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Original poster

Was childbirth so bad you wanted to die?

122 replies

HeartofSlices · 18/08/2014 13:22

My DM and DSis had very easy births, think under 2 hrs, too quick for drugs. DM had four children, DSis expecting #2. I'm expecting DC3.

I also a similar sort of births and DM and DSis are SO negative about their births, even though they were completely quick and textbook, both saying that it was so bad they wanted to die. I was talking about a friend who is expecting her first DC and wants a waterbirth and they think I should warn her and keep scoffing that she has "no idea".

I have never had a waterbirth and haven't a clue whether it helps with pain. It's not something that appeals to me but I understand that it does appeal to her and I know quite a few friends who have loved theirs. When I was pregnant with my first I hated all that "you have no idea" crap, it's so rude. I'm not going to do it myself!

But DM and DSis think I am doing my friend a disservice talking about my experience honestly and saying that yes it was painful, but not as bad as I had imagined or as bad as it looks when you see it on TV. Obviously I have also said that this is just MY experience, and my friend isn't daft. But I don't want to lie to her. DM and DSis insist that I was "lucky" because I didn't feel like I wanted to die, and that is the experience of everyone else.

So is it? Did you think it was so bad you wished for death rather than continue?

OP posts:
OneLittleToddleTerror · 18/08/2014 14:37

weeblueberry drips makes the pain much worse and so was water broken. That's later was what the midwife told me at my afterthoughts session.

So you must have a fairly good pain threshold.

ThatBloodyWoman · 18/08/2014 14:40

No.
I didn't feel a thing with either.

SantanaLopez · 18/08/2014 14:42

It wasn't pleasant and I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't want to die.

weeblueberry · 18/08/2014 14:42

OneLittleToddleTerror That's interesting - thanks! No one mentioned that to me especially beforehand lol

sydlexic · 18/08/2014 14:51

First baby yes.
Second no.
Third, I would have shot myself if you had given me a gun.

I would experience the second birth everyday of my life rather than experience the third, he was still worth it though.

You can't tell anyone what childbirth will be like for them, my DM was in labour for 20 mins, completely natural birth, DF delivered me; everyone's experience is different.

ACM88 · 18/08/2014 14:58

Good grief, this isn't a helpful thread, I'm expecting DC1!!

How about hearing some positive experiences...please??

Childbirth cannot simply be that bad, women all over the world have children everyday. I fully appreciate it won't be the easiest hours of my life, but to say to someone you will want to kill yourself, isn't productive.

Did those who felt that way not have enough (or any) pain relief?

What was so bad exactly?

Womens bodies are designed to take childbirth, and I have heard some women say how euphoric they felt...

hollie84 · 18/08/2014 15:01

I don't think you want to know the details to be honest ACM88!

LynetteScavo · 18/08/2014 15:06

Childbirth cannot simply be that bad, women all over the world have children everyday

Yep, that's exactly what I thought when I was pregnant with DC1! But I found giving birth in a strange place (hospital), while feeling alone and scared really didn't help my body give birth. The pain was incredible. I was able to have an epidural, though, which was utterly beautiful.

I'd learned a lot by the time I had DC3....I had a home birth, and was calm and relaxed, and I can honestly say it didn't hurt at all. I didn't even need gas and air.

Some women have orgasms during child birth, apparently......

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 18/08/2014 15:06

Nope. I had a drip induction at 37 weeks. Found it quite easy - painful, obviously, but I didn't feel like I needed an epidural and definitely not like I was going to die.

I know I'm lucky though. Is there any connection with bone structure?

SantanaLopez · 18/08/2014 15:07

Womens bodies are designed to take childbirth

Urgh, I hate that phrase.

It's wrong anyway, the human birth canal is clunky (I do believe). Primates have an easier time of it because their birth canals tilt in the opposite direction.

Thurlow · 18/08/2014 15:11

Childbirth cannot simply be that bad, women all over the world have children everyday

I wonder if it is different expectations?

If you gave birth X number of years ago you knew before you went in that there was nothing that could be done to make it better. No effective pain relief, nothing to speed it up, nothing helpful.

Now there is. And even if you go into birth adamant that you will try to do it without pain relief there must be this teeny, tiny voice at the back of your head which knows that something can be done to make it better.

So in that case, psychologically, it just seems a bit worse.

FetchezLaVache · 18/08/2014 15:12

25 hours from start to finish, pushing for three, baby back to back.

It was hard work but it was absolutely fine. Never at any point thought I was going to die, or wished to.

Zara8 · 18/08/2014 15:14

ACM88 I think you just have to go in with an open mind. You do not know what labour is going to be like until it happens to you. Don't dwell on worst case scenarios, but don't delude yourself with the "women do this everyday, so it can't be that bad" naievity train of thought. You can google and read positive experiences all you like - I read all the lovely birth stories in the Ina May book! - but the reality is that a great deal of women find childbirth to be very painful indeed (I would argue the vast majority!!).

I read on a MN thread when I was pregnant with DS that someone felt in labour that if someone had offered to shoot them with a gun, they would have said yes. I thought that was quite melodramatic when I read it. Until I went into labour myself. Then I felt exactly the same. I can't remember exactly what the pain was like now, all I can remember is thinking "this is what it must be like to die in a car crash". I hope I never have to experience pain like that again. Conversely I have friends whose labours were described as "bad period pains". You just do not know what it's going to be like. And I got an epidural very fast, and it worked well. I am certain I would have had PTSD if I had not been able to have an epidural so quickly. It was absolutely terrifying. And I was in quite a calm and positive state of mind before it all happened!

I am due DC2 in 8 weeks and I am not looking forward to labour. I am hopeful it will not be as painful as last time. I am hopeful I will get access to epidural similarly quickly this time if I need it. But I will just keep an open mind, because every labour and birth (and pregnancy!) is different. Perhaps I will have one of these "bad labour pain" births or maybe it will be worse and with added complications. You just don't know. I hope that I and baby are well afterwards and that the whole thing is not too awful, in the scheme of things.

Open mind, open mind, open mind. Tis the only way to go.

lottieandmia · 18/08/2014 15:14

No I never wanted to die. But can fully accept that childbirth can be really traumatic. There are ways to be in control a bit more though if you don't have complications.

basgetti · 18/08/2014 15:14

No I didn't want to die. I had an induction at 38 weeks and it was fine. I had a horrendous pregnancy though so the birth to me was easy in comparison and a good way of bringing the suffering of that to an end! I accept I had a lucky birth experience though especially with induction and with my current (even more awful) pregnancy the birth may not go as well.

ShatnersBassoon · 18/08/2014 15:15

No, I was nowhere near wanting to die. It was very painful, but I could deal with it. I kept thinking it was going to get worse, that I hadn't yet reached the worst bit, but then it was all over.

daisydee43 · 18/08/2014 15:31

i couldnt even handle the pain from an inspection so had gas n air from start and then epidural didnt feel a thing no pain at all!!

birdofthenorth · 18/08/2014 15:44

Yes, with DC1, if you'd have offered me an lethal injection I would probably have taken it after 28 hours! Glad it's not offered, obvs!

With DC2, no. Much better labour and birth and no suicidal thoughts!

Gen35 · 18/08/2014 15:49

I never wanted to die although the pph was very scary but it's all worth it - your friend has access to a huge amount of info on the childbirth section of mumsnet covering many scenarios so you could always recommend that as a resource.

nikki1978 · 18/08/2014 15:52

No! Nowhere near that bad either time.

melissa83 · 18/08/2014 15:54

Ive had 2 water births and felt totally back to normal on the following day. Once your in the water its brilliant imo. Its supposed to hurt more lying on back and I haveheard all the ring of fire business if your not I water. In water you dont get any of that.

stargirl1701 · 18/08/2014 16:00

DD1 was a water birth. No real pain just pressure. I quite enjoyed it.

DD2 was too quick and the pool was still filling. I had her on all 4 fours with a birth ball. It was painful but bearable with gas & air.

LadyLuck81 · 18/08/2014 16:08

No. I had a water birth without other pain relief labouring for approx 4 hours. I was lucky, and yes it hurt, but from my personal experience it was manageable. I'm praying for the same again.

Now if you want to talk about how horrifically difficult I found the first 10 weeks and recovery from stitches thrown in to the mix we can. The pain of that period, emotional and physical, did much more harm to me than labour!

MewlingQuim · 18/08/2014 16:16

No I never felt like I was going to or wanted to die.

It was not the most painful experience of my life either.

I was terrified that my baby would die, had been for the whole pregnancy though (4th pregnancy, 1st live birth).

MewlingQuim · 18/08/2014 16:17

No I never felt like I was going to or wanted to die.

It was not the most painful experience of my life either.

I was terrified that my baby would die, had been for the whole pregnancy though (4th pregnancy, 1st live birth).

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