, it was very strange as part of me knew because I had the same faint dizzy feeling that I had just before I found out I was pregnant last time, also my pee smelt odd - anyone else have that?. The other part of me thought it was just ridiculous to think it would happen so soon. How are you feeling?

abab I think the Harmony test can be done at any stage from 10 weeks onward. You might not have to go to London, lots of hospitals now offer it (but you will have to pay for it).

lola oooh, that's exciting - could yours be the first thread baby?! Let us know how you get on.

Woo hoo Lola, you must be so excited!
I'm fine thanks Abab. Staying at the in laws & can't wait to get home but ok other than that.
So, today baby is a pomegranate. Last week an artichoke & the week before a mango. Now I would have to say, I believe a mango to be bigger than an artichoke & a pomegranate. Have I got my fruits/veg size order wrong all my life or is my app not actually scientifically measuring my baby?? I am shocked & horrified either way!!

Hi everyone I've had a mixed day today ..... Had my first scan to get a better idea of dating and have been put at 8 weeks 2 days. I'm 40 overweight (siZe 20) down to a thyroid problem which I'm having treatment for. Early scan showed a heartbeat which was amazing but I had a seperate appointment with my thyroid consultant this afternoon who told me not to get too excited as many pregnancies miscarry with people of my age (40) and to wait to tell anyone till I'm at least 12 weeks. He's really put a dampner on everything and I'm now on eggshells. Apart from being really tired and feeling generally queasy (not being sick) I've no problems .... Are all your drs this much doom and gloom. It's my first pregnancy and I was already as scared as excited but now I'm terrified :-(

Lkelly how awful of him, no wonder you're feeling upset. Some doctors are very insensitive unfortunately. Yes there is a chance that something could still go wrong but I think that is greatly reduced after seeing a heartbeat at 8 weeks +. Whether you choose to tell anyone early is up to you. Some people do as if something goes wrong they will want/need support from those close to them. Please try not to worry, easier said than done I know.

Pregnancy insomnia has already started here, I've had two rubbish nights already. There's just too much to think and worry about. I need to be able to rein it in or I shall be shattered soon!

Lkelly there's an article here that talks about the risk being 2% at 8 weeks - scroll down for the section on early scans. I read this during my first pregnancy and it was very reassuring. link

Hi LKelly

Yes some people are just awful aren't they? The look of pity they give you, as if to say, well what do you expect from this, you're a fool to think it could possibly work out! And that's without them even saying anything, you must have been so upset. But - this thread is proof positive that it can go well, and as abab says, the risk is much less at your stage.
I am trying to say positive too but finding it harder today, and finding it impossible but to symptom check... Lots of forums out there with people whose symptoms come and go with no problem, and who go on to have healthy pregs... But when I find myself wishing my bobs were more painful and swollen and that I felt a bit more sick... I feel like I'm going a bit nuts!!
I guess lots of folk go through this at some point, but has anyone had their symptoms just fade but then come back/everything is ok? I mean all of them including bond back to normal size? Its early days for me but this is so familiar, and has never boded well before so really hard not to be negative about it :S

Ps thanks for the advice cloudjumper, I'll try the back door for the progesterone... Can't day I'm looking forward to that, but less mess would be worth it! :)