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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Husband believes he would have been better at giving birth

112 replies

Quillstar · 16/01/2015 21:37

My husband really annoys me by being critical of how I gave birth. We just had baby number 3 and she was induced. It took a couple of days to get going and admittedly I was a bad patient by the end but he keeps telling me I wasn't pushing properly in two of the births and that being mad with nurses / doctors was crazy and if it was him he would have been more cooperative. I'm not proud of my labour skills but to be honest I got the babies out safely and I may have to resort to violence if he doesn't give up criticising me. Maybe he thinks he is being funny but it is really hitting my self esteem. As if he would know what labour bloody feels like and after one completely natural birth I know the real thing is not half as bad as being induced for me. How can I toughen up on this subject?

OP posts:

ouryve · 16/01/2015 22:14

Wow, he must be a prize cunt, then.

DishwasherDogs · 16/01/2015 22:15

Shove a melon up his bum and ask him to prove it.
Twat.

HalfPintPortia · 16/01/2015 22:17

Make plans to leave him. He has no respect for you and his behaviour will not improve.

Idontseeanysontarans · 16/01/2015 22:18

Or you could just go for the 'I could do that better than you' approach to everything until he shuts up and admits he is out of order.
Is this the only thing he's nasty about?

toomanywheeliebins · 16/01/2015 22:22

Wow. Poor you. He is very lucky to be alive ...
The last time my husband commented on my pain - bearing abilities was when I was pregnant with my first child. Admitted to hospital with searing pain at 21 weeks pregnant and after a stupid junior doctor had told me it was food poisoning, my DH told me ' I probably needed to reassess my pain threshold for labour'. My near bursting appendix was removed a few hours later.,, my ashen husband admitting this phrase would be engraved on his grave stone.

Tell him to do one..

StarlightMcKenzee · 16/01/2015 22:23

Sign him up for a RedLetter Day here: www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/world-news/video-screaming-man-gives-up-after-2-hours-in-birth-simulation-experiment-29377623.html

And See this:

StarlightMcKenzee · 16/01/2015 22:25

Actually, this one is my favourite as it actually tries to mimic the birthing environment of a midwife led centre along with coaching for breathing techniques and dim lighting etc.

Birdiegirl · 16/01/2015 22:31

I'm sorry to say this but your husband is a complete and utter bollix! A swift kick in the nuts might do him the world of good, help give him some perspective on the whole pain thing. Seriously OP, my heart goes out to u, he should be supporting u not trying to make you feel bad.

guitarosauras · 16/01/2015 22:37

He's a twat op.
Seriously, a knob.

You on the other hand have given birth. He can't do that. He is a twat.

MissYamabuki · 16/01/2015 22:46

What an odd thing for a man to be worrying about. Does he realise that saying things like that makes him sound really weird and ignorant? Does he feel the need to biggen himself up at your expense?

Original poster

Quillstar · 17/01/2015 07:34

Absolutely agree with all the kind / funny comments! I don't know why my dh, male doctors and almost teenage doctors felt they had the right to say I wasn't pushing properly. I had no3 abroad and they actually internally examine you while you are pushing which put me off a lot! And they wouldn't let me move on the bed so I did panic a bit. They called me 'uncooperative' and 'oversensitive'. I have nightmares about it now. And yes, dh is always this stupid in his comments. Asked me if I seriously wanted liposuction after 2 weeks as I had mentioned it in the past. I nearly wept.

OP posts:

MrsMinton · 17/01/2015 07:40

He sounds unkind. I would say to him that he is being rude and does not have the right to judge you on something he is incapable of. I also would tell him that the comments stop as of today and he needs to treat you with more respect.

Original poster

Quillstar · 17/01/2015 07:40

He didn't want another baby and was pretty hurtful during the pregnancy under the guise of 'jokes'. Now she is here, and perfect, all he asks is when we can get a babysitter. I said I had a sore nipple and he said did I think we were being punished by God for havinganother . Dd is such a good baby too. Dh has apologized and is coming round but I'm deeply resentful and nowhere to vent the full extent of my anger

OP posts:

Stealthpolarbear · 17/01/2015 07:47

I assumed this would be a jokey thread but actually you need to ltb
Seriously
The birth issue is part of a general regime of nastiness

ch1134 · 17/01/2015 08:01

I feel for you. I had an awful labour, and nightmares afterwards too. My husband has been nothing but supportive. I don't know how you cope without that support. Show him this thread? Tell him what my husband told when I believed I'd done badly at labour: 'it's horrific and barbaric, it's survival of the fittest, historically men die in battle and women die in childbirth. You don't have to be good at it. The baby came out, you survived a traumatic experience. You're a hero.'
Unless he is loaded, divorce him (or do it anyway and make sure you come out winning).

Blondiemama · 17/01/2015 08:05

How dare he!!! Livid on your behalf!

Original poster

Quillstar · 17/01/2015 08:06

Also when dd was taken to an incubator to treat jaundice for the night dh said "well that's a result" as she wouldn't be with us through the night (he was staying too). He hadn't done a thing during the previous nights either. Was disgusted, joke or not. He cannot hold her for more than a minute without getting bored. He was the same with the other two abf still is but I can't get my head around how you can be that way. New year's eve was rung in with him telling me I'm an 'older mother',at 36. So I started 2915 in tears. Of course by the next day he said he didn't mean it as I took it but that's just backtracking. My capacity to forgive or laugh has long left me

OP posts:

MrsMinton · 17/01/2015 08:09

I think he needs to hear how angry you are. He is being unbelievably cruel in his behaviour. Are you still abroad? Do you have anyone you can get support from in RL?

PenelopePitstops · 17/01/2015 08:13

Get out now
He is a twat.

Are you in the UK?
Do you have support?

Start planning to leave, chances are if he finds out you are going, he won't let you.

Look after yourself and your children. None of this is your fault. He is a shit and abusive man.

Glastokitty · 17/01/2015 08:13

Seriously, LTB. He sounds like a total arsehole. But give him a good hard kick in the balls first.

ineedtogetthisout · 17/01/2015 08:19

As a one off belittling you like that is bad enough, but it seems to be part of a bigger picture of constant emotional abuse.

I would seriously consider leaving, if he continues you are going to start believing you aren't worth more, and you really don't want your dc thinking its ok to treat you that way.

Chunderella · 17/01/2015 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickiFury · 17/01/2015 08:26

My ex said to me:-

"You're very bad at dealing with pain and being ill, Nicki look what a fuss you made when you had ds, no one else makes a fuss like that and takes so long to give birth, everyone else just gets on with it"

43 hour labour, ds and I spine to spine, ds shoulder stuck in pelvis, emergency c-section, me - ruptured artery, nearly bled out on operating table.

I've never forgiven him and this was ten years ago. In fact I am raging now just thinking about it.

NickiFury · 17/01/2015 08:26

My ex said to me:-

43 hour labour, ds and I spine to spine, ds shoulder stuck in pelvis, emergency c-section, me - ruptured artery, nearly bled out on operating table.

I've never forgiven him and this was ten years ago. In fact I am raging now just thinking about it.

Jackiebrambles · 17/01/2015 08:26

What a cruel and idiotic thing to say. He should be worshipping you for giving birth to his children. Wanker!

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