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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

"Are you sure it is not twins?"

105 replies

Maya15 · 18/05/2015 19:23

Just need to let off a bit of steam:
I am 30w pregnant and gained a normal amount of weight with a normal sized bump. Went to a wedding this weekend, felt pretty in my dress and met another friend of the couple. Had not seen that friend since I was 13w pregnant (and not showing back then). He thought I was due any day and when I told him I still had 10 weeks he asked if I was sure it is not twins?
Seriously?
Why does anyone ever think it is acceptable to say something like that? I mean do people really think with modern medicine, scans etc you would have another baby hiding in there? Why do people think they have the right to comment on your bump size? I am growing a baby FFS.
I told him I thought he was inappropriate asking that and he apologized but still feel a bit angry about it.

OP posts:
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bigbuttons · 19/05/2015 20:33

Amen to thatWink

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/05/2015 20:37

Then you obviously don't have an awareness of how rude it sounds if you haven't experienced comments such as omg your massive wow are you sure it's not twins you're bigger than so and so down the road and she's overdue.
It's very ill mannered and very wearing.

Shonajay · 19/05/2015 20:37

ARV1981 smile sweetly and say, I'm really enjoying it, it'll be over all too soon then back into my size 10/12/14...

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/05/2015 20:41

I don't like comments about my size when I'm not pregnant. That doesn't magically change when I am

madreloco · 19/05/2015 20:45

You genuinely have no idea why women dont like strangers commenting on their physical appearance, particularly negatively (you can't pretend telling a woman she looks much bigger than she should is anything else but negative)?
You don't have much imagination then?

Grantaire · 19/05/2015 20:52

I had polyhydramnios and diastasis recti. My bumps were off the scale. I had a lot of comments about it because it was comment worthy. All bar one of them were well meaning and general chit chat. One woman was being rude and is well known for it, whether you're pregnant or not.

I tend to think the best of people. The reason so many people (all pregnant women seemingly) have experience of this is because it's a friendly, normal interaction mostly. If somebody is being actually rude and intends to hurt you then that's just because they're a twat. It's not because comments on bump size in themselves are rude.

I hear "gosh you're getting so big now" or "I can't believe how much bigger you are than last time I saw you" as people marvelling at the sheer wonder and brilliance and beauty of pregnancy; an acknowledgment of the very visual progression of their much celebrated pregnancy. I hear it all the time. It's normal chitter chatter.

Of course you can reserve the right to be offended but you are taking offence, it's not necessarily being given. You simply have to tell those people you do not wish them to speak about your bump size.

PacificDogwood · 19/05/2015 20:57

I don't like comments about my size when I'm not pregnant. That doesn't magically change when I am.

Yy to that.

Also, I have had 'OMG, you are huge!!' and 'Is everything ok? You're tiny ' said to me on the same day (pregnant with DS3, perfectly normal bump).

But none of that measures up to the nonsense that comes out of people's mouths when you tell them you are expecting your 4th DS… Hmm

Feckers Grin

Joskar · 19/05/2015 20:57

It is annoying. I've been getting chat like that for weeks (still got 13 left to go...) Folk just open their mouths and let shite spill out.

I think it's very strange that there are posters who can't see how that gets annoying. It may well be that it's a hang up about body image that drives the upset but that's hardly surprising given the world we live in. I don't think it's "miserable" to get fed up of the same tired old banter. Op said she was just blowing off steam. Fair play, no? That's allowed I'd say when you're humping about a "massive" bump.

Grantaire · 19/05/2015 21:08

I think yes sometimes it is annoying. Yes sometimes it's rude. It's also sometimes insensitive and unkind. BUT the reason so many people have experienced it is because people do like to marvel at the sheer amazing thing that is a pregnant belly. They do look huge to the non-pregnant.

Take a couple of the complaints on here. Somebody mentioned their MIL saying 'you're getting bigger every day' for example and this was the "worst" comment and the lady used to roll her eyes at her MIL. Now my MIL may very well have said this sort of thing and it would have been a statement of fact, an attempt to share this amazing time with me, the growth of her grandchild in fact. Depending on tone, it could come across as sympathy, joy, kindness, amazement. It isn't necessarily offence.

I understand how and why it is rude to comment on a woman's size but these very frequent and normal comments aren't that. They're comments on the baby. Comments on the pregnancy. They aren't calling people fat. Mostly. Like I said. The twats are just being twats.

I could have spent a lot of my pregnancy hearing criticism that wasn't there. It just wasn't worth it. Generally, good friends and family who love me and care about me hadn't suddenly morphed into people who were calling me fat.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/05/2015 21:10

I dunno the rudest comment I had was a flat out "you've put on weight, you need to watch that" from someone who knew I was pregnant.

I mean, really??

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 19/05/2015 21:35

It depends doesn't it? There's a massive difference between "your bump is getting big" to "you're fat like a whale". With me I didn't mind the " what a small bump" but the "dieting will harm your baby" I did mind as I wasn't dieting and most pregnant women are worried about their baby anyway - I didn't need added worries at the time.
For me it's basic politeness, I would comment on a bump but I wouldn't use words like "lardy", " whale" etc as I wouldn't use those anyway

purdiepie · 19/05/2015 21:39

I think you'll find that it is the already-conscious-of-their-corpulence-pre-pregnancy types who get all swivel-eyed about bump comments. Or feminists. Or the Professionally Outraged

bigbuttons · 19/05/2015 21:45

Yes the term professionally outraged has occurred to me too. "How very dare you"

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/05/2015 21:50

I wear a size 8 when not pregnant so - Nope.

Don't get me wrong I haven't flipped out at a colleague saying "your bump has really grown in the last couple of weeks". It had, that's fine.

Or strangers asking me when I'm due, at 36 weeks it's a fair question!

There is a difference between making conversation and being rude. Seems like some posters here can't see the difference so I can guess the sorts of comments they make Wink

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 19/05/2015 21:50

But how in any way, shape or form is a comment like 'you're either carrying twins or you're carrying far too much fluid' designed to be supportive/helpful/positive? Surely anyone could see that would be upsetting to the recipient as it makes them think there is something wrong?

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 19/05/2015 21:52

Oh and this gem from MIL... You can always tell when people are carrying girls because they get fat all over. That's definitely a girl you're carrying'.

Original poster
Maya15 · 19/05/2015 21:52

thanks for all the comments. Was really interesting to read that so many of you have had similar experiences. As if being pregnant gives people the right to comment on your body size and whether it is right or wrong (too big or too small).

Oh and btw prudiepie I am a feminist. and proud Grin

OP posts:
bigbuttons · 19/05/2015 21:58

I have had the you gave a big bum,it's a girl comment. I honestly did not bother me.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 19/05/2015 21:59

Well good for you bigbuttons. I wish I was a secure as you. I'm not, for various reasons.

Original poster
Maya15 · 19/05/2015 22:03

bigbuttons Maybe you can just accept that some people are bothered by comments about their bump size even if you are not.
To be honest I would prefer someone said nothing about my pregnancy or size of my bump rather than make a stupid comment about the size.

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 19/05/2015 22:05

Bump size comments just show the ignorance of the person making them.

Bump size has very little to do with baby size, after all.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 19/05/2015 22:09

Yes mil used to say I was getting bigger by the day. And not in a nice was. Unless tutting and saying bloody hell before she said that meant she was purely being affectionate and interested in her grandchild to be's development.
Some people have some very funny ideas about what is just passing an interested comment!

brokencrayons · 19/05/2015 22:26

I had a chubby girl at work "jokingly" call me "fatty boom boom" every day. I remained a size 8 through my whole pregnancy so I wasn't fat at all. I lost it one day and actually said " I'm 6months pregnant, what's your excuse???" I didn't even feel bad. She went on a diet and healthy eating plan and is now a fitness fanatic. I done her a favour imo.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/05/2015 22:51

Grin @ crayons. Well quite!

Pico2 · 19/05/2015 23:26

Someone at work said to me "pregnancy really suits you". I think that is a lovely thing to say and can be said instead of all of the commenting on bump size etc.

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