Older mums - what age is too old ?

[Tillyboo]

In light of the recent news about a 62 year old giving birth, I wondered what others opinions are of older mums.
62 is excessive as far as I am concerned (for lots of reasons) but at what age do the majority think it's still safe, fair, socially acceptable etc to have a baby ?
I had my dd at the age of 40 and although it's been physically tough sometimes, I don't feel there has been a lot of difference between myself and mums that are a lot younger. In fact in a lot of ways I am better off.
Obviously you have to take each person on an individual basis but would like to hear other people's general views.

Well to answer you, Tillyboo, I think menopause is nature's way of telling us to stop, so I personally wouldn't consider trying to give birth at 62 with hormone treatments or anything like that.

However, having had a child and seeing how important it is to who I am as a woman, I wouldn't like to condemn another woman for wanting to experience that too, even late in life.

I too totally agree that for many of us it's not an issue of choice. I've always wanted children. But by my mid30s I faced the fact I was unlikely to have them - not physically, but in terms of sustaining relationships...and then I met someone nice, got pregnant within months and had my first baby at 37. My second was at 40. I'm now 43 and don't (currently!) plan to have any more, but if I hadn't had any at all, would certainly give it a whirl.

Yes, it's tiring, but so is the life of a child-free 20 something

It's so difficult. I am one of those women who chose to wait - in fact I wasn't waiting I didn't actually want children. It was my DP who did and I eventually agreed when I was 36 to 'try' (hate that expression) only to find out we would need IVF. Had DD at 38 and was knocked sideways at my absolute adoration of her. Had dd2 (naturally and very much a surprise) 2 years later. Am now 43.

Now however, there's not a day goes by without me wishing I'd started in my 20's.

SSSandy, you can go through menopause at ANY age...sadly. Its rare, but it happens. I have one friend who went through it at 26, and after years of attempted adoption, failed treatments etc has finally had a dd age 40 thanks to donated eggs.

I don't think it was Nature's way of saying 'time to stop' in her case...nor in many others. But personally, I didn't want to go past 45 (narrow squeak, a week over).

SSSandy, you can go through menopause at ANY age...sadly. Its rare, but it happens. I have one friend who went through it at 26, and after years of attempted adoption, failed treatments etc has finally had a dd age 40 thanks to donated eggs.

I don't think it was Nature's way of saying 'time to stop' in her case...nor in many others. But personally, I didn't want to go past 45 (narrow squeak, a week over).

oops. oops.

That's interesting Eilbean, all new to me. I've been digging my head in the sand about menopause as it seems to be the next nasty thing life has in store for me. 26 seems very young.

Ah yes, I know that particular sandpit...

I think 26 would count as a premature menopause and not natures way of telling you to stop but a medical condition.

Cripes ! Some interesting postings, thanks to everyone - very interesting reading.

I'm toying with number 2 but I'm 43 in September and I had such a crap 1st pregnancy with 'All day morning sickness' for 8.5 months that it's a concern for me, especially as my dd1 is 2.4 years old at the mo and I worry about being able to look after her if I'm bedridden (as I was with dd1) as I don't really have a network of family help close to hand.

I've had joint & back problems which add to my dilemma so I'm really in a quandry as to what to do. I am leaning towards dragging dh upstairs soon tho despite all my negatives !

Good luck

Re all day sickness, did you ask your gp for meds? I had really horrible nausea most of the day and all of the night for the first 14 weeks, and as I am older and had a 2.5 year old to look after they decided I needed my sleep enough to warrant anti sickness pills. They did help, though it certainly wasn't a 'cure'.

My GP was totally unsympathetic and basically said 'Sorry, tough, I was sick all through my prenancy and you just have to get on with it'.
That was really helpful.
I had 4 weeks off work (2 weeks at about 6 weeks and another 2 weeks at about 18 weeks). I had 1.5 hr drive to work and back each day, worked long hours at a very stressful job and basically went to bed as soon as I got home.
I couldn't tolerate any smells at all, cooking, the smell of coffee, deodorant etc. All made me heave.
I wasn't physically sick & sometimes wonder if I'd have had some respite if I'd actually been sick.
Needless to say I went off on maternity leave as soon as I could.
So, I do worry about how I'd cope if I felt the same way again. But I suppose you do cope, lots of people do.
9 months of feeling ill is a small price to pay for the rewards of another child .... especially at such a late stage.
I didn't meet my husband until I was 36-37, got married at 39 and was blessed with our dd 9 months later.
But I do wish I'd met him sooner and started a family sooner - but then we wouldn't have had the same gorgeous little girl. It was all meant to be

I've just had my second baby, at 44. The pregnancy was tiring and I'm finding the missed sleep difficult now, but I think both of these would have been true several years ago. Like others on this thread, I didn't choose to have my children this late - we started trying to conceive when we married, when I was only 34, but had years of infertility and fertility treatment before having DD when I was 41, and DH was 54. I would have preferred to have had children earlier, and to have avoided the anguish of infertility, but that's life. If it's any help to those worried about what their children, and their schoolfriends think - my mother had me at 39, in 1962. Nobody every made negative comments to me about my mother's age, despite the fact that most of my friends' mothers were in their 20s. Insofar as I ever thought about it, it was to think that their THEIR mothers were ridiculously young. It was my mother who seemed like the proper grown-up to me. Children can normalise anything, after all.

Tillyboo, I was never physically sick either - and wondered the same thing. Will you be working long hours and commuting again? Because I did find that resting and not being exhausted made a big difference to how revolting I felt, sickness-wise.

You and Oldiemum put it very well - thats life, and anyway: if I'd had kids when I first started trying I wouldn't have the dd I have now and THAT is unthinkable (even in the midst of potty training

Just to echo everyone else, most of the time it is just the way life works out. I didn't even meet dh until I was almost 35, so there you go. Ds at 38 and this baby will be just months before I turn 42. But, honestly, I don't think I would have had enough patience if I had had children when I was younger, plus I would not have had the option of only working part-time. So as with everything there are pros and cons (the energy level for one). Dh gets a bit sad at times that he won't be around for as long as he would have wanted in his children's lives, but at least he has now had the opportunity to be a dad and he is a most marvelous one at that.

Oh, and Tillyboo, you never know how it will go. I had no morning sickness at all with ds and was nauseous the entire first trimester this time. Maybe you got all of your ms out of the way with the first one

I was pregnant at 33. I hadn't wanted dc any earlier and was very surprised when I suddenly did want a child. My pregnancy was very easy, no nausea at all and birth was quick and easy too. So first time lucky, no idea what would happen if I tried again though.

I'm now 40. I would like another little girl (but for some reason def not a boy
) but I feel too old TBH to have another dc now. I don't think 40 is a cut off date or anything but personally I don't think I will have another one now.

Elibean, just saw on another thread that you are 21 weeks. Why don't you join us on the dec thread? ( if you already have...)

Hi there,
I am a 43 year old first time mum-to-be and looking forward to it with excitement! Lots of medical and personal reasons why it took so long but nature blessed me and here we are waiting for lo to arrive in September

My motto is never say never so I can't rule out the possibility of another one in a year or so but would want to be quick about it - somehow I always had 45 as my upper limit but am open to change....

Woodelf, congrats!

Jabberwocky, thanks - I will, hadn't even thought about antenatal threads

SSSandy, its such an individual thing, you are right....its how you feel, what your situation is, the lot.

good to hear all the positive stories.
I feel i could go on having dc's forever as i love it so much.Started young but have enjoyed the ones i had when older ,more.
That could be - more mellow - more money or more mature. who knows.
Think when we are older we will wish we had had them younger.I also think women will'go back' to having them younger.
Still think a lot of women want the ha'penny and the gingerbread

Is ha'penny and gingerbread like cake and eating it? Might be true, and I remember reading a book (The Cinderella Complex) years ago which sort of said that women were set up in the 60s to think they should be achieving mega careers AND perfect relationships + kids and something was bound to go pear shaped.

Personally, out of all my 40+ first time Mum friends, only one of them put off having kids because of a career (thats the way she put it, personally I think its also because her very controlling Mum told her she couldn't have everything so she did'nt dare try). But maybe my friends aren't average

Stop it, you lot. I have to remind myself that the remainder of my sanity would shred around me if I had another.

I love being more mature about having DS when I was 36. I hated children when I was in my 20's and early 30's. Now I can't really understand why I felt that way. I really enjoy his every moment. The only thing I would say is that younger Mums seem to have so much more ability to bounce back on form, whereas I get very tired and still don't think I really have got over the whole birth scenario and that was 11 months ago. Might just be me though!