Husband believes he would have been better at giving birth

[Quillstar]

My husband really annoys me by being critical of how I gave birth. We just had baby number 3 and she was induced. It took a couple of days to get going and admittedly I was a bad patient by the end but he keeps telling me I wasn't pushing properly in two of the births and that being mad with nurses / doctors was crazy and if it was him he would have been more cooperative. I'm not proud of my labour skills but to be honest I got the babies out safely and I may have to resort to violence if he doesn't give up criticising me. Maybe he thinks he is being funny but it is really hitting my self esteem. As if he would know what labour bloody feels like and after one completely natural birth I know the real thing is not half as bad as being induced for me. How can I toughen up on this subject?

op this has made me so . I am furious for you. You say you are abroad - is it a country where women are thought of as second class citizens? Just wondering... at this vulnerable time you need support and encouragement, not dismissal and criticism. you poor thing!

My God. What are truly hideous man he is. He doesn't deserve any of you.

I think I'd be making plans to exit the relationship.

We went out two weeks after dd's birth for our ten year anniversary. I half hoped for a thoughtful gift and really wanted an eternity ring for the symbolism and I thought delivering a healthy dd night warrant one. We went to a shopping centre where he said he wanted me to choose a ring cos I seemed jealous of friends who had been given good jewellery. I wasn't in the mood to choose one after that. We went for dinner and had baby with us and as we sat down he said "what do you think we could have been doing now if we hadn't had a baby?"and "my work mates are out tonight, shall we go join them?". Came home in tears and you know you can't get those spoiled special moments out of your head. I don't even want a ring now. Again, hard to forgive,right?

Quill seriously, what do you get out of this relationship? Your dh says some truly awful things to you, why are you still with him?

Yes in eastern Europe where women are very beautiful and men very chauvinistic. Not really got support here and dh away half of each week. Trying to stick it out for the sake of whole family. Dh is just an idiot and talks without thinking. He doesn't stop to assess what he will say or analyse what he had said. I know he does love us but so so stupid.

Last baby was 9lb 13oz. Considered a whopper here!

I think he knows exactly what he is saying and is emotionally manipulating you. Everything he says to you is horrible and all about him.
Try to plan to leave. Keep kids passports etc safe.

What a tit. How dare he? I'd be letting him know how u acceptable this is. Its not as if he can ever prove it either. Eww what a dick.

?I would reply that if I had a penis I would do a far better job with it than he did, also that if I had balls they would be bigger and better than his. ?

His mum had short labours between 4 - 6 hours. Obviously she did it properly with minimum fuss

I do wish he gets kidney stones that he has to pass naturally. You can then tell him not to make a fuss and what's a tiny little stone anyway.

Omg just read your other posts. Seriously ltb, what a nobber. Do it fir yourself and dcs. He gets bored after a mintue holding the baby, is he7?

It sounds like he is being an arse because he REALLY didn't want another chold and isn't coping with the reality of it. He is being continuously grumpy and taking his feelings out on you. Perhaps try getting him to sit down and talk will help. Tell him how it really is for you, and get him to talk about how he feels. How is his job going? I often end up having to have a blazing row and only then will my DH tell me what's wrong. The row is better than the evrelating bad mood though!

Excuse spelling etc. No sleep!

I know he does love us

How, exactly?

Are you in your husbands home country? Do you have your own family support? your husband sounds like a horrible, horrible man. If your children are growing up in that environment, it's not good for them. Especially your last child, if he carries on making it obvious that she was unwanted. Lots of babies are unexpected or unplanned. I would hope the vast majority of people would embrace it once they were here, and to say you made a fuss when giving birth and you are being punished for having another baby would kill any respect I had for him. Your children are people who could grow up incredibly damaged by their fathers behaviour towards you and them.

He says he is having a 'mid life crisis' (do you have this in your thirties?) and that we are too old to have more children. Since we have come to this country, he just wants to party with his work mates. It has got a bit better recently but you know I gave up a good career and my home life in uk to support him here and really I have nothing in terms of friends and interests here. He says he isn't stopping me building a life here but it's not that easy with young children, one of us has to be here for them. So I plan to recover from birth and plan some weekends away with friends leaving him holding the babies (although not sure I am that comfortable with this). Although I can only see doing this will lead to the end of the marriage anyway as we will have separate lives with the kids in the middle. I have explained all this to him. One day he gets it, another he doesn't. Just wants his own fun, not cheating I don't think but wants to party. After the birth the do for even said men here go out to party for about a week so it's also cultural. I plan to take advantage of being at home with the baby for the next couple of years and then leave. I don't have the strength for it right now but geez I would hate him to have to be my only support through illness and unhappy events!

Anyway chestnut100, dishwasherDog, toomanywheeliebins, StarlightMcKenze, Chunderella and NickiFury, thanks for making me chuckle, empathising and suggestions. Preparing the melon and chocolate laxative cake now and trying to find the red letter day for make childbirth. Gish I wish that was really on offer.

This isn't a phrase I like on mn. Not sure it's helpful. But seriously why are you still with this man? Life cannot be worse on your own. LTB.

I don't think you are doing your children any favours staying with a man who sounds abusive. Either he has problems with his personality or he enjoys being unpleasant to you. Neither is acceptable.

In 2 years, you could be 2 years into your new life with all the tough transition behind you. Or you could be still trying to leave, another 2 years angrier and having your ambition and self-worth chipped away. Your childen will be older and will find the move harder. If you know you want to leave in 2 years, leave now.

labour skills? Good grief!

He sounds like an idiot! He has witnessed you delivering three babies and is bitching about it? Twat!

Oh love, he sounds quite unkind. I think you do need to think about whether you want to be long term. My DH ,for his wincing comment, is a great husband and Dad. There is another thread of at the moment of man child who is going out on all night benders.......it's so unbelievable

I am so angry reading this!!!

Next time he says it, get a melon and ask him to show you exactly how he would go about pushing it through his nostril

What does someone who blurts out offensive things without any self control do for a job? If he can't engage brain it must be common to all his social interactions. Or is it just with you OP? He sounds horrible and you are a champion birthing three children.