gender disappointment?

[dy14]

I am 20w with DC3 I already have two boys. Which are the best! But me and my partner mostly me have decided this will be our last baby for our family. My part ers really hoping for girl as I am to. and I think I will be quite upset if its not. it sounds terrible and I no some people on here get quite touchy with the subject as ive seen. I am very greatful to have two healthy boys already and be pregnant as far as I am with a healthy baby. but I really would love a baby girl!

[DriftingOff]

My mother ended up with four girls and wanted all 4 of us to be boys!! She was particularly devastated after the birth of number 3 (not me!) and dropped into postnatal depression. When she was pregnant with number 4, she found out the sex during pregnancy, and was devastated yet again, and cried for days. However, it did mean she could get used to the idea, and didn't have PND after number 4. On a positive note, my mum was a great mum, and loves us all to bits, and we've all grown up (mostly!) well-adjusted. We're all happily married and have no gender issues (we're all very heterosexual). In fact, it's just a big joke in the family now, and crops up at almost every family party. She was very happy when her first grandchild was a boy, and now has lots of grandsons to keep her occupied!

[Number3cometome]

OP I absolutely know what you mean, I am very lucky to have a DS and a DD.

I am currently expecting DC3 with my new partner who does not have children. This will be our one and only child together and he would prefer a boy. He has also said he would like to find out asap so he can get his head around it if it is a girl - at first I was very upset about this worrying I would be a failure if I am having a girl, but actually I have come to the realisation that this is completely normal!

Of course everyone has a preference, anyone who says they don't is not being true to themself, however I wouldn't say he would be 'upset' just a little disappointed and for a short period of time.

I do know for a fact that he would blub like a baby with tears of joy no matter what sex the baby is when it is born, just like we all would.

Personally I would like a boy, but I do think this is a girl. This does not upset me in any way whatsoever! I am glad for the healthy baby

[Tactleneck]

I'd say don't beat yourself up about feeling like this, I know with my dc3, who is 9mths old now, I worried about feeling any sense of disappointment if we found out we were having a 3rd boy. I adore my boys and we simply wanted another baby. So we decided not to find out this time because I knew it wouldn't matter a jot when I was holding our beautiful newborn.
As it turns out dc3 popped out a girl and as with our boys we adore her. What I will say is raising her has been no different to our boys so far (except the trivial stuff like buying the odd dress).
Try not to overthink things, you will love your third as much as your other children regardless of which sex they are!

[ILiveOnABuildsite]

Well as I said earlier in the thread I was disappointed when I found the sex of both my children because they happen to be the opposite of what I had pictured in my mind. I always thought my first child would be a son and was disappointed when dd turned out to be a girl at 20wk scan, I was also a little jealous of a friend of mine who was expecting a boy at about the same time. This time, I really did want another girl, I love all the girly things I do with dd and I think she would have loved a sister but we are having a boy and although initially I needed time to adjust to finding this out I am now very happy and dd is so looking forward to meeting her baby brother. Dh was also a little disappointed as he loves his little girl and he struggles to see himself with a son.

As many pps have said, it's all about what you picture and imagine before finding out and of course it can take a little while to adjust and it's also very normal to wish for something. It doesn't not in any way mean that you won't love what you get even if it's not what you wished for. I get how you feel op, and I am quite excited to find out what you are having, as you said guessing is part of the fun. Will come back and update us?

[babyblabber]

I think it is completely understandable and totally normal for a woman to really want a daughter and be disappointed when it becomes clear that it's not going to happen. There is nothing wrong with that and of course it doesn't mean that you're not grateful for your boys or love them any less than any other mother loves their children.

I definitely wouldn't find out the gender before the birth though. I think it is far easier to let it upset you when you are told at a scan with months and months still to go. If you are told it's a boy at the birth on the other hand you will be so busy with all the other emotions that you won't care! Yes later there might come a moment when you think it would have been nice to have a girl but by then you'll be so in love with your son & getting to know him and you will know you wouldn't swap him for the world! In the meantime just presume its a boy!

[Carrierpenguin]

Op I can understand where you're coming from. I think that this is a very real thing for lots of people, not that they won't love whatever gender they get but that they have a preference. Some men worry about relating to a girly dd or women to a very boyish ds, perhaps they don't have much experience with young children of one gender.

I have a dd and my dm said she knew I'd have a dd as she didn't think I'd be able to relate to a ds :-s I'd have been very happy with either though.

[weelamb123]

Any baby is a gift so just be thankful he/she is fit and healthy. X

[Maxis1]

I cried myself when I found out at 21 weeks that its a girl and not a boy. I am totally useless with girls and was hoping for a boy whereas my other half and the grandparents are hoping for a girl.
I am not telling my parents till after birth what it is :P

The beauty of finding out early is you can get used to the idea of having a little boy / girl and by the time the baby arrives you will just be happy with a healthy baby.
I think I am ok now with getting a girl, even though there is still that evil voice in the back of my head that says maybe the scan lady was wrong. Its not like she sounded very sure. but then OH would be royally pissed since he always wanted a little girl.

Either way there will not be any pink in my house. Little boy or girl ... its gonna be whites, creams and blues :P

[dietcokeisgreat]

Dy14 - i have one boy already and would like another. However, i know (inside and from others' experiences) that if it is a girl i will adjust and be fine with it. Of course we all love our babies whatever they are upon arrival and i think it is normal to have ideas about what we would ideally like.

[BigCatFace]

no gender issues (we're all very heterosexual).

[weasle]

I'd strongly recommend NOT finding out the sex at a scan. The euphoria after birth meant I really didn't care if girl or boy and was delighted with a healthy baby. Friends who were disappointed all found out before and I think on say a random wet Tuesday in February at a scan the 'disappointment' can be much harder.
PS three boys is great fun!

[LuckyAugust]

Hope your scan goes well on friday. I'm thrilled to be expecting ds3 in 21 days so I am definitely biased when I say boys are fantastic!!! I can understand how you feel though . This is also our last and I'm actually getting sterilised straight after my section. We lost a little girl early last year and before we found out I was having another boy I did wonder whether I would feel like I 'needed' a girl to help me recover (if that makes sense although recover is the wrong word to use but can't think of another one ). But as soon as his little bits were pointed out to me I just felt total joy. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy xx

[Ruth10]

Gymboywalton,

Of course you are grateful for the boys you have and you enjoy your life together but have you really never ever just wondered if your life would have been different if you had a daughter? Really? it's never been a thought in your head just for a few minutes once? I'm surprised. I wonder how life could be different, not just about girls or boys, but different career, husband, town I live in etc maybe that's not normal though and I have an over active imagination!

And as for it being natural for a woman to want a daughter I stand by what I said. It's natural to want both a daughter, just as it is natural to want a son, or want no children at all. It is ok to feel these things. Doesn't make you a bad person.

[rockinrobintweet]

my MIL visited morning dd1 was born. her very words, "i prayed every night for a boy.. when will you get pregnant again".

we didn't find out gender and are overjoyed with our 2 girls. we are going to TTC by end of this year and no part of me is 'hoping' or 'desperate' for a boy.

my DH however may be more inclined to hope this ones Ds.. as his mother is!! i can't say how id feel if it was 2 boys and yet to have a girl, as there is something about a mother and her daughter, but you could always have no.4!!

[gymboywalton]

so if it's natural for a woman to want a daughter , does that mean i am unnatural because i have never 'wanted' a daughter?

[Number3cometome]

gymboywalton

That was taken out of context - the whole sentence was It's natural to want both a daughter, just as it is natural to want a son, or want no children at all

So no, she isn't saying you are unnatural.

[SoupDragon]

DS1: I wanted. Boy first, no idea why, probably because I had an older brother so that was "right" for me.

DS2: had a hellish time with DS1 so this was to be the last. Wanted a girl and was gutted to find out, by accident, that he was a boy a few days before he was born. Needless to say I got over it and loved him from the start.

DD: having spent a few years lamenting the fact that I wouldn't have a daughter (privately, not to anyone else) I find out I am expecting a girl. Was I delighted? No, I was gutted she'd destroyed my boy gang :o Needless to say, I got over it and loved her from the start.

Absolutely no rational reasoning behind any of it. It only makes y a bad person if you go on and on about it and make the children you do have think they aren't wanted. In the end, you love them all because of the person they are, not whether they are boy or girl. When you are pregnant, you don't have that person you just have a mental picture.

[Number3cometome]

SoupDragon Absolutely love that!

[gymboywalton]

no number3- ruth10 is changing her mind about what she originally said

i will quote her original post


I think it is very natural for a woman to want a baby girl, If the baby is a boy you and DH will love him absolutely and unconditionally even if you always do wonder what it would have been like to have a girl.

that it very different to the new version she has come up with!

[SoupDragon]

If you say "It's natural to be small" it doesn't mean that tall people are unnatural.

[gymboywalton]

anyway-i actually think it's fine to 'want' one sex or another so long as you don't 'want' it to the extent where you are upset if you don't get what you want! a baby of any gender is a real blessing.

i just find the whole notion of women wanting girls a bit puzzling- i think some women think a daughter will be like a friend they can go shopping with or whatever and well, nice if it turns out that way but i wouldn't bank on it.

[gymboywalton]

it does imply that soupdragon

[Bowlersarm]

But it's not natural to be small??

[Number3cometome]

gymboywalton I wanted a boy first, second time round wanted a girl.
I was very lucky to have got what I wanted, but then perhaps it was more a case of what I 'thought' I was having rather than 'wanted'

Either way I would have been over the moon!

I would like a boy this time, but if it is a girl I will be equally as happy.

[Number3cometome]

Bowlersarm

Define 'natural'

That's a whole different thread