Hi ladies
I'm 30 weeks pregnant and in desperate need of your advice please. Before I start I should mention that I suffer with very severe anxiety and OCD. So here goes..
Sorry if TMI but 2 weeks ago today I had a long soak in the bath and shaved down below for the first time in ages which is embarrassing to admit lol. Later on that night I felt more wet down below but didn't think anything of it and assumed it was because there was no hair there to absorb it anymore. The next day I went shopping and as I got out of the car I felt a small rush of fluid when I stood up (as though I was on my period kinda thing). It wasn't much but still enough to feel uncomfortable. A tiny part of me wondered whether it could be my waters leaking but I assumed it was just watery discharge and let it go.
When Monday came round I woke up for work and was feeling a bit crap -no energy, short of breath etc. After being undecided what to do I finally ended up calling in sick to work but immediately felt really guilty and anxious for doing so because we really need the money, and so this somehow led me to need a reason to justify why I was missing work.
This then led to me calling my midwife to tell her about the "leak" I'd been experiencing so she asked me to go to triage to get checked over and make sure my waters weren't leaking. I unintentionally exaggerated things on the phone but I think my anxiety did most of the speaking for me. I happily agreed thinking that it would make me feel less guilty for not going to work, as well as making sure everything is ok down below - how wrong could I be.
I got there and she checked my blood pressure and temperature as well as baby's position and heartbeat - all fine. She then wanted to examine me using a speculum to see if it was anything to worry about and also to swab for infection. I freaked out at the thought of this and told her that I really thought it was just watery discharge but she still wanted to check. She did the exam and it was just normal discharge and I also found out that I'm all clear from infections such as Group B Strep which is a relief.
However, since that day I have been extremely anxious and beating myself up about going to the hospital. I can see now how unnecessary it was and I feel like I've disrupted my complication free pregnancy for nothing. I can't stop replaying it over in my mind wishing that I'd just turned back home and not gone in. I wake up in panic attacks and I feel like my pregnancy will never be the same. I honestly can't cope with what I've done and feel so guilty for messing everything up.
Please help me. What are your thoughts?