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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is it cruel of me? I feel sad for having a boy

111 replies

FirstTimeMom12 · 07/04/2014 16:41

I thought I would be OK no matter what the sex although I was secretly hoping for another girl, so that my daughter can have the sister & friend I never had. Is it cruel of me?

I feel sad and depressed all of a sudden, I wanted a second girl :(

It does not help that my mom and an aunt always said that they prefer girls over boys and my mom blatantly told me she also hoped I was having another girl...

OP posts:

KiwiBanana · 07/04/2014 17:51

A lot of my family felt the same about this pregnancy for me OP. I already have 1 boy and I had a lot of people saying how disappointed they would be for me to have another boy...well tough luck cos he is a boy! You're probably feeling worse about it because you're taking their feelings on as your own, when if you had no one to be negative about boys you'd soon get over it and be looking forward to meeting your baby.

Boys are honestly lovely to bring up though. Mine is so cuddly and loving. Most of them are a bit more rough and tumble than girls though so you may have to get used to that!

sybilfaulty · 07/04/2014 17:58

I have 2 girls, and when I was pregnant with DC3 desperately wanted another. I was sick of all the "you'll be hoping for a boy" rubbish and wanted them to be good friends like DD1 and DD2 were (and are).

DC3 was a boy and I felt similar disappointment for a few days. However, I bought some lovely clothes for him, chose a name and made myself be excited. He is 5 now and the sweetest, kindest, most cuddly fellow you could hope to meet. He is so close to both his sisters. You will love your boy just as much and will wonder why you doubted it. Honestly.

TheBookofRuth · 07/04/2014 18:01

I felt exactly the same a few weeks ago when we found out we're expecting a DS. Like you I wanted a baby sister for my DD, and I hadn't really wanted to find out because I suspected I'd be disappointed, but DH really wanted to know.

I've been really beating myself up over feeling like this, because I know how lucky I am to be having a baby (it took 18 long, hard months to conceive DD), and if he's healthy then that's the only thing that matters. But I can't help feeling sad that I won't have another daughter (we will probably stop at two).

My MIL is delighted, at least. She told me how disappointed she was that DD was a girl, and that I'd "got it right" this time

LillianGish · 07/04/2014 18:04

Your little boy is not your brother so forget about that. I think if you have a strong preference it is good to find out in advance so you can get used to the idea. Your little boy will be absolutely gorgeous - I look at mine now and can't believe I didn't want to have boys! And he and his sister are best friends. If I had another and I could choose the sex I would have a boy.

EverySoddingNameIsTaken · 07/04/2014 18:06

I have an older sister and a younger brother. Me and my sister only ever fought and we have never got along. Me and my little brother were very very close. When I was pregnant with my first I really wanted a girl, and I too was upset to be told boy. But that passed pretty quickly and he is absolutely amazing. After a few miscarriages I realised how lucky I am and how every child is an absolute miracle. Congratulations

Dizzywhore · 07/04/2014 18:16

My brother and I are very good friends and have always been very close. I have a DD and am expending a DS soon. I'm over the moon but would have been whatever the sex. I never understand these treads. You should count yourself very lucky you have been blessed with heathly children.

Sweetpea86 · 07/04/2014 18:43

I'm pregnant with my first and I didn't mind what the sex of the baby was (found out were having a boy :). )

I know someone who has three girls and tried for a baby in the hope it was a boy.
She paid for a private scan at 16 weeks to find out the sex early and it was another girl. Her and her hubby both cried because they were gutted WTF

I find it hard to understand because this is my first. As long as baby is healthy I don't think it matters.

Tbh your only human once you have baby I'm sure you won't feel like this. Try not to be so hard on your self .

weebigmamma · 07/04/2014 19:03

Try not to worry about it- feelings like this are quite normal. I had a sister and we fought loads and never got on as kids (we do now that we're adults, but it was a LONG wait!!). I know loads of boy/girl siblings who adore one another. Everything will really, really be OK, and you are allowed to give yourself time to adjust to the idea of having a boy. You're allowed to not feel over the moon, about anything! Even when babies arrive mum's don't always automatically feel joyful- but normally they do after a wee while :-) You're not being awful- just human, and nervous! xxx

livingzuid · 07/04/2014 19:04

I think we can project too much onto our children. I have 3 brothers and never felt the need for a sister. You may have wanted a sister but there is no guarantee your dd would feel the same. My mum has 3 sisters and they fight all the time. I am very close to my brothers and enjoyed being the only girl!

I was devastated to find out I was having a girl as I was busy projecting all my negativity and baggage onto the poor thing. I was honestly thrilled she was healthy and so on but really wanted a boy. At 32 weeks I have had time to get my head around it and now can't wait to meet her.

Ignore what your mum and grandmother say and hope the poor child never finds out their feelings :( also discussing with your dh might help to talk it out. it is very natural to feel disappointed but it's good to have found out now as you will have time to get used to it, and enjoy it :)

Delphiniumsblue · 07/04/2014 19:19

A brother and a sister often have a better relationship than 2 sisters.
I have 2 brothers and loved being the only girl, I don't think I missed out by not having a sister. Lots of mothers and daughters don't get on- you only have to read MN to see that!

duvetfan · 07/04/2014 19:27

Before I had DS I would have liked a girl, as I come from an all female family and boys are a mystery. I didn't find out but 'knew' I was having a boy. I love him more than I ever thought possible. He is clever, funny, cute and I am 100% biased. When your son is here you won't care. My husband has younger sisters and they are all really close and get on well so I wouldn't worry.

lucyfluff · 07/04/2014 19:32

I dont think its cruel OP, in my opinion its natural to want a preference (and a healthy bubba obviously!).

I have just found out we are expecting DS4...really hoped for a girl and it will be our last baby. There was a couple of days where I thought :( I will never have a little girl but its sunk in now and the main thing is our little man will be healthy and lovely and I cant wait to see him!!!

Boys are great...you will love it and im sure your DD will too.

starlight1234 · 07/04/2014 19:34

Pre DS I wanted a girl..Now I wouldn't swap him for the world..I find the boys toys far more exciting than playing dolls ...

If I had another I would want a boy I love boys so much

Original poster

FirstTimeMom12 · 10/04/2014 20:13

Thank you everyone, I think you are right. Now I am grieving of a dream but then again if I did have my little boy in my arms, it would have been different. I just saw a little boy in his mom's arms and thought he is awfully cute so I would not mind having a similar bubble of joy in my arms.
Health is the most important as my DH said. My DD is also a tomboy with her being so active so it may be a match made in heaven. Hopefully DH can change his mind and do go for a DC3 so more chances of getting the second girl... But I will still cherish my DS regardless

OP posts:

fuzzpig · 10/04/2014 20:21

FWIW, my DD and DS at 6 and 4 are unbelievably close. Gender doesn't matter to them, they mostly play all the same games even though they have their individual preferences within that, and are really on the same wavelength. They can't bear to be away from each other (even at night! DD used to climb into his cotbed :o) and just totally adore each other. We get a lot of comments about how lovely they are together.

Please don't write off an amazing sibling bond just because your baby will be a brother not a sister :)

ithoughtofitfirst · 10/04/2014 20:25

My little boy is running around the living room with his willy out and just generally being cute and yummy as i try and wrestle him in to his pjs. Baby boys are beyond cute. I have a brother close in age and we are super super close.

Don't be too bummed out. But don't beat yourself up or give yourself a guilt trip.

Congrats on having a scrummy little boy!

sleepyhead · 10/04/2014 20:25

Doesn't sound like your mum was very positive about your brother growing up .

I've got two boys. I'll admit to a wee pang for the girl I'll never have when we had ds2's scan, but I'd never swap him.

I have no opinion on boys v girls as I don't know every boy or every girl. I just know my own boys and they are fantastic .

Writerwannabe83 · 10/04/2014 20:27

When I was pregnant I was convinced I was having a girl and created all these mother/daughter scenarios in my head etc. me and DH had a Gender Scan at 16 weeks where I was told the baby was a boy. My DH had tears of happiness in his eyes, my MiL who had come with us seemed disappointed (she wanted a little granddaughter) and I wasn't sure how I felt. It wasn't that I didn't want a boy, I'd just convinced myself it was a girl.

My little boy was born 3 weeks ago and I love him so, so much - I can't imagine being without him and I can't imagine having a daughter. He's just my everything and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Same sex siblings does not always equal harmony. My DH has got a brother and they can't stand each other. They disliked each other when they were children (3 year age gap) and it never altered. My DH's brother and his family (he is married and has 3 children) didn't even come to our Wedding. There is no brotherly love whatsoever.

My sister has two children, one of each sex (3 year age gap, boy being the oldest) and although they don't have the same interests they are very, very protective of each other - it's actually lovely to see.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and once your initial 'grief' has passed you can move on and focus on what will be the end of your pregnancy, a beautiful son who will love his mom for ever and ever!!

TippiShagpile · 10/04/2014 20:28

I have 2 boys. They are amazing. I wouldn't change them for girls for a million pounds. Or 10 million.

As a friend of mine says - all you can do is love the ones you've got....

sleepyhead · 10/04/2014 20:28

Btw, one of my friends has a very close bond with her sister. It's one of the most toxic relationships I've ever seen and it's truly ruined her life in many ways. My dh has no relationship at all with his brother. I have a very good relationship with my brother and my dad is very close to his sister.

There are no guarantees.

Lizzylou · 10/04/2014 20:29

Oh op, you will love your boy to pieces.
I have brothers whom I am very close with and two amazing Ds' s.
Just watch out with nappy changes, boys can be crack shots, lost count of times I got weed on

Sho1988 · 10/04/2014 21:57

To be honest I wouldn't get too upset! Sisters aren't all their cracked up to be lol! It's nice to think they will be best friends for ever but it never really turns out like that all the time? Me and my older sister use to fight like cat and dog and were forever ripping lumps out of each other! I was closer with my cousin! I'm sure you will love your little boy as much but like you said the pressure of family doesn't help x

MummytoMog · 10/04/2014 22:18

I felt just like this when we found out DC2 was a boy. DD and DS get along really well, adore each other and I felt finding out gave me a chance to get over that disappointment before the birth. I find out DC3's gender tomorrow and I'm sorry, but I will be disappointed if it's not a girl. But I will also get over it in plenty of time before the birth.

Boogles91 · 10/04/2014 23:41

Mabey your mum and aunt have had some sort of effect on you that you havent realised by always saying this?

SavoyCabbage · 10/04/2014 23:48

I've got two girls and they would both trample me into the mud to get to their Daddy.

My sister's two boys think she is the bees knees.

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