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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

No sex while pregnant

39 replies

Ficidy · 25/07/2013 23:05

I could count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex since I got pregnant and I'm 37 weeks now. I spoke with my dh about it tonight and asked him if he thought we'd ever get back to 'normal'. He said that he thinks we definitely will, but that he's just not 'feeling the urge' at the moment. He doesn't know if it's to do with the baby. Did this happen to you? If so, how long did it take to get things back on track after the baby arrived?

I know I'm partly to blame because I'm not really in the mood, but I feel like my dh has gone off me and I'm worried for our sex life in the future.

OP posts:

SeriousStuff · 25/07/2013 23:41

Similar situation here - to be honest, I don't think DH bothers to initiate anything at the moment because he just hears me saying how tired or uncomfortable I am (not the best thing to get someone in the mood!) I also think he finds it difficult sometimes to stop worrying about hurting the baby. I've noticed that he won't touch my stomach while we're DTD, and I don't think me showing him the colostrum coming out of my breasts last week has helped either!

But, having said that, when we have it's been great.

I think as long as you're talking about it, which it sounds like you are, I think that will help get things back on track eventually. Just don't try and force it as it could have the opposite effect.

Original poster

Ficidy · 25/07/2013 23:59

I think your last sentence sums it up really. I have a tendency to push things and to dwell on issues which are best left alone. I'll bear your advice in mind and make sure not to keep bringing it up with him. We've bigger issues to deal with (childbirth!) at the moment anyway. Thanks.

OP posts:

FraggleRock77 · 26/07/2013 08:55

We are in the same boat but due to bleeds. Early bleeds which put us both off and a major bleed at 14 Wks during the deed where i nearly miscarried. We are both in the mood but too scared I think we will be spending the whole of our pregnancy sex free. Obviously we partake in other activities though but it's not the same and does make me worry x

mrspaddy · 26/07/2013 09:09

Same boat here too.. didn't in first twelve weeks (well after I found out at six weeks) due to bleeding and GP advice. In the last while, very uncomfortable, the heat didn't help much either.
Not worrying about it too much. Thinking it is bound to get back to normal eventually.

fluffyraggies · 26/07/2013 09:15

fraggle I've just had a major bleed, threatened MC at 15 weeks NOT while DTD (thankfully) it was while making dinner, but it has still frightened the life out of DH as far as sex goes. After my scan to see if baby was ok (it is fine thank God) the doc sat with me and she told me that i wasn't to lift things or exert myself too much, but gentle exercise and even gentle sexual intercourse was fine. DH wasn't there for that - and i'm not sure it would have changed his mind anyway!

OP, as has been said - communication is so important. It's the key to getting through this time. You have the rest of your lives together after the birth :) Try to relax and not stress.

Lovemyprincess4eva · 26/07/2013 09:17

I am only 23 weeks but having the same issues. Spoke to DH and he said he worries about hurting baby and although he knows he wouldn't be can't help being irrational about it.
Plus we had a lot of bleeding up to 17 weeks and that put us both off.
I'm hoping it gets back to normal x

mumingball · 26/07/2013 09:27

Same here, and because I had no desire at all (well up to the 5th month also because of sickness, I had to sleep with a bowl close to the bed...). I felt sorry for my husband but he's always been very close and said he had no problem with that. Now (30th week) desire is coming back but I feel weird with the belly and the baby moving
I too hope it'll get back to normal and it's good to know I'm not alone
xx

FobblyWoof · 26/07/2013 09:32

I think if you're both on the same page then there's no problem.

During my last pregnancy I was super horny. All. The. Time. And dp was quite happy to go along with it

But so far during this pregnancy neither of us have been too fussed.

sweetkitty · 26/07/2013 09:35

I've had 4 babies and hardly had sex when pregnant, once the sickness goes I have SPD and poor DP said that if it hurts turning over in bed then there's no way I would suggest sex.

When I'm BFing and cosleeping we were maybe at once a month but now they are older we have a good sex life again there is hope

Bluecarrot · 26/07/2013 09:36

DP doesn't want to do it right now because I've had quite a few bleeds and it worries him ( and me, but he's really freaked). We do everything up to penetration and deal with things in an alternate way. Still feel as close as ever, if not closer. :)

IsleOfIslay · 26/07/2013 09:54

I was exactly the same OP went right of sex and my DH was very understanding. Now that buba is here I am BF and still don't really have my sex drive back. I have heard that when I stop BF it should come back! I bloody hope so! I'm still attracted to DH and love him but just don't have the urge! Fingers crossed we both get out mojo back OP!

purplemurple1 · 26/07/2013 09:57

Same here, some bleeds in the first tri, a very unsuccessful attempt to dtd about 16weeks and nothing since (34wks).

We have discussed and really don't think its anything to worry about tbh, we still kiss and cuddle (which makes us sound about 80), and obv still like each other we just aren't in the mood to dtd. But for us this is normal if either of us is sick/busy/stressed (maybe its a sign of our age). Maybe having an agreement its not going to lead to sex, will make you both more comfortable to do other things?

But so long as your on the same page I really wouldn't worry about it long term, and don't feel to rushed afterwards either.
(OH's friend has told him to expect at least a 6 month wait, I like the idea I've got plenty of time to get back in the mood.)

LouiseD29 · 26/07/2013 10:25

This thread is a relief to see! We've barely dtd in months (am 38 weeks). We've both wanted to, it just hasn't really worked. We are being very honest with each other and lots of hugs and kisses and saying we fancy each other - hoping we can get it back when I'm not feeling so huge and uncomfortable. It is bothering me though.

LabradorMama · 26/07/2013 11:05

Think I can beat you all here ... I'm 27 weeks and we haven't dtd since conception! We rarely sleep in the same bed due to my agonising SPD and before the SPD kicked in it was HG - either way, I've never been in the mood! And since DP felt baby doing a huge forward roll under his hand a few weeks ago he's been very clear that he's not up for it either.

I'm looking forward to giving birth, getting over the aftermath and getting back to normal !!!

Kelly1814 · 26/07/2013 11:20

No, I win, am almost 30 weeks and zero sex on doctors orders as I have a cerclage.

And, even worse, I am not even allowed to climax!!!

Am going crazy, always had high sex drive and that has not changed since being pregnant. Really miss the intimacy with my OH.....

crazyhead · 26/07/2013 11:31

I have a toddler, building work and 6 months pregnant and we're the same - just too exhausted.

I've given up worrying about it though - I honestly don't think it is about my underlying feelings to OH or vice versa

datamonkey88 · 26/07/2013 12:30

Same boat - only difference is that my sex-drive has shot off the scale, while DH has somehow completely switched his off. We always agreed not to have full sex (as it were) during pregnancy to stop me getting cystitis, but while I'm happy to go with non-vaginal sex, he just has no drive.

I'm currently just sorting myself out. A lot. He knows about it, and doesn't seem to mind although I still feel horribly guilty and worry that he'll feel inadequate. For the same reason I can hardly discuss it with my friends - he'd be mortified at the idea that he somehow couldn't satisfy me and I was 'spreading it around'.

I'm hoping he'll start getting more in the mood after the baby is born and things will stabilise back to relative normality. At the very least things should kick back into gear when we decide to try for a second!

30ish · 26/07/2013 12:39

I've had two babies and my dh didn't want to dtd (not once) much to my frustration! Normal activities resumed ASAP after both births.

FoofFighter · 26/07/2013 12:54

37+3 and once since conception.

Not my choice.

At first I was too ill to, then when i felt better we did it once, OH doesn't feel "right" by doing it with a baby in there and I have no choice but to respect his wishes even though I am super horny, just as he would have to respect mine if the roles were reversed.

It's very common and normal reaction in men and the more people talk about it the better imo.

parttimer79 · 26/07/2013 13:04

It's good that you are talking about it though, rather than it become the elephant in the room. My sex drive has been much lower during pregnancy and DP is one of those oddities who find it sexy that I am pregnant so there have been a few frank conversations.

At 38 weeks we are still DTD about once a week but what I've mainly found helped both of us is still being affectionate, still sleeping naked like we always have (TMI?) and trying to keep the intimacy there. He knows I still fancy him, it is just hard when you are puking/weeping/carrying a bowling ball in your belly to feel sexy.

I'm more worried about after and my fanjo never being the same again but trying not to think about that!

FraggleRock77 · 26/07/2013 13:43

It is really great to see all the comments. It's really difficult to bring up with friends and you end up thinking you're the only couple in the world not DTD.

FoofFighter · 26/07/2013 18:06

I almost came to blows with someone on a thread here a few weeks back when they suggested that it was totally abnormal for a man to go off sex in pregnancy and we should all leave the bastards!

PastaBeeandCheese · 26/07/2013 20:55

We were pretty much the same in my first pregnancy and so far there's every indication it'll be the same this time round.

It bothered me the first time because I was worried we wouldn't get it back. We did though and made up for lost time so I'm far less worried this time.

I don't think DH finds me unattractive when pregnant. I believe he finds it odd and worries about hurting me or the baby. Certainly he found post natal me very appealing and couldn't keep his hands off me despite the flabby mum tun and leaky boobs. He said he was in awe of what my body had achieved.

Original poster

Ficidy · 26/07/2013 21:50

Some lovely posts here and they're helping my confidence. I was really beginning to think that it was because he was turned off me and like PastaBeeandCheese, I was worried about what he'll think of my post-baby body. I know he loves me to pieces though, so I guess this is just a blip in the bigger scheme of things. I'm looking forward to feeling like myself again (hopefully I'm not deluding myself!), getting fit and confident and investing in some sexy lingerie to help get things back on track. Not too long left for me now.

Thanks everyone x

OP posts:

jazzcat28 · 27/07/2013 07:40

So glad I found this thread. Am 10+3 and haven't dtd since conception! Was getting a little concerned we weren't normal but I am relieved to hear of your situations! I've not had sickness but have had excruciatingly painful boobs and exhaustion and both DH and I are on edge waiting for the 12wk scan as I've had three friends recently who've had early mc. I don't feel the urge and neither does DH but hoping it comes back at some point!

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