Childbirth. Is. Gross.

[Skeppers]

I watched a documentary which was on BBC1 last night about 4 mothers and their birthing choices; the midwife has been nagging me about putting together a 'birthing plan' (what? JUST GIVE ME DRUGS AND GET IT OUT OF ME.) so thought I'd get some different perspectives on it to enable me to make an 'informed' decision.

I should have known that they would show the ACTUAL births. I don't know why I thought for a second that they wouldn't. Actual boak. I've successfully dodged 'One Born Every Minute' type shows my entire life. One woman was in the birthing pool whilst someone was cooing at her "It's beautiful...so beautiful...gorgeous"

WHAT. THE. F*CK?

I have a new respect for midwives.

It wasn't beautiful. It was gross and slimy and gross. And the placenta was just another matter altogether. I'm just glad that I won't be down the business end when it all kicks off and don't have to look at it!

I totally get that the whole bringing of a new life into the world in itself is a marvel and hooray for us women and aren't we powerful and glorious...but the actual, visceral process of childbirth itself?

Ick.

Please tell me I'm not insane.

Oh my life, I forgot about the shit. I pooed myself when giving birth to baby 1 and 2. With the second baby I'd only been with DP 9 months, and felt the poo shooting out as I bent over the sofa! Fuck. Why are we ttc another baby?!

Is human birth like dogs? God my kitchen stunk of placenta when my foster dog gave birth! It's a very erm, 'interesting' smell...

I completely agree with the poster who said childbirth is just preparing you for the world of muck that is having small kids. Life is just messy! At least in childbirth it's not (normally) you that has to do the tidying up. And I'm with the posters who say no to a mirror etc. Our eyes are located far away from our arses for a reason!

I've already told DH that if he's in the room (I haven't decided yet, I just know he'll be a complete funny/not funny pain in the arse), he is not to go anywhere near the goal end. I think I'm leaning towards water birth, but I'm preparing for everything to go completely tits up and out of my control. Best policy methinks.