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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Childbirth. Is. Gross.

79 replies

Skeppers · 25/02/2015 12:35

I watched a documentary which was on BBC1 last night about 4 mothers and their birthing choices; the midwife has been nagging me about putting together a 'birthing plan' (what? JUST GIVE ME DRUGS AND GET IT OUT OF ME.) so thought I'd get some different perspectives on it to enable me to make an 'informed' decision.

I should have known that they would show the ACTUAL births. I don't know why I thought for a second that they wouldn't. Actual boak. I've successfully dodged 'One Born Every Minute' type shows my entire life. One woman was in the birthing pool whilst someone was cooing at her "It's beautiful...so beautiful...gorgeous"

WHAT. THE. F*CK?

I have a new respect for midwives.

It wasn't beautiful. It was gross and slimy and gross. And the placenta was just another matter altogether. I'm just glad that I won't be down the business end when it all kicks off and don't have to look at it!

I totally get that the whole bringing of a new life into the world in itself is a marvel and hooray for us women and aren't we powerful and glorious...but the actual, visceral process of childbirth itself?

Ick.

Please tell me I'm not insane.

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ajandjjmum · 25/02/2015 12:38

It was pretty messy wasn't it!!! I thought maybe the CS mother had it right

Placenta smoothie anyone?

But all worth it in the end.

ILoveMyMonkey · 25/02/2015 12:39

You're not wrong. I was asked if I wanted to see in a mirror! Yuck no thank you. And then "the heads out do you want to touch it?" No I flipping well don't! And when they held my baby up I said "urgh gross" well he was smothered in goop! Gorgeous now though.

BouleSheet · 25/02/2015 12:39

I learned from last nights programme that everyone is so very different and what works for you is what's for you. I have a friend whose view on childbirth is the polar opposite to mine. We agree to disagree (by never discussing it). Another friend told me you leave your dignity at the door of the hospital and pick it up as you leave again. I'd have agreed with her, however I have forgotten the gruesome parts and the wonder of childbirth is the living, complex, amazing being that you - YOU - have made. Awesome.

thoth · 25/02/2015 12:39

It won't matter a bit once you have your baby safe in your arms. Honest.

OhNoNotMyBaby · 25/02/2015 12:40

Ha Ha, you're not insane. I caught the last bit of this with the placenta in the bucket and had to turn off before I barfed. And I'm a mother of 3.....

childbirth is everything - fantastic, amazing, wonderful, life-changing. Also undignified, bloody painful, ridiculous, ......

I couldn't do the whole birth plan thing either - I kind of had one but it went out the window 3 times through 3 very different births... It's perfectly OK to just go with the flow and I agree - get the bloody thing out! Healthy baby, healthy mum. That's what matters.

Original poster

Skeppers · 25/02/2015 12:40

I'm not making any judgements about anyone's choice of birth plan, each to their own, etc. and hooray for everyone...but let's just say after watching it that I was WELL up for an elective CS until I found out it cost £15,000!

I could get a boob job to repair my saggy post-birth tits for that!

It had better be bloody worth it...

OP posts:

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 25/02/2015 12:41

Nah, its pretty grim. My first was a gore infested nightmare. Thankfully I was in stirrups with a sheet between me and it so I missed most of it.

DS on the other hand was just a teensy bit of blood and he was clean when he emerged. I didnt see anything grim apart from when I got up to pee and there was a tiny bit of blood on the Pad on the bed (no worse than a period)

Tbh OP you wont see much

TywysogesGymraeg · 25/02/2015 12:41

I was asked if I wanted DD "on me" as soon as she was born. No I bloody well didn't - I wanted her cleaned up with a ribbon in her hair before she came anywhere near me!

FenellaFellorick · 25/02/2015 12:42

nah, you're not wrong. It's a messy business alright. But it's just a bit of blood and musus and bits and bobs . In the end you get a wonderful beautiful eating pooping (enjoy those first few vomiting machine.
Good fun.

AnythingNotEverything · 25/02/2015 12:42

Yup it's disgusting and bloody and gooey. Babies and children are pretty gross too. Teenagers are a law into themselves.

It's very important that birthing partners understand the grossness.

applecore0317 · 25/02/2015 12:42

oooh will have to watch that on catch up, I don't mind OBEM, but thats because I get all soppy when the baby is placed on the mums chest and her face just makes it all seem worth it

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 25/02/2015 12:47

Ah yes all the blood. And the gunk. And lochia has that particularly nauseating smell. I threw up seconds after having Dd so there was blood, vomit, fluid everywhere. After DS I had a heavy bleed so the bed looked like a blood bath when I got up to do a wee. It's all worth it though. You can ask not to see the placenta, I did both times. You don't see much from where you are anyway, it's the birthing partner that gets to see all the gruesome bits!

BeatriceBumble · 25/02/2015 12:53

You are not insane. Its not beautiful. It's a disgusting blood filled, poo covered, painful and humiliating process. Anyone that tells you otherwise is in denial. I know it is powerful/glorious blah blah, but if you could have a baby without all the gore, being cut open, your uterus on display, strangers hands in your cervix, episiotomies, forceps and 3rd degree tears, would you? I would.

Don't waste your time with a birth plan. Your birth won't go according to your wishes and MW ignore them anyway!

milkingmachine1 · 25/02/2015 12:53

I actually feel sorry for you that you feel this way. When my baby was born it was the most magical thing I'd ever experienced. I was lucky enough to have a good experience which I found empowering and it was a straight forward, if very long, labour. Yes it hurts, but the minute that baby comes out the pain is gone and you have the most special thing ever in your arms.

I watched the programme last night and that lady's water birth was beautiful. It's a shame that not everyone can see that.

Artistic · 25/02/2015 13:01

I found it magical! And the moment she was placed on my chest (yes white vernix and all) was the most unforgettable of my life. The liquids squirting all over the place are a minor incidental fact. Why should all that even matter when you are in the midst of the most important event of your life?!

Original poster

Skeppers · 25/02/2015 13:03

...I don't think that my husband fully comprehends the grossness. I've tried to convey it to him, through the power of diagrams and watching horror films and saying 'that's still not as bad as childbirth' at appropriate moments, and I THINK he gets it but is just being brave for my sake. I've said to him, "HONESTLY. You don't have to be there if you don't want to!"

I give him 5 minutes before he wusses out and my mum steps in.

A friend of ours asked if we wanted to see the video of his (then) girlfriend giving birth. I mean, really? WTF? He seemed quite offended when we 'politely' declined.

Actually, you're not even safe if you have a CS. My colleague's wife had a CS and he said, "Oh, it's great. The business end is all tented off so all you have to do is stroke her hair and hold her hand...but whatever you do, DON'T LOOK UP. (at this point his voice dropped to a whisper) Operating theatres have lights. And those lights are awfully shiny and reflective..." He went green and suddenly very quiet for about an hour. I've seen people in movies have 'Nam flashbacks. This looked very similar...

OP posts:

Original poster

Skeppers · 25/02/2015 13:10

milkingmachine1 / Artistic

Nope. Sorry. I've seen the Northern Lights. They were magical.

You're kind of missing my point. I didn't say that the whole thing wasn't pretty impressive and completely natural and that the end result isn't worth it. It is just kind of gross. I personally think anyone who doesn't think that blood and gore and poo and squirting liquids isn't at least slightly gross is a bit peculiar. Maybe you're just less of a wuss than I am.

No need to feel 'sorry' for me. Each to their own, eh?

OP posts:

AuntieDee · 25/02/2015 13:11

Thankyou for reinforcing that I want an elective CS

GlitzAndGigglesx · 25/02/2015 13:14

I remember someone saying a while back what a calm birth she had. I wanna be up to my neck in whatever drug she was on! Thankfully dd didn't come out too icky and bloody but had a bit of goo on her head. I was too high on gas and air overwhelmed to care. I remember being asked if I wanted to feel her head. You mean the head that is opening me up and burning and feeling as though I'm gonna tear into a million shreds any minute?! No thanks love

seaoflove · 25/02/2015 13:18

Of course it's gross!

I had a drug free, hands off waterbirth in a midwife led unit. You know what? I didn't find it beautiful or empowering or any of that bollocks. It was traumatic and awful and the pain was incredible. I was in utter shock when my daughter was born. I can honestly say I felt no joy at all.

I remember sitting on the edge after it had been drained looking at the lumps of mucus and blood and poo and thinking I would never get over my husband seeing all that

Then I had to go to theatre to have my pelvic floor stitched back together, and after that I swore I was having a caesarean next time.

And I am.

HazleNutt · 25/02/2015 13:28

Yup. Gross and messy. And you won't care.

IAmAPaleontologist · 25/02/2015 13:28

I'm not so keen on the poo and vomit but the rest of it is fine, I find it pretty magical, head advancing, crowning, turning, one should and then the other. Magic. Especially in water. And I love placentas. Love them. I could happily sit and examine a placenta for hours. I love the feel of them and may also be slightly insane.

milkingmachine1 · 25/02/2015 13:28

I had a calm birth (water birth) and there was no poo, gore, blood etc.. My baby was born 'in the caul' or in her sack (so my waters never broke) and she was as fresh as a daisy when she floated up to me. No blood or gunk in sight.
I just think that a very negative view of birth is out there and the reality isn't always like that. Of course people have bad experiences and it can be very frightening.
I watched that programme and a lotus birth or free birth, even a home birth, is definitely not for me! So I get the each to their own mentality and agree with it but birth doesn't have to be a gorfest and I just wanted to get that point across.

Good luck for your impending birth, all I can say is don't worry about the labour, really, what happens will happen and it'll all work out in the end. It's after the birth that the real hard work starts! And enjoy those newborn snuggles, they truly are the best thing ever.

weeblueberry · 25/02/2015 13:31

Yup it's disgusting and bloody and gooey. Babies and children are pretty gross too.

Yup. Childbirth just prepares you for things like flying boogies, scooping poo out the bathwater and vomit flying everywhere during cold season.

misssmilla1 · 25/02/2015 13:32

skeppers we're on the same page! I've recently started thinking about the mechanics of how it'll all actually happen on the day as everyone has started banging on to me about how important it is to research my options so I feel empowered.

Tbh, I'm trying not to think about it too much as the whole process just seems badly designed (even tho it's natural), and I want as many drugs as they can feasibly pump in me, and I don't have qualms about a CS. I don't think that's a favoured opinion tho, as it causes cats arse / pursed lips everywhere.

Each to their own...

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