Are big families back in style?

[Tallandgracefulmum]

I am a professional mum with 3 children expecting 4th soon, but DH and I still feel, 1 more after this, but I say 2 more ( as i hate odd number of kids for some reason) DC will complete our family.

Went out today to another kids birthday party, (like one every week :) and got talking to two women, one has 7 kids, yes 7, no twins and the other has 4 but still wants 1 more. Both are professional working mums and both said they knew of a few large familes.

Aside from my own sister, from my generation, I do not know any other professional mum who are quashing the nuclear two family norn?

I know the economic costs of having a lot of children are huge, but those on lower incomes tend to have larger families as do the very affulent.

We space our kids out 3 years, so are there any families who have choosen to have 4 or more DC if so,does anyone want to state the number they have, the job they do and how the manage a full time career with their brood.

Just being nosey :)

I definitely don't want it that much

Each to their own but I think I'll stick to the one

Gosh you sound deluded. We wouldn't "save" 1200 by cutting out the treats you mention as we don't have them in the first place. Our income after tax isn't much more than that!

We'd love a bigger house (tiny ex council) but not possible on our income wihtout having started 10 years ago!

It's infuriating when people just assume everyone can be like them if they just "work hard enough" or "make sacrifices" and don't realise the role of good fortune in their lives.

I (but others may not to do so) cut out my beauty treatments, waxing, shellac, eyebrows/eyelash tint, roots re touch, gym membership, going out with girls, personal trainer, dry-cleaning all suits, only wear heel in the office, as soon as I need to walk outside, switch to trainers, my shoes last longer and need re heeling less often and was able to save money roughly 1200 per month. DH stopped gym membership, ...

Maybe that is why I feel relatively comfortable on our income (roughly £30K, 3 kids) - because we never spend money on any of that anyway.

What is "normal" varies so much across the spectrum.

Stopping at 2. World overpopulated enough IMO.

All my friends have 3 or 4 DC ( I have 3) but none of these families have both parents doing a 'big' job.

This thread is fascinating, I'm currently pregnant with dc4 and among my friends this is quite normal. I live in an affluent area of Cheshire and have several friends who have five plus children. The majority of mothers seem to be stay at home parent until the children are all at school then return to work usually part time.
I am a SAHM and don't have any plans to return to work, I know I'm incredibly lucky as dh is a very high earner and I'm able to make this decision. We don't privately educate because we chose to live in an area where the state schools are amazing and have the grammar school system. If any of the children were having issues and we thought they would benefit from smaller class sizes or more one to one time then we would move them to a local prep.
I love having a larger family and in my heart I would love one more but realistically I don't think it's going to happen. I am incredibly organised,my mum helps out occasionally,I have a cleaner once a week and a gardener every two weeks. Plus the children we have two dogs and two cats so looking after everyone takes all my time anyone who works full time with 4+ children has my total respect.

Don't you worry about the environmental impact? Say all of your six kids had three of their own, then their kids had three of their own. and to have a kid just to even up the numbers? You can't be serious.

Just seams like way to much hard work and pretty joyless.

OP sorry if I missed it but do your DC go to their grandparents during the school holidays or to holiday day care?

I don't understand why some people choose to have big families (over 3 children). But maybe that's because I only have 2 DC and am unable to have more. 2 keep us busy enough, with more, how on earth can you give each child enough attention to thrive, personally and at school, especially if you are working? What about overpopulation and draining the world's resources? It seems so selfish to not consider this.

But I do applaud you for raising several children and working as well, it cannot be easy.

Sorry but I don't "admire" people with big families - an opinion often expressed along the lines of "wow how do you do it a job and lots of kids you are superwoman etc". To me it seems selfish. Sorry if thats harsh but how I feel. Not sure the kids gain a huge amount from being in large family either.

I was one of 3 and my youngest sister was by dint of her age left out it has affected her and still does so not sure thats a great dynamic either.

I think anything more than 2 children is excessive.

3 at a push maybe but I still think that's madness

I have 3 because my number 2 was twins (18 months between the 3 of them)! That was certainly madness for the first few years

Kerala and Naice I am wary of a small selection of acquaintances who view everything: job, family, lifestyle as something to be 'won'. Usually by numbers or obvious markers.
So to them it is enormously important to have the best job (nothing modern, preferably graduate) and best (i.e. biggest) family and best (i.e. most middle class worthy) lifestyle.
Having the big family and the job title seems a very big thing to them... even if it is clearly frazzling them and their whole family.

What is sometimes lost as value is quality of life and so forth - or just quality (e.g. they might be a solicitor but not doing as well as their next door neighbour who is a schoolteacher who has been rapidly promoted, and happier in themselves... but all that matters is the job title not the full story).

I am certainly not lacking in ambition and do not spout the whole 'can't have it all' thing but to me it's only worth making these massive, life shaping choices if they actively raise the quality of life for everyone in the family: parents and children .
Otherwise to be quite frank it's a lot of work for at best children who are as happy as their peers - at worst you end up with deeply unhappy kids/parents.

Writer in what way is having 3 DC excessive?

I'm currently expecting DC3 and am terrifed about how I will juggle it all. (I work 3 days a week during term-term only, so am very fortunate as far as flexible, convenient jobs go).

My neighbours have 4 children and they appear to be the happiest, cleverest most polite children I've ever come across. The mum doesn't work but the dad works away all the time, so she pretty much does it all. She's my idol! I think some people are just born to me mothers to large broods. Me - I'm not so sure. I --barely- cope with 2 most days and number 3 is on his/her way. I take my hat off to those that do it and do it well.

More shared secrets would be very much appreciated. Especially as my hubby's job is very demanding and it's me that does 90% of the parenting, cooking, housework.

I'm not a 'professional' so to speak but I do work, part time in agriculture. I have 4 and I'm 28. DH and I don't use protection and never have. We both believe after the struggles and hardships we had to get here that every child we are gifted with is a blessing.

He works full time, we have 2 cars and own our own home (as well as our last home which we cant yet sell) and things can be tight but were happy. We get child benefit but aren't entitled to anything else, I don't think anyway. I want another one, maybe two but will take it one at a time.

Never had any of my children because it is 'in style' and never cared what anyone thought of me for having any of them but I do like even numbers come to think of it.

chicken - I meant it very light-heartedly and definitely not as a judgement on any one with 3 I just meant that my brain can't even begin to comprehend how noisy it may be

I'm even considering asking DH to have a vasectomy to make sure we don't have a DC2

xcountry - if you are only 28 and you and DH don't believe in using contraception then I'm guessing there's a chance you'll have more than just another 1 or 2 in your future

Would there ever be a point where you'd think, "Enough is enough" though and start using contraception?

Oh I see.
I have 3 boys and unless they are literally killing each other I don't hear the noise anymore!

My DH has always been adamant that he only wants one child and so even if we could afford another I don't think it would be on the cards.

Not having a mortgage must help massively.

I don't know any huge families, although DH is one of four. Most people I know round here are stopping at one or two because they can't afford the childcare. There are also a lot of SAHMs who had to give up work because childcare is ludicrously expensive. These are women who were earning £40-50k, so not low earners by any stretch of the imagination.

Couples I know where both partners have a 'profession', usually one of them has had to give up their job when a baby has arrived. They've found the working life of being a lawyer or whatever completely incompatible with having young children. What tends to happen is the woman stops work whilst the dad carries on as if he's never had a baby, only seeing them at weekends. Always on call.

Being pregnant is what stops me wanting more. My first pregnancy was hideous, second was quite good but I wouldn't want to risk one like the first again!

Xcountry do you not even use natural family planning? It is advocated actively in religions where contraception is not used and is quite easy to get the hang of, I use it.

We both believe after the struggles and hardships we had to get here that every child we are gifted with is a blessing.
Are these physical challenges or life challenges?
As someone who has had plenty of both physical and life challenges in the way of having kids, I am just a little about the idea of that being a reason to have child after child.
Don't get me wrong, there are many good reasons for having a large family but having struggled in the past isn't, to my mind, one because it's more about the parents getting more of something they were denied rather than thinking of the lives of the children.
Kids are a responsibility as well as a blessing.
Because it's OK and we can now! doesn't take that responsibility element away (although it sometimes goes to the back of the mind)

Nope, none at all. And by struggles mean I lost two, one born at 20 weeks and one born at 22 weeks sadly both never made it. I may be 28 but oldest is 11, then 7 and youngest are nearly 4 so its been a while since I have been pregnant and frankly I'm getting broody. DH and I have agreed another year then off for some laparoscopic drilling it is then

I understand the responsibility of being a parent more than most having been taken away from my own mother at 4 months old and I actually enjoy it. I'm not saying I don't have my off days or anything but I really do love it and it feels natural. Yes I fuck up and I make mistakes - who doesn't but the good outweighs the bad.

The irony is I HATED kids till I had mine. Now I'm all must work part time because I want to do the school stuff, must get time off because one of DCs is..... you get the picture.

No we don't have lots of technology or I'things, we don't have abroad holidays and sometimes when an MOT comes in at over a grand thank you fucking jeep it floors us but we are happy together and it works.