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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I have my scan next week. Shall I find out the sex of this baby or not??

89 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 22/08/2006 20:33

I keep swaying from yes I want to know to No I want a surprise.

I will list below some the reason why I want to know and why I don't want to know.

I want to know because-
I have 3 boys already and if i really truthful to myslef I would love a girl. It's only a slight sway towards wanting a girl...maybe 48%-50%. I was looking through a name book earlier and I realised that that 2% was huge to me.
Disappointed is the wrong word, it's too strong, sad ins't really right either but I can't think of the right word....but if I had another boy I would feel sad that I didn't have a girl.
If I find out now I'll be able to enjoy my 4th boy completely from the word go without having a a little sad thought that he isn't a girl.

I also want to know becuase I feel so differnet this time. I want to get my head straight and thinking sane again. Maybe finding out will help.

Finally, I'm crap with surprises. I always have to know what I'm getting for B'days and xmas and if you think about it it's one or the other, not a choice of 50...the surprise isn't that big.

I don't want to know because-
I have known what I'm having each time. I wasn't told with DS1 but always thought I saw a willy on the scan, which I obviously did. So not knowing would be a novelity

Dh would perfer a surprise so I'd love to know and see his lovely reaction at a 4th boy or 1st girl.

Lastly my mad irrational PG head thinks that if something goes wrong now, before the crucial stage where they could save the baby knowing what I'm carrying will be really really awful.
I know that the chances of something going wrong now are highly unlikely my head has been a bag of worries since I found out and this is just the newest one.

Help me out girls, what would you do?
I know if I come away not knowing I'll want to know but if I do find out I'll wish I didn't.

OP posts:

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MoreTeaAnyone · 22/08/2006 20:35

I wanted to know but wasn't able to because of the timing of my scan. Why don't you get them to write it down for you, then you could keep it safe until you have made up your mind. No rushing the decision.

schneebly · 22/08/2006 20:35

I would find out but I cant wait for surprises!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/08/2006 20:36

Find out, but dont tell dh.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/08/2006 20:36

unless he wants to know of course - wasnt suggest you be underhand.....

I wanted to know with both of mine but my hospital's policy is not to tell you.

IdrisTheDragon · 22/08/2006 20:38

Didn't find out with either (tried to with DD but she crossed her legs ) and I am glad I didn't find out.

Nemo1977 · 22/08/2006 20:38

LTH I would find out as if you think you would like to know but dont find out it will wreck your head. Belive me when having dd and not knowing what she was[due to her being stubborn] actually frustrated me. Ok was nice at end when dh got to tell me it was a girl etc but not any less special than when we knew ds was a boy.

maddiemostmerry · 22/08/2006 20:42

I found out with my fourth son. I knew quite early, 14 weeks, as had scan at Kings and they were pretty sure. I didn't want the "bet your hoping for a girl" comments. It didn't stop people though, they kept saying "Scans can be wrong, it still might be a girl" Arrrggh Seriously though, my eldest son did pick up on these type of comments and found it rather hurtful.

I would find out to prepare yourself either way. I didn't find knowing made it any less exciting.

notasheep · 22/08/2006 20:45

Have a scan at our local hospital and they will NOT tell you anyway

Tortington · 22/08/2006 20:45

i can't hold my own piss - so this wouldnt be an option for me - i would have to know

but if i could hold on - i would i think it would be fab to not know til it pops out

buktus · 22/08/2006 20:52

i had three boys and the fourth was a girl i found out with all of them as soon as i had my first scans but i really didnt expect a girl, i think i secretly wanted a girl in the back of my mind but everyone goes on about it soooo much i think i just told everyone that iwant another boy and as soon as i found out it took about two weeks to sink in and get used to buying pink, i would find out if i were u good luck

marilla · 22/08/2006 20:53

No! Don't find out! If you do you'll inevitably settle on a name and then when you've had the baby your dp will be phoning people just saying "she's had it" rather than "it's a boy!!!!/girl!!!!" - so much more of a thrill!

magnolia1 · 22/08/2006 20:53

Oh Lth!! What a silly question

You know what I feel, like you I have all same sex family (girls though) and i have this terrible nosey tendency and have to know everything!!

When we found out this one is a boy I was actually not as excited as I thought i would be and did think 'Oh no more girls' But thats another story and I am rambling!

But I did want the chance for Dh to get used to the idea if it was a 5th girl. And it makes this pregnancy seem a bit more real to know what sex.

Anyway yes I think you should but thats just because I know you want to

motherinferior · 22/08/2006 20:54

If you think you'd be seriously disappointed with one, find out?

Me, I didn't want to know either time but that is because I'm a bit of a hippy, really.

SenoraPostrophe · 22/08/2006 20:55

if you really want a girl, then probably best not to find out, because they might tell you it's a girl when it is in fact a boy. mind you, if you can handle that, then ask away!

WideWebWitch · 22/08/2006 20:58

well, well, I was told at 12wek scan that dd was a boy and I was disappointed (not having any more, already had ds) but it prepared me. Then when at 20wk the sonographer said 'er, why are you saying 'he' do you want my opinon?' and she was a girl, it SO cheered me up. And, as you know she is a girl.

So I would find out, personally. I'm a control freak who hates surprises too.

LieselVonTrapp · 22/08/2006 21:04

I found out when I got the results of my amnio and I was glad I did cause when she was born I never got to see her for a week.

Scoobydooooo · 22/08/2006 21:11

I think in your cicumstances i would find out, my friend was pg with her first & all she wanted was a girl, she said she would also love a boy at some point but for her first she wanted a girl...
Anyway she did not find out & i had a very srong feeling she was having a boy, in the end she gave birth to a boy, she is over the moon now but she did say she felt slightly weird that it was not a girl, she would not change her son for the world now, but she said she wishes she had found out so she could have come to terms with it.

nowanearlyNicemum · 22/08/2006 21:11

dd was a surprise and this one (due Oct) will be a surprise too.
I was too terrified they'd make a mistake and I'd have built up an image of who my baby was whilst pregnant and then it would feel like giving birth to another baby... but that's just me

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 22/08/2006 21:12

I'd love it of the hospital had a not telling policy.
Or if the baby didn't co-operate

Ohhhh I just don't know what to do.....

I wouldn't be disappointed with a 4th boy, not at all but I know I would feel a teeny bit sad that I'll never have a girl. I don't want to feel like even for minute.

If I did find out I'm not sure I'd tell anyone....I'd love having that secret to myself

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 22/08/2006 21:13

if not of

OP posts:

fuzzyfelt · 22/08/2006 21:15

Hi. I had this dilemma recently. I have 2 DDs and everyone was desperate for me to have a boy. I felt convinced it would be another girl and knew that I'd be a little disappointed if it was - shallow I know - love having DDs but will never say 'my son' to anyone. So we asked at the 20 week scan so that 1) we could get used to the idea of having a third girl and not be disappointed at the birth and 2) to stop all the 'I expect you're hoping for a boy' banal conversations' which honestly occur at least 3 times a day. Have not known the gender with previous pregnancies.

Anyway, we've been told babe is a boy. I'm glad we know as I feel I'm able to look forward now rather than pouring too much energy into wondering.

So I vote for finding out!

bubble99 · 22/08/2006 21:26

I think, as you've said that deep-down you would like a girl, it is probably better to find out now.

I had a DS1 and DS2 when I found out I was pregnant with twins. I was hoping that at least one of my twins would be a girl but chose not to find out what sex they were at any of my scans.

One of my twins died during labour and it was only when I woke up after an emergency CS that I found out that they had both been boys.

The pain of losing one of my full-term and healthy sons due to a major f**k up by the hospital (Healthcare Commission and legal actions are continuing) hurts to this day. It was compounded, irrationally I'm sure, by the knowledge that I'd hoped that my darling boy had been a girl during the preganancy.

The night after he died I listened to a woman crying in the room next to me. I was told by a midwife that she was crying because she'd just had her fourth girl and had wanted a boy.

I'm now pregnant with ny fourth (fifth) son and yes, if I'm honest, I had hoped that I might have a girl. When I think this, however, I think of my stillborn son's little face and feel awful that I can even think this.

I think I was destined to have four boys?

I would advise that you find out, if it matters to you, so that you can prepare and be glad for whoever he/she turns out to be.

Original poster

LadyTophamHatt · 22/08/2006 21:30

Bubble, thankyou for such a honest post.
How is Elijah getting on?
Times flies doesn't it??

OP posts:

krabbiepatty · 22/08/2006 21:34

Hmm, I think I'm in the don't find out camp. I didn't find out with no 3 recently (two boys, hankering for a girl) and was pleased to discover it was a girl. HOWEVER I do think the great surprise and pleasue of seeing the nrew baby is a great antidote for any disappointment you might otherwise feel about gender and that you don't get that (or the euphoria hormones) with a scan. Also although I was delighted to have a girl, I slightly miss the little boy I was convinced I was having, which is an interesting lesson in er something or other...

hollyhobbie · 22/08/2006 21:40

I personally think that it's better not to find out.
If I was honest with myself, I wanted a girl with my first PG, but I thought that if I kept it a surprise, then after labour I would love whatever I got.
I heard of quite a few women who had found out they were having boys at scans and were upset then. Whereas I think if they'd waited until the baby was born to find out, they would be presented with a fait accompli and be happy with what they got.

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