Finding out the sex - should we?

[superlambanana]

So what do you do when you desperately want to know the sex but DH doesn't?! I feel like I need to because it'll make it less faceless... Feel like it's a 'thing' at the moment. DH doesn't want to know. Does anyone have any advice about either way?

[Tomkat79]

No contrarian the Sonographer is only allowed to tell the mother. We asked ours to write the sex down so could open Xmas day but not allowed to do that either as would form a contract,

[Lavenderhoney]

Contrarian, I can only assume you aspire to write idiotic pieces for the daily mail.

However, I remember a Mw telling me that they didn't like to tell the sex as they were worried in some communities if it wasn't a boy, then the mother may be coerced into abortion. Its a problem in china with the one child policy and everyone wanting a boy. There aren't enough girls to go round, perhaps.

[Contrarian78]

I wonder why that is? Not that it matters especially.

That would actually have been quite a nice touch (finding out on Christmas Day). You then still get a sense of the anticpation. Shame they couldn't do it. Not sure it would quite constitute a contract in the legal sense.

[Contrarian78]

That was to Tomkat79

[CarlaVeloso]

Those who say they wanted to get a surprise on the day, I have to say it was also a lovely surprise on the day we found out. The day of the birth is pretty surprising itself you know, I certainly didn't feel I needed any extras to make the day memorable!

We didn't tell anyone we had found out. I just liked knowing.

[Keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal]

I have been very on the fence about finding out.
Before I was pregnant, I always imagined I wouldn't find out - I love surprises, and liked the idea of being traditional in a sense, and stupid as it sounds, different to everyone else (out of all my friends and family with DC, I only know one couple who chose not to find out so the 80/20% split someone mentions upthread makes a lot of sense)

Since I have been pregnant, everyone assumed we would find out, even those that I would consider more traditional such as grandparents and great grandparents. Everyone's assumption that we would find out sort of made me more determined to keep it a surprise.
However, the more time has gone on, I have found I've not been so bothered either way. This is an IVF pregnancy and I've struggled to get past the fear of something going wrong and not really believing we are going to have a baby after so many years of infertility so I thought by finding out if I was having a son or daughter might help it all seem a bit more real.

DH however has always insisted he would want to know so he could mentally prepare and picture our future with a son or daughter and buy relevant things etc. He hates surprises in general and can't wait for anything (birthday and christmas presents were always opened early as a child) Although he now says he doesn't mind either way as we are so lucky to be having a baby at all, he has always had a strong preference towards having a boy as otherwise it's the end of his family line as he is an only child. (and it's unlikely we'll be able to fund a second go at the IVF treatment)

He felt a lot more strongly about finding out than I did about not finding out so we compromised - we would find out but keep it a secret between the two of us and tell anyone else that we are keeping it a surprise, and if we are lucky enough to ever have a second child, keep it a surprise then so we've done both ways.
I wanted him to have his way to help him feel more involved as he perhaps feels a bit like his only job has been taken away by us having the IVF (male sided fertility problems)

We had a private scan at 16.4 (for other reasons - not to find out the sex) and asked the lady if it was obvious without too much poking around (as my family were at the scan too) could she write it on a bit of paper for us to open later as we didn't want family to know we are finding out.

So we know, but as far as anyone else is concerned we are having a surprise! I like having something private and secret between the two of us, cheesy as that sounds

Now we already know, I like the idea of knowing all I need to think about is the important stuff at the 20 week scan when so many people refer to it as the gender scan That is by far the scan I am most looking forward to. I can't wait to see if the baby looks happy and healthy

[confuddledDOTcom]

Wow Contrarian! I was at your first statement but backing it up with effectively a "but" statement!!!

[confuddledDOTcom]

Since when did shorthand writers do ultrasound

[Contrarian78]

Governemnt cuts. They're not needed in court anymore, so they've had them doing baby scans.....becasue some of the letters in the job titles are the same.

Beleive it or not, I don't always set out to shock! Honestly.

[mel0dy]

Even though gender is of no significance for me, having one of each would be very neat! I think we'll plan for 2 of our own and if they turn out to be the same flavour we'll adopt a 3rd! I think it did me good to have a bro and him to have a sis.

[likeit]

Found out the sex with first baby. Didn't find out the sex with the second baby. Not finding out was better.

[Longtime]

I didn't with my first but did with the second and third. Made absolutely no difference whatsoever to what I felt after the birth.

[GinnelsandWhippets]

We had surprises with both our children. Particularly with DC2, which was avery hard pregnancy, that surprise at the end was something i really reslly looked forward to. Ultimately it's lovely either way, but i was very glad we waited because there is something special about delayed gratification!

[Choccywoccydodah]

I must admit mel0dy I loved not finding out, especially as ds had his legs crossed and all of us found out together. A moment I will never ever forget, so funny

Just reading back and someone said finding out is 'chavvy'? Never heard of that before!!
We want to find out next time particularly as I have just gone through 3 early mcs in 3 months and I will never ever know their sex.
It has been the hardest time of out lives and NOTHING chavvy about that!

[MorganPrince]

I had to find out, I couldn't wait all that time with the little one growing inside me and not know. Me and the hubby even had names for the little ones while they were growing and given that Lord of the Rings had just been on at the cinema my eldest, Big Prince, became Samwise. I don't know what the experience would've been like had I not known but I was able to talk to 'Samwise' and call him by name. Everyone thought we were crazy but it was our in-joke and we loved it.

[Choccywoccydodah]

Awwww Morgan that's lovely.
Just realised my comment was for likeit before not mel0dy, sorry ladies!

[momofmonster]

I wanted to know with my ds. i'm just not patient enough! although i was convinced from about 10 weeks on that i was having a boy anyway so when i had the scan i was like "ha told you so" to my ex - dont think he realised there was some sort of competition as to who was right!!
I'm glad i found out - it instantly made me feel closer to him. we already had the names picked out so i was able to start talking about him by name and picture him. everything i bought from then on was geared towards my little boy.
My friend however is currently pregnant with her 3rd and she never finds out. she prefers the suprise.

i think at the end of the day it is all down to personal preference though.

[Toucanet]

If ours is viable don't think I want to know - mostly as DH would like a girl and I wouldn't want him to be disappointed for several months! Whereas I figure if you don't know then at birth will be so relieved (fingers crossed) that you've got a healthy baby, you won't care which it is. Might still ask for it to be written down just to know afterwards if they got it right (I also know of one instance where they got it wrong). Also, I'm not sure whether if there is a problem, knowing the gender would affect your decisions - I don't think so, but might be harder knowing you might be risking miscarriage, or if it came to that, even considering TOP of your 'preferred' gender?
Good luck deciding. Meantime might choosing a unisex pet name for it help bonding?!