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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

I can't cope :(

85 replies

Louise990 · 25/08/2014 21:00

I posted on here a few days ago and I hate to have to post again but I'm struggling beyond belief. I suffer with very severe anxiety and OCD.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and one week ago today I stupidly kissed my boyfriend when he was drinking a can of beer. It completely slipped my mind that he had a drink at the time. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol during my pregnancy and now I feel like it's all ruined. I feel sick to my stomach and can't see how I'm going to get through these next few weeks.

I never ever wanted to have any involvement with alcohol when pregnant and although I know that no alcohol was ingested, I just can't cope knowing that I was stupid enough to kiss him when he'd had a drink.

What would you have done in my situation?

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow but I don't know what to do until then.

OP posts:
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funkypigeon · 25/08/2014 21:06

I understand that you are anxious about this given your OCD but really, it is a non issue IMO. Nothing has happened, you haven't had any alcohol and even if you had it would have been minuscule.

Please don't worry and let this ruin this time for you. There really will be so many more things to worry about when the baby arrives. I'm not trying to be mean, just helping you to put this into perspective Flowers

sunnyrosegarden · 25/08/2014 21:08

Hi Lousie. We're still here, listening.

Remember, this is your OCD talking.

Louise990 · 25/08/2014 21:21

Other pregnant women don't make these mistakes though. Just me.

I'm usually so careful so I can't believe I did this.

OP posts:
Figster · 25/08/2014 21:23

This wasn't a mistake it was a non event what is it you think you've done?

funkypigeon · 25/08/2014 21:25

But this wasn't a mistake, you simply haven't done anything wrong.

tak1ngchances · 25/08/2014 21:26

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow but I don't know what to do until then.

What are the options? Do you feel sufficiently anxious to go to A&E?

callamia · 25/08/2014 21:26

I think you know that there's no evidence in 'other pregnant women don't make these mistakes' - I'm happy to regale you with things I accidentally ate during (my absolutely fine) pregnancy, but I don't think this will make you feel better now.

What is the result of you having done this? Harm to you? Harm to your baby? Fury at yourself?

Intrusive thoughts are an absolute monster, have your been worse during pregnancy?

tak1ngchances · 25/08/2014 21:27

Other posters, you are responding as if it were a rational issue. The OP has OCD and is having irrational thoughts. It is a very big issue to her so brushing it off will not help.

sunnyrosegarden · 25/08/2014 21:30

You did not make a mistake! This is your OCD talking - you have not done anything wrong, and you have not harmed your baby.

What else have you got planned for tomorrow? Do you have something to occupy you this evening (other than mumsnet Smile ).

LittleBearPad · 25/08/2014 21:32

What do you mean by ruined your pregnancy? What does this mean to you?

LittleBearPad · 25/08/2014 21:35

To answer your question. I wouldn't have thought anything of it in pg 1 when I had a couple of glasses of wine throughout and pg2 when I've had a few more.

However you aren't really asking this because it won't make any differed to your feelings.

SleeplessKnight · 25/08/2014 21:36

Other pregnant women do make mistakes - yesterday I accidentally drank some of DH's gin and tonic instead of my own plain tonic. I'm 34+2.

Louise990 · 25/08/2014 21:43

I wish I could view it as just a kiss which is what I intended it to be but instead it's turned into something huge and it's completely taken the joy out of my pregnancy. I feel so awful and wish I could just turn back time which I know is stupid to say as it's impossible.

I don't see this as an intrusive thought, it feels so real to me. I feel like my boyfriend and family are secretly judging me because of what I did. If I'd not reacted the way I did and not made such a big deal out of it then I don't think it would be on my mind so much now. But because everyone knows, I feel like I don't deserve to stop worrying and let it go.

OP posts:
Lookslikeimstuckhere · 25/08/2014 21:48

Have you done any grounding techniques with your therapist? They can help to stop the OCD and negative thoughts from taking over the situation.

I think I know where you are coming from. Perhaps in your head you wanted a clean pregnancy and this has tarnished that perfect image in your head? Please be reassured that no harm has been done but you need to find a way to deal with the damage to the image you had. Nothing will have been ingested and actually, the endorphins (I think?!) released when kissing will probably given baby a happiness boost Smile

When I had to try and cope with similar situations, my therapist would ask me to verbalise the worst that I thought could happen and then she would work through my thoughts with me. While you are waiting to speak to yours, maybe we could help do the same?

SweetPea3 · 25/08/2014 21:48

Have you heard of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)? Google it and try it out, it might give you some relief. Here is one example:

eft.mercola.com/

and some instructions (unrelated to the video in the previous link, but along similar lines). Seriously try it - it will help you get through till tomorrow when you see your therapist:

EFT

It is important to find a phrase most suited to your current situation / the stress you want to eliminate. You then acknowledge the problem/issue and accept that you're ok and accept / like / love yourself despite the problem.

eg: ‘ Even though feel overwhelmed by responsibility, I totally love and accept myself’,

‘Even though I feel like I've made a mistake, I totally love and accept myself’

‘Even though I don’t believe I’m good enough to ..... I totally love and accept myself’

‘Even though I’m nervous about my pregnancy, I really love and accept myself’

The more specific your 'even though' phrase is, the more effective the tapping will be. It will also make you pinpoint what exactly it is that is making you feel stressed. It is more effective if you tap on how a situation is making you feel rather than what someone else has done to you. However, as you eliminate your issues you can eventually tap on a more abstract phrase eg: ‘Even though I feel anxious but don’t know why ......

If the stress levels aren’t coming down then be honest with yourself about your ‘even though’ phrase. Maybe you’re not tapping on the current most important issue, maybe you’re not tapping from the right angle (eg: ‘x has annoyed me’ should become ‘I let myself get annoyed about x’ – same problem but from a different perspective).

Before tapping judge your level of stress for the problem on a scale of 1 - 10.

Say the phrase while tapping:

a) on the edge of your hand (karate chop) between bottom of little finger and wrist,

b) on the crown of your head

c) inside point of your eyebrow, just above nose

d) on the bone at the outside edge of your eye e) on the bone under the middle of your eye,

f) under your nose,

g) under your bottom lip,

h) just under your collarbone about 1 inch from your sternum,

i) under your arm.

Repeat on other side. You can also use both hands to tap both sides at once.

Then move your eyes in full circles and figures of 8, repeat with eyes closed and finish by humming a short tune.

Evaluate your stress scale (for the current problem) again on a scale of 1 - 10. If necessary repeat the same procedure, however, don't use the identical phrase - it can be just slightly altered by eg: adding the word 'still', eg:'Even though I still feel angry....., I'm ok'. You can also change
the phrase completely if it doesn't seem relevant any more and the stress now seems to be coming from another source.

If you don't like the tapping then just do the eye exercises at the end - move your eyes around in full circles, both directions and then figures of 8, with your eyes open then shut. It feels great to give them some exercise as they can get very stuck looking in one direction, often down or straight ahead which can feel very limiting, not able to move on.

HTH

Louise990 · 25/08/2014 21:48

SleeplessKnight do you feel guilty about it?

By the way I'm not judging anyone who does drink during pregnancy.

OP posts:
Lookslikeimstuckhere · 25/08/2014 21:52

What is it everyone knows OP? Is it that you kissed him after he'd had a drink or that you are having a hard time dealing with it? Or both!?

Louise990 · 25/08/2014 21:54

That I kissed him after he'd had a drink. It was so careless and stupid of me.

OP posts:
SleeplessKnight · 25/08/2014 21:54

I was a bit annoyed with myself as I haven't touched a drop during pregnancy, but haven't given it a second thought today. The actual amount of alcohol I took in would have been tiny, and the amount passed to the baby even less.

One sip of alcohol won't undo all of the fruit, veggies, water, vitamins, pregnacare etc I've had in the last 8 months.

LittleBearPad · 25/08/2014 21:59

You haven't made a mistake or failed in any way. None of your family will think this.

This is your OCD talking.

Lookslikeimstuckhere · 25/08/2014 22:05

It wasn't stupid or careless, you acted in the heat of the moment, motivated by love.

Are any of the people who were there close family? Do they know about your OCD? What do you think they are saying? Could you talk to one of them maybe, to reassure yourself that they are thinking the same as all of the people who have replied today? That it really is ok.

Out of interest, when is your next midwife appointment? I think you really need to talk to her about the feelings you are having. It may be advisable to include something on your birth notes.

Lookslikeimstuckhere · 25/08/2014 22:08

Should add that me saying you acted in the heat of the moment makes it sound like I think you made a mistake and shouldn't have done it! I totally don't, in any way!! Confused

squizita · 25/08/2014 22:09

Other pregnant women don't have OCD.
So they don't "make these mistakes" because they're not even mistakes and the women don't think about them!

This is your anxiety and OCD talking. You've broken a ritualised "safety" behaviour. Your OCD wants these rituals to mean everything to you.
But they don't actually do anything but scare and trap you.
What has happened as a result of this apart from anxiety and guilt?
Nothing! No pain, no bleeds, no medical issues. Nothing.
It's hard because these rituals are addictive and this experience challenges their power. So your OCD tries to make you go back to them.

Do talk to your therapist. Ask for more help. You can manage with the right support but it will be a journey.

Louise990 · 25/08/2014 22:35

Lookslikeimstuckhere I've only told my Dad about this and he says exactly the same as you and everyone else who has posted, that it's a non-issue and nothing happened - not one drop of alcohol was ingested or even tasted therefore it was just a kiss. But my OCD is making me feel like I've been a bad mum and I hate myself for ruining things. Thank you for correcting what you meant, my OCD would have loved to think it was a heat of the moment thing which I should regret. But I regret it anyway so it can't make me feel any worse than I already do.

squizita do you honestly think that other pregnant women, even those who want to stay away from alcohol in pregnancy, wouldn't class this as a mistake and wish they hadn't done it? I know this is reassurance seeking but I have no idea anymore.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 25/08/2014 22:37

I am pregnant and yes I have had a few glasses of wine whilst pregnant. So you may choose not to believe me.
But I honestly wouldn't have thought anything of it. I wouldn't even have noticed.