Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Husband believes he would have been better at giving birth

112 replies

Quillstar · 16/01/2015 21:37

My husband really annoys me by being critical of how I gave birth. We just had baby number 3 and she was induced. It took a couple of days to get going and admittedly I was a bad patient by the end but he keeps telling me I wasn't pushing properly in two of the births and that being mad with nurses / doctors was crazy and if it was him he would have been more cooperative. I'm not proud of my labour skills but to be honest I got the babies out safely and I may have to resort to violence if he doesn't give up criticising me. Maybe he thinks he is being funny but it is really hitting my self esteem. As if he would know what labour bloody feels like and after one completely natural birth I know the real thing is not half as bad as being induced for me. How can I toughen up on this subject?

OP posts:

SignoraStronza · 17/01/2015 10:38

Your husband is behaving like a complete cock. I can sympathise with the childbirth abroad where they're fond of the 'full veterinary' as often as possible and don't seem to believe in pain relief wasn't a Catholic country was it? Not a nice experience. My ex was similar - used to humiliate me when out with friends by saying that I wouldn't handle having another one. He was not particularly nice to me during the (syntocinon induced, no pain relief, useless 36 hour) labour either - shouting at me to do what the doctors tell me. He sounds dreadful op.

PixieChops · 17/01/2015 10:55

There's no way my OH would Even dream of saying something like that! I was in labour for 4 days at hospital and finally had to give birth by emergency forceps (4th degree cut) with him in the room. He was so worried about me and told me he never wanted to see me in that much pain ever again (completely wore him out to the point of exhaustion as well as me) he was supportive and has been ever since we brought our DD home 8 months ago. I am pregnant again (nearly 5 months due to a contraceptive fudge up by the doctor) and think I'll be referred for a c section this time as my pelvic floor can't take much more! Your OH is being completely unreasonable and I'd say he needs to stfu unless he is able to pass a coconut from his penis

TendonQueen · 17/01/2015 11:01

Ha ha ha, he'd better prove it, then, eh? Oh of course, he can't. I would be saying smugly 'Easy to talk about something you would never actually be able to do. I think you're jealous that I've done something you can't'.

PixieChops · 17/01/2015 11:03

Ive just read the rest of the comments he has made to you. Surely you can get out before two years, as other previous posters have said you could well be getting your self esteem up by then instead of listen to that twat prattle on! Leave his ass that's what I'd do. I watched my mum being physically and emotionally abused from a very young age and it messed me up. The things he's saying to you is it in front of the children? He thinks he can get away with giving you shit and saying nasty things to you and you need to stand up for yourself (I fully understand that's easier said than done) and tell him where to shove it.

Stealthpolarbear · 17/01/2015 11:36

I had straightforward 'easy ' labours with smallish babies.
I needed no pain relief other than gas and air
All sounds good so far. What I don't tend to mention is I was begging for an epidural or c section near the end of both

Original poster

Quillstar · 17/01/2015 11:36

He is on secondment and we're both British. His team are in their twenties though and he wants to go out to play with them a lot. Can't enjoy this phase of life. And yes signora stronza, birth here us exactly as you say, no pain relief until epidural. They had never even seen a tens machine! Could get out before two years but I do want time with the baby and we have a comfortable life here. He is just the worlds biggest twat to me but very charismatic to others. Going more eccentric as years go by...

OP posts:

Stealthpolarbear · 17/01/2015 11:42

Would you consider leaving him
Would you have support back here

PopularNamesInclude · 17/01/2015 11:55

Do you have a home in the UK to return to?

JoanHickson · 17/01/2015 12:06

I echo those saying leave. He is being horrible because he wants you to end the marriage and leave him free to be single like his friends.

SurlyCue · 17/01/2015 12:13

Fuck! I actually cant believe what i just read! Has this man no awareness at all of just how massive a bastard he is being? There is no "right" way to give birth or labour! Everyone just does what they need to do under what is a really physically and emotional stressful situation. I cannot believe he would even dare to criticise that. He wouldnt be my husband that's for sure. What a complete tosser. I feel really sorry for you OP having this asshole in your home and life.

ChickenMe · 17/01/2015 12:39

Angry for you too. This isn't much of a man-more like a teenage boy.
Where has he picked this up from-what are his parents like?
I certainly agree about dropping it into conversation about how he has been unkind-every chance you get. Make him look really stupid.
Have you told him straight out how nasty he is being and that he seems to actually dislike you? How this makes you question the relationship etc?
Certainly don't have sex with him any time soon.

bettyboop1970 · 17/01/2015 12:40

Your man is a complete tosser and you should tell him to shut the fuck up and book him in for a vasectomy asap!.

MuffinMcLay23 · 17/01/2015 12:52

I think he sounds like a total arsehole. I wouldn't be married to my husband if he said stuff like that to me. I am about to have an ELCS after an EMCS and was worried about people judging me for "copping out" - DH was the first one to tell me that was bollocks, that women having babies via any means are hard as fucking nails compared to men, and that he would be incredibly proud of me for producing a child for us regardless of what exit route it took - I think that is more what you should be able to expect from your DH to be honest.

Artistic · 17/01/2015 13:08

You can try extracting a nail from his finger to show him something potentially similar to labour - and ask him to stay polite while you do it?

Or sign him up for counselling as he doesn't know where his head is!!

If you prefer non violence then go 'silent' on him until he asks & understands.

m0therofdragons · 17/01/2015 13:11

I would suggest getting a melon, shoving it up his. .... and then see how he copes. Labour isn't just about pain it's also about hormones and there is the transition bit where most of us get rude and show unusual characteristics.

m0therofdragons · 17/01/2015 13:15

My dh's response to reading the op: wow.... wow! So, that's clearly a man who doesn't value his life.
To be fair, my dh is married to me and thinks I would have stabbed him if he said that - and he feels I'd be justified in doing so.

MuffinMcLay23 · 17/01/2015 13:18

Just read the rest of the thread including the other stuff he does - OP you should expect so much more than this from your partner - as the multiple posts expressing total horror at his behaviour confirm, this is not how other peoples' husbands behave and you should not accept it or think for one minute that it is normal or OK. You can do much better than this. Don't wait around for another 2 years - you might miss out on meeting the right man for you because you are hanging around with the wrong one. He sounds like a juvenile selfish arsehole and a poor excuse for a husband and father. Get out now!

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 17/01/2015 13:19

Sure you want to stay with this thing? (won't write DH, or even H - it doesn't seem to be fully human)

Bloody hell, he's horrible.

But here are a few suggestions for dealing with Mr Critical:

next time he's bored with baby after two minutes of holding her:

'Why are you so easily bored and unable to bond with your child? You're crap. I'm so much better at relating to her. You can't even do it for a minute and even then your attention is wandering. You are so bad at this...' etc.

next time he complains about not being single childless and 22:

'Why are you so immature and crap at being your age? Do you have a two second memory, or are you just unable to appreciate all the things you've done so far in life? You sound so pathetic when you complain and whine about something you can't change. Just because YOU failed to make the most of your life when you were young doesn't mean you get to spoil everyone else's experience of being a family....' etc.

After a few days of that, ask him how it feels to be constantly criticised by someone claiming to have a better understanding of how it feels to be you than you yourself. Irritating, eh.

Then pack and leave!

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 17/01/2015 13:21

Actually sorry just read your post of 9.29.

Yes, leave, seriously. Can you imagine retired life with someone like this?

Hoard every bit of money you can, and make sure you get out when you still have time to get back to your career. And be super careful to make sure you're back in the country you want to be first, even if it means a lot of buttering up and persuading him.

Then dump the miserable unintelligent boring little whinyfuck.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 17/01/2015 13:35

There's so much more at stake here than just his comments about birth. Leave and make a better life for yourself with someone who appreciates you and your children.

Thumbwitch · 17/01/2015 13:37

You poor love, what an utter arsebadger of a man you're stuck with!

He's a thoughtless, care-less git and I honestly can't see the "love" that he has for you.

If you're not subject to Hague Convention shit, then I'd get out of there with the DC and go home to family.

and for you. x

JoanHickson · 17/01/2015 14:38

I agree get home then dump him.

LittleBearPad · 17/01/2015 15:08

Leave him, come home and screw him for every penny of maintenance you can.

StarlightMcKenzee · 17/01/2015 17:45

Goodness OP, I don't doubt the thought of leaving is frightening but there is nothing about being a single mum to 3 kids that can be worse than living with this man surely?

Primaryteach87 · 17/01/2015 17:48

Totally and utterly shocked by this!! How dare he. My goodness, I hate to think what my reaction would be if my DH said anything even remotely along these lines. But he wouldn't, because it's just way, way, way beyond the pale. You know that roght? You know you did a super job bring life into the world. You should feel proud of yourself. I hope this is a one off remark (which still needs massive repentance on his part) but if it's part of a pattern, it's nasty and bullying.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5