Pregnant (IVF) Worriers Part 3

[Buzzybee123]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

shazza we cross posted- your DP sounds so sweet, hope the opening to his show goes well!

The birth pool people ring you when you are at 36 wks to arrange delivery, you then have it until 41 weeks or 3 days post birth, whichever comes sooner.

I had a bottle of prune juice in the hospital fridge post birth ... on top of the lactulose.

shazza it is fascinating to be part of her journey of learning how to nurse. On a rational level. On an emotional level I am happy to take her home feeding on cans of lager for all I care!

At the mo it is not even a question of breast OR bottle, it is simply her learning to nurse. She only had her second bottle ever yesterday. I do feel bad if I had to give her formula before she's term though.

Fuck the gods dildals you must have pooped through the eye of a needle with all that flowing through your system.

The post birth poop sounds EPIC. I do love a good number 2.

expat hope you and mini-al are doing well.

dildals super trooper Bella has been so strong and clever and done so amazingly in the last few weeks, and as she has a couple of weeks more growing and learning before the suggested going home date there's every reason to be confident you and she will get the feeding thing worked out one way or another, so as not to delay home time. I guess having a possible going home date is a mixed blessing because it diverts the mind from "one day at a time" and you start focussing on the so-near-yet-so-far end point instead? Her bath sounds a lovely and special "first" for you and her to have shared . I hope your Kiddicare shopping trip goes well today and you manage to get all you need ready for lovely Bella to come home to soon.

gin I saw that article last weekend too and also got a bit teary. I shared it with my husband who was very chuffed to see something written on infertility and ivf from the partner's perspective. The focus is so often just on the woman because we are the ones having the tests and treatments. There was also a column in the Guardian magazine that day purportedly written by someone conceived through ivf, expressing their worries about what that might mean for them medically in the future, and also concerns about the overprotective parenting they'd experienced growing up, because of being such a longed for child. Scary stuff!

Mariana and crisps, glad you have both made it through the first week of the new term.

fairy sorry to read of the train journey from hell, but good news the baby seems to be getting ready. My physio friend says birthing balls are great, too, by the way.

shazz the antenatal yoga does sound disappointing. I'm sure the exercise you've been doing at home is just as beneficial for you and shazlett, and way cheaper. You miss out on meeting other pregnant people but you'll get that from NCT anyway.

buzz and crisps, so sorry you are still sicky, it sounds miserable and completely unfair. As one of the jammy cows who was physically sick a grand total of twice in 4 months and otherwise experienced no worse than mild evening nausea and retching, I can't imagine what it's like having never-ending sickness but it must be grinding you down a bit.

motor yaay to reassuring numbers from the combined test. Hope you are breathing a bit easier now. Glad all was OK with you and the nipper rascal, too, noks. Phew!

I had my 20 week scan yesterday. All good as far as could be seen but I have spawned an unco-operative and stubborn child, so the sonographer could not get all the necessary views and measurements in the allotted time slot and I have to return at a later date for another look. So I am pleased and proud of my child for having secured us a bonus extra scan, but equally it is a strange anticlimax not to know yet if everything is as it should be.

The baby decided for us that we weren't finding out the sex yesterday awkward little bugger. So another unknown, at least for now. The midwife thinks the heartbeat sounds distinctly female, though, so perhaps the Chinese gender predictor has got it right for once?!

I have the slight beginnings of a bump as opposed to just looking fat, and I THINK I have been feeling little pops for a few days that might be the baby rather than my dinner answering back.

Hi to everyone else, enjoy the weekend.

noks If you like a good nr 2 you are going to LOVE have children. The poo adventures just don't stop! She farted on me while my finger was dangerously close to her little poo exit (applying bum cream). Baby farts while feeding, farting when upset, farting whenever really. Pooing when you've just shoved a clean nappy under her bum. Poo spray over the incubator. You name it, babies have it in store for you.

We had a feeding break thru today. It's called nipple shield. I think I have fallen in love with a small piece of latex. The part God forgot to put on a woman.

DH vetoed going to Kiddicare today. He was getting IKEA type anxiety attacks. I might go next week with my mum, which might be a bit on the late side. Oh well.

Yaay to the breastfeeding breakthrough dildals

Sorry in advance for unattractive whingeing over something unimportant in the big scheme of things, but I have just had a reality check that emotionally, all my instincts and kneejerk responses of 3 years of infertility are fully operational despite being 4.5 months pregnant. My SIL announced today that she is expecting a baby 2 months after us. She is an instadiffer (3 months TTC and bingo - and yes, my brain was doing that maths before she'd even finished speaking). I am now beating myself up for finding pregnancy announcements as tough as ever, and generally being a mean and unworthy person not to have been able just to feel immediate and uncomplicated joy for them, untainted by self-pitying thoughts about why the fates dished out 3 years of hell to us, that only others who've been there truly "get". (SIL's understanding of IVF: "if you can't get pregnant the doctors just make it happen these days"; MIL's take on our infertility: "now your body's been shown how to get pregnant you hopefully won't need IVF next time". Bless their well meaning naive little hearts.) Please someone tell me that at some point in the future it gets better and I will be "normal" again and my hideous self-pitying jealous evil twin will bugger off?!

On the positive side, my second thought on hearing the news was that another new grandchild to coo over will nicely deflect the in-laws' attention and we will hopefully get a bit less interference some peace and quiet! Which while equally unworthy a thought, is probably a normal one :-)

Ah ceara bless you...with one dd and two on the way I still get pissed off at instadiffers. Don't worry! It's a bloody long road and not one that is easily forgotten. It does get easier when you have one though....when yu have been up all night with a baby that took seven years to make, at least we have a little more perspective, while instadiffers tend to be a bit more shocked.

noks glad all that was seen was well...I felt a huge anticlimax after my first 20wk scan as they didn't finish measurements and couldn't determine gender...but after the second one a week after I felt so positive. We have even actually bought stuff and chosen names now, really hope your next scan makes you feel the same. I do think ivf/IUI/long awaited babies have more spirit anyway, it's like they know how hard it was to be conceived and so they like to make things awkward just to remind us that they are here! That def sounds like movement by the way, congratulations! Mine have got much stronger in the last few weeks.

dildals Bella seems to be growing up so fast! Your DH may have been right about kiddicare...we were there from 9-10 this morning and by 10 it was decidedly ikealike...couples having stroppy arguments and kids running wild! They still have 15% off till Monday evening though and we saved a small fortune. We got a little kiddicareied away...bought the buggy with two car seat adapters and rain cover, plus two,big car seats for dd which she needed anyway, plus some clothes for dd, plus some muslins which were really cheap, and then saw that they had swings really cheap (£30 instead of the usual £70) so took the plunge and bought two of those as well. Cost a fortune but I think because of buying sale items and the extra discount we saved £350 which is a hell of a lot of money. We did have a bit of a panic afterward that we had bought too much but they were great and said we can bring anything back until the end of January if it's unopened, and we wouldnt open it anyway. Miles better than mothercare was last time. What is a nipple shield? Am intrigued!

mariana your dd sounds ace...I bet she would run riot with my dd if we let them loose. Dd had a huge strop about me brushing her hair this morning which lasted 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back. I do like her independence of mind but it does make me late every day!

shazza that yoga sounded expensive and a bit rubbish. Are there any alternatives?

fairy excuse the stupid questions but a) could you technically just slob around in the pool watching tv for a few weeks until the arrival and b) is it heated? Quite fancy one myself if so! Did you see the water births on the midwives programme from NBC lately? Not an option for us but always look amazing. I wouldn't be brave enough for a home birth I don't think but have huge respect for those who do. Next door neighbour had a hb and we didn't hear a thing...and it must be lovely to be in your own huse afterwards. Are you excited? Oh and my birthing ball was an exercise ball from tesco, cost about a fiver I think...

dildals my DS had terrible wind when he was a newborn and I was amazed at how difficult eating and digesting is for little babies. The image you have of peaceful glugging and then snoozing with maybe a comedy smelly nappy in between just doesn't do the opera justice.

ceara I think I may be worse - I don't just still get jealous of instadiffers, I'm actually in a peculiar way pleased when I hear of someone else struggling to conceive. Total schadenfreude. Not something I am proud of at all! Your in laws simplistic attitude towards IVF would drive me crazy too.

Glad to hear the bump is coming along. I liked having one when it wasn't starting at my clavicle and ending at my knees.

I also saw the guardian column by the child conceived thru ivf and Maybe I was feeling defensive but I thought it was a bit exaggerated really, esp as to unknown future health risks. But I hope this baby doesn't feel like that when she's older., although it will be much more common by then.

crisps the water in the pool isn't heated so you'd have to keep refilling it if you wanted to use it more than once. Also I don't think I'd be able to keep DS out of it and he'd get water everywhere in our lounge, which is the only place it will fit.

It's not bravery that is enabling me to choose a home birth by any means. It's more that because things went badly with DS that I just want this time to be totally different. And there was a moment when I was in labour with DS when I went into my room and got on all fours in the dark alone and felt really strongly that I just wanted to stay there. However, DH and my mother then insisted I go to the MLU (understandably) and after that it all slowed down. So I have always wondered if I had followed my instinct then and stayed where I was DS would have been delivered a lot sooner and without the EMCS etc.

I am excited about it though, and the whole newborn thing. It's just with work still full on and DH losing his job I've been sidetracked a bit.

dildals you honestly had me in tears of laughter over your comment about Ikea, that will my DH next weekend glad things are going well with bella

ceara I have an evil twin too, a friend had her baby this week, I felt that it was totally unfair, I think its natural to feel like that even at this stage, so when yo go back for your scan you'll find out what you are having It can be exhausting trying to explain infertility and IVF, I was a bit at the comments

noks eloquent as always

my husband and I are a bit competitive in the farting department so I would expect nothing less from minibee

we have been cleaning the carpets today, I cannot believe how much crap we have in this place thankfully a lot of it will go into MIL's loft, we have discussed what we will do with rooms re baby room, I got a bit panicky as I was moving some stuff and thought maybe all this straining and lifting will pull my placenta away I can be quite a drama lama at times

ceara you are really not alone with those feelings. I'm hoping they fade over time but with two surviving children that I couldn't be more grateful for and no intention to have any more, I am still very twitchy about pregnancy announcements, unless the person has had losses or fertility problems, in which case I'm happy for them, but yes fairy slightly glad someone else has suffered. I'm not proud of this but it's the truth.

noks, there is nothing good about the post birth poo. I spent the whole time crying and expecting the stitches to rupture. That was even with a major addiction to lactulose. Fucking awful.

Kiddicare savings sound marvellous. Why have I never been there?

dildals are the nipple shields for your pain? I could not get on with them and had to go back to Trenchlet gnawing on my nipple. Which she still does. Hope Bella is getting better at it but just to say that Trenchlet has an (unexplained) poor latch and as such gets bad wind and feeds for hours sometimes, but she's still on her growth curve and exclusively bf at 21 weeks so you can muddle through.

I'm utterly exhausted so can't keep up properly tonight. Oh yes, I did check I wasn't recommending all the same names to those who let me have a nosey. I haven't so that's ok!

Evening ladies

Again, I am snuggled in my polo mint pillow - I bloody love this thing. I have new Primani jimjams on and am listening to Classic FM on the radiogram. Ffs, I'll be thinking of what to make with powdered egg and shouting down for DP to knock-up a spam sandwich next. Silly old 1950's hag that I am.

ceara oh I could just give you a hug and tell you not to be so hard on yourself for feeling all of those things. Just because we are preggers, it doesn't mean that all those years of anxiety suddenly go away. They do not. They are just parked, whilst we transfer some of our angst onto worrying about this pregnancy and whether things are going to be ok. What we felt for such a longtime is never actually 'dealt with', if you know what I mean. It's just there. Under the surface. It can rear it's head at any time, sometimes when we expect it and sometimes when we don't. I think some of my frustration with myself for thinking bad, dark thoughts about instadiffers is a mixture of two things: they could never NEVER understand what I/we went through and as time went on, I couldn't make them understand what it was doing to me because i couldn't vocalise it clearly enough without getting myself upset. So, it was the thing that was never really spoken about (only to a select few) and if it was, I would be on edge, waiting for the inevitable crass and ill-judged comment to come marching my way. I really wish I could have held it together long enough to explain to people how infertility and the loss of a child can really affect everything you do. How it can affect your confidence and your ability to focus on other things in life, and most importantly, how pregnancy announcements can absolutely destroy you (the extent to which they do depends on the sensitivity with which they are handled, of course). I remember when my instadiffer SIL announced she was preggo. The baby was born a few months before we started IVF and my MIL's husband said that they (the SIL and BIL) knew how hard it was for me, having 'discussed' my situation. I was fucking livid. They had no idea how hard it was for for me (having never picked up the phone to ask how I was or even had a face to face conversation with me about it) and I was aghast at the thought that our problems had become dinner party conversation for others. So I reckon you just need to accept that's the way you feel and not give yourself a hard time about it. The other thing is that we know how precarious things are and so take nothing for granted. Instadiffers do, by their very nature, and so they have that infuriating confident swagger about them, which makes us all want to bash them in the face with a set of pans.

buzzzyfartpanspts have you decided on a nursery colour scheme yet ? I am having trouble getting DP to engage with all the practical stuff. Which is fucking annoying

crisps heehee you LAYZEE beeatch. 'Can I sit in a heated birthing pool for weeks on end eating sweets and reading Hello magazine ?'. I am still chuckling at your train of thought now, mainly because it is not dissimilar to my own.

dildals you inspired me to start looking a the world of breast feeding and tit accessories. Jeezus, Mary, mother of God it's a scary old world. I had to stop because my head hurt.

fairy are you next up then ? Ooohhhhh how exciting!

Oh, Boots apace a 3 for 2 offer on some baby stuff right now (including nappy disposal units, sterilisers and boob pumps). It may be worth a look for those of us who haven't got any of that stuff yet.....

Nighty night everyone. A big old wave to everyone else. I am sure shazza is wafting about a gallery in a state of preggo ecstasy right now .

Are we all agreed that we can send out mariana some sort of Roadshow ? Or do we NOT want to share her weirdo.

Nokzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just to clarify, I am the weirdo, not mariana.

The 15% discount sounds good, but I am hoping that perhaps it is one of those places that always has some sort of discount on, like B&Q and Homebase.

Seriously mariana how can you happily breastfeed with sore nipples? I get outbreaks of cold sweats and am biting down on wooden sticks that I get from the weapon dog at next door's incubator. The only thought that kept me going was 'Cow and Gate'.

A nipple shield is a sturdy condom for your nips, but with holes in it. Bella has a good bit of extended nip surface to suck down on with those and she's a v happy camper.

And yes noks I agree with mariana there is nothing good about the post birth poo at the time, but afterwards you do have a good poo story to tell. And I do think it is one of those things you'd better know about in advance.

Oh ceara I think that everyone on here knows exactly what you are feeling. My first ever post on the IVF thread was the day that I told my bro we were starting IVF only to have him reply 'we have news too....' I couldn't even hold it in until after i left him and cried so much I thought I'd never stop. I reached out to the wonderful ladies on that thread, much as you have done here, and they caught me and reassured me that i wasnt an evil selfish bitch from hell but someone experiencing normal and natural emotions after all you have been through. Many of those women are here and we can do the same for you. You have your beautiful baby on the way and that is wonderful. Sadly you can't change some attitudes to IVF or the pressure of TTC if they have never experienced it. Im soooo lucky that in the end i didnt have to finish treatment and when i told my family and friends they said 'see you only had to relax and you got pregnant. It will be easier next time'. But articles in the mainstream press will hopefully, gradually help the situation.

Dildals I'm so pleased that you have had a breakthrough. Amazing news. Bella will be chowing down and home before you know it. My friend told me about nipple shields and how they miraculously saved her breast feeding problem a few weeks ago. I must make a mental note. Good move re kiddicare. I had snacks and drinks lined up to keep DP happy while we were there. And there is a cafe if all else fails!

Crisps good purchasing skills! What a saving.

Noks I'm doing my gallery wafting this afternoon. No champers for me but im looking forward to basking in the glory of my boyfriend bursting with pride that I'm carrying his child

Fairy it sounds like you had very strong instincts with DS. I hope that this time you are able to follow them and have the birth you are preparing for.

We had NCT yesterday. Very nice couples. Especially one girl in particular and her lovely DH xx

OH MY GOD THE 'SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RELAX' comment gives me The Rage. I had that said to me so many times when I announced I was diffed. Hmmmm, a failed IVF cycle, four and a half years ttc and a MC makes you really fecking. Chilled. Out. .

But, being preggo has made me chilled out (the worrying about it aside). I am very thankful to be in this position that I still (even now) have a moment each day where I can't quite believe it.

dildals I am sure Boots will have deals all the time (i'm relying on this as i haven't done anywhere near enough research to be in a position to buy stuff yet) but thought it was worth mentioning for you guys as if you buy the right things you could save a small fortune. Just think of the cute baby grows you could get for Bella with what you save. How is she today ? Do you think the boob gum shield will make all the difference to BF'ing ?

shazza happy wafting my love ! I am glad NCT went well. Was it informative ?

We are meeting friends for lunch today. This means I have to contend with a load of drunk people this afternoon. It's lucky I really like them.

Noks xx

fairy I meant brave in the sense of the raised eyebrows I would get if I chose a hb, despite it being a perfectly good option for most...not because I think it is risky. Hope I didn't offend...I found labour surprisingly primal and instinctive and I completely get what you mean, plus if I could do anything to avoid the horrific maternity ward then I would!

Thank you ladies for your wise and kind words. You are lovely. And so right. Feel very much better now.

crisps no offence at all! I just wanted to explain that if my previous experience at the MLU had been good I'd probably do that again but since that is not an option for me at all (since with a previous CS I'm not allowed there) the only other option to HB is the delivery ward, so I'm a bit limited in the first place. I just feel very strongly this time round I want to get on with it at home with minimal fuss. Of course it may well not turn out that way but I am then prepared for the hospital transfer, CS, "just get this baby out of me!" (as I announced to the room at hr 48 last time round!), whatever. If I were having twins or had some complication then the options would be different of course.

"just relax" - what are people thinking, that the rest of the population is totally chilled and it is only we sub-fertile that are stressed? I think not. Such a ridiculous thing to say.

Shazza, I thought I pm'd you last night but it's not in my sent list. I'll try again in a minute!

Dildals I cried every time she fed for four weeks. It's was absolute agony as she just would not open her mouth wide enough and would be hanging off my nipple instead of taking an actual mouthful of breast. By about 4 weeks it was no longer agonising as she had grown a bit and I presume my nipples are now tougher. The exact same thing happened with DD1 though, four weeks of agony then I bf for 13 months. I knew that if I stuck it out with DD2 it would be ok. I have to say that any right minded person would probably have switched to bottles on day 2 but as my babies also tend to snack feed in the night I knew that would mean me getting up a billion times every night. If the nipple shield works then great. Also lashings of Lansinoh!

I don't know about kiddicare but Boots always have some sort of offer on. 3 for 2 is a good one, I got all this months nappies on that offer. I have a recommendation actually for Weleda Calendula Baby Wash which is lovely, no nasties in it and you only need a tiny bit on a sponge. It's £7 a go but I got it as part of a 3 for 2 at Boots and am now a convert.

Noks yes YOU are the weirdo. I'm going nowhere - I will stay here and be worshipped as your god. Hmm, there is nothing I know that anyone who'd already had a baby doesn't know. I am just more mouthy about it.

God yes to your in laws 'discussing' your little difficulties. All these tales of crashing insensitivity make me seethe. I lost numerous acquaintances and a couple of so called friends over it. The absolute worst being the people who avoid you when you've lost a baby, Dildals, I really hope you don't have much of this.

Feed over so must go. I've just realised Trenchlet has poo in her hair so I think it's bath time. We had a total poo-nami in the night. Mmm.

Grrr here too at those comments shaz and noks. We are watching downton abbey and the stupid doctor said that too. But they'd only been married, ie doing it, for a few months. Grrrrr.

evening ladies well the mammoth clean is over I now have lovely clean cream carpet for minibee to leave her mark all over, MIL popped over and we told her we were having a girl, she said 'oh people say you have a higher rate of a boy with IVF' who the fuck are THEY why do I get the feeling that every man and his dog knows my business, I shall email her tonight and tell her how it is, Barry told her the family ages ago to mind their own busines.

noks your donut pillow makes me think of those ones they give people who have piles we did think about painting the room but have decided not to,
1/ we hope to sell the place sometime in the future
2/ if we don't sell in the near future and we are lucky to have the frostie and frostie turns out to be a boy

so the room is an 'ivory' colour, I would go with another natural colour but just thought we could accessories the room, mainly with a big rug to save my clean cream carpets from mustard poo, Barry has been good with my ideas about rearranging things and putting some stuff into storage, he knows its easier just to do it :) once we finish the kitchen and swap the rooms most things will be done and we can concentrate on getting baby stuff.

Its Ikea next weekend, i have to buy Barry lunch to make him come with me, I'm still laughing at dildals comment about Ikea

shazza I sure you are wowing the crowds, hope you sell lots of art work too :) I can't believe your brother I'd like to rip the tongue out of everyone who said 'relax' to me, I think that is why I tell some people I had IVF so they can't say 'well I told you it would happen' it only happened because we paid for it to happen

mariana can I ask you about baby names, we have it pretty sorted but a fresh set of eyes on the matter can't hurt at poonami. You are right about people saying thoughless things, I too have lost touch with people, actually I told one where to go fuck herself after my last miscarriage

ceara glad you feel better, I too joined the interweb for support as I was fed up with the fickle comments made to me. Have they given you a date for your next scan

I feel I shall have to go and check out my local Primani, although I am hoping I shall get most of my stuff from other people donating it to me :)

Well Barry has again been a real trooper and made dinner some spicy jerk vege thing nom nom nom :)

and big waves to everyone else

Oh yes please send me names buzzy. Although I feel I let Shaz down as I loved her first choice so basically said 'Yes that one! That one!'

Neutral colour schemes work very well in my opinion. (DH says our house is a beige nightmare.) All my rooms are white woodwork, magnolia walls and cream carpets but I use everything else to provide the colour. DD1's room has a pink patterned duvet, plain red curtains, pink and red assorted floor cushions and a primary coloured rug. DD2 has the same but a dark red rug. If I had done their walls pink it would have been too full on for my liking. Our bedroom has the same background colours but everything else is brown and blue and looks totally different.

I want to go to ikea for energy saving lightbulbs as our house has a billion spotlights in it, in a shit 90s style. I hate them but we can't get rid of them as they pepper half the ceilings so I might at least have energy saving bulbs in them. I am also bribing DH to come with me with the promise of a dirty hotdog. (That is not a euphemism.) I can't really face it alone, but then again I can buy more if he isn't there... But I can't carry it with the pram... Argh!

DD1 said today 'Mummy you have a purple bottom, please cover it up.' Considering I was merely leaning forwards in my jeans and tshirt to get a jigsaw piece I was a bit horrified.

Anyway, just relax ladies...

Oh. It turns out I am wearing purple knickers. Phew...

mariana whaddayamean? You're no longer wearing the large white ASDA ones?! ;-)