Older mums - what age is too old ?

[Tillyboo]

In light of the recent news about a 62 year old giving birth, I wondered what others opinions are of older mums.
62 is excessive as far as I am concerned (for lots of reasons) but at what age do the majority think it's still safe, fair, socially acceptable etc to have a baby ?
I had my dd at the age of 40 and although it's been physically tough sometimes, I don't feel there has been a lot of difference between myself and mums that are a lot younger. In fact in a lot of ways I am better off.
Obviously you have to take each person on an individual basis but would like to hear other people's general views.

Oh RL....I think being pregnant is the hardest time to cope with having lost a Mum in particular. Especially one as loved as yours clearly was.
My second dd (and last, I promise ) is due in December also. My own mother is very much alive (busy looking after hers, in fact) but she always felt more like a child to me than a mother...so in a strange way, I miss having one around too.
I don't do a lot of hugging on MN, but big hugs to you.

A couple of comments that might add a 'twist'! All my friends who had their children really young (17-24 is their combined age range) all say they wish they'd waited until their 30's and if they could do it again, that's what they'd do.

And I never thought my Mum would die. It didn't occur to me. Throughout 5 years of almost constant hospitalisation/being bed ridden at home, and outliving all consultants' predictions, she was super human. Until I was 12 and she died. Then my Dad was very ill and used to tell me about his will and who I would live with if something happened to him - I hated him telling me, but still didn't believe he would die (am pleased to say am 32 and he's still very healthy!). I guess what I'm trying to say is that terrible things happen, but children are very resilient. Interestingly enough, I've missed my Mum more during this (my first) pregnancy than almost any other time in the last 17 or so years.

Sorry if off topic, the last few posts caught my eye and interest.

i had my first three children in my 20's and my last two in lte 30's .I plan one when forty i have enjoyed 'late' parenting much much more BUT LOVE having older children whilst i am still young
Its very swings and roundabouts

Hi, I'm brand new to Mumsnet and thought i'd add my comment so please be gentle with me! ;-) I have just turned 37 and have a 10 year old daughter from a previous (crap,destructive)relationship. I am now very happily married to the love of my life,newly actually - 12th August 2010! :-) I also have two step-daughters who are 14 and 20 who both live with us. I treat them both as my daughters but am closer to the 14 year old for various reasons. Although we are a happy family, I can't help myself wishing that my husband and I met when we were younger, got married and had our children together. I know you can't change the past so I accept that we probably wouldn't be the people we are today if we had met then. Anyway my point is that part of me or part, of both of us, has started thinking about having a child between us but a big part of me thinks do I really want to start again? and are we both too old now,me 37 and my husband 44? Things that hold me back are the fact that me and my husband didn't have the 'child-free' time together that you normally have when you meet when you are younger and that we are having a bit more time to ourselves now which we wouldn't get with a new baby. Also we would be 'older' parents. I also feel a bit guilty that my daughter,although she is very close to her younger step-sister, does not have any blood siblings. Surely if i/we really wanted another child between us none of this would matter would it???

I think it is a personal choice. There is obviously enormous amount of research published which outlines severe health risk to fetuses and subsequently children of older parents, however, one cannot solely rely on statistics. It is all a numbers game at the end of the day. From what I read the cut off age for women is around 45-47. Although personally, I would not be brave enough to have a child past 43. I applaud the ones of you who are doing this now!

suejonez, my dad was one of 14..they seemed to have bigger families back then,my nan had her last one at 48.

The midwife told us last week that at this hospital,the youngest mum to be, is just 13,and the oldest is 57..

You sound amazing to me and an inspiration!!! Im 43 with four, ds 23 dd19 dd14 and ds6. I've been trying for number five . Had two miscarriages but feel I want to give it one last shot. I think you're amazing and hope I'm as lucky as you xx

Zombie thread

Redlorry I'm sorry for your loss at such a young age. I do wonder though how possible it is to plan ahead for things that are mainly outside our control.

I had both my children in my early forties as it was my only chance to have them, I couldn't have chosen to have them earlier. My DP is 4 yrs older than me.

The DC 6 and 4 now and a couple of times I've been asked if I'm their grandma, but only by the kind of people who don't think twice about making personal/intrusive comments! Other people may well think and judge of course but don't say.

I do worry sometimes about how they'll feel when they realise we are older than most of their friends' parents. I remember thinking I had an older mum but my parents were both 32 when they had their first! My DPs parents had him in their 40s (a surprise, thought they would never have any), and his dad died young at 60 (heavy smoker, heart disease) while his mum lived into her 80s.

Of course one of us could get ill or worse, but we both consciously make the effort to be fit and live healthily, and for this to happen while the kids are still very small would still be unusual and considered 'young'. I don't think people think 'ah well they had a good innings' if someone dies at 52, any more than if they do at 38.

I probably sound really defensive (cos I am ) but I don't want to think that I shouldn't have had a family because I'm too old. I'm mainly thankful that there are all sorts of different kinds of families around these days, and lots of us are 'different' in one way or another.