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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Childbirth. Is. Gross.

79 replies

Skeppers · 25/02/2015 12:35

I watched a documentary which was on BBC1 last night about 4 mothers and their birthing choices; the midwife has been nagging me about putting together a 'birthing plan' (what? JUST GIVE ME DRUGS AND GET IT OUT OF ME.) so thought I'd get some different perspectives on it to enable me to make an 'informed' decision.

I should have known that they would show the ACTUAL births. I don't know why I thought for a second that they wouldn't. Actual boak. I've successfully dodged 'One Born Every Minute' type shows my entire life. One woman was in the birthing pool whilst someone was cooing at her "It's beautiful...so beautiful...gorgeous"

WHAT. THE. F*CK?

I have a new respect for midwives.

It wasn't beautiful. It was gross and slimy and gross. And the placenta was just another matter altogether. I'm just glad that I won't be down the business end when it all kicks off and don't have to look at it!

I totally get that the whole bringing of a new life into the world in itself is a marvel and hooray for us women and aren't we powerful and glorious...but the actual, visceral process of childbirth itself?

Ick.

Please tell me I'm not insane.

OP posts:

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Irelephant · 25/02/2015 20:12

This is why I'm having an ELECS. All the competitive birth stories about only having two paracetamols makes me irrationally angry. You don't get any medals.

laurenamium · 25/02/2015 20:13

Thank you

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 25/02/2015 20:24

I was a midwife for several years and whilst I found every birth moving and special, I have to admit to still being a little grossed out by the poo and blood.

Professional enough and used to it to never show it of course.

Have had three dc myself and all were c sections. First emergency for failed induction and next two were for breech.

And even being grossed out I still miss midwifery every day. Hopefully when my youngest is at senior school I can do return to practice.

Gen35 · 25/02/2015 20:33

I'm very very glad we don't have to have 10-11 kids thanks to contraception! After 2 babies my bits etc have taken such a battering, glad not to have to face it again - worth it for my dc though...

CarbeDiem · 25/02/2015 20:34

Yep, it's certainly not the prettiest experience I've ever had.

I didn't find it too messy to be honest, I just kind of didn't look much. Until, what I thought was the last time I'd ever give birth with ds3 - I hadn't even seen the placenta before up to that point.

While pregnant with Ds1 - I was sickened and afraid by something that I'd seen when I was young in a book that my, then pregnant, mum had been given. Some of the older MN'ers may remember it.
It showed in graphic pictures the whole labour process.
Seriously it looked sick and as if they'd been to to the butchers and just threw some offal there. It really freaked me out :)
Actual labour, with the not really looking, was NOTHING like the pictures - Thank God!

It and you will be fine OP X

Koalafications · 25/02/2015 20:36

I'm watching this on BBC iplayer now.

Only 5 minutes in and this is my face

BossWitch · 25/02/2015 20:45

I didn't think my labour was gross. Didn't see much of anything really, I gave birth stood up, bent over the bed, in a dimly lit hospital room. Was vaguely aware of a fair bit of blood underneath me when I flopped down onto a strategically placed beanbag after dd popped out, but was busy looking at my baby and being surprised that she was a she (hadn't found out the sex but had thought she was going to be a he) and that it had all happened so easily. Dd shot out so no chance to feel the head, and I found the pain quite a good distraction from any 'what must it look like' type thoughts. I mean thst in a good way, it was like I was completely wrapped up in the moment, focused on doing what my body told me too. I read a hypnobirthing book and used some of the techniques from that which may have helped. Also I am not really an 'ewww gross' kind of person - if I had a cs I'd want to have a look!

I think personality comes into it - dh and I are completely disgusting very relaxed about our bodies (open bathroom door policy in this house!) so birth was no biggie really.

milkjetmum · 25/02/2015 20:45

Best just not to look at the business end I think. Dd1 was forceps in theatre so all neatly behind a screen, I have no idea what was going on on the other side, just had baby handed over and I asked no questions.

Dd2 was waterbirth and honestly didn't look down until she popped out. Not avoiding it, just too busy biting gas and air tube. And had no inclination to inspect the pool after!

Grossest bit with dd2 wascleaning meuconium out of her ears with cottonbuds! But agree with pp that babies are much grosser than childbirth! The first few nappies are something else. And just wait until you feed them baked beans (I remember I could smell that nappy as I opened the nursery door!)

And vomit! Toddlers with a stomach bug are like vomit hosepipes. Torrents of vom! And the ridiculous urge to somehow catch the vom in your hands... Not to mention a 4yr old who voms in the vicinity of the loo but mainly sprays the area leaving a trainspotting style zone to clean...

Childbirth is pretty tidy compared to that

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 25/02/2015 20:50

I didn't poo or vomit during birth.

polishes medal

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 25/02/2015 20:52

I didn't poo in either of my births as in the 24hrs prior to labour I had diarrhoea and vomited anything I attempted to eat so there was literally nothing left to come out.In my waters birth I wasn't aware of much gore and I was quite interested to see the placenta - it's such an amazing thing. Neither of my births were traumatic, I had no pain relief for the water birth because the water was so soothing, I was totally serene and it felt like a very intense and incredible experience. Second time was an induction with gas and air, much more painful but still ok though I did feel less dignified on all fours on the bed tethered to a drip than when I was floating in the water visualising stuff. Baby was rubbed in a towel before being put on my chest, where he prompted to did a wee all over me. Objectively speaking, that's fairly gross but it really didn't feel that way at the time. Like any intense physical act where you are totally absorbed, it might look kind of ridiculous and/or icky out of context but there in the moment, it's amazing and all-consuming and beyond normal aesthetic considerations. I read in a novel someone pointing out that you probably wouldn't choose any of the faces you make during sex as the cover of your autobiography. You don't look your most glamorous and poised self in the middle of a spin class. From the outside, childbirth might seem gross but ime, it's not like that at all. It's so powerful and amazing, you just don't think about the ick factor. Though, neither me or my husband wanted to watch the head emerging - I did put my hand on it though and found it so encouraging and incredible that my baby was almost out in the world and I was almost at the end of labour. I'd never be a midwife and wouldn't want to attend anyone else's births, but I think you're likely to feel differently about your own.

geekymommy · 25/02/2015 21:02

I didn't really have a birth plan, but I did have a strict policy: no mirrors and absolutely no cameras during the delivery, unless one of those things was medically necessary and NOT shown to me. I'm nearsighted and was planning to not wear my glasses, to prevent my seeing anything icky. I ended up having a C section (and the next baby will be by planned C section), so it was kind of moot.

gallicgirl · 25/02/2015 21:09

All the gore, poo, blood etc doesn't bother me too much.

However, if the midwife brandishes a small mirror and asks if you would like to have a look at your swollen, stretched, bruised and battered vulva, the correct answer is NO THANK YOU.

You have been warned.

BossWitch · 25/02/2015 21:14

No - you do that a few days afterwards out of morbid curiosity!

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 25/02/2015 21:16

not all births are bloody, I once caught a baby with one glove on a bed with a white duvet cover (long story..) we didn't manage to get a drop of blood on it which was a pity because she hated that duvet cover (a gift from the in laws) and now had no excuse to get rid of it.

Thankfully the wonderful student midwife managed to trip with the placenta dish which solved the problem.

I have also been at quite a few births on the loo which is a great way of containing the mess. C-sections tend not to be too messy but I hate the cauterisation, that smell of burning flesh.

CarbeDiem · 25/02/2015 21:50

You've just reminded me about smells Anarchist
My friends dp refused point blank to attend the birth. For months he wouldn't give a reason why, just that he didn't want to, it wasn't for him etc.
Eventually he admitted to my friend that the reason was because he was sure it would 'stink' - Apparently the water that's been there for 9 months mixed with blood HAS TO stink :) :)
Many people tried to reassure him, family, friends even a midwife but he didn't believe it. He was pleasantly surprised the nutter

Vijac · 25/02/2015 22:12

The blood bit doesn't come until right at the end, after even the baby has come out. And by that time you are holding your beautiful baby and don't really even notice. Yes, it is quite bloody I guess but beautiful and magical and an amazing experience. I didn't find it gross!

CBo79 · 25/02/2015 23:56

I'm just not thinking about the birth part. I get that I will have to at some point, but see no point in freaking myself out while I've still got 16 or so weeks to go! So I'm playing the 'pretend it's happening to someone else' game. Otherwise known as denial

shieldbug · 26/02/2015 23:17

Yes, it's completely gross (and I'm a biologist and used to all kinds of gross). I agree with whoever said not to worry about a birth plan, because the mws do not read it and events end up changing it anyway. I told the mws I could feel a head, but did they believe me? Nope, not until they looked then rushed me to the delivery room shouting "don't push". Both ds1 AND ds2 were nearly born in a lift. (Once seems careless.....). BUT, during the birth itself you are too distracted by pain, pushing etc to think of the gross factor. The poo (mine, not the babies), mucus, waters, blood etc just don't seem to matter. For the record,I haven't had dh or anybody else in with me, and that helps because all the bodily fluids and functions are just between me and the mw and I prefer it that way. Otherwise, I'd be too worried about when dh would pass out! Afterwards, the stitches, the enormous period that goes on for WEEKS, passing clots, trying not to worry as you poo with stitches are all far worse than giving birth. Trying to kick open a pushchair whilst trying not to wreck stitches is a very special kind of pain and if dp/dh is feeling amorous before they have healed, JUST SAY NO!! (Trust me on this one)

Notrevealingmyidentity · 27/02/2015 13:13

You know as someone with no children on MN this illustrates perfectly why I do not want them. If I could miss out the pregnancy and birth and first few years until they are able to wipe their bums and feed themselves I wouldn't mind so much. But this stuff ? Not a have in hell.

Ugh.

Mind even my mum though I was disgusting when I was born. Her words were "ugh messy" when I was offered to her for a hold.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 27/02/2015 13:22

The strange thing I find is that babies and children seem to really "take" to me. I've never understood why !

I like them but I've no idea why they all seem to like me so much. Almost as though they "know" and are trying to persuade me...

BeatriceBumble · 27/02/2015 13:32

Children are like cats. They know.

Flowerfae · 27/02/2015 13:33

no I found it gross (worth it though). Just after I had my daughter.. (was thinking 'oh thank god thats over' but feeling really nauseaus) next second the placenta is under my nose with the midwife holding it saying 'do you want to have a look at it?' I was about to throw up so she removed it pretty quick lol

TheKitchenWitch · 27/02/2015 14:53

I find it quite unpleasant even when animals give birth - it's all so bleurgh, something too big coming out of something too small, all that effort and blood and stuff. Ugh.

I sometimes wish I could just lay an egg (a really small one) :o

CunningCat · 27/02/2015 14:58

Yep, it is very gross!!!!! When I had 1st midwife tried to out my hand 'down there' to touch the head! I pulled away! Disgusting!

angstybaby · 27/02/2015 15:06

that's one major advantage of a water birth - you get handed a ready washed baby. just try to ignore the fact you're sat in a soup of god knows what. mind you, if you manage to think about anything but the pain i'll be surprised - i couldn't

on the plus side, you will feel incredible when it's all over - excellent happy hormones!

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