"Are you sure it is not twins?"

[Maya15]

Just need to let off a bit of steam:
I am 30w pregnant and gained a normal amount of weight with a normal sized bump. Went to a wedding this weekend, felt pretty in my dress and met another friend of the couple. Had not seen that friend since I was 13w pregnant (and not showing back then). He thought I was due any day and when I told him I still had 10 weeks he asked if I was sure it is not twins?
Seriously?
Why does anyone ever think it is acceptable to say something like that? I mean do people really think with modern medicine, scans etc you would have another baby hiding in there? Why do people think they have the right to comment on your bump size? I am growing a baby FFS.
I told him I thought he was inappropriate asking that and he apologized but still feel a bit angry about it.

popalot - I used to be able to balance a cup of tea on bumpds's head!

I do think position can affect how much the bump 'sticks out' of your pelvis, iyswim?
Certainly my transverse pg was a weird shape - like the Michelin man!

youbastardsockballs

it wasn't small talk when I was stood on crutches and a man pointed at me and sniggered and nudged his friends who all howled at me being the 'most pg they'd ever seen'. They carried on sniggering as I fought back tears (hormonal and in pain from SPD).It was nasty sexist bullying.

number3 No I wouldn't do that but I would do it to a pregnant person, yes. Most pregnant women are actually pleased. They see it as the sign of a healthy pregnancy, blah blah. I have 6 kids and was always happy when people commented on my bump.

I get the feeling that some people here just like to gripe. As I said, you are a miserable lot.

bigbuttons

Good for you mother earth, but some of us don't like that kind of attention and think being called 'Massive' is pretty insulting, especially if we have other underlying conditions which others are not aware of.

I like the fact I have a big arse, but not everyone wants to hear that!

bigbuttons surely you can comment on someone's pregnancy in a positive way without commenting on the size of someone's bump? The problem is it can make pregnant women anxious. I was told a few weeks ago that I was either carrying twins or had too much fluid. What effect is that going to have other than to make me worry? A few days later I was told I was far too small and was I sure baby was growing properly!

I'm not mother earth at all.
Thing is, in this world different people get bothered by different things.
I think you are all highly oversensitive and some of you are frankly nasty sounding.
You think you have every right to be indignant and think nasty thoughts about other people.
There you go.

Hold up a second, what is nasty about being offended when someone blatantly says something rude??

No one has the right to walk up to you and be insulting, whether pregnant or not.

If you are happy to stand there and accept it, then more fool you for having such low standards.

And I think you are nasty sounding for not appearing to care that comments like that upset people. People who are different to you. Because guess what? We're all different. But carry on making those comments to pregnant women, even though from reading this thread you can see there's a strong change they won't like it. Because you don't mind, so that's fine isn't it?

*chance

Urghh I'm dreading this. Was massive with both mine and carried excess amniotic fluid.
MIL was the worst and would come out with 'you're getting bigger by the day' to which I'd roll my eyes and say it's kind of how it works the baby grows not shrinks ffs.

I disagree in this case. If I came up to you and swore at you, called you ugly and thick then there would be no doubt that I was insulting you or attempting to insult you. But can I insult you if you refuse to be insulted? You are insulted because that is what you chose to be. There might be a rare person who could shrug this off, infact I know a couple of people who are self assured enough not to be bothered in the slightest by other people's remarks.

However, in the cases stated here whether it is an 'insult' is a matter of opinion. You are insulted if someone calls your pregnancy bump huge. I was not insulted at all.
It is highly unlikely that someone will come up to a stranger or friend and deliberately attempt to insult them.
You are insulted not because they said something to insult as such you but because you have your own issues in this regard.
neither can expect people to pussyfoot around you and consider all the ways that you might be insulted by them. No one would ever say anything.

Perhaps people don't want to be reminded they're pregnant All.The.Time. Never mind being told how massive/huge/tiny/knackered/crap they look.

I like to think I'm a fairly nice person, and if there's a high chance someone is going to be insulted by what I say (and this thread shows a large number of people would be), then I wouldn't say it, regardless of whether the same comment would upset me personally or not. For example I couldn't care less if someone said I have a big nose. I do. But I know the same comment may upset someone else, so I wouldn't say it. You don't need to comment on the size of someone's bump, there are plenty of other things you could say, so what's the benefit in you saying it?

Hmm, this thread shows people posting on this thread would be.
Considering the number of pregnant women in the world I don't think we can draw too many conclusions from such a small sample.
Sorry to be pedantic.

I'll take my chances thanks, and not risk offending someone.
They're not going to be upset that I've not commented on how big their bump is, are they?

No, they might be upset that you haven't said anything about their bump though. There's a chance that that could also be the case. Damned if you do, damed.
Having interactions with other human beings is fraught with potential issues.

meant damned if you do damned if you don't

But I would say something. I.e. You look great.

I (and baby) have health issues while pregnant and my bump isn't as big as it should be, which could be dangerous.
People regularly like to ask if I am sure I am eating enough, is the baby growing properly etc.
Makes me feel like a complete failure and depresses me completely thinking about the worst case scenario.
The worst thing is this is my second pregnancy, so most of them know it's a health issue.
People can be eejits!

this is much funnier when you ARE having twins
^ this
I loved the look on people's faces when they asked me this and I replied yes I am having twins
I was bloody massive

lotty
" 'a man looked at me and just shook his head'. I would have hit him!!"

I couldn't reach!

Betty
By the end I was so big I couldn't even sit down. It was incredible.

Same here
I got stuck in the bath

I've had the twins comment since week 13. And also people asking when I'm due. I don't mind, I know that I look much farther along than I am, but I'm surprised at the number of moms who have made these comments. Surely they know that you show much earlier with your second? I've also had people touching my belly already. I bloody hate it. Only seventeen weeks now, so it'll get much worse before it gets better.

Crikey, can't you just be happy to glow in the praise of your bump without simpering about the impropriety of it all? How did you get through life thus far with such an aversion to, you know, ordinary and well-meaning comments form friends?

*from

I genuinely don't get why people get upset about this.

They are not calling you fat.

They are commenting on your bump and intend it as, if not exactly a compliment, a positive comment. I had tiny bumps and while quite practical, meant people rarely noticed it. I'd love to have had people commenting and wanting to talk about it rather than not knowing I was pregnant.