Why are people so negative about parenting?

[youbuggerz]

Apparently I'll not have sleep for another 18 years, never have any money, won't celebrate my birthday, won't ever have time to have my hair done, won't be able to have nice furniture, will be fat for years, my career will end, I won't be able to have the same hairdresser, I'll never have sex again.....the list goes on and on of things I'll

Surely if it was that bad people wouldn't reproduce or would stop at one?

...BTW I meant knowing the truth about gossip. Not the 'truth' of how things might pan out!

I won't know 'the truth' until minisquiz is out and all night feeding and doing megapoos but I have been told by a range/observed enough to have a balanced perspective.

Squiz- I know. Me too. It's not like I'm in my 20s and still live in London I'm in my early thirties in the West Country and I generally socialise at home or at other peoples.

I knew loads of executive women with children.

I've worked in childcare for 12 years and it is nothing like having your own child! Knowing that at the end of a rough day you will have time to relax gets you through, having your own isn't like that. You never get a break day or night so its unfair and ignorant to criticise those who find it hard.

Anyway back to the OP, I think people like to point out some of the negatives because a lot of new parents (not necessarily you) are totally naive when it comes to how hard it actually is.

There are some things on your list I haven't been able to do after DC2 (16m) because she is very, very clingy I.e never been able to celebrate my birthday without kids, haven't slept more than 3 hour stretches, haven't been able to get my hair done although I managed to leave her with my mmum for a whole 90 minutes on Friday night which gave DP and I our first child free outing since she was born :o

DC1 wasnt clingy but he didn't sleep through (8pm-5am was/is his max) until he was almost 4 years old, he's now 8 and still gets up at 5am!

But... And that's a big ol' but!... Although every second has been hard every single pain staking one has been worth it for all the snuggles, the giggles and the little personalities I see shining through more and more each day and when they first smiled it almost quite literally melted my heart so please don't think people are being mean, they're being honest (although slightly exaggerated) but I bet not one person who moans regrets all the effort.

Melissa- exactly. Next year baby will be 9 months old and she'll be at her grandmothers being spoilt.

Well I dont think they are true forever.

With my first I was pushed to my limits in five days with little to no sleep and was a zombie. I just got better at coping with less sleep after five years.

Going out, parties, birthdays and dates rely on babysitters, plan change at short notice from child being sick or childcare issues. You just get better at planing.

Things take longer with young children so plan for lots of extra time to do anything. Be relistic of what you can expect of a young child. A 1.5 yo is not capable of sitting in a chair for two hours so you can have a nice meal out with other adults but by five they can.

Children dont listen, play up are messy and know which buttons to press so you will improve you social skills and your tolarance.

You will feel true love and joy from your child but also the weight of responseability. Children do not come with manuals so its on the job yraining so you will make mistakes :-)

They are worth every second of pain and worry. They must be as people have more than one. Anything worth having is hard work and harded earned.

Congrats it will be life changing but in a good way xx

It depends on the child.

One of mine I could take to work with me and he would coo happily on one of those floor mat things.

The other screamed with reflux for months.

There are also lots of variable like
-money
-housing
-work
-family support
-relationship
-community
-your age and health
-your and baby's temperament
-parenting style and expectations
-current lifestyle
-peers
-supportive professionals

There have been times when it's been piss easy and people can't believe I have DCs and other times where your life.stops.dead.

Call it mothers' Russian roulette

Squatter - but not every child is the same surely. Yours are clingy, but for example, my sister's aren't. Mine might be clingy but they might not.

I remember that so well, we were constantly been told in a negative manner, how much our lives would change. Very little was mentioned about what you get back, the unconditional love, how doing these mundane chores for your little one don't actually feel mundane most of the time.
We've had 3 great sleepers, yes finances have been hard at times but it's worth it and we came out the other end. We have a lovely family whom we wouldn't swop most days for all the money in the world. Life changes when you have kids but I don't think for us it changed in a bad way, I think it changed for much the better.

Theoretically, I can leave the baby with her dad and go out on the lash with my friends; in reality I am too bloody knackered to stay up past 10pm and my tolerance for alcohol has plummeted after pregnancy and breastfeeding. Steadily working on improving the latter now though!

All the negative comments drove me nuts when I was pregnant but I think people are just trying to warn you that it can be tough at first with a baby and that it is normal to feel clueless and perhaps unable to cope. Better to be prepared for a bit of a tough time and then be pleasantly surprised than the other way round, I think.

I agree OP I had this with both DCs, the first time it was all the things you've said, none of which transpired, the second time was, "you won't get an easy one again", well I did!
Actually think it's nothing to do with how easy your baby is (well perhaps a bit to do with how well they sleep) but how much you accept and enjoy it.

Parenting is hard because with no knowledge or information you have to make deccions like: to give MMR injection to a child with egg allergy or not? Give it and risk her going into shock or not give it and die from the dessease? The docters advice you but its your child and your choice and if you make the wrong one you could lose her. The responsability of this childs life is yours and yours alone. Thats the hard part of being a parent.

Youbuggerz that's what I'm saying my daughter is clingy but my son could go to anyone, like someone else said it really is Russian Roulette with how they turn out.

I'm not being negative I'm pointing out my experience both positive and negative. I also know how utterly useless you feel when the baby doesn't go along with your well laid plans.

Squtter "You never get a break day or night so its unfair and ignorant to criticise those who find it hard."

I think you might have misinterpreted what I said.
For example - the person who relishes telling me I will 'never go out', as I mentioned, told me this on a regular night out - she was just - well, I don't know. Saying something about me and other mums? It wasn't a cry for help from her!

You've got it all figured out OP! Good for you. I'm sure all your plans will run completely smoothly. I can't wait for your book on how to raise babies successfully based on all your experience....oh no wait, you don't have a baby yet.

Maybe your book could come with a crystal ball.....the type you must be using to see 9 months into the future.

Sorry, a year into future when LO is 9 months old.

Squizita it wasn't your comment I saw it was Melissa's.

"Having your own is so easy compared to working in childcare. That's why its so amusing when parents of 1 are all argh its so hard! and you're like really?"

I have a six month old and can honestly say that each day so far has been a joy. I've been tired, yes, but I expected that. Money is a concern, but we'd planned for that. The baby is gorgeous and amazing, and I wouldn't have swapped my maternity leave, which ended last week, for anything. Couldn't care less about hairdresser's, and as for going out for afternoon tea, I've never had more opportunities to sit around eating cake... and I'm currently a stone lighter than I was pre-pregnancy. Nope, can't think of anything to complain about!

People talk bollocks.

Within 5 days of having DS 1 I was back in the gym, I lost my weight, a few weeks after he was born I was due to have my highlights done so hd a beauty forenoon with wxinf, tinting and hate er ele I wanted.

I had (have) 2 birthday dos one with DH and the boyrs another is usually a night out with mates.

Life is what you make it with or without kids!

As regards to sex I was nervous at first but we did it properly after 5 weeks when I felt ready but before that lots of affection from DH was great. Just do what you want when you want.

Sorry Squtter :)

I work in childcare teenagers and all and I'm under no illusions: ultimately at 6pm I can currently go and collapse to sleep if I so wish.
In future, it's going to be go home, dinnertime, playtime, bathtime, storytime... then as my friend who is a childminder says with a wink and only then, wine-and-bad-tv-time when I will no doubt flake out.

My typing went a bit bonkers on my last post.

To be honest parenting was a lot easier and more fun than I expected!

We got the boys into a sleep routine and DH would get up, I looked after myself and went back to my hobbies (mainly gym, gigs and cycling)

Love being a mum, love being flip chart!

In future, it's going to be go home, dinnertime, playtime, bathtime, storytime... then as my friend who is a childminder says with a wink and only then, wine-and-bad-tv-time when I will no doubt flake out.

Or...go home, dinner time, tidy, change nappy, feed, bath, change nappy again, feed again, do dishes, story time, oops change nappy, rock baby as it cries, pyjamas for baby, feed, pick up put down, sleeeeeep, baby awake, sleep, baby awake, sleep, baby awake, get up having had a couple hours broken sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Welcome to the big competition that is parenting!! People like to moan about how hard it is and tell everyone how bad things will be.
Everyone's experiences are different but I've had three and it's been fine yes there are tough days and the early days are tiring but it doesn't last long and those early days are amazing as well.
I'm expecting dc4 and can't wait him/her to arrive the first few weeks wil be tiring but so so special too. :)

God erm my comment was about a child not a baby? :) Hence referred to a child out of nappies, weaned with a later bedtime?

Unfortunately I can't have more than one child, most likely, for medical reasons. Not fertility, just medical stuff. :(

Don't get me started on the comments from some on that one, apparently I should have thought about whether to keep this one as only children will inevitably turn out unbalanced

Godlaughsatyourplabs- I'm not saying I've got it all planned out. Jesus you sound like type of person I'm talking about. Sarky and miserable bugger. All I'm saying is that people are negative and make assumptions.

Everyone is different.

Pp day 5 in gym without her baby.

Me day 5 still in hospital with a jundice sleepy none resposive baby trying to bf ff and expressing on an hourly basis 24 hours for five stright days. I had stitches, bleeding, painkillers, injections and stockings in monitoring my wee