"Just accept that you're never going to sleep again!"

[Gennz]

If I had a dollar for the amount of times that this has been said to me with a gleeful expression I would be a millionaire. Does anyone else find it really annoying? (it's mainly the sleep thing that winds me up, but also they "you won't be able to shower for days/put the baby down/lose the last 5kg" blah blah blah..)

I'm 26 weeks pregnant, expecting our first child. Last night we had two of DH's friends over to watch the rugby - one has a 2.5 year old, one has a 9 month old. I said innocently to the father of the 2.5 year old "Does DD sleep through the night?" He responded with a meaningful laugh and said "oh no, she wakes up 2 - 3 times a night" and then "just accept that you'll never sleep again and it's not so hard." Whereupon the father of the 9 month old said "yes DW is up with DD at 11, 2 and 5am because she needs to be fed, you just get used to it." Then they harped on about "never sleeping again" and "how it's so much harder for the woman because she is the one who is up all night".

I am probably being an unreasonable b*itch - I know their hearts were in the right places. But I also know that their partners' approach to things is quite different to mine - I'm not taking my full maternity leave, having an ELCS, am v much in favour of putting a routine in place as early as possible, getting the baby to take a bottle; whereas I know they are more baby-led routine, go with the flow, natural birth. I'm not saying I'm right & they're wrong - just that I think our preferred approach will work better for my and DH's personalities.

I'm also not enough of an idiot to say out loud "well WE won't be doing that, I'm putting a routine in place, I need my sleep" having never had a child... I can only imagine how gleeful the reminders would be in 6 months when I haven't had a shower all day and the baby hasn't slept in days and I'm cursing the author of every routine based book ever published...

Anyway (this has turned into a far longer rant than I planned) - are any other first time parents else finding the "tips" from other parents slightly annoying/enraging? I guess my biggest bugbear is that, apart from responding "oh really? thanks for the heads up..." you can't really say anything (e.g "it won't be like that for me") without sounding like a delusional, pompous git and/or insulting the other person's parenting.

Ahhhhhhh good to get that off my chest...

Um thanks... Slightly passive aggressive there ?

Sorry saintly that last comment was to iggi

Your dh probably won't be of equal importance though Iggi is right there!

Just sit back and enjoy the ride. I genuinely have found every stage of parenting a surprise, none of it has been like I imagined.

Genuine question - what things do you want "ironed out" before returning to work? All I can think of is sleep, and someone could have your lo sleeping through the night at 12 weeks, doesn't mean they (and you) won't be hit by the four month sleep changes.
I think you are trying to over-control things. Plans are important but so is the ability to be flexible. Your baby, and your own mental health, will thank you for it! (Believe me I speak from experience as a control freak myself)

I don't mean ironed out as in permanently, I mean just helping us to get into good sleep habits for that age and stage. I know there is element of luck and I don't think I'm as much of a control freak as I sound on this thread (!) but I do think some element of planning is more helpful than flying completely blind. (I'm basing this off what I've been told from my sister & friends who've had 2!)

Gennz I think you're absolutely right to think that you can lay some good sleep/routine foundations. I tried to do this solo but in the end hired a maternity nurse for a week when DD was 10 weeks old and it was the best money I ever spent (apart from the IVF cash to get her here in the first place of course).
Then it really is down to luck and how your LO responds to development milestones, teething, colds, etc etc. But these should be short phases of disruption rather than the norm. And you can get through them just fine with coffee, sugar and early nights.

In terms of sleep routines I did the same with all of mine. When they were newborns bath around 10pm or 11pm, into sleep stuff, final feed then bed. Then gradually moved the time forwards until it was something sensible.

Worked pretty well.

Amby hammock helped a lot with ds3 as well. Ds2 would have benefitted from it as well (neither wanted to sleep on their back)

Thanks ladies. I don't mean to come across as a total loon but I figure it's good to have some strategies in place that seem to have worked for some people at least - I mean it can't hurt to try.

I have 2 friends who are both like me pedantic lawyers working full time, with similar attitudes to me to career & childcare - by which I mean they are organised/routine-based but also pragmatic and seem pretty level-headed about their kids - neither are neurotic or helicopter mums by any stretch. I've listened a lot to their advice, as I think what they have done is likely to work for us.

I accept that we'll both be tired, I'm just scared of being torturously, hallucinatingly, sleep-deprived.

Just on the maternity leave thing, I thought that working one day a week would count as going back to work and invalidate your maternity leave. You only get limited KIT days.

I'm in NZ. I can't, by law, go back to work during the statutory paid leave period without forfeiting my right to the stat payment (which is a pittance anyway - 14 weeks at 10% of my usual pay) but after that period it would be perfectly possible to do part-time work during the remainder of my planned leave period (I've applied for 9 1/2 months in total, but if my boss wasn't being such an prat I'd be more than happy to go back a bit earlier).

I'm on DC2. ELCS, BF, she only ever woke once in the night for a feed for the first couple of weeks, from then she's slept through. I haven't imposed a routine, I'm BF on demand, her daytime naps vary massively, but so far (14 weeks) that's not impacted on her night sleep.

FWIW she's totally different to DC1 and he was FF and on a routine much sooner, yet woke in the night right up to 8/9 months. Every baby is different, just relax and take whatever your LO throws at you with good grace :)

Oh that's encouraging hubba Hope I get one like yours!

Hmm interesting post. Not quite sure why you find these comments so annoying? Is it because you think they are too generic, hope they won't apply to you? Agree with a poster who said they are probably just recalling the life change having a baby brings, no amount of preparation can anticipate. Agree that you need to be prepared to be flexible and to let go of some of that control you desire... Routine is important and makes a huge diff, agreed, but how you implement that and how long it takes will prob require flexibility. My boys slept through (I mean a full 11 hours) from about 10 months and 7 months respectively. 4 month sleep regression was awful. At 4yrs and 2yrs they no longer wake at night but are up like clock work at 7am. Gone are weekend lie-in's... I would just listen to advice with an open mind and be willing to try diff things/change plan to find something that works for both you and baby.

The best tip I was given was that when someone asks if it's your first just say "No. Fourth" and smile sweetly. Tends to shut them up!