Older mums - what age is too old ?

[Tillyboo]

In light of the recent news about a 62 year old giving birth, I wondered what others opinions are of older mums.
62 is excessive as far as I am concerned (for lots of reasons) but at what age do the majority think it's still safe, fair, socially acceptable etc to have a baby ?
I had my dd at the age of 40 and although it's been physically tough sometimes, I don't feel there has been a lot of difference between myself and mums that are a lot younger. In fact in a lot of ways I am better off.
Obviously you have to take each person on an individual basis but would like to hear other people's general views.

I had my first dtr naturally at 40 [now 2] and am due no 2 in November. I am 42 I have had no complications whatsoever and really enjoy being pregnant. I think this will be my final bambino though. I too think I only became fertile in my late 30's as we didn't use protection for most of our 30's. It's refreshing to see so many 40+ mums keep it up girls.

Am so glad I found this site! Really need someone to talk to! Have 2 dds aged 15 and 18. I remarried several years ago and really wanted another baby with new husband who said 'maybe' and then eventually 'no', we dont want to upset the family we have -which is fair enough. I turned 40 in january and he's got all broody and now wants a baby! Apart from feeling slightly p**d off with him for the change in heart (we've been together for about 8 years and married for 4) am now in a bit of a turmoil. Every website and article i read talks of the dangers and risks and to be honest I'm getting fed up with seeing statistics and numbers and nothing about real experiences. I would still like a baby but find the whole prospect a bit more scarey now. I don't know anyone else in the same situation and would love to talk to someone who has had a similar experience of later motherhood (and yes, we are baby dancing!!)

Had baby no8 at 40y5m and baby no9 at 43y9m. No difference in pregnancy, delivery or recovery to when I had my other babies. I did opt for amnios with both pregnancies, though. Amnio was painless and straightforward. So for me there wasn't any difference between having a baby in my 20s, 30s or 40s. Would probably go of how you were with your other pregnancies, etc.

Juule. I think my upper age for deliberately trying again will be 45yo so I have 4 years to go.

Oldiemum - thank goodness I have met someone else who has an older dh! My dh was was coming up for 60 when we had our 3rd child a year ago (just a couple of weeks before I turned 40). Have read a few negative comments about older dads but the daft thing is that it is natural for men to be fertile this long so why do people get so het up about it?

For those worried about feeling awful with your pregnancies then don't as they are all different. I felt dreadful with dd (no2) but 3rd time round the nausea wasn't nearly as bad and it was an easy pregnancy.

wow! thank you! I didnt expect replies so quickly. Had premature baby (dd1) at 29weeks - no reason ever established. dd2 pretty much straight forward. So will have to wait and see!! I guess it may not happen (fertility decreases at 40?)but its good to know that it's normal to consider having a baby at 40, was beginning to think i was a bit of an oddball

Amazing how many older mums there are out there - really refreshing and encouraging.

I guess TBH I'm also one of those women who chose to wait - initially I didn't actually want children. I met DH when I was 30 and at the time he didn't want children either. We married when I was 34 (DH is 5 years younger) and it was DH who first started mentioning having a child. It took about a year (and several of our close friends starting families) for me to really want a baby too, then almost a year ttc. Fell pregnant (naturally) in June and am now 37. Both DH and I are really excited about becoming parents.

I have no problem at all with being an 'older' mum. Having run 3 marathons in the past two years, I'm physically fitter and much stronger than I ever was in my twenties, when I spent far too much time drinking in smoky bars. I'm far more aware of what I eat and look after myself better, am financially more secure and much calmer and more patient than my younger self. In fact, I think 10 years ago I'd have made a rotten mother!

My mum had me at 27 (which was considered quite old at the time) - my dad was 10 years older than her - and although I was aware that my parents were older than the majority of my classmates' parents, it never bothered me. I thought (and still do) that they were wonderful and I look back on my childhood with great fondness and happy memories.

I'm an oldie too .... My first husband just didn't want kids AT ALL. So after divorce, concentrating on career and thinking it was never going to happen for me I met DH when we were both 36 ... anyway to cut a long story short I have had 5 pregnancies since 1999 one 42 weeks, another 25 weeks (long and emotional story so won't go in to too many details here)but only have one Dd who was born in 2003 when I was almost 41 ANCIENT!!!

So go for it, have them if you are still capable why not!

Incidentally my paternal grandmother had in effect 2 families - 6 children between the ages of 28 and 36 and then another 3 between 42 and 45 !!! She lived til she was 101 as well !!

i had my dd at 41, and was definitely financially better off and stable in my career etc, but my mum is in her seventies so can do much less for dd which is a shame and i am also knackered most of the time (and a bit set in my ways to tell the truth). Also, experienced much stress between ages of 35 and upwards about whether or not i could conceive. would not wish that on anyone.

I'm pregnant for second time at 41 and feeling OLD this time, having a 2 year old with huge amounts of energy is just too much sometimes. Oh and maintain a husband and a career. However, I am really looking forward to being more knowledgeable this time!

I love the saying 'Have children whilst your parents are still young enough to look after them'. Only just fit that category myself, mind.

Had to smile at that, Babe....my mother is 78 and too busy looking after her OWN mother (99) to help with dd!

Hi - I am 33 and a week off my first baby and compared to a lot of the other girls at the hospital I feel ancient! However, my mum had my sister at the age of 46, after losing a baby 4 years before - everything went fine for her and I've a strapping 12 year old sister who is a head above me already!

Thanks for all the supportive messages.Seems that there are lots of very happy older mums out there, which is good to know. Will update if anything 'positve' happens! Thanks again.

Hi - I am sooo glad I found this website, you lot have really cheered me. I am 42 and expecting third baby in March when I'll be 43. Have a DS 6 and DD 3 and DH 64!!! I reckon I've beaten the record with my DH - anyone with an older one! Like Fiestybird and others, I didn't want babies until I was 36, even then it was a pragmatic decision, as I had lots of friends who'd left it too late (not through choice for them) and then not been able to conceive. My big regrets are that 1) I didn't have them younger (as cherish them and could have had even more if I'd sarted younger) and 2) that I wasn't born a millionairess. Agree with Elibean about it being normal to be an older mum now - I live in the borough with the oldest mum's in the UK, so I am "normal" in fact the young one's "stick out" where I live. I've really enjoyed reading your chat - I have my nuchal scan next week and then will go to Proff Nicolaides clinic for the new OSCAR test (nuchal, nasal bone, two bloods plus several other examinations e.g. heart etc) which gives 97% accurate result for Downs. Am totally worried. Anyone else had this experience (either of OSCAR test or of feeling totally terrified of having NT scan due to age related risks)? Think my paranioa is due to a couple of negative comments from "friends" - e.g."aren't you too old to be trying again?". Hormones making me over-sensitive no doubt. By the way my brother has Downs and is beautiful.

Message for Gingermum, from another ginger mum, "Go for it" - otherwise you may always regret! And good luck!

fatfox, have a feeling your borough might be up the road from my borough!
My best friend had her second at nearly 44, and had the exact same worries as you...I think its really normal, even unavoidable. But although the stats are scarier at 43 than at 33, remember the odds are still hugely in your favour of no problems at all...I know you know that, but would love to counteract some of your 'friends' comments
Congratulations, and good luck at your scan!

Ellibean

Thanks for your reply - it made me feel a lot more positive. Are you in SW London too?

Isn't this site addictive? Am suffering from insomnia, so now have found something to do when I wake up at 6am!

Confession time, I've been on MN since 7am this morning. Kids have just woken and I've told them to "put some cartoons on", so I can stay on for a few more minutes before we have breakfast!!!

Well, it is the weekend...

Babe - my mum may still be young enough to look after my children but at 66 she is still working full time and rarely looks after my two dds.

at the moment - 12 weeks pregnant and aged 39, I feel that 39 is too old!!!
But... I didn't start until I was 35 so I think that makes a difference. My cousin had her first baby last year at 44 and she is managing great with it all.
The only thing I notice is that when I chat to some of DS1's friends' Mums, I realise that I am about 15 years older than alot of them (or more - we worked out I was old enough to be one woman's mum ) but that doesn't really bother me.

yes fatfox, this site is addictive - be warned

not 37 turning 38 with babe due at 38 1/2 but it is my third and I started at 33.

Dear All

I am trying to get in touch with some mature mums for a programme that we are doing for Meridian Television.

For more information please get in touch on [email protected]

I have just turned 43 and am 5 weeks pg (conceived probably on my birthday or the day before (!), while on holiday). My previous two pregnancies both ended in miscarriage. I don't feel too old at all, just anxious for this one to be OK.

My DH is 35, we got married last year. I was married for 17 years to previous husband, never wanted children with him (various reasons too long and miserable to go into here!).

Good luck Nicola, fingers crossed for you!

My mum had me at 43 - unplanned I may add as my dad was told he could'nt have kids by his first wife as he was epliepsy drugs - a lie it seems as she did'nt want them. However I digress.

I cannot comment on the ability to get pregnant or raise young children. However from my own experience as a child of older parents I beg people to think a few years down the line.

When I realised parents were not forever - my dad died when I was 6 - I would cry myself to sleep at night worrying what would become of me if anything happened to my mum, as I was painfully aware she was a lot older then all my friends mums, and this went on for a couple of years.

As it turns out she lived to 72, passing away just before my 30th birthday - she got to see me get married and meet first granchild and, had it not been for cancer, I expect would still be going strong today. So it turns out I had need not have worried as a child - however there are no guarantees in life and even if you could have explained this to me when I was 8 it would'nt have stopped me worrying

Redlorry, losing your Dad at 6 must have been so hard...I'm sorry.

For some reason, I worried myself to sleep for years about my parents dying, and they were in their early thirties when they had me. And they are both still alive and well (as is my 99 yr old granny, the other one having died at 96). And I wonder how much kids worry who have a young parent die, too.

But I take your point about you having worried more because you were aware of your parents being older - I can see why you would have; I just hope that, these days, having older parents will not seem so different to dd - there are lots of us around, at least where I live.

My mum was an excellent parent, and I learned lots from her that I think younger parents just dont do - proper baking and homemaking stuff, which I will try to pass on to my children. I also believe my mum taught me really good ethics and values. "Marriage is partnership", "Neither a borower nor a lender be" etc etc.

I loved my mum so much and still miss her daily 18 months after she died. In December I will be having baby no.2 - God willing, and my due date is 4 days before mum's birthday - so am seriously hoping bump is a few days late, by way of a fitting tribute to mum.

I dont want to judge any parent, but I just can't bear to think of any young child sobbing in the middle of the night, worrying they will be alone in the world if anything happens to thier parents.