Is it cruel of me? I feel sad for having a boy

[FirstTimeMom12]

I thought I would be OK no matter what the sex although I was secretly hoping for another girl, so that my daughter can have the sister & friend I never had. Is it cruel of me?

I feel sad and depressed all of a sudden, I wanted a second girl :(

It does not help that my mom and an aunt always said that they prefer girls over boys and my mom blatantly told me she also hoped I was having another girl...

Once you've got used to the idea, I can honestly say having one of each is so lovely. I fell deeply in love as soon as I held my little boy (who's now 9!). I couldn't put him down in the first few weeks, his intoxicating smell was so lovely.

Go and buy a few little blue clothes etc and hopefully things will get easier xx

I second whoever said about two very close sisters and the relationship being toxic. This is exactly like my MIL with her youngest DD, the other 2 DDs one is very independant, career minded and they are nothing alike, the oldest DD they do not get on at all. Youngest DD was MIL's only chance of the 'best friend' 'mother and daughter' relationship and it has ruined SIL's life, self esteem and she is extremely co dependant because of it. Her mother wants involved with everything in her life, interferes in her relationship, actively pushes her partner out of parenting his own child because she feels she is more entitled and takes it very personally if SIL tries to install any boundaries. SIL feels she owes her mother something and it shows so badly upon witnessing their relationship. MIL expects to be able to stay there for weeks on end whenever she wants. She hasn't got that close relationship with her other two DDs (did nothing to foster it, just expects it) so did everything she could to bind youngest SIL to her.

It is truly toxic and I think that incorrect beliefs that children should be offering something to the parents whether by gender or anything else are very damaging.

I'm sure you'll love your beautiful boy when hes here! xxx

you should just be very grateful you are able to have children! gender preferences disgust me when there are so many women unable to conceive, think yourself extremely fortunate and appreciate this little miracle.

I felt a bit like that op. I really wanted another girl. Obviously I was grateful that I was lucky enough to get pg., but you can't help how you feel. I found out early to give myself a chance to get used to it. I needn't have worried anyway, my little boy is just the best, he is so cool. It seems strange looking back at that time and feeling what I did. Don't worry op. Be gentle on yourself. It will all be alright in the end.

You need not worry about how close they will be, they will just as likely be as close as sisters. I'm sure your heart will melt when you have him and see her reaction to him.

I cannot understand myself how someone who already has both sexes of children can be disappointed upon finding out the sex of a subsequent DC...is it because they prefer parenting their boy to their girl or vice versa?

It dosent matter honestly, me and my sister hated each other when growing up! to the extent that my mother even considered one of us staying with my aunt, we get on ok now but we are still quite far from inseparable.

I know loads if people that are way way closer to their brothers.

Don't be hard on yourself though.

Thats very unhelpful really kelly. Ridiculous. I hate comments like that, such little thought. Its just like the one where the poster has issues with their mother. And then someone comes on and says, well at least you have a mother. Completely ignoring what may have led up to that . Not good.

Well in my case, I just wanted another girl. My son is lovely, but I really just wanted another little girl. Handily, I'm having one.

Fox sincere apologies, but I was commenting for myself and some I know who have lost children. :( Hence my use of 'many' and 'myself' (i.e. definitely not all, and commenting about myself).

I wasn't commenting on your behalf - just putting in another perspective (as I've found that a lot of the time there is a tendency to lump women who are infertile, recurrent miscarriers or have had stillbirths together as if we all think/feel exactly the same at all times, and sometimes social networks do feed into this... what I said about pressure to be a 'saint' comes from personal experience, and is something I've been getting CBT for) my sincere apologies if it came across like that.

I've asked for the post to be removed as others may find it upsetting.

You know how not to read about gender disappointment? Stay off threads that are clearly about gender disappointment. Then you can avoid all the 'unpalatable' expressions of people's actual feelings, that they have every right to.

I'm no expert, but I think I can see why you're disappointed. You've been brought up to believe boys are a let down and a nuisance, it seems, which is perhaps why you didn't bond with your brother.

I have known a couple of women who have been very vocal in their disappointment at being told they were pregnant with boys, and one of them had a mother who told anyone and everyone how disappointed she was that she was to have a grandson rather than a granddaughter.

So, firstly, it's not your fault that you're feeling this way IMHO. Boys are wonderful. You need to realise that you probably only feel this way because your mum and aunt have swayed and clouded your feelings about boys.

My dad finds it really difficult to be around my son and my nephews, and is much more patient with his granddaughters than he is with his grandsons, which saddens both me and my Dsis. He has no sons, and simply cannot relate to boys, unfortunately he doesn't try. He is really snappy and impatient with my son and barely speaks to him unless he's telling him off for something .

Boys are wonderful, I think my DDs have a much more rounded approach to everything as a result of having a brother, and thank goodness he has sisters! Try to erase any negative feelings and start again..your DS will be just as lovable and wonderful as your DD. I'm sure you'll fall in love with him as soon as your meet him, if not before.

Congratulations xx

Oh gosh. Didn't realise this thread was 7 pages long when I posted. Only saw the first few posts. I will read back - it seems to have got quite heated, hope I haven't spoken out of turn or offended anyone.

BrianTheMole - kellyashley has a point. You can't compare the mother comment to this. You attacking her is quite sad, really.

I disagree fox, but we all have a right to our opinions. It gets to a point though, where people can't say how they feel, in case it offends someone else in a different position. And thats pretty sad really. I have the right to own and say how I feel, and the mother analogy is very similar to what kelly is saying. Imo.

I understand, but you know what.
My dd and her brother look exactly alike (beautiful ;) ) and they are adorable together.
Really good friends, and they walk along holding hands without anyone promoting them.
They just like each other.
They even find each other in school at playtimes and play together.
I also have another little boy who has fitted in just great.

I'm pregnant with our 4 th and they do all want a girl, but I know that really they won't care when it's here (it IS a girl, but they don't know that!)

Honestly, sex doesn't matter. Boy/girl siblings can be just as friendly as girl/girl...promise.

And congratulations on your pregnancy :)

*promting, not promoting!

AND, can I just add, my ds1&2 are the most cuddly loving children ever. Dd never gave me half as many cuddles and kisses.

I'll just add, fwiw, I have had several miscarriages and lost a baby late on.
I still understand

Me and my bro are inseperable yes there's 5 years between us but we go on holiday together ho to london and I've even dragged him to more than one boyzone concert althjough he never admits it!

If it helps I have had to cut contact with my sister but am best friends with my brother.

Actually alot of thought was taken, why should it matter what gender a baby is? because being a boy does not fit in with her life? im 18weeks pregnant and i dont give a hoot what gender my baby is, all i hope for is a safe delivery and a healthy baby. How many women cry their eyes out every month when they get 1 line on the pregnancy test? or being told their baby has no heartbeat at their 1st scan? how very sad when a women is disappointed that she conceived a boy. And i think that we should all be aware of what we post and to think of others, she asked 'is it cruel of me'? so she asked for opinions and she got it and yes it definitely IS cruel, good day!

Kelly - standing ovation, and applause! Thank you!