The best shit place to be grads - Early pregnancy after miscarriage - hopes and fears

[Gr33dyeggs]

So heres a thread. Hope you all find it!

Congrats we've made it this far

My worry at 5 weeks is I just feel apathetic and numb. Not excited, not looking forward. Not even fear. Just.... nothing. Constant knicker watch.

Plus wondering whether to push for an early scan and if so when? Losses were 9 and 11 weeks.

I don't know. I just can't see it happening. Frankly it amazes me that anyone manages to carry a pregnancy to full term. And I have done it myself!
I don't know. I need some really strong symptoms and maybe I'll believe it.

The other thing is- of course I'm on knicker watch because of that bit of spotting last weekend. But even though there have been any more, it doesn't mean anything. It took my stupid body 5 weeks to realise that the pregnancy wasn't developing last time. I was having nausea, no bleeding etc all that time and no reason to believe I would miscarry. And then low and behold, scan showed mmc.
I don't trust my body to grow another baby and if it doesn't, I don't trust it to even realise.

Yes I look at dd and I'm like 'how'?! It's really hard to believe after a loss. I don't have any strong symptoms except if I don't wear a bra my Nipples feel like there's a constant milk droplet on each end. I end up reaching to check! If I touch them they are always erect and sensitive/sore. But my twinges have stopped.. not a hint of nausea etc. And all my previous symptoms through 2ww etc were so mild I couldn't decide if I was entirely imagining it.

One thing I'm aware of this almost like a very, very low level vibration almost from my uterus. I believe it's increased blood flow. I really dislike it. I didn't have it with dd but did with ectopic and I find myself trying to purposefully ignore it.

I've been wearing panty liners and looking so close each loo trip for even the faintest of pink tinge.

I think your bleeding had been on any day other than when AF was due I'd have worried but I think it sounded so short lived and typical of a break through bleed that I truly believe you are just fine. Also no two pregnancies are identical. I find myself comparing everything to dd.

guy I totally understand where you are coming from, mmc is the cruellest thing, I felt like my body had somehow let me down and I should have known that something had gone wrong. I was still getting strong positive hcg tests for a couple of weeks after I had been scanned and confirmed as mmc, and that would have been about 8 or 9 weeks after the baby stopped developing. It was much easier (that's not really the right word, but the only way I can describe it) when I had a "normal" mc which started with bleeding and cramping. At least I could see that things weren't progressing as they should have been.
Anyway ... stop rambling officelady ... I have decided that although I am not really getting my hopes up and working out due dates or imagining myself with an actual baby, I am damn well going to enjoy and appreciate every day that I am pregnant this time, however long it lasts.

Just had the family round for MD tea and my poor lovely little sister has just told me it looks like she has had/is having a mmc. She was 10 weeks and had some bleeding on Fri, they scanned her and she is only measuring 5w with no visible hb. She said there's no way she can be 5w. They have told her to come back in 2w and if there is no progress or change they will do an ERPC. She doesn't know if that will happen straight away. They weren't very sympathetic or helpful apparently. She's been bleeding since although no heavier.

I feel so awful, I had wondered if she was pg and thought that's what she was going to tell me. I was looking forward to telling her my good news as well but now that's all changed. I will be due shortly after her due date so it is bound to be very painful for her. We are very close and the thought of upsetting her is so awful. I am sitting here in tears thinking about it.

I guess there is still a tiny chance things could change in 2 weeks but she sounded pretty resigned to it, talking about trying again in the summer. I know several of you had mmc and it's just the most awful thing. I hope I can support her, any advice is welcome. Ah my poor little sis. Love her so much.

Aww guy i know how you feel. Luke the others have said its so hard after mmc because you know your body is capable of giving no sign of any problem.

Im really struggling in that i have no feeling of being pregnant. At least last time i really felt it. I am just holding onto the fact that every pregnancy is different, and a lot of people can go the whole pregnancy with barely any symptoms.

2 weeks 6 days til scan time. Im preparing for bad news if thats possible to avoid humiliation when coming out of the scan into the bloody mothercare store!

I saw my cousins 1 year old today. I was dreading it as i didnt think i could be happy round him, but he was so lovely i felt guilty in the end for dreading it. So cute and i enjoyed playing with him. I hope we get the chance to prove what good parents we can be! Hopefully with this little one.

Oh MsJ im so sorry for your sis, my heart goes out to ger x

Her*

Thanks Amyy, I've been so wrapped up in my own worries that it didn't occur to me anything like that could happen to her. She is such a capable and confident person. That sounds so stupid written down but I had actually been thinking, what if we are both pg and I mc, how will I cope. Seems so selfish now. The next 2 weeks are going to be so horrible for her, either she will be waiting and not knowing or else things will progress of their own accord.

Oh jupiter. I am very very sorry to hear of your sister. How totally heartbreaking. Xx

MrsJ I'm so sorry for your sister. What she is experiencing right now, the waiting, is the worst part. I measured 6 weeks when I should have been nearly 10 and I knew. I couldn't be 6 weeks or I would have got a positive test a week before conception. Sounds like your sister knows too.
I hope that the mc happens as quickly and easily as possible. In her proton, it would be worth insisting on the second scan being after only a week rather than 2. They can confirm it then and it would mean it will be over quicker. This bit is the worst and she should feel relieved once the waiting is over.

Thank you so much for the support ladies and for the advice Guy. If things go as expected they should arrange the EPRC pretty quickly, I would have thought?

Depends on them I'm afraid, mine wanted me to wait to go naturally and didn't offer erpc.

So sorry to hear about your sister, MsJupiter. When I had my mmc the "protocol" was to be rescanned not less than 10 days later (just in case dates were wrong, although as in your sister's case, I was absolutely certain - we had only had sex ONCE in the whole of the month that I conceived and hadn't done it since, but they won't take your word for it unfortunately!). Anyway, in my case, I miscarried naturally a couple of days before the second scan, and it ended up just being a confirmation scan to check nothing was left, so I can't offer any advice about ERPC. Your sister will be in that horrible limbo period now, wondering if she is about to miscarry, and knowing that she is pregnant but there is no hope of a successful outcome. It is truly shit and and horrible and sad. My heart goes out to her

I remember Guy. What an awful waiting game. The only positive thing I could say to her to help was that I knew people online who had been through the same and come out the other side. She had quite a lot of questions about what might happen. I think most of what I said was completely useless though, because there isn't really anything you can say or do to help, is there.

ps By 'come out the other side' I meant got through it all, not that everything was fine and dandy, just in case that sounded flippant or minimising - I know full well it stays with you longer than the physical process.

Maybe point your sister to the mc thread? (If you don't mind sharing!) There's always someone about and sounds like she needs questions answered etc. Poor her :( so so sad. I'm on the flip side being that I mc and my SIL is due when I was. Being pregnant now changes things to a certain extent. But It will be difficult for both of you. Xxxx

How are you all doing today ladies? I'm still oscillating between feeling ok and then just thinking the whole thing is doomed. Trying to keep my mind occupied at work.
Scan in 2 weeks.

Hello all.

msj so sorry to read about your sister . Horrible times.

I took a break for a few days from MN as was really struggling with it all. I'm finding it impossible to believe this will end well. I keep panicking over every twinge and cramp! It's ridiculous, I'm normally very level headed I swear. Just under 2 weeks til my scan, I'm just hoping I make it that far and we see something positive. Hoping the next two weeks speed by!!

Aww ladies i can totally relate. Trying not to think about the baby to control the panic. I know that sounds awful but it feels like the 'safe card'. Still no pregnancy feeling here. 2 weeks on saturday for me. I hope your scans all go perfectly. Think we will all struggle to feel hopeful until we have some proof things are going ok .

Sorry to hear about your sister msJ

I'm getting a lot of symptoms but had this last time so for me, its no reassurance. I'm just worried overall initially for mc and then if a baby arrives 'will it be healthy' 'was ttc2 the right decision' and various other fears.

I have a scan next Tue (at 10 weeks approx), but because I MC last time at 11 weeks, even after a 12 weeks scan I don't think I will feel "safe".