Are big families back in style?

[Tallandgracefulmum]

I am a professional mum with 3 children expecting 4th soon, but DH and I still feel, 1 more after this, but I say 2 more ( as i hate odd number of kids for some reason) DC will complete our family.

Went out today to another kids birthday party, (like one every week :) and got talking to two women, one has 7 kids, yes 7, no twins and the other has 4 but still wants 1 more. Both are professional working mums and both said they knew of a few large familes.

Aside from my own sister, from my generation, I do not know any other professional mum who are quashing the nuclear two family norn?

I know the economic costs of having a lot of children are huge, but those on lower incomes tend to have larger families as do the very affulent.

We space our kids out 3 years, so are there any families who have choosen to have 4 or more DC if so,does anyone want to state the number they have, the job they do and how the manage a full time career with their brood.

Just being nosey :)

Fide, seems that way but is not really. Married at 22, had DD at 29 and lived in a large shared house from 2 years before marriage with DH and then DD until I was turning 32. Saved, saved saved. We decided not to get a mortgage and buy a cheaper property outright. So I guess not having a mortgage helps us spend the income all on the kids.

For the kids fees, we invest.

I appreciate it would not be easy servicing a mortgage, no family help either, not from wealthy families.

night all.

Oh I understand the even number thing for plates or lipsticks or CD-ROMS. I'm just struggling to transfer it to children.

Go on have the 5th.

It is not easy without the help, but if you keep a good routine, DH or DP is on the same page and values that housework is not just for women AND the kids help, and have roles to play ( my 1 year old has been taought to pick up a nappy when she has done a poo) that does save time.

As the children get older, it gets easier.

Regarding finances, you could downsize, I know i sounds silly, but some garden flats are huge and with bulit in multile beds, they look sleek and nice.

Nannies are cheaper, but you run the risk of illness, preganancy or then leaving etc.

I just love large familes, so I wish you good luck with your decision. My mum used to say everything will work out alright in the end.

I love even number of kids, just don't know why but do, silly reason to have a 5th and 6th, but knowing me, could be a possibility but i'd be 38 and 41 so may never happen.

Easy for you to say

It's not the silliest reason

Ah I stick by my earlier point - either v.large income or on hb to make it work.

Speaking as one of five, I think large families are totally horrible and unless the parents are amazing people with incredible organisational abilities, a bit selfish of them. But that's just me and the experience I had with my parents (divorced after fifth baby, council house after divorce, special needs, depressed mother, not much contact with father, not close to siblings at all, as was eldest child ended up taking on a lot of responsibility for younger siblings, still financially supporting most of them today).

We intended to have two and are having a surprise third, but absolutely definitely no more. Our pair are very close in age (intentionally) and very close, play together beautifully and we were just getting to the point with a three and a four year old where our childcare costs were pretty minimal. Now we're back in nanny territory when I go back to work. Damnit. Anyway, DH is self employed and that does make life easier in terms of flexibility, but mostly we make sure that there are two days a week when the DCs are in childcare full time so DH can catch up on stuff, we have a shared calendar and we have a pretty good bedtime routine. I do all laundry, big shop, batch cooking, baking and deep clean at weekends (along with incidental DIY). DH does general cleaning and hoovering and any unexpected laundry (plus garden, cats and chicken maintenance) during the week. He takes DD to birthday parties and arranges the odd weekday playdate for DS. Currently life is pretty well regulated and uncomplicated (if mortgaged to the freaking hilt). Hoping that DC3 doesn't change that :(

Yikes tallandgracefulDH and I are lawyers too and once we have more than one DC we'll be getting a nanny. Plus we have several sets of GPs close which will help a lot fwith sick days etc.

Great if it works for you it sounds a bit too much like a military operation for my liking. It just seems that where everything is planned to the nth degree it can easily collapse if one small detail goes awry.

We lived like students too for the first 8 years of our relationship & saved madly for a deposit until we bought a house - while we have a nice house with decent equity, no way are we mortgage-free.

No, I'd say they are not 'back in fashion'. I don't know anyone amongst my friendship group who has more than 3 kids, and most of my friends are now knocking on their early 40s, so less chance for more.

People a) can't afford it (or don't want to, considering the sort of lifestyle they'd be able to give 3 children, compared to 4 or 5 or 6 children), b) have run out of time (see above age thing), or c) don't want to have a situation where older children (of only 11 or so), are looking after younger children - that's a loss of childhood, and comes back to the lifestyle they want to give their children.

I used to work in a school in a big estate. There were some families there of 11+ children, but they lived off benefits and in my opinion, weren't doing a particularly good job with their kids upbringing. Those children were needy and clearly missing out emotionally at home.

I am one of 5 kids and there were 7 of us in a 3 bed house for a while that my parents did own. My mum tried working but we demanded so much of her time and attention she gave it up and was a full time house wife. She didnt think it was fair on us.
There was quite a big gap between the oldest and youngest, 11 years, so my oldest brother moved out whilst we were fairly young. My mum said it was like having 2 families. 2 at the older end, 1 in the middle and 2 younger. 1 in middle had the experience of the oldest and youngest. We had an amazing childhood and we never for one moment felt disadvantaged. I know now that the reason why we had so much was my mum had impeccable money management skills and both my parents sacrificed everything for us barely ever having anything nice for themselves. Money was always tight, but we were oblivious. My oldest and youngest are the most alike and we are very close.
Big families can be amazing. Saying that I would never want one myself. My mum loved it despite everything, but times are different, we can't even afford a 1 bed place to buy in london. I'm afraid we can only have the 2, and that's only because we want them to grow up together and not be alone.
If you can afford it, go for it. Like my mum says, you make it work because you have to.

Both of my parent are from big families, one had an amazing childhood and is still close with brothers and sisters. The other parent had an awful time and is really worried that I am pg with DC4!

I agree that it does get easier as they get older, but only for a while. Having spoken to parents with much older DC's the tough stuff comes much later on when they are teenagers and older...'the bigger the kids the bigger the problems'.

We are stopping at 4 for all sorts of reasons...

*Older child is responsible for making sure second child has bagged packed for nursery.

Nursery child has to make sure baby does not put small toys in mouth if we are busy doing something.*

So already you are making your oldest children responsible for your younger children? FGS a three year old has the responsibility for making sure a baby doesnt choke? Are you kidding with that one?

Another reason I wouldn't do it is b/c I wouldn't want to make kids share bedrooms past primary age. I shared with my sister until I left home at 18 (she was 4 years older) and I loathed not having my own space. We have a 3 bed place now which could conceivably be converted to a 4 bed if we add a bedroom upstairs - so 3 kids max (ideally 2 + a study). We also have a dog and a cat which add to the general melee (and which I treat as surrogate children)

The women I know who come from large families (5+) either have small families (1 or 2) or have chosen not to have children. I know quite a few families with 4 or 5 children and one with 6. Amongst our friends 3 is most common, with 1 or 2 about equal. A friend of mine who is one of 7 said her mother told her not to have more than 2 because of the long term effects on her body.

OP is like Xenia's protege, no?
I can't relate. I lost my mind once I got to 3DC and then I went onto have one more which seals my insanity. The stable families I know with 5+, all are working to pay their way but in none in professions that require a university degree.

Me and my husband both have professional jobs and only have one child. We couldn't afford a 2nd because we couldn't afford childcare for 2 but nor could one of be a SAHP as we couldn't pay the mortgage/bills and all other things on just one of our wages.

I am absolutely baffled how some families have 3,4,5,6 children etc. How is childcare afforded???

Not round here certainly. I know only a very few people with 4 children, and none at all with more than that (and I could probably think of over 100 families know). Except me and DP, who each had children before we met so have 6 between us. I think you're right that children do get easier in many ways as they get older. Six aged 10-17 is definitely easier than even just two aged 1 and 4. It's chaotic with so many in the house but if you live somewhere accessible (we're walking distance from town centre and on a bus route) then the challenge of helping teens to get where they want to be is a lot more manageable.

But I don't think it's common to have lots of children - and that makes it hard socially. Nobody ever invites us all round, even family struggle to have us all to stay. I miss the social life joining up with other families that I used to have as a single parent with just 2 kids.

I couldn't have a big family anyway due to medical reasons however having come from a larger (mixed - cousins and siblings) situation I agree with those who talk about sharing rooms, responsibility too young etc'. My parents were in 'careers' but it made life tough for my mum and financially too.

So personally, no - if I'm lucky I'll have 2 but most likely 1.

No not really, we know a wekk in advance who will be the back up should one DC be ill. We also, have neighbours, who we can rely upon.

What I am not afraid to do is ask someone for help, if I need it, newphews, nieces, grandparents could come over and stay night if needed.

Things do go off schedule, but I guess I am just used to in my working life and home life having back ups should things not go to plan. To be honest if you want more kids, you have to be organised.

It just easier to have uniform for each day, buy same socks so always have a pair, put bags into car night before.

Diff bed time leaves for one to one time with each child.

Seems like you want to go for a 4th but just a lil worried?

We have 4, I know a few families with 4 and a couple with 6 or 7.
I'm a SAHM I couldn't earn enough to pay for childcare if I worked. DH is a HR taxpayer so we can afford for me to stay at home.

I always used to think I would never stop wanting more children but after DC4 I'm done. I can happily hold other peoples snuggly newborns and not go home feeling broody.

I hope to go to study once my youngest starts reception in a couple of years, but I am still not sure what to do.

If nothing else I don't know if I could face another vaginal birth, DC4 practically fell out after 40 mins in labour. I found the whole experience pretty traumatic and did discuss with midwives what would happen in any future pregnancies as I am high risk so have not been able to have a home birth.

I know quite a few families with 4 or more kids. As far as I can remember, none of them have two fulltime working parents - at least one parent is normally either not working or more flexibly working. Most of them have one parent in a high earning job, some are in a "lifestyle" kind of job (ie more a way of life than a job).

Writerwannabe83

Don't be bafflled. Some people save money before having kids, space kids out, find a childcare provider whilst pregnant and accumilates vouchers for over a year to spend when leave has finished, after ending mat leave I always use my holidays to work a 4 days a week taking off one day a week from work and that usually lasts me till 7 months later.

I got a discount of 30% with the subsequent children for nursery and as they knew I was expecting again and wanted the registration, Another discount.

But if the nursery does not offer discounts it can be expensive, you shop around, and an aupair can be cheaper also.

I (but others may not to do so) cut out my beauty treatments, waxing, shellac, eyebrows/eyelash tint, roots re touch, gym membership, going out with girls, personal trainer, dry-cleaning all suits, only wear heel in the office, as soon as I need to walk outside, switch to trainers, my shoes last longer and need re heeling less often and was able to save money roughly 1200 per month.

DH stopped gym membership, sold his bikes, went to work for a firm that offered a company car, allowed him to work from home once a week goes to the barbers once a month and tops up shapes himself.

We took on a rental house when we first got together with another couple and then had a lodger for the loft room, so we lived in a nice house but like students/house sharerers, did that for nearly 10 years, so we saved for a deposit but in the end went for a cheaper property and bought outright.

Yes we want a nice 5 bed house, but we don't want a mortgage, so we are banking on prices rising, so we can move further out in surreyand trade our flat for a house.

There is no right or wrong way to do things, but just sacrifices to be made if you want a second, go for it, you don't have to stick with your original childcare options.

Many parents usually go for the most expensive they can afford with first born :)

You then have 9 months to save, or if there is nothing left to save, you have 9 months to raise extra cash through selling your unwanted possessions.

You could register as childminder and for your maternity leave look after children school drops and pickups for extra cash.

Get an early morning cleaning job, or after work bar job, get a weekend job. Retrain whilst on mat leave?

There are always ways, depends on how much you want it.