I can't cope :(

[Louise990]

I posted on here a few days ago and I hate to have to post again but I'm struggling beyond belief. I suffer with very severe anxiety and OCD.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and one week ago today I stupidly kissed my boyfriend when he was drinking a can of beer. It completely slipped my mind that he had a drink at the time. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol during my pregnancy and now I feel like it's all ruined. I feel sick to my stomach and can't see how I'm going to get through these next few weeks.

I never ever wanted to have any involvement with alcohol when pregnant and although I know that no alcohol was ingested, I just can't cope knowing that I was stupid enough to kiss him when he'd had a drink.

What would you have done in my situation?

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow but I don't know what to do until then.

Louise, so happy you're feeling some relief. Ok, it has come by way of reassurance rather than enduring exposures, but for now just enjoy the break.

As you know I have ocd and one consequence of it is that I always worry about people misinterpreting what I say, or something I say leading to a mistake. I'm always saying 'do this, but check with a doctor, and if you feel abc might be dangerous then try bcd but don't stop abc suddenly' blah blah. I have endless doubt. So if I tell you I feel sure about something then I have to be 1000% sure - and I am sure your midwife is right. Literally, no room for doubt at all.

I'm exactly the same when it comes to doubting myself. I'm worried that I'm saying all this to try and force myself to believe it and everyone around me is secretly thinking that I'm a mug and deep down think that what I did is classed as drinking.

I'm just going to have to try and trust that what I did truly is a 'non-event' and put it behind me aren't I?

Thank you for your reply though, I'm glad one of us is sure :)

If you are going to change your therapist I would do so immediately so that you can establish a relationship with a new one ASAP. Having a baby is a big change. You need to have whatever support you will need in place. Good luck.

Yes. People on MN aren't known for 'secretly thinking' things but telling others what they want to hear. You've been told a certain truth. Not a truth with a 0.00001 % chance of being arguable or incorrect. A certain truth. I know part of the treatment for ocd is learning to live with doubt, but in this case there isn't any.

Sounds like you're doing much better now you've spoken to your mw - I hope you feel calmer?

If it helps (I have no experience of OCD, so forgive me if it doesn't), my MW said to me when I was stressing about stress and it affecting my baby: 'you are in the top 1% of my client list. You don't have a drink or drugs problem, the baby was planned, you have a steady partner who's also the baby's father, you both have jobs, and a house, you have read up on what not to eat and are following the guidelines, you eat fresh fruit, veg and protein, and you've reduced your caffeine intake. There are no genetic inheritances, and you don't have gestational diabetes. Do you know how often I see pregnant women who have one of more of those issues? Daily. Hourly'. I'm not trying to sound smug (I did have a high BMI, so not ideal!) - I'm trying to reassure you that you have worked hard to avoid possible dangers for your baby, and that's great. Well done.

She also told me that for stress/anxiety to actually affect a baby, you'd have to live through the equivalent of a war for 80% of the pregnancy.

Are you able to count your blessings and see how good a mum you are already being? I hope so, because that's what I see.

Hi Humpty yes I'm feeling a bit calmer now. Still getting anxious thoughts but I don't expect it to go away completely just yet.

Thank you for saying that I've worked hard to avoid dangers for my baby. I really have tried so hard so when I kissed my boyfriend after he'd been drinking I could have kicked myself. But I'm slowly realising that I should have just been viewing what happened as a kiss and nothing more - instead all my focus has been on the alcohol aspect of it because my OCD wanted me to feel bad.

I really hope I'm being a good mum. I never want to let her down.

Louise - I'm really glad you're feeling better.

I just wanted to pick up on something from your post - I am not sure it's fair to say that anyone missed the point. I think the people who said that they had drunk a little in pregnancy were saying that even if you had ingested any alcohol (which you hadn't) it would, in all likelihood, have no effect whatsoever on the baby. Everyone was trying to comfort you, they just chose different perspectives to do it from.

I am glad that this thread and the mw have reassured you. It's great that you feel strong and like you want to "fight" - I hope you'll continue that fight with the support of your healthcare providers, though. Don't take too much on your own shoulders.

All the best

Cabbage

I wasn't saying that they had missed the point in an offensive way, I just meant that I was never seeking reassurance and comfort because I'd consumed alcohol and wanted to know that others had too - it was and still is an anxiety/OCD issue.

I'm still extremely grateful to everyone who replied to me, I didn't intend for that post to come across as though I didn't appreciate the responses that I've been given.

I apologise to anyone who took it that way.

Don't worry Louise, I don't think anyone was offended at all and all just want you to feel better.

I am going to bed soon (or that's the plan) but I remembered that when some of my relatives were having a baby I spent a while making a cassette compilation of lullabies and relaxing classical music. Obviously that dates me - cassettes [sceptical]. It was really relaxing though and might be a nice distraction and positive thing to do for you and your baby - you could do a download playlist.

Oh dear, fail on the emoticon