Page 2 | Finding out the sex - should we?

superlambanana · 2014-01-26T21:20:09+00:00

So what do you do when you desperately want to know the sex but DH doesn't?! I feel like I need to because it'll make it less faceless... Feel like it's a 'thing' at the moment. DH doesn't want to know. Does anyone have any advice about either way?

Bumpsadaisie · 27/01/2014 11:17

Well its a personally viewpoint but we were both desperate to know both times. Mine were named by 25 weeks. I had a hard pregnancy with them both (hyperemisis) and knowing as much as I could about the baby really helped bond and get through it.

If you really feel you want to know, thats a natural feeling of wanting to get to know your child. Ask the sonographer to write it down in an envelope that only you look at.

In terms of the "surprise" factor in my experience the whole business of childbirth and becoming a parent to a real live infant is surprising enough in itself.

Snatchoo · 27/01/2014 11:19

We found out both times. Wasn't any less of a surprise, it just meant we could plan a bit better.

Pregnantberry · 27/01/2014 11:21

I will definitely be finding out as soon as I can - I want to get (even more) excited and start buying things and planning!

I think seeing it after the birth will be excitement enough for me, to be honest.

mrsmugoo · 27/01/2014 11:27

Angloamerican you took the words right out of my mouth.

Pregnancy is all about the woman - I wanted to give something special to my husband - the moment that he sees that slimy little bloodied body for the first time and lets me know if we've made a son or a daughter.

donttrythisathome · 27/01/2014 11:36

Why can't you find out, and he not find out? He just steps out of the room at the scan, and then you commit to not letting him or anyone else know. Simple.

ChrisTheSheep · 27/01/2014 11:45

I found out both times: I really wanted to know, and DH wasn't too fussed either way.

Stellaface · 27/01/2014 11:52

Oh I would definitely have to find out. I'd be quite happy not telling DH or anyone else if that's what he wanted, but I would need want to know what flavour of person I'm growing

Agree with ovenbun about not telling everyone everything else though to keep some surprise element. I've discussed baby names with friends til blue in the face but even if we both found out, I wouldn't tell anyone (apart from maybe DM) our definite name.

CommanderShepard · 27/01/2014 12:17

See how you feel when you actually get in there: DH was all for finding out and changed his mind at the last minute.

I think we will find out next time, for DD's benefit if nothing else, and I know that that moment won't be any less 'magical' than the first time.

livingzuid · 27/01/2014 12:24

DH was beside himself with not knowing. I would have waited but caved and I am so glad I did! A) we are having a girl and I was convinced it was a boy and b) it has helped make it real and bonded with the bump. Every time I feel a kick I am like awww that's my girl. And we had a name even before being pg so it's super special to know that it will be her name.
And fun shopping!

Littleen · 27/01/2014 12:52

I wouldn't disrespect my other half's wishes - you will find out in the end, whilst him finding out before then cannot be undone! We decided to find out, as it will be enough of a surprise to have an actual baby to look after :P

confuddledDOTcom · 27/01/2014 13:03

We had to find out in case it was a boy as it would need monitoring for markers of something OH has. I'm not sure what we would have done otherwise, I always thought I wouldn't but didn't have chance to think about it when it mattered.

mel0dy · 27/01/2014 13:06

Not decided yet. Since we're firmly against the blue/pink thing the only reason I want to know is to narrow down names. I quite like the idea of surprise element but also why wouldn't we want to know if we can? I'm hoping DP expresses a preference cos am happy to go with it.

mel0dy · 27/01/2014 13:07

Not decided yet. Since we're firmly against the blue/pink thing the only reason I want to know is to narrow down names. I quite like the idea of surprise element but also why wouldn't we want to know if we can? I'm hoping DP expresses a preference cos am happy to go with it.

Safyre · 27/01/2014 13:11

I want to know. But then I wanted to know last time and they couldn't tell us, and I hated it! I was desperate to book a private scan to find out.

By the time DS was born, I was so exhausted and scared (emergency foreceps after being awake for well over 48 hours) that I barely remember being told he was a boy. I'd rather have my surprise early - but then I open my presents on Christmas Eve too!

lj123 · 27/01/2014 13:11

I'm only 10weeks,3days and providing all is well I do plan on finding out, after 4MC and 1ectopic I plan on this being more than perfect, even though it already is lol I just want everything exactly how I'd like it

slightlyconfused85 · 27/01/2014 13:17

I was desperate to find out but my partner really didn't want to. In the end we waited and I was so glad that I did - my labour was long and the 'it's a girl!' moment at the end was so lovely. If I have another I would definitely wait again.

Mrscupcake23 · 27/01/2014 13:22

How can having a baby not be exciting! It's a personal choice.

Thumbwitch · 27/01/2014 13:26

It's not a thing, it's a baby. Or will be, anyway.

DH really wanted to know with DS1, but I didn't; he said he'd keep it from me but he's absolutely crap at keeping secrets from me, so I refused to let him find out. We compromised in that we always planned to have 2, so I said he could find out with the second one, if we could have a surprise with the first.

When it came to the second one, DH decided not to find out. HIs reasons ranged from slightly strange to totally illogical - I'd had 3 MCs in between, so he didn't want to know because then somehow if I lost it, it wouldn't be so hard to cope with ; also because we hadn't found out the first time and that had worked out ok (we'd had one boy, I'm assuming he meant he'd like a second boy). As it turned out, we did have a second boy, so he was happy (I'm sure he would have been happy if it had been a girl too, btw!)

I think, if you really want to know but your DH doesn't, then you would have a huge commitment on your hands to keep that secret. It would also mean you still couldn't buy things in the "appropriate" gender colour, because it would give it away; you couldn't chat to the baby while he was around in case you give it away; you couldn't chat ABOUT the baby while he was around in case you give it away... you get my drift. It's extremely easy to give it away accidentally and then your DH would be pissed off. But even if you didn't give it away beforehand, you still might when the baby is born - and then your DH would know you'd kept that secret from him the entire time and might still be pissed off.

Are you planning on another? Perhaps use the compromise - he gets his way this time, you get yours the next time. :) And congratulations!

Somersetlady · 27/01/2014 13:27

superlambanana congratulations exciting to be expecting no matter if you find out what 'it' will be or not!

We got it written down in an envelope that we could choose to open or not when the time suited us.

I am so glad we did as i have been told i will have to be under general anaesthetic for the birth which means if i hadn't had the magic bit if paper i will be practically the last to know by the time i come round!

Knowing has definitely helped me grow closer to her already although has been bloody expensive as i have brought so much stuff after 2MC in 2013 i was positive i was having a boy and it did take me a few days to get my head round a girl! She also has a name already which i love as she was affectionately known as the terrorist before due to her ability to make me projectile vomit with no warning for 4months solid!

We have not (and will not) tell anyone else the sex pre birthapart from you random mumsnetters who don't count as it's our magic little secret!

TwoThreeFourSix · 27/01/2014 13:27

I didn't particularly wanted to know. DH really did so we found out at the 5 month scan. Was still special.

I was actually glad I knew at the birth because it meant the sex was irrelevant IYSWIM, what was important was DS being born ok and that first cuddle, rather than asking what was between his legs.

But I agree its very personal and each to their own.

With my current pregnancy we found out again and I'm pleased because it's helping me bond with my baby, at a time when to be frank, I'm finding everything a huge struggle (lots of pregnancy sickness, pain and tiredness, a toddler and a FT very stressful job).

Somersetlady · 27/01/2014 13:30

One nugget of wisdom if you DO decide to find out and not share the news with anyone but the two of you - don't tell anyone you know the sex. It drives them mad and they try and trick you into letting it slip! or that might just be my darling sister

JugglingFromHereToThere · 27/01/2014 13:30

I loved finding out which I was having, but luckily DH was quite happy to know too.
I think it's nice to have more to think about during pregnancy and I agree it helps slightly with both bonding and preparations.
Personally I think there are enough surprises/ things to get your head around at birth as it is.
Think your choice should have slightly more weight than your DH's on this?

poppydaisy · 27/01/2014 13:32

I don't understand why you would not want to find out. It is still a surprise, just earlier!

Knowing the gender makes it SO much easier to choose a name, to buy clothes, to decorate the nursery etc. But then I like to be prepared and like to plan ahead .

JugglingFromHereToThere · 27/01/2014 13:38

Also thinking that one of you knowing and not telling the other sounds impossible - maybe you could try both knowing but not telling others, but to me, not telling each other would be a step too far.

Somersetlady · 27/01/2014 13:44

Also should have said super my husband didn't want to know originally hence the have it written down in sealed envelope but it was his suggestion to open it or burn it and he now says he is delighted he knows!