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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Any else want to hurt the woman on OBEM who was 'devastated' when she kept having boys?

110 replies

Emberlina76 · 08/04/2014 06:59

I mean. What???
Clearly never lost a baby or desperately wanted one and couldn't have one. Very very annoying.

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Ludways · 08/04/2014 10:11

I have one of each and that attitude gives me the rage. I had my ds at the same time as a friend had a dd, she actually made a 'I'm so sorry you had a boy' pitying face at me and said "oh what a shame" I was furious!! I was thrilled when she had a boy the next time.

The saying "a daughter is a daughter for all her life, a son is a son until he finds a wife" gives me the rage for both daughters and sons, my son will always be my son no matter what and my daughter will have her own wonderful life, she will not feel beholden to me.

crispyporkbelly · 08/04/2014 10:22

I haven't had any losses and I still think she was an idiot

EsmeWeatherwax · 08/04/2014 10:26

Oh dear. I saw the blurb about this and hoped they were just trying to sensationalise this. Obviously not. Horrible dozy mare.

blamber · 08/04/2014 12:21

I really hate her and her family's attitude, but it's clear they have all had major issues in their lives that led them to believe a daughter is the best to have. Firstly, the grandmother lost her daughter when she was pregnant with that woman, maybe leading her to mollycoddle her all her life. Then the dad was never around and it sounds like the woman was in an abusive relationship. She just doesn't trust men and think they won't stick around. The whole family seems to feel that way. I feel bad for her sons, even if she is a great mother, some of those feelings must rub off.

OnABabyDiet · 08/04/2014 12:45

Yes, I wanted to hurt her. She's a hideous, selfsh creature. I dread to think how inadequate her sons will feel if/when they watch this show in the future.

I have a DD and am currently 16+4 with DC2. I do not have a preference when it comes to gender but I will get very cross if it's a boy and constantly get "ooooh, how lovely, one of each!" SO. WHAT??
I wanted 2 healthy children and I will feel very blessed to have them (fingers crossed). What's so amazing about "1 of each" and why do people feel the need to say it?

Seminyak · 08/04/2014 13:09

Wow! Poor boys. Poor girl! Heaven forbid she's a tomboy, or more boyish than her brothers!

HaroldLloyd · 08/04/2014 13:15

Bloody hell. I also feel sorry for the little girl, all the weight if that expectation on her shoulders.

Glad I missed this one.

22honey · 08/04/2014 16:32

I think 'gender disappointment' is very different to having a miscarriage or losing a baby (I have miscarried and it was devastating and theres no way it can be compared to not getting the sex you hoped for). It is not the same thing at all and although it comes across rather self entitled and pompous when someone says they prefer either gender or are 'devastated' about having a boy or whatever, I do believe their feelings are still valid and there is often deep subconscious psychological reasons for their feelings. I think its actually quite common for people, particularly women to be disappointed by a certain sex, it seems to be mostly boys from my experience. However in RL it is not acceptable usually to say anything.

I am having a girl this time (its my first) and the only thing I was interested in at the scan was if the baby was healthy, the surprise of what sex it was was just a pleasant after occurrence. I have to say I am glad I'm having a little girl but only for the baby clothes, she might well hate pink etc when she grows her own mind!

SIL, the same age as me who had her first who is a boy last year and never seemed that happy about the fact he was a boy, has shown her obvious jealousy and has said 'I'd like a little girl at one point' several times, I did think what if you never have a girl? Many people don't. I truly think some women do have a deep longing for a little girl and it is usually for the wrong reasons (want a mini-me, want a best friend, don't want to be the dreaded MIL, worried about the fact their sons may have a wife/gf who comes before them one day and other rather selfish reasons)

Have a look around the internet and you will see how common it is for women who only have boys to be disappointed and feel something is missing in their lives. It is very sad IMO, particularly for their little boys. Its very selfish I think to keep having children in the hope of having either sex one day. My DM had girls only, her 3rd and last pregnancy being a surprise and she has admitted to us that she was teary for a week upon finding out the last DD was another girl as she knew it would be her last one. I honestly think it is very common for people to have preferences (but I think with DM she would have just liked to have both), funnily enough my mums youngest DD was the apple of her eye and has been a right mummys girl ever since she was born, she is also the most like DM and they get on the best out of us all and DM has said once she saw her she wouldnt have changed her for the world, so I think its unusual for someone to still care once they have their baby. DM has said though that she much preferred 3 girls which she got than 3 boys, no idea why that was.

I do think there is much more to it than the woman on OBEM being purely a selfish idiot, to feel that way is very common I find although I accept that its hard not to judge especially when you've have previous losses and would just love a healthy baby! xx

squizita · 08/04/2014 16:49

What 22Honey said, and as everyone on this board knows as I mention it alll the time I am a recurrent miscarrier.

I'm nothing like that woman, but have found the sanctimonious attitude of some when I say "I've always wanted a {gender}" (but not in an obsessed way) offensive. Like I'm never allowed the slightly shallow normal preferences, even now I'm pregnant again my tragedy must haunt me like that.

squizita · 08/04/2014 16:50

Goes without saying, mine is a shallow preference!! Very happy to have whatever I get! Grin

strawberrypenguin · 08/04/2014 16:55

I didn't see if but it's a horrible attitude. There does generally seem to be an anti boy bias at the moment. Every gender disappointment thread I've seen on MN has been someone upset at having a boy. It makes me really cross.

ToriaPumpkin · 08/04/2014 16:57

She made me so angry! I assume one day she'll show that to her little princess, how will that make her boys feel?

And having been in abusive situations is no excuse. My father was a horrible man who my mother eventually left and my first relationship was emotionally and sexually abusive. I still love my son and hope I can teach him to be a good man.

Lottiedoubtie · 08/04/2014 16:57

The women's attitude was abhorrent and all backed up by her (female) family members.

I felt sorry for her DP and ALL her children.

That said, by the sounds of it, the attitudes were all caused by some seriously bad experiences in the family. It made me very sad for all of them.

oscarwilde · 08/04/2014 17:03

I know someone who cried her heart out when her second child was a boy. She wanted another girl to dress up in pink tat Shock

No one was surprised when a 3rd pregnancy followed soon after......

She has a girl, and two sons now.

SaggyAndLucy · 08/04/2014 17:19

I saw it and actually can't see the problem. She has boys and really wants a daughter. She's from a family full of girls. And?
I'm sure she loves her sons to pieces but that doesn't have to stop her wishing she had a girl too.
And has anyone taken into consideration the fact that Channel 4 is very adept at "creative editing!"?
I ate these threads on here. Such judgement!

squizita · 08/04/2014 18:01

Also Saggy I'm a bit Hmm about the desire to 'hurt' a new mum for having a different attitude. And if it wasn't meant... shouldn't have put it in the title.

Sweetpea86 · 08/04/2014 18:15

I try not to watch this show I cringe at some of the people on it. It kind of reminds of creature comforts is any one remembers that show lol.

As well as women who struggle to conceive for that reason alone it was such a selfish thing to say. But what about people in other countries, china for example one child per family and she's pushing them out left right and centre because she wants a girl.

Very sad and I found her to be an idiot.

Pawprint · 08/04/2014 18:39

She's thick as pig shit.

To be fair, most people have a gender preference - that's life. This woman, however, is truly stupid.

MrsCakesPremonition · 08/04/2014 18:44

I feel desperately sad for any child who grows up knowing that they are merely a by-product in their parent's quest for a child of the opposite gender. OK, so they may be well-loved, but they also know that they are not wanted for themselves.

ithoughtofitfirst · 08/04/2014 18:44

Hahahahahaha that comparison has creased me sweetpea i will never be able to watch it in the same way again. So true.

And oh yeah that woman made me feel ill.

ShadowFall · 08/04/2014 18:50

It makes me feel sad for her boys.

Her boys are surely likely to see this at some point in their lives, and this does make it sound as if she thinks the boys she already has are somehow second best.

Sweetpea86 · 08/04/2014 19:02

Ithoughttofitfirst just the bits when it goes to the couples talking about how they met, reminds me of the cat and dog on sofa... :p

buffythebarbieslayer · 08/04/2014 19:12

But to declare it on national tv. When your sons may watch it one day. That to me is thoughtless.

MaxsMummy2012 · 08/04/2014 19:15

I just hope to god her boys didn't see the show or ever watch it because if my mum was saying she was 'devastated' when she found out about me and my gender I think I'd be bloody devastated! She was just a horrible bitch and while I know people sometimes do have a preference (not that I think they should!) describing your current children the way she did is just plain cruel.

curiousgeorgie · 08/04/2014 19:19

I don't blame her for having a gender preference.. I certainly did. I think i would have shed a few tears after each of my scans if they hadn't gone the way they did...

But I think the fact that her sons may one day watch this programme is quite sad.

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