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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Baby Shower Yay or Nay?

41 replies

jemimastar · 10/09/2013 16:13

shower at all??
I've been to a few and they were lovely occasions, yes we all bought pressies but in exchange were given a fab (and alcohol fuelled!) party which were really fun, girly events.
Have been asked by several people if Im having one so am excited at the thought of hosting one myself. I love hosting parties so would love to plan a really fun themed early evening bash and get to see lots of friends I haven't for a whole while giving them a fun eve- & lots of cocktails & good food in exchange.
Pressies are obviously lovely & an added bonus but I'd state on invites they aren't necessary?

What do people think?

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MissHC · 10/09/2013 16:22

This has been discussed before on here. Most people seemed to think it was not appropriate unless someone else had organised it for you.

Personally I think it totally depends on your friends. Mine would be thrilled if I invited them - they've been asking but I just don't have the energy.

Also IMO it's a bit odd to buy presents for the baby when he/she hasn't arrived yet. I might be superstitious but what if something goes wrong? Do you give it back?

On the other hand we're having a baby gift list (through whatidlove.co.uk) which a lot of people on here seem to think is even worse but it's what I'm used to (originally from a different country) and we don't have much room to store lots of crap that I don't need/want.

Cupcake11 · 10/09/2013 16:29

I say go for it. I know a lot of people who are against them but like you the ones I've been to have been really lovely and a good excuse for a get together.
I would have to say that I think a gift list seems worse too but it's each to their own. I think as long as you make it clear that presents aren't required then it's fine. I did go to one with a very expense gift list (nothing was under £50) which I thought was awful so I think it's just about the way you do it.

MissHC · 10/09/2013 16:34

Oh yeah I agree, definitely make it clear that presents are not expected.

That's what we're doing with the gift list too btw - I'd rather have people don't buy anything than spend £30 on something I can't use. Our list has a range of items, most around £10-£20 with some more expensive things on (that we really need).

Original poster

jemimastar · 10/09/2013 16:43

MIssHc & Cupcake - thanks for your thoughts! I am super Monica from friends alike so like to plan things myself, but my best friend who is also godmother to be did ask if she could plan one for me... so basically sending out invites as from her (although I’ve come up with theme etc.`).

It seems to be a lot more common now as several girls at work are talking about going to their friends showers etc...but I can appreciate a lot of people don’t get it/the point?!

For me any occasion to celebrate/have a party is a good one!
My invite says gifts arn't required but if people do want suggestions, let my friend know. We have just said any baby grows/blankets would be great as have bought nothing, and my friend persuaded me to set up a short John Lewis nursery gift list, with a few essential stuff ranging from £15-£50. Hope thats ok...

OP posts:

Mamabear12 · 10/09/2013 16:49

I love going to baby showers and I love having them :) well, I've had one and another one abt to have. :)

MissHC · 10/09/2013 16:50

Jemima, that sounds like a good plan. Yes I think it'd be nice to let your friend send the invites. And if people ask what to buy I don't see the problem in directing them to the gift list (one of the reasons we set one up as lots of friends have been asking us that question).

Excited2meetmyprincess · 10/09/2013 16:59

I am having mine in a couple if weeks and although I have had a big part in planning it (I am a bit if a planning freak) the invites were sent by my sister and it is being held at my mums house.
All if my friends have had them and they have all been lovely days/evenings so I will be doing the same.

I really don't see people's problems with them. Its like saying you can't have a birthday party because people will feel the need to get you a present.
The people you invite are going to be close friends or family anyway so my guess is they will all be buying you a gift whether or not you have a shower so why not show them a bit of gratitude with some drink and food and a good chance to get together before the little one arrives and you don't have time to see people for a while xx

Kelly1814 · 10/09/2013 17:13

I live in a country where these are de rigour and everyone has one.

Everyone but me.

Friends and colleagues want to throw one for me but I've politely declined. I just cannot imagine anything worse.

Writerwannabe83 · 10/09/2013 18:37

I hosted one a few months ago for my best friend but it was a complete surprise!!! She had no idea whatsoever!!! We had a lovely time, the whole place was decorated with banners and balloons and we had loads of party games and lovely food and drinks etc - it was brill!!

I think it's a bit weird though if you arrange your own??

We didn't ask anyone to bring presents though, I have always found that bit somewhat odd. The whole point was just to do something nice for my friend and for us all to have fun together. People buy presents for the baby once it's born so I find it quite cheeky to expect presents to be bought beforehand too....

meditrina · 10/09/2013 18:40

I'd you are excited about hosting a shower, you'd better find a pregnant friend and host it for her.

"Shower" is short form for "shower with gifts". The honouree should never be the host.

If you want a pre-baby party where gifts are not obligatory, as they are for a shower, and want to host it yourself, then call it something else.

MrsDibble · 10/09/2013 19:16

I was thinking of having one but saying no gifts. So just a party really. I guess that is what meditrina is saying - if you call it a shower people with think they are expected to bring presents. I just fancied seeing all my friends before the baby. (I'm only 16 weeks + at the mo so plenty of time to see them anyway!)

I see excited's point too though - why not have one if you fancy it?

thethreeblondies · 10/09/2013 19:26

We have thrown them for a number of friends, something u may want to consider (or get your friend to!) is to buy a big hamper/basket and then everyone who comes buys a practical item to go in it, nappies, muslins, nappy cream pile cream etc, means people haven't got to spend to much but get to contribute and then can buy something when baby is here

TeaAndANatter · 10/09/2013 19:27

I'm far too uptight and British, so I'd rather lick my own eyeball than have one, but I don't feel particularly strongly about other people having them. If invited, I'd be happy to go, and would feel it was very much in the spirit of it to bring a nice gift too.

If it floats your boat, go for it.

bingeddybongo · 11/09/2013 08:43

Just what TeaAndANatter said. An American friend of mine offered to throw one for me and I politely declined - can't imagine anything worse!

GingerPCatt · 11/09/2013 08:53

I'm American and the shower rules of etiquette are that someone else (not mum to be or her family) hosts the shower. Mum can give as much input as she wants, but shouldn't technically host. Gifts shouldn't be mentioned on invite unless to say no gifts please. If you have a gift list give it to host and she can pass on details when asked.
And just my personally pet peeve, no nasty games involving chocolate and nappies.

FreckleyGirlAbroad · 11/09/2013 09:09

I'm so grateful to live in a country where this hasn't caught on yet and I definitely won't be organizing my own.

Andcake · 11/09/2013 09:19

Have a friends get together but don't call it a 'shower'. I must admit the idea makes my skin crawl of the UK losing a bit more of its identity to American commercial traditions. Also with a few friends/family where pregnancy hasn't ended well - stillbirth, unseen defects followed by months in hospital etc - I am in the camp of thinking wait and celebrate the babies safe arrival! A shower feels like counting your chickens before they hatch - quite literally. Even seeing the few baby things I had in the house before ds arrived made me nervous that I was tempting fate.

Just have a last girls night of freedom.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/09/2013 09:22

That's why we said no presents at the party I organised, we didn't want it going down the Commercial Route. We just had nice food and lots of fun!!

Ginger - what do you do at American Showers if you don't play games??

marzipanned · 11/09/2013 11:38

Games are okay, just not ones involving nappies and chocolate!

I actually love the idea of a baby shower and think they are really fun (used to live in the US) but I'm way too superstitious to even think about having one. Now bridal showers I hate.

marzipanned · 11/09/2013 11:39

Andcake completely with you re seeing baby things in house during pregnancy! On the one hand you need to get certain things in, on the other the thought of coming home from the hospital and not needing them.. unbearable.

Lj8893 · 11/09/2013 11:52

My friend is organising me a baby shower. He is very very camp so it should be a very entertaining party!

I wouldn't dream of hosting one for myself, I feel awkward enough inviting people he doesn't know (and so can't contact).

My mil has asked dp to get a list of me for gift ideas and I keep trying to write one but feel so awkward doing it, I write something and then think "oh that's probably too much" an cross it off.

Rockchick1984 · 11/09/2013 14:49

Agree with the majority of posters - don't organise your own, it feels "grabby"! I would also be tempted to rethink the gift list - £50 is a huge amount to ask people to spend, I'd be suggesting things more in the region of £5-20, if someone wanted to buy a more expensive version of something on the list then they can do, but personally I wouldn't buy anything on your list if you're asking for expensive presents!

My friend organised one for me when I had DS and it was lovely, I didn't do a gift list and had asked her to tell people not to bring presents but everyone still did. Mostly practical things like muslins, sleepsuits etc but also some incredibly cute little outfits.

StillPukin · 11/09/2013 14:56

Personally, I'd say no. Sorry if I offend anyone with this but I think they're really cheeky. If I make you a drink and arrange a few games will you come and bring me a present please. Other than the gifts, I dont actually understand the point of them. Is it still expected to send the baby a gift after it has arrived or is this instead of? As for the gift list, I think it sounds really greedy - it kind of doesnt give the person much of a choice, even if they dont go to the shower they should still send a gift via the list.
Hmmm, it just makes me uncomfortable

Original poster

jemimastar · 11/09/2013 16:52

Interesting and thanks for all replies. My god mum/best friend is hosting it and sending invites, I've just added some ideas for theme etc as love parties.

I've made very clear gifts aren't requested but if people do want gift ideas, my friend has asked they contact her directly. So nothing on the invite eg. gift list is making any specific request or strong hint for gifts.

I had a great time as the few 'Ive been too and the girls from work often mention going to their friends/organizing them so don't think it is that unusual anymore.

Andcake- thanks for the doom and gloom. Prefer not to think like that thanks! Over 2000 healthy babies are born every day in the UK, so I focus on that figure. Weddings can often end badly/one party not even turning up or in divorce, are we meant to look at divorce statistics and think "oh its not worth turning up to celebrate as there is a chance it could go wrong"?!

OP posts:

TheBuskersDog · 11/09/2013 17:30

Saying gifts not required but if you want to buy one contact xx or see gift list sounds like you are saying you don't have to bring a present but it'd be nice. Why not say absolutely no presents, anyone who wants can give one when the baby is born.
I can see why women might want to get together with their friends that they usually socialise with for a last night out before the baby is born, I just don't understand wanting them to get together with family and people from work to have a party.
I would prefer to celebrate the birth of a baby than the fact that a woman has managed to get pregnant though, and as for the idea of party games involving nappies, no just no.

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