I have my scan next week. Shall I find out the sex of this baby or not??

[LadyTophamHatt]

I keep swaying from yes I want to know to No I want a surprise.

I will list below some the reason why I want to know and why I don't want to know.

I want to know because-
I have 3 boys already and if i really truthful to myslef I would love a girl. It's only a slight sway towards wanting a girl...maybe 48%-50%. I was looking through a name book earlier and I realised that that 2% was huge to me.
Disappointed is the wrong word, it's too strong, sad ins't really right either but I can't think of the right word....but if I had another boy I would feel sad that I didn't have a girl.
If I find out now I'll be able to enjoy my 4th boy completely from the word go without having a a little sad thought that he isn't a girl.

I also want to know becuase I feel so differnet this time. I want to get my head straight and thinking sane again. Maybe finding out will help.

Finally, I'm crap with surprises. I always have to know what I'm getting for B'days and xmas and if you think about it it's one or the other, not a choice of 50...the surprise isn't that big.

I don't want to know because-
I have known what I'm having each time. I wasn't told with DS1 but always thought I saw a willy on the scan, which I obviously did. So not knowing would be a novelity

Dh would perfer a surprise so I'd love to know and see his lovely reaction at a 4th boy or 1st girl.

Lastly my mad irrational PG head thinks that if something goes wrong now, before the crucial stage where they could save the baby knowing what I'm carrying will be really really awful.
I know that the chances of something going wrong now are highly unlikely my head has been a bag of worries since I found out and this is just the newest one.

Help me out girls, what would you do?
I know if I come away not knowing I'll want to know but if I do find out I'll wish I didn't.

Elijah is 18 months now, LTH.

You're right, time does fly.

I totally understand your wanting a girl, BTW. If I hadn't lost a son I think I would feel the same. As it is, I just hope this litle lad survives.

I'm destined, not only to have four sons, but to me the MIL from hell?

No....we'll be a new generation of MIL's and all our DIL's will worship at our feet

18months....phew....scary how it flies so fast!
There are so many "bubble" nicknames on here now, (you should have copyrighted it) I always think of you and yours when I see one.

I think, with (nearly) four boys, I should change my name to 'Ma Baker' (gangster matriach with four sons) - think 'Boney M'

What d'ya think?

I personally struggled to make the pregnancy and the baby a reality until i knew the sex.. both times this happened.
The second time I was convinced I was having a girl. Not because I wanted a girl especially but i just thought he was. At the scan I saw straight away that he was a boy but I couldn't believe it until they confirmed it. well maybe not.. even during labour i wouldn't say 'he'. anyway it did help me to find out the sex beforehand. i'm sure i would have been shocked and confused if i had found at the birth that my second baby was a boy. although i did have to check straight away as soon as he was handed to me. i just couldn't believe i could be so wrong. he was just a very quiet, gentle and much smaller baby than ds1. it made me realise that boy or girl every child is different.

sorry what a waffle. what i'm saying is -if you are hoping one way or another it is best to find out now rather than at the birth.

Oh bubble, your loss still make me weep.

But, I agree that if you have your heart set on one sex or the other it is better to find out ahead of time. If you leave it as a surprise for the big day, and then you aare disappointed, it may spoil that big day. Whereas if you are disappointed ahead of time but then get your head round the fact, you will still enjoy and cherish your first day with the baby.

up until a few days ago I felt really OK about boy or girl and didn't want to know.

I felt I would be over the moon to have a girl but then I'd feel soooo incredibly proud to be a mum of 4 boys.

Either way it felt good.....just reading that baby name book today made me realise tha I am ever so slightly swaying toward wanting a girl.

Bubble...NO...you are the original, get everyone else to change

It's so difficult isn't it?

If we say that we wanted a girl and we have a boy it seems that we didn't want the boy. Which is just not true.

I remember reading about a couple from Scotland who'd had three boys and then a girl (when the mother was 42). The girl died at three years of age in an accident and the parents spent the next few years trying to get pregnant without success, hoping for another girl. In the end they went to Italy where they had IVF and asked (as is legal in Italy) for gender selection of a female embryo implantation. The only embryos which formed were male and they decided to donate these embryos to childless couples.

I hope you get your girl, but equally I can't wait to hear about your fourth son. Does that make sense?

yep perfect sense, bubble.

no!!!!
Have a surprise!
The way I see it with mine (2 DSs already and pg with number 3), if I found out it was a boy, i think I would be a little bit disappointed and I don't want to feel like that at all but I know that if I only find out once it's born, I won't be disappointed even if it is another boy.
Does that make sense?!

Also, be aware that with three older brothers, you can kiss any ideas of girly stuff goodbye.

I had two older brothers and my mum bemoaned the fact that I was only fleetingly interested in dollies/dresses etc. I was into action men and tanks.

I often think that if I was to have had a daughter, I'd have liked her to have been my first born. Some friends of ours have had a girl after three boys and, when we last saw them, she turned up (aged two) clutching Power Rangers.

My mum, although she says that she wanted a girl (me), was definitely 'tuned in' to boys and we don't have a particularly 'girly' relationship.

Have you got brothers or sisters, LTH?

I vote for finding out.

I didn't find out for my first 3. I was utterly convinced my first was a boy and was totally gobsmacked when it turned out to be a girl. Totally fell in love with her from the off tho.

2nd was a boy but I didn't care at that point what it was. It was in fact ds1.

With the third, again I didn't mind and was thrilled to have ds2.

Then my marriage broke up, I spent 5 years on my own, then met dh. We decided we wanted kids but didn't find out the sex of our 1st but dh's disappointment was tangible when ds3 popped out as he secretly wanted a girl of his own. As we reflected on the birth and realised how lucky we were not to lose him when the cord was wrapped dangerously round his neck and the rescus trolly rushed into my bedside and the doctor called, we counted our blessings that he was born alive and well.

Then with my 5th (our 2nd) dh again was desperate for a girl and kept joking that he would send it back if it was a boy. At my 20 week scan I had to know. I would not have minded another boy but I knew dh would need time to come to terms with it if it was a boy. As it was it turned out it was another boy and I'm glad we did find out. dh was disappointed too (Iknow what you mean lth when you say this is too strong a word but ykwim). He was silent on the way back from the scan having discovered we were having another boy and I was sad about that. I kept telling him he should be grateful he was having a healthy baby. I was worried he wouldn't bond with him and he really did need that time to adjust to knowing he wasn't going to get his little girl. He still wants that girl though

Ooooh LTH
Am facing much the same dilemma but I have one of each but ds is not dp's son, so dp and I have a dd together.
DP would like this one to be a surprise
I HATE surprises
I think it's a boy, I do not really mind either way, although if I could have chosen I would actualy have chosen a girl - I think dd would benefit from a sister but boys are equally cool as I already know from my ds
I "knew" with ds and dd and had scans to prove my correctness. I wish to do so again.
Am gradually wearing dp down but wondering maybe I should not find out, would it be character forming?

i recently had my fourth boy.
i said i did not want to know at scan

but

and its a big but......

went back two days later and asked. It was a boy and i wept not proud of it!

however on the day of his delivery (valentines!) i laughed when dp said 'yep its a boy' which made it all ok. My pg was very different and i did secretly think it was a girl so knowing before was prob a good thing.To feel so disappointed at delivery would have been awful.
Its your shout!!!

awww bubble just read the whole thread.
I knew about your loss but did not know you knew this one was a boy.
I think you speak sooooo honestly about it all and what you say makes so much sense. 99% of the time i am SO so so grateful for my five healthy children. I am ashamed of my feelings about wanting a girl. I know they are selfish and superficial. However i still have them ( I am rambling) and much as i want my feelings to go away they dont.
Boys are just lovely anyway and i would not be without my loves.
I cant bear the way i am portrayed as a butch,domineering, ugly bully by the press just because i have boys - that does hurt!!!
I hope you find out lth and I hope its a lovely one!!!

LTH we found out with dd1 - but after finding out about the down syndrome and the heart defect we figured we were due some good news.

I wanted to know with no2 but she was shy and would not reveal anything even at 36 week scan.

Not sure about no3 - probably will ask just in case.

LTH - I am in the surprise on the day camp. Really feel that after all that hard work you deserve a surprise!

I've been awake since h went to work (at 5am!!) and think I've decided that I will find out.

but

I feel like I should wait because for some strange reason I feel it might make the labour easier. All the excitment of not knowing until he or she pops out will great.

but then again

I really hate the idea of feeling sad, even thought I know it would only be a fleeting moment. It would be a vicious circle because I'd feel sad and disappointed at myself for feeling like that....
I think this out weighs the first point.

Bubble, I have a brother and sister. As a little girl I virtually lived in my brothers pocket. I'd sit on the crossbar or parcel rack of his bike and he'd take me to the old scrambling motorbike track to watch them. He'd practice his judo throws on me (he's 10 yrs older), I loved it, I was such a boy!!
My sister and I always argued, to the piont of fist fights as I got older. We get on really well but I've always felt closer to my brother. We're like peas in a pod, I even called him when I was in labour with ds3, (infact any big issues I have I alway call him first). He's my big brother and he rocks

I think I've always got on better with boys so favouring a little pink bundle this time goes against the grain if I think about it.

oh, missed the D off DH.
He's not in my bad books ATM...although leaving he alarm to beeeeeep at 5 am was a tad annoying. Maybe it's my subconscience(sp??) mind dropping the D

Hi LTH

I posted yesterday on Jan thread to say we are not finding out but if I had had a boy the 1st time I know I would desperatley (spelling!!) want a girl this time as I have an older brother and like you tend to call him 1st in a dilema because we have such a special bond (as kids we hated each other till our teens and since then got on so well that when he does eventually settle down he's 29 and quitehappy being single and living in his bachelor pad I will be so jealous of his wife but I will be a nice SIL!)

Because I have a DD I'd secretly love another girl because when they are older they'll be able to go shopping/clubbing etc together like many of my friends did with their sisters. Also DH is desperate for a boy and since this is definaltey the last baby in this house I'd hate for him to be dissapointed if it was a girl (not that he'd mind just I think when the baby has been born he'll love it whatever but maybe the apprehension of knowing its anothe girl would dampen it a bi does that make sense)

However, after all of that I'm glad you re finding out because I love knowing what other people are having!!

Ohhhh....really can't decide!

I keep re-reading the thread and changing my mind.

I didn't know with DS and it was indeed a lovely surprise, but (although I'm only very recently pregnant with number 2) I think i will find out before with this this one because:

I'm at a bit of a loss for names nad it'll help us make a decision.

We're broke and it'll help me get organised and know what hand me downs I can accept and give me time to get ebay and vintage bargains.

When we eventually tell him,I think it'll help DS1 prepare - he's currently very keen on having a sister called Marshmallow

I got really fed up last time with all the dull discussions where all my mates thought we knew but were keeping it from them.

Should the very worst happen I think it would help to have "known" the baby as much as possible - I have a close freind who lost a son just hours after he was born and she said it helped having known he was a boy throughout her pregnancy

Yes i think you should, I am in two minds about finding out but if i do find out i will keep it to myself. DP doesnt want to know until nature takes hold of me!!! So if i do find out it will be my secret. The look on DP face when DD came out was enough of a surprise for me.

I had my 20 week scan the other week and we finally decided NOT to ask. The main reason being I knew I couldn't keep it a secret so would tell a few friends then before I knew it half of the parents at ds's school would know and it was too personal for that.
Also, at the time I was leaning towards wanting another girl and although I knew at the time of birth that I would be delighted with a boy I didn't want to have even a mild moment of disappointment at a scan.
As it was as soon as I saw the baby's face on the scan I didn't care whether it was a boy or a girl - 'it' was so perfect and beautiful. I told this to dh when we came out and he asked if I had heard the sonographer accidently slip out the words 'his hand/her hand'. She then apparently started and corrected herself. So now we feel we sort of do know the sex - but without being sure, and it's really weird. I keep trying to think of names for the other sex but it's impossible to commit to them seriously now.
And I'm not revealing what she said.