Pregnant after anorexia - scared about weight gain!

[FredFlintstonesSister]

I had a very serious eating disorder from ages 19 to 25 and eventually spent 9 months in hospital gaining weight. I thought I was over it and that my weight was reasonably normal until I came off the pill a year ago and my period didn't start. My DH and I really want a baby so I made a huge effort to gain over a stone and am now pregnant.

I absolutely thought I was over the ED by this point. I am now 12 weeks pregnant and the realisation has just hit that not only will I gain weight during pregnancy, something I am resigned to, but I will NEVER LOOK THE SAME AGAIN! Please tell me how stupid I am being. I really want a healthy pregnancy but feel myself becoming hyper critical of myself every time I eat.

Can you look on it as not you putting on weight, but the baby inside you?

you're being ever so stupid slap. no, that won't work..

how about thinking about every time you eat that its not for you, h ut for your gorgeous little bean. you wouldn't starve the rugrat when its born..

I'm glad you aren't just sitting in silence, and want to help yourself, major hugs for that!

p.s your body will go through some scary but amazing changes over the coming months, please don't beat yourself up about it.

congratulations on your pregnancy! enjoy

You won't look exactly the same as before, but after the baby is born there is nothing to stop you returning to your pre-pregnancy weight (obviously be careful not to restrict calories too much while breastfeeding). I've had 3 DC and I'm only couple of lb heavier than when I got pregnant for the first time.

I do have stretch marks though!

Would it help to get a really good science-based book showing the weight that the baby is gaining and the placenta and the amniotic fluid and the extra blood you're pumping?
That shows that the 'weight' you have to gain is nothing like the same 'weight' you've struggled against in the past... it's growing another human being... and you MUST eat to do it.

Yea listen to what soup said . It is also extra weight from your extra blood in your body and fluids and placenta , aminiotic fluid etc , oh yea obviously bigger boobs to carry your milk. All will go after few months of having your precious one . Try not to worry :) hugs x

Thanks everyone. I actually think the bump weight gain is a beautiful thing and I know there is a minimum amount of weight I have to put on for my baby to grow and be healthy. I feel reasonably ok about that. But the idea of a permanently ruined figure is literally keeping me up at night.

Huge, huge sympathies from another former anorexic. I think if you are feeling wobbly you should take this very seriously and seek specialist advice now, not later. Funnily, I have never felt more body confident than when pg - the bump is TIGHT, which seemed to make a difference - but I know that for many women it is a time of crisis. Please talk to your midwife, GP or b-eat about this now, so you can get support lined up.

Oh, and don't assume you will never look the same again. You may be bigger after pregnancy, you may be thinner, IME most women return to pretty much where they were in time (though not immediately, because your body is designed not to). But it's not really about the body, is it? Best of luck to you.

Actually, my trigger was that show on channel 4 "How not to get Old". Did anyone see that? The plastic surgeon said that poor girl's stomach was "fairly typical".

This is my own cod theory, but I think generally that pregnancy and the postnatal period kind of exacerbate what was going on before. So if you were the kind of woman who eats to calm herself down, cheer herself up, cope with stress, then you will likely do more of that after pregnancy and put on weight. If you were the kind of woman who forgets to eat because she's busy or tired, then you will probably lose weight. If you have ED then you have to be careful that that is not triggered.

I have found anorexia completely incompatible with parenthood (I know this is not true for everybody) because of the simple need to keep functioning, and have turned more to overeating sugary food. Which is not nearly as dangerous as anorexia, but is far from great. And feels like a setback from the years when I was taking care of myself and sustaining a healthy (not fashionably slim, but healthy) weight.

This is why I say: get your support lined up now. Because the real risk is not losing your figure, but getting sucked back into disordered eating. You have done so well to get this far; make sure you take care of yourself over the next couple of years, because it is very easy to lose that in caring for a baby. And please involve your dh, if you can: it is so easy for those around anorexics to think all is ok if you are reasonable weight and apparently functioning. Make sure he understands how to take care of you at this time.

Mykingdom, I have just ordered that book from amazon now. The joys of the iPhone! Thanks for the suggestion.

Exactly same situation, I was in hosp for yr due to anorexia. When I came out I was still v poorly but over time learnt to manage it nd except myself at a normal weight but lowest side of normal I could manage. Having suffered since being 15 (now 30) thought chances of pregancy was minimal but first try got preg straight away and now am 34 weeks.

I won't lie to you - it's been so much harder than I thought it would be Nd many old, detrimental habits have crept in. It has made e realise that maybe I'm not as well as I thought I was and what I need to work on post baby.

There have days when I've not coped, cried all day, not wanted to get dressed, leave the house due to my 'fatness' - but that's what they are 'days' that pass and the next day you pick yourself up and carry on. Are you still in services? I've been seeing my ED nurse weekly and seen a perinatal psychiatrist which has help immensely. Also relying heavily on my husband and mum to talk to. I don't believe them when they say I'm not fat, but sometimes it's just nice to say it out old and not bottle it up.

I was living on minimal amount of calories to maintain a healthy weight but you can't do that anymore. But I do feel incredible guilt for eating mre than I normally would. I still plan my food so I feel I have some control but I do try to eat more eg two weetabix rather thn one, a whole sandwich not half etc. I do still eat diet foods but I try and supplement calorie deficient with a coupe of biscuits etc.

Unfortunately as your pregancy progresses you will e come more and more hungry which will be difficult to ignore and you CANNOT ignore then because its your babies and bodies way of communicating it need things.
People say try thinking you are feeding our baby not yourself, food is fuel which is all true but those things won't get you thru the bad days. Just try and remember this is your little baby that you want to do the best for and you can't starve it as well as yourself. You're doing it for you and your baby and when your little one is here it will all be worth it.

I want my baby so much and keep the thoughts in mind if I don't eat or throw up I'm going to damage her and that guilt motivates me and out was the guilt of eating.

You can and will do this, plz try to chuck the scales out, I haven't and it hasn't helped me :( it was just too hard but I'm trying not to beat myself over it. Just try your best and ak fr support don't keep things to yourself.

I've put on two stone now and still got sees to go, the thought if that at the beginning made me feel suicidal but I've got there and am actually happy (!) - good luck you can do it :)

Pm me if you ever want to chat. Xxxxxxxxx

Thanks for that. Sometimes I feel people try to sugarcoat things but what you have said sound very honest. I know I should chuck out the scales but don't know that I will be able too. I am very worried about the increase in appetite as I was overweight as a teenager and always felt my appetite was out of control until I became anorexic. I know I will gain the necessary weight but I feel like I'm going to have 6 months of stress and anxiety as a result. I hear what you're saying about getting through the bad days but sometimes it all feels like bad days. I'm no longer in touch with eating disorder services and have moved away from the area I was in when I was first anorexic.

Haha, I'd read about the breast feeding thing and already planning to bf until 6 months! Not just because of weight loss but it is a good incentive.

I was petrified about putting on weight. And to be honest it was more of a struggle after I gave birth. I went to have a shower, and saw myself in the mirror, it was a shock to say the least, I was tiny when I got pregnant. A size 8 , no tummy what so ever. But as soon as I had him, it was just flabby, but I still wore my jeans after a week.
I actually think after the birth it was the hardest, as when I was pregnant I thought of the putting on weight as the baby, not fat, which is the way you should think of it. It's hard, to over come it, you never really do I suppose but you have to push it to the back of your mind so it's hardly there because your baby comes first.
Get rid of the scales. It's the only thing that helped me, that and saying to myself it's just the baby inside, it's not fat. And the flabby tummy went within a couple of months. Now it's come back because I eat to much cake lol.
I think I am more comfortable with the way I look now, because my body made a baby it's kind of ok to have curves. I hope you get the support you need now for just in case, your not on your own.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense as I've had a glass! X

If you can't throw out scales, that's ok. You need to try an impose a limit on usage and have strategies in place for what u are going to do when you feel like shit having been on them. Mine are putting them away straight away, going into nursery and looking at my scan pictures, going out to by something nice for the baby - all baby related things really to remind myself why I'm doing this. Don't beat yourself up about not being perfect, you're doing your best and think you've been given this amazing opportunity to have a baby and you have worked so hard in and out of hospital to get this far that you are in the position to have a bubba. Think of all those people in hospital that u meant that have lost their chances to be a mum due to this awful illness. You wouldn't want that to be you and it isn't! Know its prob awful but when I feel fat, hideous etc I think of those people who I met that lost everything due to anorexia and am thankful that didn't happen to me.

Don't get me wrong in worried about after the baby but tbh I just try and take one day at a time. Like I said in previous post I never thought I'd get this far weight gain and the thought of two stone plus was horrendous but I've taken one day at a time and am still here looking forward to being a mum

"but I will NEVER LOOK THE SAME AGAIN!...But the idea of a permanently ruined figure is literally keeping me up at night."

Sorry, but that is utter bollocks. First of all, most people I know have pigged out when pregnant. You don't need to "eat for two" you know. You only need an extra 200 calories which equates to one slice of toast.

I put on about 1.5 stone and was back in my usual size jeans when DD was three weeks old. I breastfed her and it helped my uterus shrink back to its usual size within 10 days.

Op, I think you need to go back to whoever was treating you for your eating disorder. It is not normal for your first concern during pregnancy to be about weight gain and the effect pregnancy has on you.

I also came out of my first pregnancy with a net weight loss by the time pfb was 12 months, but I was significantly overweight to begin with, so I shan't be flagging those details up as an encouragement to an op with a history of anorexia nervosa.

I looked the same after my pregnancy as before (if anything half a stone lighter due to bf for a year and running around after toddler). I was back in my size 10 jeans about a week after birth. My pelvic floor on the other hand has never recovered!

If you are fit and don't pig out (as Baker said only an extra 200 calories a day in the last trimester) you should be fine from that perspective. I would say just eat to your hunger, provided this is functioning normally. Are you now back to a stage where you have a normal healthy appetite?

I would second getting some additional treatment for the ED now, just in case it escalates again and you unintentionally end up harming your baby. It would also hopefully allow you to enjoy your pregnancy.

I am a previous sufferer (although I was never hospitalised) so I know how the feelings can re-emerge, espcecially in situations where there is a feeling of lack of control.

I didn't say this was my first concern. I have all the usual and appropriate concerns for the welfare if my baby. I have also stated that I fully intend to gain the appropriate amount of weight and that I know I am being irrational. I am simply looking for some kind support from people who feel they might have some positive advice.

Sorry, that was for minty!