Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Was it planned / have you been trying then?

42 replies

ejclementine · 08/06/2015 08:17

Why do people think it's okay to ask this? It's so intrusive and it pees me off. Witty response tips welcome!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Raffertys · 08/06/2015 08:23

I fucking hate this. They might as well say 'Did the condom break? Or did you forget your pill?'

I would just say 'Why do you ask?' That normally prompts people to consider why they would actually ask such a moronic question.

scarednoob · 08/06/2015 08:34

Oh god and me. I don't mind so much from close friends - but from colleagues?!? I'm 37 FFS, do you think I don't know how to use a condom?!

Hobby2014 · 08/06/2015 08:43

It didn't bother me when people asked this because we were trying / he was planned. Do people only not like it if the pregnancy was unplanned? Or does it bother all sorts?

Original poster

ejclementine · 08/06/2015 08:46

Mine wasn't an accident, it just irritates me. Personally I think it's rude.

OP posts:

milliemanzi · 08/06/2015 09:08

Ha someone at work asked me this when I told the office! I was so shocked I lolled!

Hophop987 · 08/06/2015 09:20

I was asked this by my boss when I told him I was pregnant with my DC1. it didn't bother me at the time and just made me laugh.
With DC2 question came from my MIL and i didn't react so well

Raffertys · 08/06/2015 09:25

Hobby It's just plain rude. No one knows what people have gone through to have a baby - it may well be an accident, or perhaps an unwanted pregnancy. Or they may well have been trying for years, or may have suffered losses. The subject of road people have gone down to fall pregnant is just not up for discussion in my book.

purplemunkey · 08/06/2015 09:25

Mine was planned and it bothered me too. The person who asked was a friend of a friend I met at a birthday meal. It was the first time he'd ever met me and DP. I thought it was very odd and personal question to ask virtual strangers. I think some people who perhaps aren't actually that interested think it's one of those things you ask pregnant women.

happygojo · 08/06/2015 09:26

I got asked this A LOT! and I think it is rude. My pregnancy was planned. I was always just shocked and said 'yes'. I wish I had been witty enough to say something funny, or go into detail about how I got pregnant. One of the weirdest reactions i got from a 25 year old at work was 'I find it really weird that I now KNOW that you and Mr Happygojo have had sex'. We are unmarried but have lived together for 4 years and have a 35 year mortgage and I am 29.... I don't think the fact we dtd is a surprise tbh!

batfish · 08/06/2015 09:43

I hate this it's so cringey - I don't mind so much if it comes from a fairly close friend but I've had it from people who I'm not that close to and I find it a bit gross to tell them we were 'trying' (cue images of us shagging like rabbits all over the house) - I wouldn't ask anyone this, if they told me they were pregnant and were obviously happy about it and had been in a relationship for more than a few months then I would assume it was on purpose - and even if it was an 'accident' then who cares as long as it is a happy accident?

Flambola · 08/06/2015 10:00

I'm not bothered by this question. People don't mean to be rude. I asked my colleague this as he seemed a bit shell-shocked by the fact his DW was pregnant and complained about being totally skint.

TaurielTest · 08/06/2015 10:02

"Goodness, what a personal question!"
Tinkly laugh. Steely glare.

HelenF350 · 08/06/2015 10:51

Really annoys me. Lost count of the people that have asked me. Non of their bloody business!

Cherryblossomsinspring · 08/06/2015 10:52

Doesn't bother me. If it was an accident I'd just laugh and tell them that. I think people just like context to be honest. Obviously you are happy if you are happily telling someone but it's kind of exciting and interesting to know what level of OMG it was with the bfp. I would never ask it if it seemed someone was struggling with being pregnant or seemed unsure about themselves.

melonface · 08/06/2015 12:13

I was asked this at the EPU when I had an early scan and it was recorded in my notes as 'planned' It really bothered me as I can't see why this is relevant to my clinical need or treatments?!

Raffertys · 08/06/2015 12:24

melon It's normal to be asked in a medical sense. I'm not particularly informed but I think it's to do with any contraception you may have or might still be taking. People who are planning to fall pregnant may make lifestyle changes to support that, where as those who aren't actively trying probably wouldn't. I think it also related to termination? Maybe.

I'm sure someone who knows will be able to explain that better then me.

lilyb84 · 08/06/2015 12:58

I've been guilty of asking this in the past (and bothering friends clearly pregnant but also clearly not wanting anyone to know just yet - all of which I now feel terrible about).

Did hear a great response via a friend of a friend once to the 'was it planned?' question, to which the pregnant lady responded 'no, but the angel Gabriel explained it all so nicely...'

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 08/06/2015 13:31

I just say 'no' and make some comment about how I should repeat GCSE biology.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 08/06/2015 13:32

Haha! Lilyb84 - made me laugh!

NeuroticFox1 · 08/06/2015 14:55

I was really surprised but have been asked this a few times. I don't know why people don't want to avoid the visual image that comes along with the question?!

pinkie87 · 08/06/2015 15:33

Been asked this in the work environment by people I do not even know! And my next door neighbour, who I also do not know well. What sort of question is it?! It really winds me up too!

Hippymama1 · 08/06/2015 15:35

i think it is one of those things people say because they don't know what to say. Annoying, yes but probably well intentioned... I have been replying "I don't know what caused it actually..." and leaving it at that.

sianihedgehog · 08/06/2015 16:29

With friends I like saying that I was up a ladder changing a lightbulb in the nude and SOMEHOW I slipped and fell right on a dick.
Ask a stupid question...

Guyropes · 08/06/2015 18:26

I'm not sure why people who planned their pregnancies feel that it's rude..

Surely they are on 'the moral high ground'?

.. is it that it's rude to suggest thAt they might not have planned it?

Or is it that people asking are probably forming some private judgement about the morality of planned/ unplanned pregnancies?

I don't mind saying that it was unplanned.... it's fairly obvious thAt I wouldn't be planning a pregnancy to anyone who knows me even superficially.

However I would like not to feel that I am judged for having an unplanned pregnancy.

purplemunkey · 08/06/2015 18:52

I just think it's a rude question full stop, whether it was planned or not.

Flip

1 2