Pregnant (IVF) Worriers Part 3

[Buzzybee123]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

Ha, perhaps we should copyright the list and sell it as an app?

Oh definitely Mariana that list is like gold to us novices. I'm clutching it like it is my bible

My parents are over the moon about this baby. We have all waited a long time. I think they had given up on me. I know I had! Generously, They are buying the pram.

Fairy I keep thinking about what you say about the transition from having the baby inside you to it being external. I think I will definitely miss the intimacy that I have with shazlett now even though I've never seen her and of course she can't stay in there forever. But at the moment it is just us 2 and that feels special.

hey ladies

I am back from my jaunt away, its a lovely place and I would happily move there but I think it is becoming more and more unlikely, I hate saying goodbye to Barry, it seems to get harder as time goes on, lots of tears at the train station.

vall I am still thinking of you

will catch up later, need to beg my cat for forgiveness, hanging out for my 16 weeks appointment to hear a heartbeat, I feel so much better and have lots more energy which worries me

I don't think I ever had BH, but I did have the tightening of the bump in the evening. Or is that the same thing?

TMI alert. DH and I got back in to the saddle last night. It's been 3 weeks now. And it hurt! I was v surprised. I mean, the natural birth bit was 'easy' as in, no tears or anything, and these babies are so small I didn't expect my nether regions to have incurred any damage. But I guess it must have?! We'll just give it a bit of time, but I just couldn't get over it. It felt like my first time again, weird.

Morning!

Fair doos dildals. That is early days. I'm not surprised it is still tender down there. A little bit of time will heal that. How sweet that it was like the first time.

I'm still struggling in that dept. I keep trying but it's hard and I feel terrible about it. I miss the intimacy and the passion although of course we are intimate with lots of kissing and cuddling but you know what I mean.

Buzzy I feel for you. Pregnancy is enough of a rollercoaster without Barry being away. If you aren't moving does that mean he will come back to work here soon? It's great you are feeling better. It is disconcerting after all the sickness but welcome to phase 2. Make the most of it!

I hope everyone had a good night. I ordered the dreamgenii preggers pillow in the sale. Rubbish. Sending it back today. Quilted back support? There is more quilting on my bedsheets.

Oh and I watched a documentary on you tube called what babies want. It's in 7 parts and lasts an hour. It's interesting if you have a spare hour. My Hypno teacher recommended it. It's about how babies know what is going on from inside and how the birth experience affects us and them.

I don't know if its the same thing dildals, but I assume that was bh.

Oh god, if its painful for you to get back in the saddle then those of us who go to full term... ouchy! I remember my friend hadn't dtd 6 months after birth and I was so shocked!

shaz we've been ridiculously busy lately so not dtd much. Also I don't like the bh I get post orgasm. Freaks me out, and uncomfortable. I should make mire effort. Ooh, its the bank hols this weekend, let's all have a good shag.

That's an odd thing to say, sorry.

buzzy calm down lady and enjoy the second trimester. It's normal to feel good right now!

shaz how's your joint pain?

I had my 'booking' appt at the hospital yesterday at 25+3, had a scan and baby's all good, though with a 27 week size tummy :) Have another scan at 28 as I'm a 'late booker' as well as my anti D injection as I'm rhesus negative. Avoided seeing any bits again, but it seems to be harder to see things now its bigger anyway as you see less on the screen at one time.

A combination of episiotomy, bed sharing and breast feeding can severely limit shagging opportunity. It gets back to normal eventually but took me over six months.

Gah posted too soon

Also post pregnancy body ishoos. It all conspires against you, but it isn't for ever and I'm sure most people get back to normal eventually. Although reduced frequency wouldn't be surprising due to being knackered and starting to see sleep as very precious indeed.

Buzzy, I don't know what your situation is but I hope it's something you can sort out.

I'm arranging pre winter house things like tree chopping, gutter cleaning, school shoes, new slippers and it's gloomy and wet outside. How utterly depressing. I want more summer.

shazza will this youtube vid make me feel bad about having a traumatic birth, EMCS with general anaesthetic etc? If so, I am not going to watch it! There's a lovely little video on youtube as well on different types of cries and what them mean, and I can distinguish the different cries I hear on the ward now! It's called pre cry baby language.

Here's a picture for you! I have been taking fenugreek tablets to increase my milk supply and I have been smelling like I have a severe addiction to curries. It might be putting Bella off BF ... :-)

Tonight we are going to our first and only NCT class. I didn't want to miss out on the 'NCT experience' having missed out on quite a few things already (like the last 2 months of pregnancy, packing a hospital bag, writing a birth plan, dressing my baby for the first time, hearing her cry when coming out of the womb etc, leaving hospital with a baby/ies). Am dreading it a little bit. It's just to show our faces and establish contact. The NCT teacher was a bit difficult about it, well, not difficult, but she wasn't overly accommodating let's put it that way. Anyway, the NCT group has been really nice about it, one of them sent me a text last night welcoming me in the group, so that was nice of them.

DH will try and go back to work tomorrow. He doesn't want to particularly, but he will have to get back at one point so he might as well ease himself in gently. God, I don't envy him. Having to sit at a desk, dealing with mundane shit, when all you want really is to see your baby.

I think DTD frequency goes down after birth as well because the only time you can find for it when you won't be interrupted is late at night after DC have gone to bed and by then you are knackered. I have been told this changes eventually but now that we have a 5 yr gap between children I can't see it changing for an awfully long time! Quality not quantity I tell myself...

But I found it hard to get 'back in the saddle' (thank you dildals) post birth for all the reasons mariana gives (except for the episiotomy because i had a CS) but also because when you have a very little baby you are cuddling it all the time and BFing and you have so much physical contact that is very emotional and fulfilling you really don't feel like much else. At least I didn't, DH seemed very alien to me after a day spent with DS glommed onto me. DS just looked absolutely perfect and DH seemed all hairy and wrinkly and flawed in comparison. I did get over it, though.

dildals I hope you enjoy the NCT class and meet some nice parents. And I don't envy your poor DH, as you say it will be hard to deal with the mundane at work when your heart is definitely somewhere else.

Dildals you are very brave getting back in the saddle so soon after giving birth. I am not surprised it was uncomfortable.

Our dtd hardly happens these days either. It is me, I just don't feel like it. Am not really sure why. As shazza says I really miss the intermacy with DH.

Dildals interested to hear about your NCT experience too. I am still not sure if to do this or not. Seems expensive, £135, to meet other new mums. The course nearest to me is 4 x weekly sessions the last been when I am 35+5 so might be too late anyway.

Morning all! I'm working from home today after a shite night - had terrible indigestion/trapped wind which culminated with me waking up being sick over my phallic pillow and nearly Mr G, not that he woke up bleugh. Am gonna ring the drs to see if they can prescribe me anything.

We're struggling to DTD even pre baby. I find it really uncomfortable and sore. Like you shazz I miss the intimacy. Maybe I need one of mrshy's anal balloons to help me stretch the old fanjo again!

dildals I'm a bit horrified to hear the nct teacher wasn't bending over backwards to be accommodating. I'd have thought the support from the other ladies would be invaluable. Hope that DH finds going back to work ok. I imagine it'll be hard for both of you.

Not long til our classes shazz! I'm slightly scared and worried everyone will hate me - thank god I know at least one nice person going along. I hope the others are friendly, as I won't be able to hack being at home sans adult company all week.

fairy at DH seeming all hairy and wrinkly compared to the baby! Mr G is already convinced I like the baby more than him.

Wow keep, 2 scans in 3 weeks! Are you London based?

Aww buzzy at the tears. Must be hard. I am sorry it hasn't worked out that you can move up there (although this means we can meet up on mat leave!). When is your 16 week appointment? I had a little cry when I first heard the HB.

vall still thinking of you.

mariana I too have turned your list into a spreadsheet! Now an app would be really useful...

I purchased some cheapo baby gros/vests in Primark at the weekend. Felt a bit bad that she'll be dressed in primani, but they are so cheap and I imagine it's quality over quantity the first few weeks after birth. They felt fairly soft and I will buy her some nice m&p stuff for wear out in public, so she's not embarrassed by her chav outfits.

Better get on with some work...

gin at the baby caring what clothes she's in. Sorry you had a bad night. Could it be a bug?. No, I've just moved to Birmingham. I don't think they trust the Thai clinic, blood results, scans etc, hence the extra care. I have to keep explaining I'm not one of those women who doesn't realise they are pregnant till the baby's bring born. Quite the opposite!! Speaking if which how do these women ignore or not notice the thumps from the inside?!

keep before I had DS I used to wonder how women went full term without growing a noticeable bump. But now like you I just can't understand how they could not notice the thumps, kicks, jabs and flips going on inside them? Either they are in severe denial or they have amazonian abdominal muscles.

gin primark is great for baby and child clothing. It gets a bit logo-tastic for boys after age 2 but I have relied on it pretty heavily - the only thing I feel bad about is their use of very cheap labour from Asia but I think they all do that apart from the high end.

Dildals, I'm appalled at the NCT woman too but lots of people find the loss of a baby very difficult to talk about. I hope you get some benefit from the rest of the group, even if it is just experiencing normality.

I buy mostly Tesco and Asda kids clothes but spend a lot on shoes and coats (bit like for myself really). I too cringe at the slave labour element but I'm afraid I just cannot afford to go elsewhere and you need to go very much elsewhere to know it's truly ethically produced.

fairy God yes, that's the other thing. Being touched all the time by the baby makes you want some 'bodily' peace and quiet. Especially after being pregnant and not feeling like your body is your own then either. At the moment I have DD1 treating me like a soft play centre and jumping all over me all the time and DD2 hanging off my nork at any available opportunity. DH is back of the queue!

I also boggle at the 'I didn't know I was pregnant' stories.

Hello everyone

Lots to talk about so more later. Just wanted to say to dildals. Yes, the docu does mention that of course where there are medical emergencies and premature babies then intervention must take place. They were focusing on the practice of whipping normal weight full term babies from their mothers to be rinsed under the tap, weighed, poked, prodded, even pricked etc. contrary to previous beliefs, babies have feelings, emotions and experiences (no shit Sherlock!) and therefore should be respected and acknowledged and treated as tenderly as possible at birth. The positive message was that bonding can take place anytime if for whatever reason the baby can't be with the mother straight away. They need eye contact, touch, play etc. all the things that I'm sure you are doing with bella so don't worry. I will say though that there is a bit at the beginning about twins and id never forgive myself if I was responsible for upsetting you so please be aware of that. It was abit spiritual in places with adults going back to their birth experiences to heal themselves but one doesn't have to buy into that if you don't want to. There were a couple of instances where the baby was almost delivered in the back of a car or by the side of a road and the father in question panicked and pushed the baby's head back in. That experience turned out to be particularly traumatic for the child. Well it would wouldn't it?

Overall I suppose it was about how we could create an environment whereby the child feels welcomed and accepted into the world with respect and love. And how even in the womb the baby experiences much of what the mother experiences.

I hope that helps. X. I love the new pic of Bella. She is soooo cute.

Primark, sex, More later ladies.

I can tell you it's pretty traumatic for the parent in question to push a baby back too! Sounds like I will give this one a miss!

dildals good for you...we waited about 7 weeks I think as I had stitches, and it did feel uncomfortable and a bit alien at first, but got back to fine in no time at all. Hope the NCT thing is ok...just do what you feel comfortable with. I found I got upset when I was least expecting it so hope you are ok with it all. It will be nice for you to do some NcT things though, I always regretted not having the nice NCT coffee morning friends you see in the adverts!

shazza DH forked out fifty squids for that pillow, what a load of shite. I didn't take it back as I tried to sleep with it a couple of times but it was useless..it got squished by the bump and I haven't a clue what the random back support is for. I have huge boobs which just ended up getting squished. Dd loves it though so it has become a story time pillow for a bit, before magically transitioning in to a bf pillow for when I blissfully easily manage to ebf both twins with no trouble or crying or tiredness like the earth mother that I am fucking midwife dictatorship

(will try bf btw, just not convinced it will be as easy as I am being led to believe after seeing lots of my friends struggle to bf their singleton babies!)

gin we have loads of primarni in our house, as well as asda, tesco, matalan and so on. She does have 'nice' clothes too but when you are cutting a babygro off minigin with scissors because it has poo all up the back of it you will be chuffed that it wasn't one of your m and p ones, trust me! I also have nice shoes and weekend outfits for dd but even her weekday nursery shoes are tesco as they get completely trashed at nursery. I find some lovely things in Zara in the sale who always reduce things to next to nothing, and asda actually do some lovely stuff for babies,especially their muslins and blankets.

Oh and as a Geography teacher I can actually vouch for primark ethical-wise...they have a much better policy than most places and do actually carry it out. The supermarkets are probably worse but like mariana I cant afford to buy everything from somewhere swanky...and she is the oracle so it must be ok!

keep hilarious f they think you didn't realise you were pregnant until lately. After feeling horrifically shite for so long I would at least have been at the GPs all the time asking what the hell was going on.

20weeks scan was today...all well although found it really difficult as am now past the point where everything went wrong last time. All was normal with both babies but they couldn't tell whether they were boys or girls p, but am luckily back for another scan next week for them to check one baby's heart as it wasn't playing ball and letting it be scanned properly, so they may be able to see then. Feel a bit underwhelmed again but I always do after scans...I think I keep waiting to feel content and excited and then always get disappointed when it doesn't happen. Hey ho though, all was well and I met my target...now aiming for 24 weeks!

keep just realised that made no sense...what I meant was how on earth do people not realise they are pregnant when you feel so different? Mind you, some people take no care anywhere...I walked past THREE very pregnant I patients at the maternity ward today who were all outside smoking. It was a fucking disgrace, couldn't help myself saying to myself how appalled I was when some people have difficult and tragic births. I. ET they'll be the ridiculously lucky fuckers who have two hour problem less painless births before going out on the lash the next day.

Good scan news crisps, I know how mixed the feelings can be though.

Shazza I fear a lot of that kind of information (the video) runs the risk of making you feel bad if you end up with a load of interventions. Also it's all mostly opinion not proven fact so should be taken with a pinch of salt anyway.

Crisps do you really cut pooey vests off? I find that if you roll them inwards as you pull them up, that generally contains it so you can get it over their heads without it going in their hair.

That's very interesting about Primark though, I might start going there as I just assumed they were dreadful. I must look into this a bit more for the sake of my conscience.

Trenchlet has stopped sleeping in the evenings unless she's marched round the house. DH is doing it now as I've got aching feet. We are despairing of ever having an evening together even just watching TV...

crisps great news on your scan, it can be difficult so it is natural to have mixed emotions

keep this is my 4th pregnancy, I feel totally detached from it all, I don't believe I will have a baby at the end of this, I worry about everything, this is our last chance, we do have a frostie but if my body keeps rejecting them then I wouldn't try again, I haven't enjoyed any part of being pregnant so far

buzzy, I could have written that word for word. Especially the hating of pregnancy and the last chance feeling. I'm not going to tell you it'll all be ok but I will say that the odds are very much in your favour that it will be. Not that that helps at the moment, but it is at least accurate.

buzzy you summed it up in a sentence. I feel exactly detached...happy to be pregnant but not in the way that I am growing an actual baby.

mariana only cut two or three off...total disaster zone and wasnt even going to attempt to wash them, ick. Was quite glad they were primark or asda specials at that point, never really putt dd into outfits in the first months, I think babies should be in babygros! Spent some time at ASOS hq last month and spoke to their head of ethical things lady who gave me inside info...primark are great apparently, supermarkets being the worst because they have a larger number of suppliers. I think things are generally better and judging by the info I teach kids which is a couple of years old perhaps primarni is all fine.

Oh buzzy I didn't mean to sound flippant. I'm so sorry.

And congratulations crisps on the good scan! :)