Early pregnancy after IVF. Please come here to worry and support!

[NookNook]

Right then! Come here if you are 4-12 weeks and can't stop fretting. Didn't think anything could be worse than the 2WW? Think again!

Dammit, i just lost a post.

I'm to go in an hour - they've booked me in for bloods.

I cannot believe how stressed out I have become. I'm really missing my previous neutrality.

Good luck Fish! Your GP sounds better than mine

My practice manager is worth her weight in gold.

I have had major issues with a bulldog receptionist of 'computer says no' school of reception. I made a complaint about the way she spoke to me she didn't know what was wrong with me and I was concerned that her nonchalant - call back in the morning- could be detrimental to the elderly in particular. Me and this woman have had issues for a good while.

Anyway, yesterday I overheard her being bollocked as she took a phone all where someone reported coughing up blood and told them to ring next day for a same day appointment. Wtaf. They really need to sack her arse.
I was shocked. Her response to all this was - but we were fully booked.

Just a story for today. I'm getting like the elderly at the bus stop. Yu know the ones desperate to talk!

When will you have the results Fish?

You ok Prammy?

Fish, let me tell you: I'm on 800mg of progesterone (pessaries) and I still bled, remember? Even after terrifically high beta results (remember? We thought it was twins?) I feared mt six-week scan enormously because of the brown sludge and then the bleed on the morning of the scan. Everything was fine. Since then I've had to befriend the sludge 'cos it aint going anywhere soon by the looks of it.

The Clearblue digis are not designed to be used frequently. They are not to be trusted to measure HcG properly after the first fortnight. Do not use another one.

I'm going to talk about God now: there is no need to fret about an embryo's ability to form thing like a heart. The embryo doesn't control this: God does. Whether you believe in Him or not you have to see that a higher power than the embryo itself is making its heart beat and limbs grow. Have faith that there is a Creator behind all this much bigger than you or the embryo.

Early scans and beta bloods only assuage our fears momentarily. We just become fretful about the next scan (like I am tomorrow) or the next test and it goes on and on ad nauseum. The answer, in my experience, is to look beyond your own human doubts and try to have faith that whoever or whatever designed you and your baby (and I believe that is God) is working out His plan with no effort required at all.

I know it's scary, but you have to put something in place to drive those demons out. They will tell you that this is all up to you and the embryo now and only fretting immeasurably will bring a happy outcome. Not true. This embryo's life does not depend on your frame of mind. Take courage and have faith xx

That goes for all of us

Can you tell from the tweaked nickname that my preference is for a boy?

Prammy that's so nicely put

I am not overly religious (despite irish Catholicism from 3 grandparents) but I do really believe that this is out of my control. As was the whole IVF process in general. Yes, we have to look after ourselves, but after that, there is really nothing else we can do. The lovely nurse I saw told me to just go with it, as has my midwife friend. So that's what I'm going to do. Yes, I will be terrified before my scan, but I just have to go with the flow

I like it Prammy! I also keep saying he

Maybe, it doesn't help that this society is now so geared towards making us believe that everything is in our control, we are masters of our destiny and we can have anything we want if we try hard enough (or chuck enough money at it). We are not in control of everything, we are not masters of our destiny and we cannot have everything we want, and if we just surrender to the notion that this is no longer a task we can project manage like the rest of our lives we can breathe that little bit easier.

I'm still nervous about my scan tomorrow, but I resolutely refuse to dwell on the what ifs. The what ifs are already taken care of

That's it in a nutshell Prammy. It's almost like we want to apportion blame on to ourselves. 'if I'd done this, if I hadn't done that'....

Thank you juicyprammy. I begged in church on tuesday that this embie is given a chance. I actually got on my knees and begged like I've never before. I just need to trust I guess.

I had a real uncontrolled meltdown earlier. In a nutshell, the surgery sent me for a bloody confirmation test not a beta test so when I went to the bloods place The blood taker rowed with me stating I needed to give urine (blood were on the fucking form), then stabbed me and collapsed my vein. Obviously with my history I know how 'not' to take blood he did it on purpose

You know when someone just oozes you silly liitle girl attitude? I don't always look as old as I am. I ask aout results - 5 days.

Anyway I got in The car and bawled and bawled.

Phoned a pharma/spiritual friend in the end and she spoke some sense to me. I haven't cried since ec and I think I may have had pent up emotion as I feel strangely calmer about it all now. I just cannot believe that we are lucky enough to have got a +'ve at all.

I'm now not as convinced that my embie has left me. Thank you for the flowers.

fish what can I say? 5 days for results? That is ridiculous. I would speak to your GP again and get them to sort it out as an 'urgent' request so you get the results on the same day, and requesting quantitative beta hcg on the damn form. I'm very angry for you, and sad that you are going through this uncertainty. One consolation I hope is that we are all going through the same.

Fish, my love, that man has some serious issues and should not be in that profession. Don't sweat it and don't take it personally: he may be being raped every night by aliens. Don't wait five days for the results, ring tomorrow - they will have them. Crying is so very therapeutic, so do it as often as you feel like it.

I get you when you say you can't believe your luck. I have to slap myself when I tell God that I'm frightened he'll take my baby away because of my abortion and because I've lived such an awful and hedonistic life.

IVF has to work for some, right? We are no more deserving than anyone else, we are just really blessed that we were in that percentage. You would know about it if your embryo had detached and was leaving you; the cramps would be awful and the blood plentiful and bright red. I hope you find the strength to drive away the demons x

Disclaimer: I categorically do not believe in aliens (but he has been inseminated by evil)

Prammy

Fish what a day you have had. Have you got something nice planned for this evening? You deserve some R&R. I cannot believe that guy. And what bollocks, your results will easily be ready tomorrow. Hoping and praying the good result (asi know it will be) will reassure you x

And Motors right, we are all in the same boat

In other news, I've had a massive nap. I don't do naps, but blimey, it was immense!

motor this is a funding issue. The clinic do not want to pay for it and neither does my GP surgery. So neither will offer the quant beta. I'm not putting my energy into fighting this - I'll have to wait. I told the nurse that I would be happy to pay myself but of course - this will jeopardise my entire IVF funding.

I'll wait the next few days as prammy says it will be a temporary reprieve and won't actually tell me if a heart has developed.

prammy he is/was an arse but I've not internalised it. He didn't make me cry as such, he was just the last straw. Its his wife I feel sorry for

It would be hypocritical for me to bitch slap you over your nerves for the scan, but fuck it - I'm not perfect

I feel a lot calmer. Its nearly the weekend and I'm looking forward to spending time with DH.

God isn't a vengeful god. He is forgiving therefore will not punish due to past behaviour that has its time and place. Plus I can think of many worse things than you have done...

nomaybe i've napped every day this week!

I've decided to go back to work in a fortnight. This being at home business is affecting my peace of mind.

Its a revelation Fish

What do you do for work?

Fish, even though I saw a heartbeat two weeks ago it's two weeks ago. I'm irrationally worried because, at my eleven week scan last year, I was told there was no baby; it hadn't developed beyond implantation (they call this a blighted ovum and all that develops is a placenta and sac). Imagine hugging your belly for eleven weeks and being told there wasn't a baby after summat like four weeks!

That's why I fear tomorrow, but when I still my mind and rationalise my fears I remember that this time it's not my ancient, chromasomally-abnormal egg - it's a young 24 year-old's. This time around I've heard a heartbeat and seen a monkey nut at six weeks. So this is where my hope lies for tomorrow.

But, but....[sighs]

Can we please have a debate around the use of nosy and nosey? I know both are correct but it is adding to my anxiety

Prammy I always interchange them!! I can never decide which one to use!! I hate being grammatically incorrect, and quite often want to hang my head in shame due to iPhone typos

That heartbeat is going to be going like the clappers tomorrow. What time you up?

10am, Maybs.

I vote for 'nosy'. Coz otherwise we'll have to start having 'shiney' innit?

Prammy I am rather fond of a pearl necklace.

I'm being a heathen and having fish and chips. I'll be having your pie for later though, sounds immense. I hope it cools down soon so that I feel like slaving over a hot stove.

10am you say. I shall be refreshing my screen. Are you going to put up another photo? I bet there's such a difference!

prammy as you've said yourself, this is a different egg a younger one. I'm sure it will all be fine once a heartbeat has been seen the miscarriage risk is extremely low.
Less than 10%