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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

gender disappointment?

122 replies

dy14 · 06/01/2015 15:12

I am 20w with DC3 I already have two boys. Which are the best! But me and my partner mostly me have decided this will be our last baby for our family. My part ers really hoping for girl as I am to. and I think I will be quite upset if its not. it sounds terrible and I no some people on here get quite touchy with the subject as ive seen. I am very greatful to have two healthy boys already and be pregnant as far as I am with a healthy baby. but I really would love a baby girl!

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Bowlersarm · 07/01/2015 13:39

It might be natural to be small if you have small parents. Other than that, it doesn't make sense.

gymboywalton · 07/01/2015 14:05

anyway-i hope you all have gorgeous babies and i know you will love them no matter what. wish i could have another one[old woman emotion]

fortywinx · 07/01/2015 15:55

I think most people have a slight preference one way or the other, sometimes just for reasons such as someone you know could pass all those lovely baby girl/boy clothes onto you that no longer fit their little one, or you just always imagined yourself with one gender over the other. Doesn't make you a bad person or parent!

So long as the feelings of gender disappointment don't manifest into anything worse than mild disappointment, I think you'll be fine. If you think it's effecting you more than you were expecting, it's probably a good idea to talk to someone about how you feel so they can help you. You wouldn't want the disappointment to contribute to post-natal depression for example.

I'm sure you will be fine whether your little one turns out pink or blue so long as they are healthy!

SoupDragon · 07/01/2015 16:54

But it's not natural to be small??

Of course it is. People come in all shapes and sizes. Some are tall, some are small, some are smack bang in the middle. Are y saying that only those of exactly average height are natural...?

SoupDragon · 07/01/2015 16:55

Anyway, I think people are looking for offense where there is none to be taken.

Bowlersarm · 07/01/2015 17:03

Soup - Ruth said to gymboywalton that it is natural for a woman to want a daughter because she is female. Gymboywalton says that is not the case for her.

You've just said - rather oddly if I might say so - that it is natural to be small. Well, it might be but it doesn't follow that all small people want their children to be......small. Because they are.

fattycow · 07/01/2015 17:10

You cannot know the gender of the baby for a couple of years at least!

duplodon · 07/01/2015 17:21

I have three boys. I wouldn't change a single cell of their bodies, I love them, absolutely. I am also sad I won't ever have a girl. I would like one day to have had the opportunity to see my baby carry their baby. Though this might not have been my daughter's choice as I am often told on threads like this, it's dead as a possibility now, not as it might have been in twenty or thirty years time (when I may not even be here, let's face it). I wish I could have had a girl AS WELL as my beautiful boys and it does make me want to try again... But if another pregnancy brought another boy, he would be loved absolutely too. I don't know why people find it so hard to understand you can wish for something without rejecting what you have.

slightlyconfused85 · 07/01/2015 17:29

I'm pregnant with my second and already have a girl. I am secretly hoping for another girl as i have lots of girl clothes and I like the idea of sisters, I was close to mine. If it is a boy I will be slightly disappointed but of course I will get over it very quickly and have no doubt that I will desperately love my little boy. Slight preference is normal, as long as the mother realises it's a fleeting thing and looks forward to her new arrival. Good luck op wishing you a healthy baby

Ruth10 · 07/01/2015 17:36

Very well said duplodon.

Changeitplease · 07/01/2015 17:41

Hope your scan goes well

pinkandsparklytoo · 07/01/2015 17:45

I was pregnant with my third DC after having had 2 sons already. We found out the sex and it was a third boy and I couldn't believe how disappointed I felt. Of course I got over it and was glad to have another healthy son when he was born. I've recently found out that I am expecting another baby but this time I won't be finding out the sex at the scan.

Original poster

dy14 · 07/01/2015 23:18

Wow some people are so immature and obviously to much time on their hands (yawn)

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Original poster

dy14 · 07/01/2015 23:20

Very well said duplodon exactly my thoughts!

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Original poster

dy14 · 07/01/2015 23:21

slightlyconfused - Congratulations and good luck to you!

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Original poster

dy14 · 07/01/2015 23:21

Changeitplease - Thank you how lovely!

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Original poster

dy14 · 07/01/2015 23:22

ponkandsparklytoo

I bet your boys are all lovely and maybe not as hard work as girls would be. I wish u all the best :)

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Only1scoop · 07/01/2015 23:34

I have a dd and adore her....I was so happy when I found out I was having a girl.

Last year I was pregnant and told it was a boy.... I'm ashamed to say I was quite upset as really would have loved another girl.

We lost ds at 17 weeks I've always felt dreadfully guilty for having wished he was a girl....

So I do see where you are coming from and respect your honesty....In the great scheme of life it doesn't really matter as
It's obvious you will adore that baby whatever the sex.

Good luck

LoafersOrLouboutins · 07/01/2015 23:43

I will admit that I feel gender disappointment- I've been blessed with 2DDs and I'm so happy to have DDs, I just always wanted daughters. I'm now PG with DC3 and hoping for another DD. Am I unreasonable? yes. Should I be grateful I have healthy babies? Most definitely. Can I change how I feel? No. This may be due to the fact I have 3 sisters and we are all very close to our mum.

softlysoftly · 07/01/2015 23:50

We have 3 DDs the first 2 were left a surprise and no 3 we found out. Really wish we hadn't as while I've never really desired a boy (well didn't care either way) I then spent the last 20 weeks with everyone assuming we were disappointed. Especially as DH is asian (he couldn't care less).

So my advice would be don't find out leave it until baby is here and if there is that little flash of "oh not a girl" it will be overwhelmed by those first tiny baby snuggles.

BigCatFace · 07/01/2015 23:59

dy14, you sound immature yourself saying girls are hard work. Get off the thread if you don't like it.

I had gender disappointment as my baby was wrongly identified as a girl, whom I'd bonded with. Now he's due in 4 weeks and I'm pretty excited to meet him. Just took a bit of time to adjust my (unreal, and they always would have been) expectations.

sleepywombat · 08/01/2015 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

dy14 · 08/01/2015 02:35

Will you shut up (bigcatface) I made this discussion. Sick of of those immature people on here. Does not make me immature saying that my sister has three girls and she said if u find out its another boy dont worry girls are more expensive and harder work I was just saying it whether its true or not.

Grr

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GinIsCalling · 08/01/2015 08:24

Its completely natural to have preferences as to gender, for all sorts of complicated reasons. I find it so insulting when people trot out the old 'I just want a healthy baby'. To me it implies that to want a particular gender means you don't care about the heath of the baby, which is obviously untrue!
I have a son and am pregnant, I had a very complicated reaction to being told this one was a girl. Of course it doesn't mean i don't want/love my daughter! It's just due to my own experiences.

Butterpuff · 08/01/2015 10:00

Bowlers - I can honestly say that I am hoping my baby is small as I am small. At least until it is on the outside as my DH is unnaturally tall and the thought of getting a baby version of him out is terrifying, a baby version of me. Not so!

Once on the outside however. Bump can grow as much or as little as it choses.

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