I have my scan next week. Shall I find out the sex of this baby or not??

[LadyTophamHatt]

I keep swaying from yes I want to know to No I want a surprise.

I will list below some the reason why I want to know and why I don't want to know.

I want to know because-
I have 3 boys already and if i really truthful to myslef I would love a girl. It's only a slight sway towards wanting a girl...maybe 48%-50%. I was looking through a name book earlier and I realised that that 2% was huge to me.
Disappointed is the wrong word, it's too strong, sad ins't really right either but I can't think of the right word....but if I had another boy I would feel sad that I didn't have a girl.
If I find out now I'll be able to enjoy my 4th boy completely from the word go without having a a little sad thought that he isn't a girl.

I also want to know becuase I feel so differnet this time. I want to get my head straight and thinking sane again. Maybe finding out will help.

Finally, I'm crap with surprises. I always have to know what I'm getting for B'days and xmas and if you think about it it's one or the other, not a choice of 50...the surprise isn't that big.

I don't want to know because-
I have known what I'm having each time. I wasn't told with DS1 but always thought I saw a willy on the scan, which I obviously did. So not knowing would be a novelity

Dh would perfer a surprise so I'd love to know and see his lovely reaction at a 4th boy or 1st girl.

Lastly my mad irrational PG head thinks that if something goes wrong now, before the crucial stage where they could save the baby knowing what I'm carrying will be really really awful.
I know that the chances of something going wrong now are highly unlikely my head has been a bag of worries since I found out and this is just the newest one.

Help me out girls, what would you do?
I know if I come away not knowing I'll want to know but if I do find out I'll wish I didn't.

cupcakes, at all of my scans with the ds's the sonographer has said that, TBH I think they say one or the other on autopilot, saying he (or she) to all babies they scan regardless of what sex.
God...does that make any sense at all??

that does make sense and that's why I'm anxious that I now think it's one thing when her comment might not mean anything. Dh thinks it was a genuine slip up because she corrected herself afterwards and continued using 'it'.
But I know what you mean - I wish that I could have gone back and asked her what she meant.

I had an awful dream last night.

I woke up feeling lik eshit because I dreamt that firstly the baby was born in hospital and they treated me like shite but alos that I had another boy.
I was really gutted in the dream (more than I would be in RL....Ihope!!). I felt awful. I was almost in denial, people were asking me what I;d had and I was telling them I didn't know, because I hadn't dared to look even though I'd dressed him myself.

I woke up feeling really shitty because of the way I felt in the dream.

I've got to find out because if i feel even a tiny bit like I did in the dream it would be awful.

It is so on your mind now. It is obviously a really big things to you and I think the best way is to find out. If it is another boy you can have that moment of sadness now before he is born and then get on with bonding with the thought of another son. By the time he is born you will be so excited and so in love with him you will wonder why you wanted a girl. If its a girl then you have a few more months of hugging that secret to yourself.
Good Luck c

That exactly how I feel flowerpot.

I can't feel any sadness once the baby is here because I know it will spoil the early days with my lovely little bundle.
I can't let that happen.
Blimey I feel bad enough feeling like it now....God know what it would do to me if I didn't find out

If I find out now that feeling will be gone by the time he arrives.

Message withdrawn

LTH i would defo find out because of the way you are feeling it will give you the time you may need to get used to the idea of another boy, whatever happens when your bundle is here i don't think for long you will feel sad because babies are just adorable & you can not help but adore them when you first see them.

Goodluck & i really hope you get a girl, you deserve one

Is this pregnancy any different at all? does it feel different in anyway or anything, i know sometimes this is just a myth but my pregnancy with dd was completely different than ds & if i fell pregnant again i think i would defo know what sex it was by the way i was feeling. So sometimes it's not just a myth sometimes it's true x

I feel very differnt this time, scooby.

The biggest thing is that I'm not especially enjoying it. I've loved being PG before, I love the special feeling of making/growing a new person. I loved the attention it gets you{blush}.
This time I'm just kind of ignoring it all....

I cna't wait to hold my new baby (boy or girl!!) but with the DS's I loved everyday of being PG too. This time I want to just get to end result.

The other difference is my complete and utter horror at the thought of sex. I wasn't exactly a playboy bunny sex kitten before but this time there is a total sex ban. Total and utter...complete ban. I really mean nothing at all. Even a cuddle feels me with dread.

There are a few other things that are differnet too but I'll go and on if I start.
Anyway they all make me think I'm having a girl, which I think is makeing the whole thing even worse.
In my imagination I have a girl so if I do have boy it's like I've been totally wrong throughout the whole PG.

I hope to god I never fall PG but accident again. I sure all this(and all the other crap I've wittered on about since finding out) comes from the fact that I was so utterly flabbergasted at seeing the +ve result.

I am sorry your feeling like that LTH i know what you mean by the sex thing i was exactly the same when pg with my dd (sorry dont want to get your hopes up) but with ds i was like a sex maniac i just could not get enough with ds i was also very angry in the well i felt but with dd i was very emotional & would spend the whole time crying, i was also very very ill with dd at the beginning it was between week 7-10 i think & i could hardly leave my bed i felt sooo bad but again with ds i was fine.

I have never really told anyone this before but i will share it here, when i fell pg for the 1st time i had always wanted a girl, i used to sit & dream about dressing her in pink & all the great things we could do together, well i fell pg i really thought i was going to be having a girl & dp kept saying he though the same etc etc (really he thought we were having a boy,but never wanted to say) i went for the scan & we decided to find out i had to know if it was the girl i had been longing for, when she said it was a boy i was slightly taken back & felt a little bit of sadness come over me, when we left the hospital we walked outside & dp hugged me & said i sorry darling (which of course he should not have said after all i was having a baby & no matter what i would love & aodre it) but i cried, i actual felt that sad i cried.

BUT the next day i woke up & i felt fine i had already got over it & i was getting used to the fact i was having a boy, my sadness never lasted long at all & by the time i gave birth i was well & truly over it the minute i saw ds i loved him & i did not for 1 second feel sad. I was so glad i found out because it gave me time which was something i needed.

Funny thing is now i have ds & dd & if i ever have anymore kids i want a boy i love boys, i adore dd but only want 1 girl.

Goodluck LTH & dont panic you will be fine either way xx

I lost my dd twin really early on.I couldnt accept that i still had a child inside me there was no bonding.Any baby to come would be a bonus.My feelings on this continued for a couple of months.I went for a scan and on the advice of the midwife i found out.It was for me the best thing, I could give my child a name gave me time to get my head round the whole thing.It is a personal thing but for us it was what started our bonding process off.
If the original poster of this thread finds out and it isnt the sex she is more hoping for it might just give some breathing space to get her head round it all rather than giving birth and having to cope with those feelings then.

LTH, I was gutted to find out that DS2 was a boy at a scan just before he was born. Hoewever, I'm glad I found out then and not when he was born because there was no disappointment at the "It's a boy!" bit and, of course, I fell in love with him straight away. I didn't tell DH I knew what it was though so he still had the surprise.

I desperately wantesd to know what BayDragon was but as the scan approached, I realise I actually didn't care this time round. I think I would have had a little twinge of sadness that none of my girl names would get used and that I wouldn't be able to name my DD after my gran but I didn't care nearly so much. We did find out (and told no one - snort!) and I was, quite frankly, terrified at the thought of a girl. I didnt let myself believe it until it was confimed at a 38 week growth scan. Perversely, part of me kind of misses the boy gang now

As an aside, if you're having a home birth do you fancy borrowing a birth pool?

Soupy, Dh keeps asking me if we're going to find out now. I still want him to have a surprise though.
I can't really keep it from him if he wants to know though can I??

On the birth pool thing. I've been thinking aboutthe actually but How does it all work? does it ahve to be set up weeks in advance? My ds's would wreck it within minutes.
How long does it take to fill?
I'm really hoping for another fast birth so if it's anything like ds3's I'll be holding the baby in less than 2hours.
I imagine the take yonks to fill....and then what do you do with all the water after?
Where in the house do you have it?

If you're serious I am toying with the idea (just need to think of a way to keep the DS's away from it)

Johanna, I am the original poster{smeil] yes I'm still goingon about it[smeil]

If I was in your position LTH I would definitely find out. I found out with dd (she is an only so far) as my curiosity got the better of me in the end. I can't bear having the opportinity to know something and not knowing it iyswim.

I'm probably not the best person to give an opinion though, as I was the sort of child who would ransack the house all through December to find out what I was getting for Christmas .

Did you find out when you were having your ds3? If you did, how did you feel about having a third boy? Would your feelings be any different on finding out you were having a fourth?

And most importantly (as I said, I have to know everything ) are you going to tell MN if you do find out?????

Cheesy, we didn't find out at the 20 wek scan with ds3 but then i had a late scan at 34 wks I just couldn't wait any longer. I just had to knwo.

I was really chuffed to be having another boy even though right up until the morning of the sacn I thought I was having a girl. i came out of the scan grinning like a loon and DH said "well I can tell it's girl because of the grin on your face"
Hah...obviously not!

If they can tell me, I don't know if I tell anybody TBH. I want to get stuff straight in my head so keeping it a secret might be best.

Ah right LTH sorry I should have checked i read the thread then the door went then the phone you know how it goes lol.
For what its worth i didnt know with ds but did with dd and my feelings when they were born were just the same,however second time if i hadnt found out I doubt that i would have just typed that.

I think you should find out LTH. My SIL has just had her 4th son, they decided to find out at their scan as she was desperate for a girl and like you dind't want to be dissappointed if she had another boy.
I think as you've already got 3 boys, it would be nice to know and gives you plenty of time to adjust to whatever the outcome is.

I am 28 weeks pregnant and am still humming and ahhing over finding out - at the minute we are sticking with not finding out pureyl because we only have 1 DD so planning isn't really necessary, plus I think I would be dissappointed with myself for finding out. I love the whole "What did we have" moment afterwards
Bubble, I cannot believe Elijah is 18 months now Its gone by so quick - I also get confused by all the bubbles around now too.

I think you should find out. Have them write it and put it in an envelope if you're not sure you want to know or if your DH wants to. I knew DH didn't want to know (it's why we'd not asked at the 20 weekscan) so kept quiet. It was only 5 days though. And, of course, I'm good at secrets

Birth pool - will start different thread

Thing is, you don't lose the surprise, you just bring it forward.

pool

soupy...that is a brilliant thought , absolutley spot on!

I love that.

You could have it put in an envelope and take it home to make the discovery more special.

True Soupy. Would you be able to know and not tell DH though LTH ? I considered this but knew there was absolutely no way I could keep it to myself.
You have to tell us if you do decide to find out, even if you don't tell DH

Love the envelope idea. Even if you're sure you want to know it's much nicer to find out when you're comfortably settled on a sofa at home, and your dh can choose whether or not to be with you when you find out. He doesn't even have to know that you know if you would both prefer it that way.

My hubby didnt want to know he left the room when i was being told.On the way out he asked me and i would have kept it to myself.I think we got as far as the car park before he knew he too says it made no difference knowing in advance.