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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To find out or not to find out gender?

29 replies

Cesca1983 · 23/09/2013 13:18

I am pregnant with my second dc and did not find out first time as i was happy and keen to have a surprise at birth.
This time I don't feel strongly about waiting and am considering finding out. I just wanted to ask if anyone regretted (if that's the right word) finding out and wished they'd waited?

Or did finding it out make everything just as soecial on the day, especially if having an Elcs as I am this time round.

I have a couple of weeks to decide!

Thanks x

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TobyLerone · 23/09/2013 13:55

I found out with my first DC. Never regretted it for a second. Had a normal delivery and it didn't spoil any sort of 'specialness'.

We tried to find out with DC2 but they couldn't see properly so weren't able to give us a confident answer (although they thought probably girl and she was).

This time around, we've decided not to find out. I'm 25 weeks now and excited to get our surprise on the day!

There's no right way or wrong way to do it.

FobblyWoof · 23/09/2013 15:13

I've got a friend due next month who didn't find out in her first pregnancy but has this time and she feels like she's spoiled it a bit. I think she just preferred her experience first pregnancy not knowing. She's the only person I know who has expressed regret at finding out though

Emilycee · 23/09/2013 15:34

I would like to find out when I have my 20 week scan - Im so bloody impatient!

tywysogesgymraeg · 23/09/2013 15:37

Well, it's not like there is a huge variety of possibilities. You know it's going to be either a boy or a girl. Knowing is more practical for buying clothes etc (if you subscribe to the idea that there are boys' clothes and girls' clothes that is - lots of MNers don't). But I didn't want to know.

TobyLerone · 23/09/2013 15:47

I don't subscribe to the boys'/girls' clothes thing. So not finding out is helping to stop people buying pink/blue things, which we really don't want.

It's also good for not having to tell people any names we like. If ever you mention a name you like, someone will be sure to tell you it's awful/they had a dog named that when they were a child/that was the name of the kid who puked behind the Christmas tree at the primary nativity...

fluffyraggies · 23/09/2013 16:01

I didn't know for my first 3, hospital policy was not to tell, but this time round i'm in a new area and couldn't wait to find out!

It's a new experience for me to know who i have growing away in there, and also forced the issue of a girls name. Until 2 weeks ago we thought it would be a boy (no particular reason) and had a boys name all ready, but hadn't agreed on a girls name at all. It would have stayed that way if we hadn't found out the gender

TransatlanticCityGirl · 23/09/2013 17:28

We found out but we pretended that we didn't know - so literally just myself and my husband knew. Zero regrets and it certainly did not affect the 'specialness' of her birth (and I had an EMCS). But then again I don't attach much value on the meaning of a baby's sex - I don't believe it has any material difference on what he or she will be like in the early years (nappy changing techniques aside). In fact I think we were rather silly to keep it a secret from our family - we were trying to avoid early gender stereotyping but everyone just waited until she was born and THEN they showered her in everything pink.

This time we will find out, and share freely. Probably. Husband likes a good secret. ;)

TruJay · 23/09/2013 19:29

We found out with our first, I didn't want to but hubby was just so giddy about being a dad I didn't have the heart to stop him finding out who was growing in there, he was desperate to know! I always wanted my eldest to be a boy tho so I was very happy.
We lost our second before we got the chance to find out the sex but I'm now 34 weeks with number 3 and I got my way this time despite all of hubby's pleading to find out. I'm so excited for that moment in the delivery room to find out who is in there, whether they look like their big brother, have hair, their weight etc
I don't think it spoils it to find out as there are so many other things that come as a surprise anyway. And knowing the sex of the baby will never take away from that moment of the midwife handing u your new baby, its amazing!
It's all just personal preference

Xmasbaby11 · 23/09/2013 20:14

We didn't find out with DD1. The labour was awful and by the time she was here and in my arms I was so traumatised and broken, the gender was neither here nor there.

This time I am having ELCS and we have found out we're having another girl. I am so happy to know. I would have been happy with either gender, but I like knowing so I can imagine how our family will be.

Oceansurf · 23/09/2013 20:17

I liked knowing. Meant I could bond with 'her' as opposed to 'it' iykwim

Really don't feel it affected the birth, or ruined any surprise! I still had to ask to check it was a girl when she popped out. I mean, the scan could have been wrong!

Due with no2. Think we will probably find out again - this time more from a planning pov. If it's a boy, I'll have to start seriously thinking about how we're going to afford all new clothes for starters!!! (plus grandma like shopping )

MrsPatMustard · 23/09/2013 20:19

I decided to find out. I was hoping for a girl and figured if DC was a boy, I had time to adjust.

Turns out DC is a boy. Had a few days of feeling slightly sad, but have come round and now have 4 months to focus on all the lovely things I can do with my son. Glad I decided to find out. I didn't want my first moments with my newborn child to be tainted with feelings of disappointment. Now I can look forward to meeting my little boy....

TobyLerone · 23/09/2013 20:33

Isn't it odd?

I'm not finding out for the same reason, MrsPat. I'd prefer a boy, if I'm honest. But I don't ever want to feel disappointment, so I know that if we don't find out until it's born, there won't be any disappointment. Nobody is disappointed in a newborn baby. But I know I would have felt slight disappointment for maybe like a minute if I'd found out at 20 weeks and it was a girl.

Strokethefurrywall · 24/09/2013 01:58

I'm with you Toby - I didn't want to find out with the first (but knew in my heart it was a boy and I was right) and we're not finding out with this one either.

With my first I perhaps would have loved to have a girl first but was overjoyed when DS arrived and with this one I think I'm even less bothered by the sex. If we have a boy then we get the joy of a baby boy all over again, and if we have a girl, then we get to have the joy of a baby girl. And I can't wait to see DH's face when baby emerges and he tells me and that's my reason for waiting. I love surprises!

I agree that there is never disappointment with a newborn baby!

katebakes · 24/09/2013 12:01

We found out and it hasn't spoilt anything for us. I knew he was going to be a boy since I found out I was pregnant and he is!

I never wanted to find out but it has made it fun and I'm so excited to have him that it wouldn't have been any more special if I'd not known.

crochetkate · 24/09/2013 12:19

I know this is a thread about babies, so surely you mean the sex?

You wont find out the gender until they are adults

puddleduck16 · 24/09/2013 21:58

I'm agreeing with TobyLerone - I don't want to feel disappointed but know I won't be with a new born baby.

Another reason we're not finding out is the money aspect. £150 on the gender scan or £150 on things for the baby. I'm picking things for the baby.

SaucyJack · 24/09/2013 22:13

I'll definitely be finding out when I have my scan in a couple of weeks.

I'm not a massive fan of pink for girls, blue for boys yadda yadda but it seems most high st manufacturers are so knowing would make clothes shopping so much easier.

wispaxmas · 25/09/2013 09:45

I tank we will find out the sex, but I don't think we will tell anyone. I wouldn't want my mother buying me loads of pink or blue things!

Playboxpony · 25/09/2013 14:00

I was in exactly your position very recently. We chose not to find out with our first, but this time round we were both a little keener to know - not for any practical reasons or anything, just curiousity. I was also worried it might "spoil" it knowing though. We did find out, very recently in fact, and it hasn't spoilt it and I don't regret it in the slightest! .

We've decided to keep it to ourselves though and not let on that we know just so that it is still special, and I also know some family/friends prefer the "surprise" element. Plus, when I think back to when DC1 was just born and I was told the gender, it wasn't the bells and whistles moment I expected - I was so exhausted I was just so glad to see the baby was ok, the gender was, like someone else has said, sort of irrelevant. But having found out now is very special actually and me and DP were grinning all the way home as we started to imagine this new little person and sibling for our DC1.

Good luck!

FrankelInFoal · 25/09/2013 15:24

I'm pregnant with our first and have the 20 week scan in 3 weeks. We're still undecided as to finding out, but I suspect we will but keep it a secret

Lozcat86 · 25/09/2013 15:37

Im 32+4 with my first and my DH's 3rd - he has 2 boys. We decided to find out what we were having. DH was convinced it was a girl (which is what he really wanted) and he was right! Im just glad to be pregnant after 18months trying. BUt it has been lovely to prepare for a 'girl' we have the name chosen and clothes are bought etc. Makes it all seem more real to me.

MrMacadoo · 29/09/2013 20:24

I'm 17 weeks pregnant with number 2 and wont be finding out this time. first time round i really wanted a girl and couldnt wait to know (it was a girl!) this time round i dont mind so want to experience what its like not to know. no one believes i wont find out though so im looking forward to proving them wrong! people keep telling me how strange it is to find out for the first and not for the second, but i honestly dont want to know this time!

Fifi2406 · 29/09/2013 20:26

I like surprises!!!!

JoJoManon · 03/10/2013 16:11

I'm so late to this thread but my husband and I chose to wait until the baby is born to find out. Primarily because like a few others we both really wanted a girl and feel that if we'd found out at 20 weeks we might have been slightly disappointed yet we know we won't be disappointed if it's a boy on the day. It's our first and I know I only want one child so this is it really.
However, that said, I know in my heart of hearts that it is a boy (all symptoms or lack thereof/plus I dream about "him" all the time). SO we've always bonded with "him" and referred to it as "him" etc. So now, the irony is, if by any chance it was a girl, we would feel that she isn't the little boy we have bonded with and chat to every day. Isn't that strange..
Ultimately, as long as it's healthy, I suppose it really doesn't matter one bit.

Chacha23 · 03/10/2013 16:30

I didn't have much of an opinion on the topic, but DH really really wanted to know. It's our first baby, and he said that knowing it was a girl would help him "visualize" it, getting used to the idea, and generally bonding with her. I think that's fair enough.

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