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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out or not to find out. 20 week scan.

40 replies

JustDanni · 05/03/2014 15:16

So as the title suggest, I am torn!
Our scan is the 24th of this month (19 weeks and 4) and we just can't decide if we want to find out babys sex.
Of course a surprise would be amazing but I'm the kind of person who needs to know EVERYTHING!

Did you find out?
How did you decide if you should keep it a surprise or not?

OP posts:

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Keden · 05/03/2014 15:22

HI JustDanni,

I just had my second trimester scan on Feb 28th (20w+3d) and I didn't find out. I've never wanted to know and that's just that really.

My best friend is exactly 10wks ahead of me. She found out and is terribly excited knowing she will be having a boy.

It's ultimately up to you. You'll feel good either way I'm sure

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 05/03/2014 15:22

Only you can know what's right for you. There is no better way, only what is right for each pregnancy.

MrMacadoo · 05/03/2014 15:22

I found out for my first but this one is a surprise. I won't lie, it was so much easier to know in terms of preparation but I am so excited to find out at birth this time. I couldn't decide if I should find out or not and didn't decide until I was in the scan itself! if I have a third then i would find out as the suspense is too much for me, but I'm glad I have experienced both.

jammiecat · 05/03/2014 15:23

Obviously only you can decide, and it depends I think on whether you will spent the latter half of your pregnancy wishing you knew. For me it was an easy decision as I like surprises and with DS it was lovely to find out when he was born. But it would have driven my sister demented not knowing so when she was pregnant she found out, announced the name and sex to the world and can't wait to do the same with her current pregnancy. I loved telling everyone the name and sex after the birth. So ultimately depends on the type of person you (and of course your DP) are. Sorry this is probably not much help!

scarletforya · 05/03/2014 15:26

I found out. Impatient I am !

chattychattyboomba · 05/03/2014 15:26

Found out both times. Love imagining a little girl. Buying little girl clothes, choosing a girls name etc. makes it easier to cope with feeling crappy for 40 weeks.

Foxeym · 05/03/2014 15:27

I didn't find out with DC1&2 but I did with DC3 and I must admit I loved knowing, I felt I knew him before he was even born. Saying that my DP didn't want to know so he had to leave the room while I found out and my 2DCs knew as well (12&15) how we all managed to keep it a secret until he was born still amazes me!!

StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 05/03/2014 15:28

I didn't find out with either of my dd's. Absolutely loved the surprise at the end, that was the most exciting bit!

eurochick · 05/03/2014 15:30

I knew from before I became pregnant that I didn't want to know. I want the delivery room surprise. Mr euro does want to find out, but as he put it, I'm doing all the hard work so my preference wins out on this one.

KatAndKit · 05/03/2014 15:32

I found out both times. We are both just too impatient to wait till the end. I like knowing.

RainyAfternoon · 05/03/2014 15:35

I have just found out with my third. A girl I didn't find out for my first two. I wanted the surprise. However, I can't say I experienced the magic moment at birth when we found out with either of them. With my first, the labour was so long that I was exhausted and wouldn't have cared if I had been told that the baby was a frog! I was just relieved it was over! With my second, he didn't breathe when he was born so it was more a case of 'It's a boy, but he's not breathing' (He was fine after a little while).

So this time around we decided to do it differently – we had a private scan where there is a more definite likelihood of them getting the sex right as they take more time. It was lovely finding out when I was not exhausted or scared! We went for coffee afterwards to celebrate. Also, DH may not make it for the birth this time as he is starting a new job overseas and might not get back – depending on how much notice he gets… So it was nice to find out together!

It will be right for you what ever you decide!

Para28 · 05/03/2014 16:03

I'm not really enjoying pregnancy so far (16 wks with DC1) and wonder if finding out the sex would take away the excitement/anticipation needed to get through the remaining 20 weeks! That might make me sound like a terrible person :s

SellyMevs · 05/03/2014 16:13

I have the same dilemma. Our scan is in 4 weeks time.

I'm impatient, I like to know things and hate the suspense of surprises.

My DH is the opposite.. If you tell him you have a surprise, he could go months dragging it out and wait for the surprise.

I think we will be having a few more discussions before we decide! I definitely won't be telling anyone if we know, I still want to make the announcement after birth. I want to know so we can finally have something about this pregnancy that is solely between us. Although it's the first thing people ask when making small talk.

Blondebrunette1 · 05/03/2014 17:08

I need to know to prepare, I'm not a fan of plain cream/white stuff and even neutrals are a little boyish or girly at times IMO. If the prep didn't bother me I'd wait possibly xxx

Blondebrunette1 · 05/03/2014 17:09

Also my friend didn't find out so we all went a got lots of outfits which then needed washing etc ready to wear (not ideal doing laundry straight after birth.) x

Original poster

JustDanni · 05/03/2014 17:14

I would like to find out so I know what to buy and how to paint the nursery.
Also, it will feel better reffering to baby as "he" or "she" than the usual "it" , or even better, a name!
But its so hard to decide even when the pro's outweigh the cons.

OP posts:

Fairypants · 05/03/2014 17:18

I found out with both mine and will do with this one. I figure 'the day' is so exciting that already knowing the sex won't ruin it but an extra bit of excitement makes the wait a bit more bearable. It was also good for dd1 to be able to talk about 'my sister' to prepare her for dd2.

Fairypants · 05/03/2014 17:20

I wouldn't tell ppl any names though until baby is born and we decide for definite just in case a) we change our mind when we see them or b) people can make faces or be rude about proposed names but have to be positive about names once they have been given.

mumbaisapphirebluespruce · 05/03/2014 17:23

We didn't find out. I wasn't really sure either to begin with, and DH was fairly happy to go with what I wanted to do, although I think initially when I asked him he said he'd like to. Then I thought about it a bit more and just thought how it really is one of life's true surprises, so why would I want to ruin the surprise? I told DH I didn't want to know and he agreed. In hindsight I wouldn't have changed a thing. It did make those last few weeks of pregnancy quite intense - a bit like a kid counting the sleeps to Christmas, and at times the anticipation was quite high, but finding out in the operating theatre was amazing. They held her up so DH could see and he told me. The feeling was amazing. Mainly because everyone had speculated DD was a boy, so when she finally arrived I was in shock - happy shock.

Everyone is different. Some are planners and like to have everything ready. I am too but I was happy to go with a unisex theme for the nursery and unisex clothing. It just depends on whether you think you can handle the not knowing or not.

mumbaisapphirebluespruce · 05/03/2014 17:26

If you do find out, don't announce the name! Keep a bit back so you have something to announce at the birth. You might find that once he or she is here you will change your mind on the name. People can be rude about names before a baby arrives, they don't tend to be once the baby is born.

ChicaMomma · 05/03/2014 17:30

We found out and it was SO EXCITING!!
We're not telling anyone though. Our secret. Let them all guess away!

I reckon there will be enough surprises on delivery day, this i wanted to know sooner. I'm a planner though.

SweetPea86 · 05/03/2014 17:36

At my booking app the midwfie kind of had a go at me when I said I wanted to find out the sex, she said it will ruin the birth because you will already know. WTF how it will ruin it the fact I have my first baby regardless of it being a boy or girl. So I ignored her and we found I'm having a boy. I totally understand if people want it a surprise but like OP I need to no EVERYTHING lol

Its help me feel more prepared eg nusrey and clothes
I'm having a boy Yey

ChicaMomma · 05/03/2014 17:56

Team Blue here too SweetPea, we were thrilled! We both really wanted a boy.

It's every bit as exciting finding out some other day outside of the birth day- the big excitement that day will be meeting my little man- IMO of course- not knowing was doing my head in anyway, i couldnt wait..

Mummytobe2014 · 05/03/2014 17:59

We found out, before becoming pregnant id always saidi wld keep it a surprise but i jst couldnt have waited. For us it was nice to know and we have been and brought some lovely boy clothes etc whereas whrn iv looked buying neutral has seemed limited which is a shame.
My partner has two girls from a previous so he was expecting another girl so to find out its a boy has changed the whole pregnancy for him.
Ultimately its your choice, you cld get the sonographer to write the sex down for safe keeping at home then if you really cant wait you will have the sex hidden away which you can peek at!

alita7 · 05/03/2014 18:11

I think I'll have to find out... I think partly for practical reasons as it's my first so I'll want to buy all the right things and because if I don't ill wish I had the second I leave the room!

I like the idea of not choosing names for sure til I meet them though. Atm I'm convinced it's a boy but we'll see.

You might not get a choice in the matter- sometimes baby is hiding it and sometimes they flaunt it so even you cant help but see what parts it has :p

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