Finding out the sex - should we?

[superlambanana]

So what do you do when you desperately want to know the sex but DH doesn't?! I feel like I need to because it'll make it less faceless... Feel like it's a 'thing' at the moment. DH doesn't want to know. Does anyone have any advice about either way?

[Littlebagoflaughter]

I found it added an extra element of excitement not knowing but it is definitely each to their own - some of us enjoy the mystery, others want to get organising the nursery. Only thing I would say is don't tell anyone the name if you do find out. My friends started calling their baby boy by the name they picked before he was born and one set of in-laws didn't like it and made this obvious, presumably because until the baby was born there was a chance of changing their mind - people are much less likely to show their opinion if they only find out the name once the little one is out (unless you have particularly awkward relatives)!

[DameDeepRedBetty]

I absolutely didn't want to know with the twins. It was a decision I didn't even have to think about. DP wasn't that bothered - in fact, I don't think he realised it was an available option (rather clueless, bless him). The downside to that decision was that we were caught badly on the hop with names. The girls decided to arrive six weeks early, and we'd only settled on one name - we had a list of about twelve for each sex. And the agreed name was a boy name! So Twin One spent a couple of weeks being called the feminine version of the boy name, which we soon realised didn't suit her at all and changed to an old-fashioned girl's name, and Twin Two was called Pickle until her name became clear - also an old-fashioned one but completely different to her sister's.

When I was pregnant again a few years later, I did want to know, and would have asked if the pregnancy had reached that point, sadly my third child did not make it that far.

[radiatormesh]

The delayed gratification argument isn't a particularly strong one though CantQuite - all you're finding out about the baby is whether or not it has a penis. Everything else about the baby is still new and exciting to discover... So there are always surprises, even if you know about its genitalia.

[LittleWhiteWolf]

Surprise for sure. We didn't find out for either of ours, although we were both convinced DD would be a girl and she was. Although we spent 15 minutes with her on my tummy, wrapped in a blanket before anyone thought to find out her sex. Then with DS I was up on my knees to push him out and DH looked behind me to say "It's a boy! Its a big boy!" Then back peddled that he hadn't meant to sound crude, it's just that DS was 9lbs 12 (hence my birthing position as anything else was too painful) and very long.

DH said he loved being able to call everyone with the news "its a girl" or "its a boy".

[tilliebob]

I wouldn't but then I don't get the whole finding out before the birth thing whatsoever. Didn't with the first two and had to find out with the third for other reasons.

[confusedofengland]

We didn't find out for the first 2, but have for DC3, due in just over 3 weeks (all boys). This is because we knew that DC3 would be the last DC, so this way we can start to pare down our baby stuff accordingly - so get rid of any random girls' clothes we've been given & also stuff that will be the wrong season for him. Similarly, were DC3 to be a girl, we could have sold/passed on most boy stuff, thus creating a lot more room in the house!

I did love the surprise with DSes 1 & 2, but I have also loved with DS3 being able to say 'him' and referring to him by name when talking to DH.

[Orangeisthenewbanana]

We didn't find out as I thought it would give me something else to look forward to and help to motivate me during labour. It was great fun to think of names for both sexes and perhaps made us a little more cautious about buying stuff - all our newborn stuff is unisex which will be fab if we have a boy next time.

Can totally understand why some people find out but it was just more exciting for us personally not to. I wouldn't find out for the next one either.

[NeverKnowinglyUnderstood]

we knew both times.
I loved knowing, I was ready for my little boy's
I would have been just as delighted if they were girls but for me it was lovely to know we were going to meet them at last.

I don't have any thoughts on whether it is right for you to find out I was just lovely for us to know

[loveandsmiles]

I have 5 DC and have found out with them all

I am slightly OCD and like to know what's happening and be super organised. It's still a special surprise no matter what...........x

[Sneezecakesmum]

You can ask them to write it down for you so DH doesn't know if that's how he wants it.

It's not an either/or choice. You can both have what you want.

[somewherewest]

I really liked finding out. Somehow it helped me visualise DS as a real little person, whereas before it all felt a bit abstract. I would find it very hard not to find out with future pregnancy and would seriously consider paying for a private scan if necessary. Its nothing to with gender preference - we had no strong preferences with DS and wouldn't in the future either. Horses for courses though - there's no right or wrong way to feel.

[pettyprudence]

We didn't find out for dc1 or dc2 (still to arrive!) my reason being I didn't want myself or anyone else to project a personality/ideas of who my baby was based on whether it had a penis or a vagina. I personally don't understand bonding over a genital?

It also avoided my in-laws buying us a load of pink shit if we had a girl (one ds so far). I like pink, its my favourite colour but I was horrified at how much pink my dn was bought! My mil struggled to find us a playmat without knowing the sex apparently..... wtf???

[emmak8383]

I wanted to find out but DH didn't and I'm so glad we didn't. Finding out is like finding out what your Christmas presents are before Christmas Day! My DH told me the sex when DD was born which was emotional for both of us!
Keep it a surprise!

[Foodylicious]

We had our 20 week scan today, he did not want to find out and I did not mind too much either way so OH suggested I find out and he doesn't. So that it what we have done
so far so good, I know what the sonographer 'thinks' we are having, OH is happy not knowing and we are just telling people that we don't know. I am very good at keeping secrets and happy to hang on to this one cause its not important for anyone else to know but us! I wonder how long he will hold out before he begs me to tell him, or how long we will last before we have another scan, cant see us lasting 20 weeks!

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

But what do you need to plan? Buy white baby grows and paint the nursery yellow. What else is there? Pick a name for boy and girl and that is the name sorted. What else is there?

[somewherewest]

Its interesting. I've seen a few threads on this topic on Mumsnet and the people who didn't want to find out themselves can be rather dismissive of those who do, whereas those of us who did want to find out are much more 'each to their own'. It really isn't a big deal either way.

[ChrisMooseMickey]

I wanted to find out but DF didn't so we decided not to. I always wanted a boy and I think if I had found out beforehand that we were having a girl I would have been really upset. I gave birth and we had DD and it suddenly didn't matter that I didn't get a little boy! It was a beautiful moment and I will never forget it until the day I die. :-) (I still secretly hope we have a boy next time but it doesn't matter so much anymore)

[ChrisMooseMickey]

If you know you can keep it a secret, then find out!! I am awful st keeping secrets

[AhamSaidJackLambe]

Has anyone found out with one baby and not with another? How did it compare?

[curiousgeorgie]

I had a gender scan with both and they were both amazing days... Finding out DC1 was a girl and bursting into tears is pretty much my favourite ever memory! (Apart from having them ) it makes 2 special days rather than just one!!

And sometimes it doesn't work out. My sister in law was adamant she wouldn't find out and that her DH would tell her etc... She had a terrible labour, ended up with EMCS under general anaesthetic and her DH not only phoned everyone to tell them he was a boy while she was still out, he popped out of recovery and a random nurse said 'boy' in conversation with someone else. It was a rubbish experience.

[curiousgeorgie]

And she was totally groggy for about two days and couldn't care less what he was!!

[legoplayingmumsunite]

I have a friend who with both her children was told she was having a girl. She has two boys. Good thing she's not the kind of person to be hung up on gender.

We didn't find out with any of ours, as my friend's example shows it's not 100%.

[Sibble]

I found out with both of mine partly as I'm the sort of person who reads half a book, then the end of the book, then the rest of the book. I like to know what is going to happen and partly because I really didn't want a boy (personal reasons) and if I was having a boy I needed time to get used to the idea. As it turns out I have 2 boys and wouldn't trade them for a girl at all - I can't imagine having a girl and am now so glad I have boys.

It is still a sort of surprise as they do get it wrong. I told everybody but banned the purchase of anything in case something went wrong

[Romann]

With my first 2 I would have had to have my eyes closed during the scans not to know. Somehow those testicles are disproportionately gigantic in utero!

The 3rd it was less clear on the scans, but spelled out on the amnio report. I hadn't thought about it much, but if I get my wish for a dc4 I definitely want a surprise.