Are big families back in style?

[Tallandgracefulmum]

I am a professional mum with 3 children expecting 4th soon, but DH and I still feel, 1 more after this, but I say 2 more ( as i hate odd number of kids for some reason) DC will complete our family.

Went out today to another kids birthday party, (like one every week :) and got talking to two women, one has 7 kids, yes 7, no twins and the other has 4 but still wants 1 more. Both are professional working mums and both said they knew of a few large familes.

Aside from my own sister, from my generation, I do not know any other professional mum who are quashing the nuclear two family norn?

I know the economic costs of having a lot of children are huge, but those on lower incomes tend to have larger families as do the very affulent.

We space our kids out 3 years, so are there any families who have choosen to have 4 or more DC if so,does anyone want to state the number they have, the job they do and how the manage a full time career with their brood.

Just being nosey :)

I love kids. When I was a kid I used to say I'd have 9.

As a teenager, I wanted none.

When I met DH, I wanted 4.

When I got pregnant, I thought, 2 would be better.

Difficult pregnancy, birth, PND, and logistics of affording to live in a good area and raise said children makes me think I'm done. Though seeing babies makes me broody as all hell.

We're putting another on the backburner for a good while. What's the age gap between your DC OP?

I know of lots of large families - I came from 4 (although one of sisters died when I was a baby), my best friend is the youngest of 5, most of my friends are from 3 or 4, and I have cousins who come from between 3 and 6 (all of us have Catholic parents which probably has something to do with it!). I didn't know any only children growing up.

As a kid I think being part of a big brood can be fun if you have enough money - I know most of my friends and cousins are great mates with their siblings and I think having enough money was easier back in the 70s and 80s. As a mother/parent I think it would awful, you'd never get a second to yourself (which some people might like, but I definitely would not).

Whether we have more then 2 will depend on what genders we have as well - if I had 2 of the same I'd be tempted to leave it at that. In my family we had 2 girls and then a boy, and it was pretty lonely for my younger brother. If we had a boy & a girl I'd be more tempted to think about a third to mix it up a bit. (This is all purely theoretical as I'm expecting our first and I HATE being pregnant).

I also have different expectations to my mum, for example - I expect to have a good career and earn good money, I'd like to continue to have a couple of holidays every year and travel overseas regularly (say every 2 years - we live in NZ so getting out of here is a lot more expensive than in the UK!), have a nice meal out with DH every so often - none of these things were a feature or an expectation of my mum's life.

ImBrian
Yes, some may not have working parents and some do, or some may have parents who work in the night or do jobs they'd rather not discuss.

My sister goes to a pentecostal church in London and she said majority of the families have large families i.e 3 or more children.

There has also been in the last 10 years a steady increase in the number of first time twins due to many factors.

Does anyone have twins as part of their large brood.

I only have singletons.

Gennz, congrats.

I love having a large family, I alwayss knew I wanted to have at least 4 kids, maybe 5 or 6 :)

But unless nature had decided for me, I would never have stuck with one, for many reasons which may not go down well here, but what the heck I will say it.

Firstly, grew up in a large family, ages of siblings, 49, 44, me then 29, so we all have different experiences to bring to the family relationship.
My mum lost a child before me, so and always said thank God she had the older two and was still young enough to have more.

So that has always been on my mind throughout my life, the brother i never knew, what would be be like, so I am so happy I am expecting a boy.

Also, my aunt only want one child, had one child, but that child passed away from cancer, was never able to have anymore, it broke her.

I started youngish just to give me much time to have more than one, even if meant that I may not end up sticking with my DH. Still together.

Lastly, my dad's eldest brother had only two children, one with mental problems at age 55 odd lives in sheltered accomodation etc, is not married of with kids, prob will not.

Second could not have any, currently 47, but did not start trying until she was 39 been married since 27 but wanted to pay off mortgage, travel, do lots of things etc first. No one will ever know if she started earlier would she have conceived, but all of these, we always had it drummed in us, not to leave it to late and "hedge our bets and have more than 2".
Saying that I do love all of my children.
I am quite religious and my hope is that I go before them.

Are you Catholic Tall? I know my mum would like us to have more than 2 (realistically 3, though she thinks "4 or 5 is the ideal number" ) but she was also very hot on us going to university, travelling, getting good jobs which somewhat curtails the breeding window.

I had a sister who died (though I was just a baby) and a friend of mine (who was one of 2) did as well - her sister died at 17. I've always had a superstitious "must have more than 2 in case one dies" sort of mindset (and I know my friend is definitely having 3 for that reason). Increasingly though, I don't think it's a good enough reason to have a child!

I started going out with DH at 19, we married when I was 27 and am only now having our first child - I'll be 33. I think that probably tells you all you need to know about my motivation to have children ...

OP not wanting to discourage you as I live big families but your logistics will get harder as the DCs get older.

Nursery age is easy- they are there 8-6, you can do a full day's work in peace.

Once they get to 8+ there will be the endless after school clubs eg music lessons, swimming, sports, homework!

You will need an au pair or nanny.

Then older DCs get to an age where 'helping out' isn't fun anymore and they refuse to pick up 3 day old food from their own room let alone help with younger DCs.

Not all schools have wrap around childcare and often d

Don't cover in service days/ Xmas hols etc.

Report back in 10 years to tell us how you managed.

I'd live to know as I intended to have a professional career plus big family but my DP will sahp to enable it.

Also, my aunt only want one child, had one child, but that child passed away from cancer, was never able to have anymore, it broke her.

You know many women can only have one, don't you? It can seem like they only want one (no one wants to say "oh yeah I recurrently MC/am infertile so can't have loads of kids").
Do you think she wouldn't have been broken if she'd had a 'spare' of some kind? Really?

You know women who suffer miscarriages don't often automatically want more to 'make up' for the lost child too?

I'm sorry. I am going to have to hide this thread because I found that post rather triggering and unwittingly offensive. Not deliberately I know, but I feel physically sick.

It sounds like a reason to have kids is to have 'spares' in case one dies!?!?

Oh, and I am Catholic. Still think 'because I can' is a bad reason to have loads... now possibly 2nd to 'in case one dies' which is just WTF.

Off to think about what happens if the only child I can ever produce dies and how I'd have 'spares' if my blood was better...

This thread is appalling. Having lots of children so if some die or fail to reproduce that's rendered ok because there are lots of "spare" siblings? If my friend loses her 8 year old dd (tragically a real possibility) her pain would be mitigated if she had 2 or 3 siblings rather than one? Good grief op I have no words.

I''m not sure that's true weatherall - or at least only if you live in the middle of nowhere and/or try and follow a kind of "one child" lifestyle with loads of organised activities for them. My 4 DSC (who live with their mum in the week, not us) just don't do the variety of clubs, activities, etc that my own 2 do - they're limited to two particular activities that they all do. It does mean they don't get as much extra-curricular things as children from smaller families, but then the get all the company of siblings around all the time instead, so don't really need as much.

But when they are all with us (every weekend) it's definitely a lot easier than younger kids would be. (They're 10-17 now). We rarely organise play dates and don't ever really give much thought to how to entertain them all - as they have each other to play with, and we get a good night's sleep and a lie in!

I don't think anyone's suggested that anyone has lots of children in order to have "spares"

But I think it is reasonable to think that if you only have one child which dies, then it is even harder than when you have others to bring comfort to you. I do know a couple who lost their only son, and I've known a couple of people who lost one of several. Was devastating for all of them. But the couple who lost their only one did lose more than a son I think - they lost completely their lives and roles as parents (and their marriage shortly after). The surviving children definitely gave comfort and meaning to the lives of the other parents.

Well that's how I read it. This weird competitive thing about number of children is very strange. Never met anyone that thinks like that in real life thankfully - peculiar.

i was not suggesting those incluing me hsave more than one just incase one dies. Sorry if I have offended anyone. I wanted more than one and it stems from knowing those who just had one or two and tragic things have happened, hence why I always wanted more kids.

Those who lose children, do't alway want to replace then, some do, some even give he same name, there is nothing wrong in that.

"don't always want to replace them" ??!!

Sorry but this is a very strange way of putting it Tall

I know that my friend wants to have more than 2 because she found it very difficult suddenly being an only child after growing up with a sibling. I doubt anyone has more children to act as replacements for the others.

I don't understand how you could ever 'replace' a child in any way shape or form, or how it would ever be ok to give a child that you give birth to later on the same name as a child who had died...? I thing there is a lot wrong with that tbh.

Gennz - Children dont have to slow you down why cant you do all that and start children young?

We dont need au pair or nanny there are wraparound 51weeks a year care for 2-15 year olds.

I get what you mean about not being able to replace a child with another, you cant - not ever. Nothing will replace that child, no matter how long or short you had them for nothing will replace that child but for me, my other children are the reason I haven't flung myself off a bridge by now after loosing two shortly after their birth too early.

They are the reason I can get out of bed in the morning and function with life. For two days each year MiL is kind enough to take the kids and give me space and leave me to pour myself into a bottle and numb the pain but I can move on from that with my other children.

Losing my babies did break me but having other children helped me to move forward with life.

I don't think it would have been possible to have had my hedonistic 20s and to have progressed my career if I'd had children young melissa

It might have worked for some people but I'm very glad I didn't start til now.

Suzietwo, I thought exactly the same.

This has to be one of the oddest threads I've read on MN; it comes across as a strange contrived boast, mixed with some bizarre notions of "hedging bets with more than 2" and loaded language like "replacing children".

Odd, odd, odd.

I must admit, I always liked being one of a small family. My mum was disabled, so couldn't work, and we were never very well off. If there had been more than the two of us, we wouldn't have had a lot of thing we grew up with (private schooling on a part shcolarship, a holiday every year etc). As it was, we didn't have a car for a couple of years because my parents couldn't afford it, and I didn't go abroad until I was 21.

But my brother died very suddenly last year, and it did make me see the benefit of a larger family. To have a "spare" sibling would have made things easier, I think, as we could have had that mutual support.

It's not meant to be offensive, and I'm sorry if I have upset anyone by saying that - I miss my brother like crazy and no-one could replace him, but when my mum died 4 years ago, my brother's support was invaluable, as I know mine was to him. It would be a comfort to have another sibling to whom I was equally close, to share our memories of growing up together, and of my brother. There's no-one I can turn to now and say, "Do you remember when...?" and that's hard.