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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out the sex or not

39 replies

GoooRooo · 29/01/2015 15:53

I have DS1 who is 2.5. We didn't find out which sex he was until he was born and I loved having the surprise.

Now pregnant with (hopefully - had a MC last year) DC2. I don't want to find out the sex. DH is absolutely adament he does want to find out and I feel a bit mean for stopping him but I absolutely could not let him know and not know myself and I feel like I want a bit of a surprise after the effort of giving birth.

Are you finding out the sex of your baby? Have any of you found out then regretted it?

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HaveYouHeardOfGoogle · 29/01/2015 16:02

I'm pregnant with DC2. We found out with DS and never regretted it. I loved knowing he was a little boy and feel I bonded with him straight away. Loved talking about names for him etc and we have booked a private scan already to find out the sex of DC2.

It's not for everyone though, I know others prefer to wait. To be honest it's a surprise finding out the sex at any point - 20 weeks or at the birth. I was just so excited to meet him that I don't think knowing it was a boy made it any less special.

Don't know if I would have found out if DH hadn't also wanted to though. Tricky.

lmb21010 · 29/01/2015 16:07

I'm torn too. Found out with dd and didn't regret it at all. Not sure if I want to know this time round. Many people telling me not to find out. However, dd really wants a brother, if I find out and its a girl I can let her down gently.
Sorry I'm no help I'm stuck too. I'm 16w so 4 weeks to decide.

cherrylola · 29/01/2015 16:07

DP was desperate to know he sex with DC one, I wanted to wait until birth. DP practically refused (in a half-light-hearted way) to go to the scan unless we found out! He was just so excited he couldn't wait, so I gave in and we found out. It was actually brilliant! I felt like I started to bond instantly with my baby boy then as I could call him 'him' and begin to really choose a name which would be his. I'm very happy we found out. It was also immensely practice! I'm a planned so that was great when it came to an excuse to shop

PG with DC 2 now and will defiantly find out again.

Bondy83 · 29/01/2015 17:17

I found out with all 3 of mine it's still a surprise to you whether you find out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks. Imagine you need to have an emergency section you'll be the last to know whether it's a boy or girl. Also from a practical point of view its easier to know what your having there isn't much neutral stuff out there and I think once you've had the baby you'd want to put it in either blue or pink anyway.

sleepybee · 29/01/2015 17:33

We're not finding out. I love looking for neutral things, plus as it can be more difficult to find it's stopped me going crazy with my credit card.

Can't wait to find out in the delivery room. Wether it's a natural birth or Csection then you're still going to be last to know..

Personally I don't get the whole it's more practical to find out

invisiblecrown · 29/01/2015 17:34

I found out because it cut down the baby name bickering by 50%!

ChanceBeAFineThing · 29/01/2015 17:34

I want to know this too. Didn't find out with first 2 DC, but not sure whether to with the third. It'd be interesting to hear from people who didn't find out with their first, but did subsequently, mainly for comparing that feeling you get once you've given birth and then find out what you've got, or knowing what your having while giving birth iyswim?

GlitzAndGigglesx · 29/01/2015 17:37

Didn't find out with dd as DP didn't want to know so the midwife wouldn't tell me . I had a feeling all along she was a girl though. Don't get me wrong though it was lovely having her held in the air Lion King style and seeing she was a girl. I'd like to find out the sex of my twins as it'll make shopping a hell lot easier!

Thepurplegiraffe · 29/01/2015 17:40

I found out with dd who is now 15 months but I'm quite tempted not to this time. Unfortunately I said DH could decide this time as I pretty much did last time and he is leaning towards finding out. I have 4 weeks to persuade him otherwise. Practically wise it makes no difference this time as we have everything for the first 3 months anyway and it is all pretty unisex.

Only1scoop · 29/01/2015 17:42

Found out with both no regrets.

Zsazsabinks · 29/01/2015 17:44

I didn't find out with number one and then did find out with two and three babies. I actually think I prefer knowing, helps you to prepare for throwing things from the first away/choosing new stuff, preparing the eldest for what they're getting and bonding with the baby before it arrives, not wasting time on picking twenty five name combinations, 50% of which you'll never use!

yummymango · 29/01/2015 17:50

I found out with my first and I will with my second when the time comes. I am far to impatient to wait until I give birth! And it was lovely for all the reasons everyone else mentioned.

ourglass · 29/01/2015 17:53

We found out with our first child, didn't for the second child. Not finding out was the best!

blowinahoolie · 29/01/2015 17:53

Surprise with the first, found out with second, and not finding out with the third because it's not hospital policy where we live now. Simple as that.

thatsn0tmyname · 29/01/2015 17:55

I vote for waiting

Happilymarried155 · 29/01/2015 17:58

I haven't found out and I'm so glad! I love the excitement of not knowing and can't wait for the special moment of finding our after all that pain. Everyone else seems more excited too as they obviously don't know the sex! I think I would have regretted finding out and most definitely won't find out with any other children. I know DH is very excited to ring grandparents with to tell them gender etc! X

Horseradishes · 29/01/2015 18:01

I will find out, I love knowing, so that I can plan names! Otherwise I have two sets of names to think of...

123Jump · 29/01/2015 18:09

For me knowing is ruining the surprise. Obviously I'm in the minority though. DH wanted to know for the first two, he asked the sonographer to hold the scanner so he could see for himself...he thought the first two would be boys and they were. He didn't tell me though as Inwanted a surprise. He thought DC3 would be a girl but it was a boy too!
Our hospital doesn't tell you the sex, you would have to go for a private scan to find out. I'll want a surprise for. DC 4 too if we have one.

trilbydoll · 29/01/2015 18:15

We didn't find out with DC1 and I got sick of everyone guessing. We have found out with DC2 and I wish we hadn't! Basically I am never happy. One if the reasons we found out was to maintain the myth to DD that we know everything having said that, I'm not convinced she really knows the difference between boys and girls so we are probably overthinking it!

seaoflove · 29/01/2015 18:16

Didn't find out the first time. Now I'm pregnant again I was quite tempted to find out, and if DH agreed we would have. But he wanted another surprise.

I'm glad actually, it's just something else to look forward to. Finding gender neutral babygros is a bloody nightmare though.

Emus · 29/01/2015 18:29

@HaveYouHeard... I could have sworn I had written your post! For us it was no less special finding out before the birth. It's a surprise whenever you are told surely?!

I do understand the not finding out though as ironically I always said there was no way I would find out if I were pregnant! Look how that turned out (got my 20 week scan in a few weeks for DC2 and going to find out then too). I did consider not finding out this time so that I've experienced both sides, but OH really wants to know and I don't mind so we are finding out. Not sure what I would do in your situation though. Can you DH keep a secret if he found out?

Original poster

GoooRooo · 29/01/2015 18:41

He would taunt me with it Emus! (Playfully, not in a controlling way). There's no way he's finding out if I'm not.

OP posts:

Swanny84 · 29/01/2015 18:43

My partner also wanted to find out, I didnt. I Didn't find out with dd1 and was best feeling ever getting told she was a girl. She was adamant she didn't want a boy so found out with dd2 which I didn't regret (I thought she was boy so prepared me aswell)....only thing that upset me was people used to comment "oh well you can try for a boy" while I was still pregnant! Really annoying which is why we're not finding out sex of dc3. This is my first baby with partner and between us we have 4 girls, I'm honestly not bothered what this baby is but don't want the negative comments if it's a girl (which I think it is). We are moving to bigger house anyway and aren't having trouble with neutral clothes so no need for us to find out. Partner has agreed to wait for surprise, you both need to agree what to do, I don't think he could find out and not you as wouldnt be able to keep secret for 20 weeks. Hope yous can agree (and you get your way ha ha) good luck x

sianihedgehog · 29/01/2015 18:45

We're finding out with Harmony test results at 13 weeks. I did consider having it be a surprise, but I am pretty sure that having a baby is going to be a surprise! It just seemed silly not finding out, since we can. We're probably not telling people, mind, and we're still buying gender neutral everything because we both LIKE gender neutral everything. I think it'll make things feel a bit more real, and more like he's involved for my other half if he knows.

Zsazsabinks · 29/01/2015 18:50

It was funny with the first, we had it all written up on our birth plan "Father to find out sex, nobody else to announce" and I was so looking forward to that moment. Then on the big day, I'd had a four day long 'latent phase' (nothing effing latent about it if you ask me) and they were just off to get someone to do an episiotomy when I found my last bit of strength to do an almighty push. DD shot out, seemed like half way across the room, to the right, like a little spatchcock chicken! The silence was so awkward.....! lol.

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