Any else want to hurt the woman on OBEM who was 'devastated' when she kept having boys?

[Emberlina76]

I mean. What???
Clearly never lost a baby or desperately wanted one and couldn't have one. Very very annoying.

Empathy tells me that most people would be hurt at hearing their mother express disappointment with their birth

I should probably step away from deliberate inflammatory conversation.

Who is being deliberately inflammatory?

We have no way of knowing if her sons will be hurt or even care, or even live to see it.

Some people are not bothered! My mother had a boy's name chosen for me. Meh. Let me hate her forever.

I've never suffered pg loss or fertility problems but I also agree that she was vile. We find out tomorrow what we are having and I honestly would be over the moon with either - our main hope, like all parents, is that it is happy and healthy. And the stuff about mother/daughter bonding is crap - it's more down to personality and raising than gender imo.

I watched it last night on 4OD and found her an utter disgrace. I could've thrown something at my TV. She was clearly "anti-men" and I felt her own mother was too, talking too much about how men had let her down and hurt her. I feel really sorry for her 4 sons because it doesn't matter how she is with them at home, the fact she's gone on national TV and said she wouldn't have had them if she'd had a girl first, will always make them feel second best.

I was hoping and praying that another boy would pop out and she'd have to take her stupid pink blankets back home with her.

I have two adorable boys and am pregnant with DC3. I have no intention of finding out what we're having but I'm already sick of people saying to me "I bet you're hoping for a girl aren't you!" If I DO have a girl she'll be no more loved than my two boys. My children are my life - regardless of their gender.

I hope that ghastly woman's daughter grows up to be a real daddy's girl. It would serve the retched woman right.

As others have said, it's very natural to sometimes have a preference, but to say the things she said was a disgrace.

Ha, and she looked at least 45 - not 33. Nothing at all likeable about her.

I found her very uncomfortable to watch. Speaking as someone who has experienced pregnancy losses and the mother of a PFB DS.

My DS is for life, i am currently pregnant and if i have a DD she will be for life too. But i also want them both to move on and be independent and not beholden to me (and vice versa)

She was thick as pigshit (and no way was she 33 - i am flattered though as i am 8 years older than her and i would like to think i look a damn sight better than that!)

I can't say I warmed to her, but I think her weirdness about gender was underpinned by some very painful experiences so I'm not going to judge.

Therapy might've been/might be a good idea to resolve any lingering issues.

Loved the young couple - the lad was such a sweetie!

The comments on this thread regarding her appearance are totally uncalled for, btw.

I don't think anyone is really suggesting that the poor woman should be 'hurt' because of it, she quite clearly has some issues.

But even then, this doesn't change the fact that her sons will be aware that they only exist because of their mother's desire to have a daughter and that's just not right.

I live near that lady.. I might have words when I see her how selfish and cruel if her sons watch that one day!

Oh it's heavily edited, she had heard that message all her life and the vitriol on here- particularly about her appearance - is uncalled for. I'd wager good money on her being unfairly represented following lots of leading questions.

You could edit my day down to a couple of jokey snapshots and make me look like an awful Mum. You'd be wrong, but you could do it.

I don't think anyone is really suggesting that the poor woman should be 'hurt' because of it, she quite clearly has some issues.

Oh, OK. I get it now.
When we mumsnetters say something as clearly as "anyone else want to hurt the woman..." we don't really mean it of course and shouldn't be judged.
But when a woman with issues, edited on TV, after giving birth says something she's free game and must hate her boys (especially because she looks a bit unfortunate too).

stupid woman i have 3 sons .and i can,t imagine my life any other way .i adore all of them .god one even loves shopping lol

CLEARLY I didn't mean actually hurt the woman, it was a tongue in cheek / jokey way of phrasing a topic regarding something that wound me up and is close to other mums betters hearts, and I reacted whilst watching it having a DS myself and having lost 3 babies. I mean, some people must really have had a sense of humour bypass if they seriously think that anyone would want to go and hurt her over it. Christ almighty.

She had a terrible attitude but agree comments on looks not called for. She just seemed a bit daft. Hope her boys don't watch it when they are older.

I have experienced 16 losses, I'm now 22weeks with a healthy baby boy and couldnt be happier.

However if I should be lucky enough to have a second I secretly would want a girl, but if we see boy bits again I wouldn'tcare, i would just begin covering my house in foam and protective equipment ready for two boys haha

squizita i don't think anyone is suggesting she hates her sons either tbh. And i don't see how her looks are relevant. Mentioning her appearance doesn't make you any better does it?

FWIW she wasn't saying those things after she gave birth, she was saying them in her pre-recorded bit.

All i was trying to say is that its awful that she feels like that and freely admits it, issues or no issues.

JRMumma It's not about your post at all. I had to go back and find yours, it's nothing like the OP or many of the posts here.

Read through the judgy, nasty tone of the early thread. The 'crowing' about her looking older than her stated age from numerous posters (and mentioning something, without mocking, is not the same: it is very hard to call someone out for mocking something without mentioning what they're doing).

But please don't patronise me with claims of affronted PC kindness when I'm commenting on pages and pages of Daily Mail comment style vitriol. Someone even suggests confronting her in RL! It was getting really weird.

Again, not in response to your post.

I reacted whilst watching it having a DS myself and having lost 3 babies.

I think almost everyone - on both sides - failed to see this as a joke post, OP. If you didn't want a sense of humour bypass, perhaps keep any mention of pregnancy loss away from the 'hurt' joke? I mean "Anyone want to hurt" might just seem like a joke... until in the box you see "Clearly never lost a baby or desperately wanted one and couldn't have one." ...then it all seems more serious. And lots and lots of replies were really angry (including one reply suggesting they were actually going to approach her in real life!!).

Having also lost multiple pregnancies, I've rarely met someone over the years in our situation who 'jokes' in the same post as raising the topic of the losses. Far more likely genuine frustration and anger.

I think a lot of replies here are quite angry. I didn't see many joking happy posts in reply though- quite a lot of anger from those who agreed with you. The 'jokes' were mainly slagging her off and name calling, so I really don't think anyone thought it was a joke post.

I also think it's ironic that so many people (not you- the thread as a whole) slate someone for speaking unwisely with real bitterness and bitchyness ... then get defensive when they feel someone who has never met them now thinks they're (or even, more accurately, some other people on the same thread who agree with them) using harsh words.

Ah c'mon ladies it's not like anyone has outright called her a munter or anything.

Or have they? I could have missed something tbf.

She looks a smidge older than 33 that's all i was saying.

I very very rarely post anything on here. I can count on 1 hand the amount of posts I've written. Now I know why. It's really annoying and upsetting that you are picked apart on here for anything and everything, even when that wasn't the actual point. Also a bit offensive to say that people like us who have suffered losses shouldn't or do not or however it was put 'joke' about it. Am really really NOT joking about the fact of pregnancy loss am I? I mean really? I was making a joke / tongue in cheek / light hearted approach to the way I felt about the woman, who I didn't agree with and, after all, we are all entitled to opinions. I'm assuming that everyone who is up in arms about the title has NEVER used a phrase they don't literally mean ever in their lives? Well, that's me told anyway.

ithought to be fair, yep yours were jokey.

Not all of them were - don't know if you've read them all but some call her 'horrible', 'vile' etc' it all gets a bit

And for the record. I didn't comment on her appearance or anything like that. I just have an opinion on how I felt about it.

Emberlina In all honesty? If I am genuinely angry about something relating in any way to my losses, I do think extremely carefully before I post. Very carefully, it's such a raw topic - hence I thought when you mentioned 'hurt' it was honestly real.

And I can count on one hand those posters who agree with me not you on this thread.

Am really really NOT joking about the fact of pregnancy loss am I? I mean really? I was making a joke / tongue in cheek / light hearted approach to the way I felt about the woman, who I didn't agree with and, after all, we are all entitled to opinions.
I'm really sorry for this offense caused. :( But I was reacting directly to the post before where you said it was a joke and you seemed puzzled anyone would actually think you were serious.
I wasn't saying you couldn't put a joke next to mention of losses at all - I would never tell someone what they should feel post miscarriage - but I was just trying to explain how/why it didn't seem like a joke to so many posters.
I now stand corrected, it wasn't a joke after all.

I feel a bit mean now though. Soz Babs or Paula or whatever your name was... lady off of OBEM... no one wants to hurt you really. You ruffled some serious MN feathers though. It's easily done.

What I actually said in my last post was 'CLEARLY I didn't mean actually hurt the woman, it was a tongue in cheek / jokey way of phrasing a topic regarding something that wound me up' - I am unsure how you saw that as a joke about how I felt about pregnancy loss. The topic was about her gender preference and the way she approached it, NOT pregnancy loss. I mentioned that after in discussion, whether I had sufferred loss or not, I would still feel the same about it. Anyway, as you say, I dont need to be told how to react to my loss, as I dont really need to be told what I should and shouldnt write and how I should phrase things. There have been almost 100 posts on this and a lively discussion, yet I am being focussed on for the exact wording of the title? Time to come off of Mumsnet I think, what a shame, I have found it useful for advice and just lurking and reading whilst I have been going through a difficult pregnancy but I genuinely cant really stomach this.

Quite upsetting. Everyone has their own lives, traumas, stories and opinions - I am a very positive person, and also deal with the many many blows that life has thrown me in a positive and humourous way, when I can, to get through. Apologies for the one word that I clearly chose wrong, in a lighthearted way, regarding a woman who set herself up for ridicule by behaving like that on TV - because thats the point in this whole thing obvously.